I'm Not Your Mommy

Chapter 6

Calista

I looked at Mimi’s face for a long time, not knowing where to even begin. Being best friend of the year, of course, she waited and just looked at me encouragingly, telling me with her eyes to take my time and so I did. I took a deep breath and continued looking at her, opening and closing my mouth like a fish and she smiled and stood up.

“I’m sure you want coffee after all that activity.” She said and I smiled at her, grateful and she smiled sweetly before going into the kitchen to brew coffee. I could hear faint murmurs from the kitchen but I didn’t want to eavesdrop on them so I directed my attention somewhere to calm my mind as well. The first thing that caught my attention was the crib placed in the middle of the living room. It was a pretty design with little stars and daisies carved on it, perfect for Mimi’s child. Looking at it as well made the feeling from earlier resurface. I was trying so hard to get it off my chest and I succeeded for a few minutes but you can’t just forget something like that so easily. If I could, I wouldn’t be so cautious and scared of every little thing around me.

I didn’t know I was staring at the crib until Mimi came back with the fresh pot of coffee and her proud voice cutting through my thoughts.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it? Tyron’s parents got it customized for us. We have the same design inside the room as well.” I glanced up at her and she was wearing one of the softest smiles I ever saw on her face and I couldn’t help but feel proud and happy for her, overpowering the pain the crib brought.

“I can see that. I can’t wait to meet little Daisy formally.” I smiled and took the coffee gratefully while Mimi plopped herself on the space beside me once more.

“I’m sure she does as well. She’s the cutest bundle of joy really.” She sighed and I smiled at her before she straightened from the couch to look at me thoughtfully.

“So, something did happen while you were out right?” Ah ever the perceptive one, I should’ve known she would caught up. I blew the steam coming from the mug and took a first sip.

“There was but I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet.” I said softly, and she looked at me for a few seconds before sighing dramatically.

“Fine, but I’ll be waiting. I’m sure Tyron’s cooking is going to be so good the story will flow out of you like a stream.” She bragged and I heard Tyron snort from the kitchen which made me giggle as well. Mimi laughed as well before enveloping me in a side hug that I didn’t know I needed as much.

“Thanks Mimi.” I whispered, truly grateful for having such a great friend. She nuzzled her cheeks to the crown of my head and hummed.

“No worries. I promised to you and myself that I will be there for you no matter what.” She said and I snuggled closer to her warmth, focusing all my attention to the love that she was oozing that comforted my broken heart once more.

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True to Mimi’s words, Tyron’s cooking was truly something to be admired. I had an inkling that it was one of the reasons why she did everything to make him fall for her because Mimi can’t cook for toffee. I made my appreciation known and Tyron just smiled which made Mimi puff up like a proud bird and I laughed. I left them alone to do the dishes (on Mimi’s insistence) and left to go take a nice warm bath on the bath tub they had on the guestrooms. I soaked to the warm bubble filled water and just looked at the window and into the night sky thoughtfully.

The encounter from earlier surely was surprising but as much as I made a fuss about it, I didn’t hate it. If my heart wasn’t forced to harden due to my past, I would’ve loved talking with that little boy but not everything is how it’s used to be.

I sighed and sunk further into the water and the smile of the boy flashed in my mind and I shook my head and smiled bitterly. Would he have looked at me like that if I didn’t leave him behind? Would my heart not feel guilt every time I look at a boy his age, if I just stood my ground and brought him with me? But then again, I didn’t have much of a choice. Sometimes what the heart wants can’t be reality and I hate that it had to be that way.

I angrily stood up from the tub, letting the water drip down back on the tub and took a quick shower to rinse off the bubbles before settling into Mimi’s pajama’s that she lent me. I peeked through the hallways and I could hear Mimi giggling from the kitchen so I took that as a sign that I still had a few minutes left before she barges in here to talk. I settled into the bed and took my phone out which was the only thing, along with my wallet, that I carried with me outside. I turned it on and went through the e-mail that my editor sent me and quickly read the terms and agreement of a new contract before sending my editor an e-mail telling him to go over the contract again before sending me the final one to sign. After that I logged off and scrolled through social media, occasionally liking some posts from my friends before opening my notes app to put in what I did for today and what my feelings were. I kept a journal ever since I moved, to keep me from forgetting and to let my emotions out through the only that I knew how to, by writing. Most of the sentences I used in my books come from my journal and lately it has become a source of inspiration and not just a mere distraction but also a form of therapy. Today however, the entry was a mix of all the three things as I typed in what I felt. It contained a lot of typos but that’s okay since I was going to edit it later.

