Hiraeth

Chapter 7: War

"I'm really disappointed..."

I was sitting on the island counter with my chin in the palm of my hand. Pinapanood ko si Mommy na haluin ang Espresso. Of course, with displeasure drawn all over her face. Kakauwi niya lang kaninang madaling araw. Dapat nga ay sa susunod na araw pa ang uwi niya. She just can't feel the keenness to enjoy Cebu. Wala sa hulog kasing tumawag si Dad after ng dinner nila no'ng college friend niya. Nabigla siya sa nalaman to the point na napauwi kaagad siya para maglabas ng sama ng loob.

"Naka-set pa naman na ang mga plano ko for Bailey's Graduation. I was also planning to bring you guys in Cebu because I found a seaside resort there in Malapascua or in Bantayan Island, perhaps. Sinadya ko pa namang magresearch para doon kaso... mukhang malabo ng mangyari 'yon..."

The consternation look that she's wearing was too contageous that I can even feel it too. I can't blame her, of course. My father seemed to launch a fiery missile on air, destroying her concrete plan. All thanks to me.

"My fault..."

I detached my palm from my chin and rested my arms on the countertop.

"Nawala kasi sa isip ko 'yung mga papers na kailangang tapusin. I was so irresponsible. Nagmadali agad akong umuwi."

Though I already said it to myself that I was not sorry for going home because first, I'd never regret being at home for Levi and second, I know I won't either be productive if I'd choose to stay in Seoul for business but no one can deny, too, that I was still accountable for Dad's absence. Sinisisi niya 'ko. And he's right. Alam ko namang dahil sa 'kin talaga. And I still have to make-up for it kahit pa alam kong kung mauulit man ang nangyari, ang pag-uwi pa rin kay Levi ang first choice ko.

"Let me guess..." She pulled out a chair and sat in front of me. "Daddy mo ang may sabi niyan, ano?"

"Tama naman po siya, My. I left the papers hanging. Alam ko naman pong ayaw ni Dad 'yon. It was my fault."

She cleared her throat and sipped on her mug. She stirred it, malungkot akong tinignan. "I'm sorry, Blaire, but I agree with him on this one." I smiled. "If we are talking about the right thing to do, tama lang na magstay ka muna sana do'n. Being there for atleast one more week won't hurt. Kahit i-rush mo na lang sana 'yung mga dapat mong gawin kung talagang gustong-gusto mo nang umuwi."

"I know. You're all right. I was accountable for it. But I honestly don't regret going home. Babawi na lang po ako..."

She nodded and smiled. "I understand. I can't blame you, inspite of. Alam kong mahirap malayo sa taong mahal mo lalo na sa sitwasyon ni Levi, he's not in a good shape. I'm not saying that your decision was wrong but I know you could have done better than this. 'Yon din sana ang gustong iparating ng Dad mo. I'm sorry kung may nasabi man siyang hindi maganda. Alam mo naman 'yon..."

I nodded. "I understand po," I said. "Anyway, you don't have to cancel your plans. Pwede pa rin naman tayong mag-out of town kahit wala si Daddy."

She shrugged her shoulders before she stood up, bringing the teaspoon with her towards the sink.

"I don't think so. I already cancelled it, 'e. May binebentang lupa kasi malapit sa estates ng Tita Astrid mo sa Zambales. I'll meet the broker by next week after the graduation. Ipapakita ko rin sa Dad mo. That can be a good asset."

"How about in some other dates?"

She shook her head and went back to her seat. "I got a tight schedule for the following weeks. Graduation lang talaga ni Bailey ang break ko. My sched for the following months was packed. I can't move a date for my appointments. I can only cancel and make a replacement and obviously, I can't cancel any of them."

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. It was disappointing. She's so busy. Nanghihinayang ako sa ilang araw na makakapagbakasyon sana kami. Stress na stress na kami nitong mga nakaraan. Ako, sa kondisyon ni Levi. Si Bailey, sa mga requirements niya. Si Kuya, as usual, sa Alta Luna. Si Dad, gano'n din. Si Mommy naman, sa mga hotel and restaurant ng Ravelo. We seriously have to consider putting our feet at leisure too. Magandang chance sana ang pagkatapos ng graduation ni Bailey pero... hindi pa rin p'wede. Sayang.

