Lost in the Dream

One Mizpah (n.) The deep emotional bond between people, especially those separated by distance or death. °°° Do you know that heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to move?   When all you want is to close your eyes and sleep and the process of being heartbroken is just exhausting? When you attempt to do your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to connect to anything or anyone? Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they'd be beside you forever?   Because that's how exactly I feel. My heart hurts so much no words can explain it.   It hurts so much that no amount of crying can mend it.   I look around our house. It used to be filled with laughter.   Sometimes I can hear the sound of Mom's soft laughter when Dad says something funny. But as time goes by, little by little, this place that once became a happy home slowly becomes a place with deathly silence.   Everything is unbelievably calm but my heart.   They said this feeling will pass but why does it seem like I can't bring myself to move?   Why this overwhelming feeling doesn't go away just like how the waves wash away everything when it reaches the shore?   If this feeling is temporary, why does it feel like I'll be stuck with this pain forever? I don't know where or when things went wrong. We were just fine. It was just another usual night where my parents will pick me up after I hang out with the guys. They were so lively that night. Dad even jokes around asking if anyone of us brought girls during our night out. Mom even told them to join us for breakfast the next day. We were happily chatting about how our day went on like we usually do whenever we meet after a long day.   I can still picture how happy Dad was when I announced that I'll help him manage his business. As you can see, my Dad's love for making watches is undying. He makes them so delicately and takes them seriously that he doesn't just make ordinary one. Everything he does is a masterpiece. Everything he does must have a special meaning for those who asked him to make for them.   He doesn't repeat items which makes all his works genuine and original.  "An inch of time is an inch of gold but you can't buy time with an inch of gold." I don't understand what Dad meant by that. I always think of him as a strange man for saying weird things.   Now that they're gone, I finally understand what he wants to say.   Everything was perfect until it wasn't.   That night, we were just talking and laughing and the next thing I see is blood and broken shards of glass. The last time I remember was me crawling out of the car, calling for my parents' names and when I woke up, I'm already in the hospital. It was Sweven's face whom I first saw. The other guys were there, too, but when I look around, I started panicking.   "Where are Mom and Dad?" No one gave me an answer. My heart was racing and the pain I feel from the injury is nothing other than the pain I feel in my heart. They tried to stop me but it was the Police officers who welcomed me when I opened the hospital door that made me halt.   "We're here to give the Late Mr. Chae's watch we found in the scene. We're very sorry for your loss." I don't know how long did I stare at Dad's watch before I finally processed the information.   "We're very sorry for your loss." Those words kept repeating in my mind like a broken record.   The guys were there but it feels like I'm alone.   I don't know how long I was asleep and I'm not sure if everything's just a twisted dream. I never imagined my life without my parents. I never imagined my life living in this world without them to look after me.   I was never ready for them to leave. I was never ready to be left alone in this lonely world. There are still many things I haven't told them.   If only I knew they will be snatched from me in a blink of an eye, I wouldn't have let go of their hands when they reached out for me. If only I knew that was the last time, I'll see them smile and hear them laugh, I would've frozen time. If only there's a way to bring back time.   If only I can travel back before the accident happened, I'll do everything to stop it.