Decisions

As I live and breathe. This can not be happening to me. When I woke up this morning, happy and free and not a care in the world, I sent my son off with his Godmother, Elizabeth, my best friend, to see her daughter fly off to Tennessee to be the flower girl in her father's wedding, would I have ever seen this coming. Eighteen months ago, I was engaged, ready to be married to whom I thought was the love of my life. Every little girl dreams of finding her forever after, which consists of getting married, buying the house with a white picket fence, having 2.5 kids and a family dog, with a retirement plan, family outings, and growing old together while swinging on the porch swing. I was actually that little girl, and though it didn't happen in that exact order, I wasn't going to complain because I knew it was on the horizon. David Buchanan was the love of my life. I knew it from the moment I laid my brown eyes on him almost nine years ago that we were destined to be together. But time changes things and people. Eighteen months ago, I never would have imagined that my fiancée would have left me at the altar and then...oh get this....had the audacity...THE AUDACITY..... to show back up after those eighteen months of absenteeism. From my life, his son's life, and what we could have built together, he is actually standing on my front porch with a huge bouquet of pink roses (my favorite) and the most sexiest smile God ever bestowed upon a human being. "Hi." One word, and I saw black. (Flashback) Robert E. Lee High School- 1999 March "OK, class. Your project assignment is to compare the economic downfall from 20 years ago to today's economic failure. Must be at least 500 words, single line, black ink." The class collectively groaned. Mrs. Adams admonished them. "Now, now. This is to prepare you for your future as an adult. It will count for fifty percent of your grade for the end of the year. This project will decide if you graduate in May. It is due on May first, so you have plenty of time. No extensions, no extra credit to make up for the grade. Any questions? Yes, Kenneth?" Mrs. Adams sighed as she got up from where she was perching on the end of her desk to erase the blackboard. She never looked up once as she knew the proverbial child was starting his antics. She swore if she was a betting woman that he was going to be a great comedian one day. "Hey Missus Adams, what if we don't have a laptop to do our homework on?" Now, this was a serious question, and it took Mrs. Adams off her feet. She turned to face him. "You don't have a laptop you can borrow?" "I do, but it's my older brother's, and he watches a lot of porn." There was a twitter of laughter in the classroom. Mrs. Adams rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, Kenneth. I really don't see how that will affect you doing your research." "Well, my mom says he m*********s so much he's going to go blind and he needs someone to scroll for him." The class, including Mrs. Adams burst into laughter. Mrs. Adams calmed down immediately, shaking her head. "So, you're telling me you don't have time to do the project because you're too busy scrolling porn sites for your brother? Boy, you are too much! Just go to the library. Does anyone else have any questions before class is dismissed? Yes, Tamandra?" "Is there a specific economic downfall you would like for us to focus on?" "Excellent question, Tamandra. Yes, the economic downfall of '79 affected a lot of things. Oil, retail, housing, federal reserve, and also write about its global impact. You are welcome to choose from those examples. Any more questions?" As Mrs. Adams turned to help the other kids, Tamandra overheard Kenneth talking to one of his friends. "Guess we know who's gonna get a passing grade....suckass." Tamandra didn't dignify his comment with an answer. She was used to her classmates making snide remarks or rolling their eyes at her in disgust. She couldn"t help if she cared more about her education than the average teen. She had a plan for her life, and she wasn't about to let a few negative comments get in her way. "OK, class dismissed, have a good weekend, everyone! Tamandra, may I see you for a moment?" "Hey, maybe Mrs. Adams is going to tell her to stop being a goody two shoes." She heard Kenneth say to one of his friends. Tami was seething. She'd heard enough. She was getting sick and tired of people acting like she was doing something wrong by trying to better her life. She opened her mouth to respond snidely and in a way that would shut Kenneth's mouth and make him look like a lip-tard. "Tamandra? Please?" Mrs. Adams called to her again. Instead of telling Kenneth off, she picked her books up and gave him a look that if he was a dry tumbleweed, he would have caught on fire, and she wouldn't have given a damn about putting him out. She rolled her eyes at him, and with a flip of her thick, long hair, she turned her back to him. "Class clown." She muttered. If there was one thing Tami knew how to do, it was treat people that annoyed her like they weren't even there. "Yes, Mrs. Adams...?" "What are your plans this weekend?" Her question caught Tami off guard. "Uh, studying and working on the project." Mrs. Adams smiled politely like she was looking at a two year old trying to eat spaghetti from a spoon. "That's all well and good, but the project isn't due until May. It's March." Tami fell silent, biting her lower lip. A nervous tick she did from confusion. 'Let's be honest, this project is like a first grader telling me what she did over the summer. I know you're striving to be successful, and I want that too, but take a look at the trees, not just the forest. "Is this about what Kenneth said?" At this time, Mrs. Adams was leaning back in her chair. She leaned forward with her chin resting on the back of her hands "I'm going to be very candid with you, Tami, so whatever I say in this room stays in this room." Tami nodded eagerly. Mrs. Adams never called her Tami. She always kept it professional. "f**k Kenneth Forman and the horse he rode in on." They both burst out laughing. When they both calmed down a bit, Mrs. Adams continued. "You are a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful black woman who knows what she wants out of life and won't let anyone stop her from getting it. My only concern is you. I don't want you to get burned out at such a young age. Get out of the house, go to the movies with your friends, date boys....with manners." She said as an afterthought. They both burst out laughing again."Learn how to balance it. It will give you peace of mind. Education isn't just about books. It's life as well." "Thank you, Mrs. Adams. For everything." "I'm always here for you, Tami. Who knows, I may just be talking to the next POTUS." Mrs. Adams winked her eye. Tami's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" "Anything is possible...." Tami left Mrs. Adams classroom feeling inspired and courageous. Her smile was contagious and lit up the hallway. Nothing or anybody could sour her mood, that is, until she rounded the corner and bumped into Vanessa and her two best friends, Double and Trouble. Oh s**t, Tami thought. What now?... Chapter 2 (Flashback continued) Tami awoke this morning feeling anxious. She didn't know what it was. The feeling was both powerful and daunting and she couldn't get a grip on it, but that feeling went away when there was a knock on her door, and her father walked in. "Good morning, baby doll. Did you have a nice sleep?" Tami was a daddy's girl. He was her hero, her confidant, her best friend. She loved her mother, too, but the moon set and rose with her father. Her smile lit the room as he sat down on her bed. She missed saying good night last night because he worked a double shift at the