"I heard the word plan. What is it?"

I averted my eyes to Kuya Zuriel. Halatang bagong gising. He's still in his boxers and plain white sando as he walked inside the counter and hugged Mommy. Mom automatically smiled upon receiving a smack on her cheek.

"Good morning, My." He bore his eyes next on me. "Good morning..."

I nodded and smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Son. I brought your favorite Risretto. Napansin ko kasi na wala ka ng stock."

Kuya smiled from ears to ears. "I'm just about to tell Chelzie. You're really the best!" Nakangisi pa rin siya, wagging his head habang tinutungo ang kitchen shelf.

Mommy chuckled. "Told you. You can never replace Mom."

He laughed. "Right."

"Anyway, we're talking about the supposed vacation. I initially planned to bring you in Cebu as a celebration for Bailey's grad. Unfortunately, your Dad can't make it dahil busy daw. Nasabi niya ba sa inyo?"

Kumunot ang noo ni Kuya. "Walang nasabi si Dad."

Sinara niya ang kitchen shelf at naglakad palapit kay Mommy, dala ang pakete ng kape at isang garapon. He tore it open and transferred the coffee inside the jar.

"He told me." He looked at me. "I was looking for a perfect time. Alam ko kasing nag-eexpect kayo and it is a bad news. Nahirapan akong i-explain lalo na kay Bailey. It was my fault."

Hindi niya inalis ang mga mata sa 'kin, salubong pa rin ang mga kilay. I pursed my lips and shifted to my seat. Maiintindihan ko kung iisipin niyang kasalanan ko. Tinanggap ko na 'yon. Binalingan ko na lang si Mommy. She's watching us thoroughly which made me realize how clueless she was about what happened with her two children while she was away. Kalaunan ay tumango si Kuya bago binalingan muli ang Ristretto niya.

"Ako na lang magsasabi kay Bailey."

Hindi na 'ko sumagot. Clicking her tongue, Mommy set the mug back on the countertop.

"I'm just thinking... p'wede niyo pa rin namang ituloy ang bakasyon kahit wala kami ng Dad niyo, right? It's a good time for you to have fun. And bond?" Nilingon niya si Kuya. "What do you think? 'Di ko na kayo nakikitang magkakasama."

I immediately responded. I nodded with my eyes gleaming. Kunot ang noo ni Kuya nang bumaling sa 'kin. Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Chelzie. She's right. We're lacked of communication and time and maybe, Mommy's suggestion would be best for us. Para naman makapagbonding kami kahit papaano. 'Yun nga lang ay bakas ang disgusto sa mukha ni Kuya. I feigned a smile at him, hoping he'd understand.

"You can bring Chelzie and hopefully... Levi's awake by then."

"And if ever he isn't yet," I shifted my eyes to Mommy. "You can still go, hija. Ako na ang kakausap kay Martha. For sure she'll understand."

Tumango ako. "Hindi naman siguro kami magtatagal."

"Your Dad will hate the idea too." We chuckled. "So ano? It's settled, then? Sabihin niyo lang. I'll book you three rooms in Ravelo to stay."

I grinned widely as I silently made a list of what we could possibly do for that day. Sobrang excited na ako nang bigla namang umalma si Kuya at nagprotesta. Aniya, busy daw siya. Then feud between him and Mommy arose. I pursed my lips and decided to not butt in.

My lips potruded as I saw the tail end of their conversation. Mom should stop pushing it. Obvious naman na ayaw patalo ni Kuya. Baka kung saan lang humantong ang pagtatalo nila kapag nagkataon. I sighed in defeat.

Right, they are indeed busy people.

Sa huli ay sumuko rin si Mommy. Hindi na kinaya si Kuya. Kumain na lang kami ng almusal kahit pa nakasimangot si Mommy. Halatang malungkot talaga siya sa naging desisyon. Tinawanan ko lang siya. Napailing naman si Kuya. Maya-maya pa ay dumating si Chelzie. And she's as a havoc personified. Nang dumating siya, ang gulo gulo na ng kusina.

