The me they'll never see and the one I'll never have

Do you ever wonder, who you are, why you are who you are and why you are made that way. Why you couldn't just be normal as the rest. " Be normal, be like the other boys, stop acting like a girl," is what I've been told for most of my life. Well I changed at a point in my life, started acting masculine, trained myself to have a deeper voice, walk more manly and behave like the rest of the normal boys, do the things they do, watch the things they watch, talk about the things they talk about... I genuinely changed myself to fit into the society of my East African nation of Uganda and live to the expectations of those around me, my mother, my father, brothers and sisters, uncles, aunties and grandparents without leaving the cousins. All of that I had to bear and being the first born in my family. As if that wasn't enough, I was and still am the first born son in my whole family, so everyone's eyes were on me and my every move in life. However, life wasn't cruel to me, I had friends who loved me and who respected me, accepted me for who I was with no question I was never bullied for being different. I went to good schools from primary to completion of university. My parents were good at providing for me everything I needed. What can I say? I had a good life till when I clocked the age of 24. This was the period when I had completed my Bachelor in Business Administration at one of the most lavish private universities in Uganda, Vicktoria University. And I was headed for life and work as any normal finalist does. Well jobs were hard to find and family pressure was on the rise with everyone asking," Martin, now you're done with that course of yours, what's next, who's going to employ you, what are you doing, what's your plan, who do you want to be in five years?". Jesus Christ. They asked a lot more than that. Anyways the Lord was gracious that I landed an internship at a start up company called Orvexa Technologies. Now I didn't know anything concerning ICT but I got attached to the marketing department of the company which was reasonable. Orvexa Technologies delt in software development, inventions of new model equipment ranging from kitchenware to office ware, they were impressive. So like I said before I had a good life and now here's the parts where my life becomes weird. and it all began in the new year of 2026. I was just new into the company, working to do my best and secure a job spot after the internship no many friends just my new desk mate Sheila and many acquaintances. I was doing fine till the day our CEO retuned from the United States. It was a Monday and everyone was told to meet up in the lobby to welcome the CEO. So we all left our offices and came down to the lobby and stood in opposite lines waiting for the arrival of our CEO Mr. Ethan Monroe Clayton. Now, when I joined Orvexa, he wasn't around so I didn't know him. We stood in the lobby waiting for Mr Ethan to arrive and Sheila asked," Where the hell is this guy? I'm really tired of standing my heels are killing me." and I replied, " I'm sure he's on his way, but do you know him, like in appearance and whatsoever?" curiously. " No, I also came when he wasn't around, I was told he had gone to the US to visit his father." Sheila replied. and I gave a simple nod. As people were growing impatient, the HR came in and announced," He's here, everyone prepare your biggest and finest smiles and make sure to welcome him warmly or else you won't be having a job by the end of the day." she said. Now as you know most HRs in many companies are pricks but Ms. Flora Zane was a freaking prick, the biggest of all pricks in the company. It's like she knew she held our futures and literally our lives in her hands and she exploited us for it. From working long hours to threats of losing our jobs incase we ever defied her. Especially us the interns. Well everyone did as she commanded and we stood upright in await. Then in the moment. The doors opened without ceremony, but the room shifted anyway. Conversations softened, attention bending toward the man who stepped inside like he belonged everywhere at once. He was biracial, his skin catching the warm light in a way that made it hard to look away. His features were sharp but not cold—defined jaw, steady eyes, and lips that seemed one second away from either a smirk or a command. His clean cut hair with waves like ocean tides made him look like a whole meal. His suit fit like it had been made with intention rather than measurement, tracing broad shoulders and a solid frame he carried with quiet authority. He didn’t hurry. He didn’t need to. He paused just long enough to take the room in, and somehow, that brief stillness made everyone else feel like we were on some kind of evaluation. A few people straightened unconsciously. One or two simply stared. Then he moved—smooth, deliberate—and with a single adjustment of his cuff, revealed he was human after all . " Welcome back Sir." Ms. Flora said excitedly accompanied with a weird chuckle and turned to us with a grin that said speak "you losers". " Welcome back Sir." we all spoke in uniform with warm pleasant smiles on our faces. " Thank you." He said simply, his voice smooth but still deep with his head up high, his eyes screening us meticulously. For some reason that I didn't understand his eyes found mine across the room—steady, unreadable. Then something shifted. Just for a second, they softened, like I wasn’t part of the crowd anymore. And just as quickly, it was gone. He turned back to the room, thanked everyone for their work " I would love to thank everyone for their work and participation in the growth and development of Orvexa Technologies, I appreciate your time, efforts and devotion to this company. " in a calm, measured voice, and moved on like nothing had happened. I was puzzled but in my moment of thought, Sheila tapped me, " Yoo, did you see how he looked at me, it's like as if he saw the love of his life. " she said with a tone of excitement. " Oh really, then if you manage to keep his attention on you then, we go eat his cash together." I replied followed by a mutual laugh between me and Sheila. Sheila continued laughing ,already lost in her own fantasy. But I stopped for a moment. Because for a second—just a second— I was certain he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at me. And in a country like mine… that kind of mistake could ruin lives. Especially my life.