Fated to the White Wolf: Book 2 The Lotus Pack series

Chapter 4

***Carter’s POV***

I got a mind-link from Tobias last night before going to bed. We had to go into the office early to check the progress of the security system and let’s just say Charlie was not happy about it.

“Love I’m sorry, but when Tobias leaves the Pack, I have to go with him, that’s one of the jobs of being a Beta, it’s to make sure he is safe and gets back in one piece. Please understand love.”

“I understand Carter, but you almost die not even three weeks ago. How am I supposed to feel?” I walked over and touched his face.

“Charlie, I will only be gone no longer than three hours, we just have to check to see if everything is running smoothly and then we will be back. Tobias is not willing to leave Ivy for more than three hours.” I can feel through our bond that Charlie is pissed. I try and wrap him in a hug, but he growls and pushes me away hard, making me slam into the wall. I gasped at the pain that rockets down my back and looked down at the floor, trying to control my spiraling thoughts and take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry love, I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to.” I said, trying to hold back tears. Charlie turns his back on me and walks over to the closet and slams the door shut. I stand up and walk towards the door but my thoughts are starting to control me, i stop in the middle of the room trying to calm myself down. I did it again. I made him upset. I tried to keep the dark thoughts and the panic attack away, but I couldn't seem to control it.

Just stay calm Carter, he isn’t going to hurt you, he just needs to calm down. Charlie loves us. He will not hurt you like father did or leave you. He just needs to calm down. Caleb tries to keep the dark throughs away, but I start to feel my body shake which is always a sign of a massive attack coming.

Images of my father shot through my head, all the pain I suffered because of him run through my mind. My heart is racing and I couldn’t take in any air into my lungs. I didn’t even notice Charlie coming back into the room. I feel a hand on my check and I jumped up, stepping out of his reach of fear that he would hit me.

“Carter, everything’s okay, I am not mad at you, you have to calm down love.” Charlie slowly walks up to me. I saw sadness in his eyes, I did that to him, I made him mad and now he is worried. Why do I keep doing this to him? I couldn’t breathe. The dark thoughts were swirling in the back of my head, making it hard to hear what Charlie was saying. I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to get away from him, so I wouldn't hurt him any longer. I stepped back again and Charlie stopped walking. I saw his mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you angry or sad. I won't do it again.” I felt tears run down my face and I bolted into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned the shower on to freezing and curled up in a ball on the shower floor. I tried to get my breathing under control, but it wasn’t working, images flashed in the back of my mind of me being locked up in the basement with sliver chains keeping me in place, Brody and I in love, then him having to leave and me worrying about him, then him walking to the door and telling me about his mate, Charlie rejecting me because I kept making him sad and he couldn’t take it any longer, seeing images of my father beating me with a whip. I put my hands up to my head and screamed, trying to get the images out of my head. I laid there crying, tiring to make the images go away. Celeb was trying to calm me down, but it wasn’t working. It felt like hours of torture when I felt a hand on my cheek. I jumped further back into the shower trying to get away from whoever it was. I heard Charlie calling my name, but I couldn’t see him, the images kept flashing across my eyes. I felt him touch my arm. I shook my head and cried harder.

“I can’t, I can’t stop the images, they won’t stop. I can’t breathe!” I said in a weak voice, tiring to suck air into my staved lungs. I felt the water turn off and Charlie sat down behind me, he pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me. He started rocking back and forward, tiring to sooth my shaking body.

“Carter, I need you to breathe with me, okay love?” He took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds and then let it out. I followed along with him, the images started to disappear and my breathing started to go back to normal. I moved my hands away from my head and Charlie gasped.

“Oh, love, what did you do to your head?” I looked up at him with a scowl, he reached up and touched the top of my head. I winced and ducked my head away from his hand, he moved his hand away and I noticed blood on his fingers. I looked down at my hands and saw that my crawls had come out. I quickly retracted them back.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize I did that, I didn’t mean to.” I said to him, he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I lent my head on his chest and breathed in his scent.

“Come on let’s get you out of these wet clothes and the blood off your head.” Charlie stood up and I took hold of his hand. I got undressed and Charlie turned the shower back on, he turned the nozzle to warm and I climbed back in. The cuts on my head healed fast thanks to my shifter healing, but I still couldn’t believe I did that.

“I will be back, I’m just going to get a towel and some shorts for you okay?” I nodded my head and Charlie walked out of the bathroom. He came back a couple of minutes later and placed the shorts on the sink and hung the towel over the shower, so I could reach it. He walked back out and didn’t return. I sighed and turned off the shower, I wrapped the towel around me and stepped out, I dried myself off and got dressed in the shorts that Charlie had gotten for me. I walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. I looked around for Charlie, but he wasn’t in the room anymore. I was so tired after my episode that I was just ready to pass out, I walked over to the bed and flopped onto it with a groan. 10 minutes later I heard the bedroom door open and lifted my head to see who it was. Charlie walked back into the room holding two cups of hot chocolate. I slammed my head back down onto the bed and I heard him place the cups down on the bedside table. I felt the bed dip and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. I grumbled at him and looked up. He smiled down at me.

“Come on old man, let’s get you into bed.” He chuckled.