Matapos kumain ay nag-aya si Chelzie sa ospital. Sumama sa 'min si Kuya. Naka-leave pa rin si Chelzie sa Burton Firm samantalang si Kuya naman, back to reality na bukas. I accepted her draw. Kahit naman 'di niya sabihin, pupunta naman talaga 'ko doon.

"Ayos na ba kayo ng Lola niya, Blaire?" tanong ni Chelzie mula sa front seat.

Dalawa lang ang capacity ng Bugatti ni Kuya kaya pinagamit na ni Mommy ang Chevrolet. I'll probably buy my own car, too, one of these days. Hindi na rin namin pinagmaneho si Mang Diego dahil 'di rin naman kami magtatagal. I was not yet ready to encounter Madame Eliza and Kuya doesn't want it, too. Alam ko namang 'di ko siya matatakasan. But today isn't the right time yet and I don't have idea when exactly the time will be.

"We haven't talked yet."

Pilit kong iniiwas ang mga mata ko sa magkahawak nilang kamay. For someone like me na nangungulila sa fiancee niya, the view does not seem healthy.

Kuya went to the opposite wing when we reached the hospital. May bibisitahin lang daw siya na kaibigan. Someone who met an accident and got a serious head injury. Naiwan tuloy ako sa kwarto kasama ang maingay na fiancee niya.

"Sabi niya 15 minutes lang! It's been an hour!"

I wad sitting on a monoblock chair beside Levi. I am so sick of hearing Chelzie's tantrums and I was so going to make her swallow this whole stupid apple beside me. Kaysa tumirik ang mga mata nang paulit-ulit ay hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. Ang ingay niya. Kanina ko pa sinasabi sa kaniyang lumabas na siya at hanapin si Kuya pero ayaw naman niya. Baka raw sabihin ni Kuya, dead-over-heels siya sa kaniya. Napairap na lang ako.

Para namang hindi.

I just chose the better option and ignored her. Naalala kong limitado nga lang pala ang oras ko rito. I went here for Levi and not to babysit this annoying b***h. I glanced at Levi and surveyed the minimal changes in his body. Sobrang nangayayat siya. Lubog ang pisngi at maputla ang balat. This isn't so him.

I was caressing his hair when we heard three consecutive heavy knocks on the door. Mabilis umaliwalas ang mukha ni Chelzie at napatuwid pa ng pagkakaupo.

"I guess it's him na."

The door opened and both of our forehead creased. Bumungad roon ay hindi si Kuya. It was a man in his white polo, laying his hand forward and motioning someone from the other side of the wall to come inside.

Then a shadow flitted on the wall when the most intimidating woman I know entered. In less than no time, my heart made a violent tremor inside my chest. She's walking confidently with her arms loosed on both sides. Umarko ang isang kilay niya at sinipat ako na parang nagtatanong kung ba't ako nandito.

Hindi ko pinakinggan ang kabog sa dibdib ko at tumayo, showing her my utmost respect.

"G-Good morning, Madame..."

Napatayo rin si Chelzie. Hinagod ako ng tingin ni Madame bago niya nilingon ang kasama kong nasa kabilang gilid ng k'warto. Maging si Chelzie ay nataranta. I don't know if I was mirroring the same expression but I hoped not.

"M-Magandang umaga po..." it was almost a whisper.

Binalik ni Madame ang tingin sa akin. She doesn't have to say a word. Sapat na ang itsura niya para manlambot ang mga tuhod ko. My shoulders slouched when she turned her back. Pinanood ko siyang lumapit sa body guard para kausapin ito sandali. Chelzie, on the other hand, took the chance to come closer.

"Hindi sinabi sa 'yo ng bruhang apo?" she almost whispered.

Nangunot ang noo ko. Nang marealize na si Ate Faye ang tinutukoy niya ay umirap ako at umiling.

"I haven't checked my phone yet."

"Sinasabi ko na nga ba..."

