Red

115

Dear myself,

I feel as if it's getting worse. This depression. Theses breakdowns. I even took the time to count the scars on my arm. 115 now you can barely tell how many are there but I was able to count them.

Am I crazy? Do I need to be locked up? Under constant watch by random strangers. They would probably send me to where my friend was. She said it wasn't that bad just no shoe laces or anything that she can hurt herself with. No phone or anything. Being watched but other than that great food, nice distractions from the mental hospital feel.

I still don't understand why they hated her so much. She wasn't a bad person, just different. That's it, isn't it? They hated her because she was different. Bullied and pushed her off the edge because they didn't understand her.

I miss her. I miss who she was before she was driven off the edge. It's all their fault. It's all- It's all my fault. I didn't question it. I never told her I was there for her. It's all my dang fault! We were best friends! Actually best friends. And I didn't pay enough attention to her. To what she was going through.

I wish I could go back. I wish I could of helped her. I wish I was there for her. I don't blame herself for what she became. She was just following the world's path for her. I just wish I could of been there to help her.

I haven't talked to her in awhile. I wonder how she's doing. She is getting better? Is she in a mental hospital again? I really do miss her. With all my heart. She was my best friend, and I wish we could be there for each other.

She reminds me of my dad. Maybe if dad had some good friends to fall back on he wouldn't be the a-hole he is now. I hope she doesn’t even up like him. Ruining her life, running around breaking the law and being hated by everyone even her own family.

I hope she will become that amazing, perky, beautiful girl I knew. I also hope she comes back to faith. Go to school. Have a life. Redo her mistakes and be herself again. Become my old friend to spoke her mind. I miss that girl a lot and cared for her with all my heart.

I will be there when she needs me. I'll promise that. If she needs me I'll be prepared. Just because I want the old her back. My friend, my best friend. The one that broke my heart with one text message. Just I never want to see that message again. Just happiness. I want to know she is happy and is herself again.

Even if this is a lot to ask for. I just want the best for my old friend. I want to see her smile again. That happy, upbeat smile that could brighten any room. Even if she never wants to be friends again I want her to be happy.

I want everyone to be happy.

Until that day,

Ana