“Hey, I am only 27, that’s not old.” I grumbled and he laughed even harder. I loved making him laugh, it was one of my favorite things to do. I sat up and got comfortable under the covers, Charlie passed me my drink and then hopped into bed. He turned the TV on and we watched the last bit of our movie we started the other night. I finished my drink and placed the cup down and looked over to him.

“I am really sorry for what happened, I tried to control it, but it just came out of nowhere.” Charlie turned the TV off and placed his mug down on the table.

“Carter, I understand what happened between Brody and you, but it doesn’t explain why you jumped away from me when I touched your face. I am so sorry that I pushed you into the wall. That was unfair of me to do. I didn't realize I pushed you that hard, but when I saw your face, I knew I had gone too far. I understand that it is your duty to go where the Alpha goes. I was just worried that it would be too much for you at the moment, but I need you to tell me why you flinched away from me." I looked up at him scared to tell him about my past. I watched his eyes for a few seconds, trying to see if there was any doubt in them, but there wasn’t, all I saw in his eyes was the love he had for me. I sighed and shock my head.

“I don’t know if that would be a good idea.” Charlie placed his hand on top of mine.

“Carter, if I am going to help you through this, then I need to know what's going on, please love.” I looked down at his hand on top of mine and through back to the day I had told my dad I was gay. I came to that realization when I met Brody.

**Flashback**

Tobias and I were walking back to the Packhouse. I noticed someone walking ahead of us and i couldn't stop watching him, he was the most handsome man i had ever laid my eyes on. When I realized it was Brody, I had been watching him for a while and was trying to get the courage to talk to him, but whenever I tried I couldn't get the words out. I felt something hit my arm i turned me head and saw that Tobias was smiling at me.

"Dude, you good? You look like you were floating on cloud nine." He said, chuckling.

"Oh shut up, no I wasn't.

"You were to. What's going on with you lately? You're not yourself and you have barely eaten anything today." I hadn't told Tobias yet that I was crushing hard on a guy. I wasn't sure how he would react.

"I'm fine. I just got a lot going on at the moment, but it's nothing to worry about." Tobias dropped the subject then and we continued walking. As we got to the Packhous Packhouse, Alpha Camrom came out to meet us.

"Tobias, you have training in 10 minutes, Carter, your father wants to see you at home." I looked at him, and he had a strange look on his face.

"Is everything okay Alpha?" I asked, not wanting to go home yet just incae dad had been drinking again.

"Off you go son, I will get Tobias to send for you after his training."

"Yes Alpha." I headed back the other way towards my house. I walked as slowly as I could, not wanting to be anywhere near my father. Ever since mum died he had been drinking heavily and taking his anger out on me. Just before my house came into view, the boy I was watching stepped out in front of me.

"Hi." I stopped and started at him. He had the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. He chuckled at me and I shocked my head.

"Hi, sorry."

"All good. My name is Brody."

"I'm Carter. Is there something you need, I kinda need to get back home." I could feel so many butterflies in my stomach that i through i was going to explode.

"You looked sad when you left the Packhouse house and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help cheer you up." I smiled at him thinking there was one thing he could do, but pushed that thought out of my mind instantly. He chucked and stepped forward, placing his hand on my check. I sucked in a breath and didn't move a muscle. What the f*ck is happening right now? Brody lent down and kissed me on the lips. The butterflies in my stomach exploded and I felt like I was flying. He pulled away and smiled at me.

"Feel better?" He asked, smiling at me. I couldn't respond to light head to pronounce any words. I shocked my head and looked back at him.

"I should really get going, my father is waiting." I said and walked away from him. I can't believe that happened. I think I'm in love with that boy. I continued to my house and as I stepped in through the front door, my father was waiting for me at the kitchen table.

"What took you so long boy?" My father grumbled at me and I noticed he had a bottle of rum in his hands.

"Sorry, the Alpha told me to come home once I got to the Packhouse. Is everything okay?"

"The Alpha came by this morning to give me some news. You will be the next Beta of this Pack and will be starting training tomorrow." I looked at him in shock. He looked happy. I didn't smell any alcohol on him, so he must have just opened the bottle. He must be telling the truth. Brody flashed in the back of my mind then, and I had the sudden urge to tell my father about it.

"Father, I have something I need to discuss with you." I looked down at the floor nervous to tell him something this big. What if he took it the wrong way? What if he was happy for me?

"Look at me when you are speaking to me, stop being a scary little sh*t." He roared, and I took a step back, maybe this wasn't a good time to tell him.

"Speck up, what is it?" He grumbled again. I took a breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I'm gay dad. There is this guy I liked at school and I figured out why I liked him so much. It's because I'm gay. I tried to like girls but when i was with them, it just felt wrong." I stopped talking then and waited for him to say something. There was a moment of silence before he stood up and smashed the bottle on the ground. He started to walk slowly towards me, there was an expression on his face, I gulped and stepped back more. He roared and raced towards me, grabbing me by my throat, lifting me in the air towards his face.

"No son of mine will be a pretty pink little princess." He slammed me up against the wall. I saw black stars dancing around my vision. I tried to remove his hand from my throat. He roared again and dragged me to my room, throwing me to the floor and slamming the door closed. I laid there on the floor while he beat me, wishing for the Moon Goddess to take me away from this place.

**End of Flashback**