Hindi na 'ko sumagot. I know what she's thinking. Pinag-iisipan niya na naman nang masama si Ate Faye. It wasn't her fault. Hindi naman niya obligasyong i-update ako araw-araw.

"So..."

Napatuwid ako ng tayo. Sinarado ng body guard ang pinto at iniwan kami sa loob. Muling tumahip ang puso ko. Madame walked gracefully towards the couch to place her shoulder bag there.

"I was wondering kung bakit hindi bumibisita si Thaliya sa apo ko. 'Yun naman pala, the antagonist of their lovestory is back."

Hinarap niya 'ko, nakaarko ang kilay.

"What brings you here?"

I smiled. "Binibisita lang po si Levi."

"Oh!" She laughed, nanlambot ang ekspresyon. "I forgot. Bestfriend ka nga pala niya, ano? I'm sorry. I was just sadden na ikaw pa ang unang nakita ko rito. I thought I'll be seeing Thaliya first before my grandson's bestriend."

"I'm his fiancee." Halos hindi ko marinig ang sarili ko.

She c****d her head like she was giving me a chance to take back what I've said.

Her eyes shrank. "Come again?"

"I'm Levi's fiancee." Bumaba ang tingin niya sa daliri ko. "We're engaged. Two years ago. He proposed bago ako pumuntang Seoul."

Sarkastikong umikot ang mga mata niya. She doesn't have to pretend like she did not have a single clue. She always had an eye to keep at her grandson and it's impossible for her to not know about the engagement.

Ramdam ko ang paghigpit ng hawak ni Chelzie sa braso ko. Madame, wearing her disgusted look, walked straightly to the other side of the bed. Talaga bang sa harap ni Levi niya ako bubulyawan?

"Tinuloy pala talaga ng apo ko ang kahibangan niya."

There. My heart clenched.

Hanggang ngayon. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nagbabago ang opinyon niya. I was slightly hoping na mapapalambot ng kondisyon ni Levi ang matigas na no niya sa relasyon namin. I hope, she could at least grant him his happiness this time dahil deserve din naman ni Levi na sumaya. Kahit hindi na lang ako ang isipin niya. Kahit ang apo na lang niya.

Kaso hindi pa rin pala.

Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang desisyon niya. She's still against our relationship. She still doesn't want me for her grandson.

I breathed out. Nang balingan ko siya, na kay Levi na ang mga mata niya.

"Hindi ka na dapat nagpakita pa. Levi and Thaliya were doing good noong wala ka." Nilingon niya ako. "They are so happy, Blaire. So happy... Do you want me to show you their pictures? Marami 'yon. Araw-araw nagsesend sa 'kin si Thaliya."

She's smiling so wide like she could picture out their happy moments together in her mind. I tried to hold sway over my feelings. Alam ko na 'to. Hindi dapat ako magpadala. I was completely aware that Levi and Thaliya were hanging out because Levi never failed to let me know. Hindi naman kasi maiiwasan. Thaliya and him were in the same circle. Levi's saying the truth and I shouldn't let Madame falsify the real story.

Trust.

That's what I have for Levi.

My eyes were locked on Madame as she walked around the room. "You know what, I can see that you are not just a typical woman. May sinasabi ka rin naman sa buhay. Your family has a good reputation. Magandang asset sa pulitika. Among the other girls, I like you better for my grandson. Better..."

She halted and looked at me. Mas humigpit ang kapit ni Chelzie sa braso ko. Ramdam ko ang mabibigat na paghinga niya. She's suppresing her anger real bad. Sa kaniya ata napupunta lahat ng galit na kinikimkim ko.

"But Levi deserves the best in life..."

Mas lumapad ang ngisi niya.

"Why would I let him settle for something better if I can even give him the best? Let's admit it, Blaire. No one's the best for my grandson but the youngest daughter of Marion Tianco. Si Thaliya lang at wala ng iba."

"We're already engaged," mariin kong sabi.

For a little while, she was taken aback. Pero magaling siya. Magaling siyang magtago ng emosyon. For the next seconds, she looked amused. Nakuha pa niyang humalakhak. Nagkatinginan kami ni Chelzie. Her face almost exploded in anger.