I was in the middle of typing a separate entry solely about the boy when I heard the door creak and Mimi’s head peeked through the gap.

“Can I come in?” I nodded and turned my phone off.

“This is your house. Do you really need permission for that?”

“Of course! This may be my house but tonight this is your room.” She exclaimed and sat on the bed making it dip.

“So are ready to talk now?” she asked gently, careful not to appear too assertive which would naturally piss me off, because I’m not glass, but today I felt as vulnerable as I did before.

“Yeah.” She nodded and scoot closer towards me but stopped.

“Wait for a moment. Tyron and I made hot cocoa and there’re some cookies from when mom baked last time she was here. Let me grab that real quick.” She said and scurried off the get the goodies before coming back triumphantly with a plate of cookies and two mugs of hot cocoa in hand. I scooted on the headboard and took the mug.

“I met a kid.” I started and she looked at me silently so I swallowed the warm beverage and continued. “And he called me Mommy.” I whispered and I felt Mimi froze from where she was and gently set her mug down on the bedside table.

“I was grocery shopping and then some random kid hugged me on my legs and called me Mommy. Of course I was flustered and tried brushing him off but then he suddenly cried and I vowed to myself not to be the cause of a child’s tears again so I couldn’t do anything but comfort him. I bought him ice cream and he seemed to enjoy that but I was anxious and stiff the whole time. I frankly don’t know how to act around him but he was such a sweetheart that didn’t deserve my stiffness but what can I do Mimi? The pain still felt fresh and seeing that kid and being called something I can only dream off crushed me more than I can imagine.” I rambled on, not letting Mimi butt in for even a second and I didn’t know I was panting until Mimi placed a comforting hand on my shoulders and took my hand and placed it near her heart which was beating calmly, a large contrast to mine.

“Easy now Cali, breathe.” My breath hitched and I hiccupped, feeling fresh tears on my face. Still Mimi didn’t waver and stayed calm.

“Come on Cali, breathe with me. In out, in out.” I tried to focus on her breathing and her heartbeat and succeeded, muscle memory kicking in. “That’s it, just breathe with me okay? Nice.” She continued and I slowly regained my breathing back before I was breathing normally and Mimi let my hand drop from her chest and squeezed my shoulders in comfort.

“Can I talk now Cali?” she asked gently and I hiccupped once again before nodding to her. She grabbed a box of tissue on the side and handed it to me. I wiped the snot and tears on my face and looked at my lap.

“I’m sorry for crying again. I know I should stop being so f*****g sensitive all the time. It’s been five years and yet all that five years spent healing was easily broken by just a simple word from an innocent child.” She tut at me and pulled me for a hug again.

“Shush now, you’re feelings are completely valid Cali. If I was in your position I probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything during that situation. You’re strong Cali, one of the strongest people I know so don’t you feel bad for being sensitive when the world broke you and I am so proud that you are able to get past it and slowly let yourself heal. Five years is not a long time to heal Cali and you can’t just forget about it. Feeling something during that encounter only proves how much you’ve grown and how much you regretted your decision that you hadn’t had much choice over. It’s okay to feel Cali.” She said while rubbing my back in comfort and I know I just said I don’t want to cry but I can feel tears prickling my eyes once more.

I let the tears fall silently and Mimi did nothing but comfort me. After what felt like hours, I let myself let go and wipe my tears away to look at Mimi who was offering me a broad smile which made me smile as well.

“Sorry for crying during my first day back. We’re supposed to be happy and celebrate.” I joked half-heartedly, voice a little broken after crying but Mimi didn’t mind.

“Silly, it’s totally fine. This wouldn’t be us if someone didn’t shed any tears.” She teased and I laughed, though a little broken.

“Now do you want to talk about it more or you just want to settle under the covers and watch some rom-coms?” she wiggled her eyebrows and I choked out a laugh.

“Won’t your husband feel left out?”

“Oh don’t mind him, he says he needs sleep anyway. So rom-coms it is then?” she asked and I nodded and she grinned at me and loaded the movie ready to distract myself once more but hey, at least I got it off my chest somehow right?