"You're making me laugh! Do you think I'll buy that? Sobrang taas yata ng tingin mo sa sarili mo, Blaire. Masyado kang kampante! Ano bang pinanghahawakan mo? 'Yang engagement ring niyo? I can give you times twenty of that!"

"Kahit bilhin mo pa buong Uni Silver wala kaming pake sa singsing mo!"

"Chelz!"

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Ako na ngayon ang may hawak sa braso niya para pakalmahin siya pero talagang ayaw niyang papigil.

"Hindi naman ang cost ng singsing ang mahalaga rito 'e! Alam mo ba kung anong ibig sabihin no'n? Nangako ang apo mo sa kaibigan ko! Mahal niya ang kaibigan ko! Hindi 'yang Thaliya mo!"

Mas lumakas ang halakhak ni Madame. Napahawak ako sa batok ko. Chelzie should stop. Kahit na may lamat na ang relasyon ko kay Madame, gusto ko pa rin siyang respetuhin. Yelling her round would just aggravate the situation. After all, Lola pa rin siya ni Levi.

At may pinagsamahan pa rin kami.

"Hopeless romantic pala 'tong kaibigan mo, Blaire. Parang ikaw. Alam mo, hija..." Nakangiti siyang humakbang palapit kay Chelzie. Mabilis na dumagundong ang puso ko. "Ang pagmamahal... lumilipas 'yan. Natatabunan. Nahihigitan. Ang kailangan ng apo ko? A woman with purpose. A woman who can give him better directions. Sino ba 'tong kaibigan mo?" She pulled away, looking at me with disgust. She then wagged her head, turned her back, and walked around. "Last time I heard, she's the least favorite Altaluna. Ni hindi nga magawang maipagmalaki ni Kristoff."

"Sumusobra ka na!"

"Chelzie!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang umamba ng paglapit si Chelzie. Mabilis kong hinigit ang braso niya para pigilan. She was seething so bad. Her hands were in a ball of fists. Halos maputol ang litid niya sa galit. Napapikit ako.

"Chelz! Please? Calm down!"

"Hindi, 'e! Sumusobra na ang matandang 'to, Blaire, 'e! May I remind you that it's not your decision to begin with? Si Levi lang ang nakakaalam kung sinong gusto niyang pakasalanan! Why can't you just leave them alone?!"

"Leave them alone?!" Madame faced us, reflecting the same expression as Chelzie's. "Fine! I can leave Levi alone! But not alone with this pathetic woman! I barely knew my grandson anymore because of this class B woman who knows nothing but think of herself! Dahil sa 'yo, Blaire! Bumabaluktot ang mga prinsipyo niya sa buhay! I've known him as the most responsible man pero ano ito? Inalok ka ng kasal? Katangahan! This is the stupidest decision he ever made! Hangga't hindi siya nagigising sa kahibangan niya, habang buhay akong may pakialam! I can't just leave him alone knowing na sasayangin niya ang buhay niya sa babaeng 'to! Isang..." halos idura niya ang salita. "Failure!"

My shoulders fell. Halos gumuho ang buong pagkatao ko nang marinig mismo sa kaniya 'yon. I could feel my heart breaking into series of fragments. Sana ay hindi ko na lang narinig 'yon. It wasn't only about my relationship with Levi anymore. Hindi na lang ako nasasaktan dahil tutol siya sa relasyon namin. I am terribly hurt because once in my life, she's one of the people who taught me to be tough. She was once my asylum everytime I'd feel worthless of myself because of Dad. She's one of the few people who helped me recoup my trust with myself.

And now look at her.

Look at us.

She's now using this against me.

"W-Why..." Nagkarerahan ang mga luha pababa sa mukha ko. "Why are you talking to me as if I'll just make his life miserable? Ganiyan po ba kababa ang tingin niyo sa 'kin?"

"Gusto mo talagang malaman?"

Her face squinched up. She drew closer as if she wanted me to apprehend every word she will say.

"You're one. Hell. Of a beautiful stone, Blaire. Very beautiful. Kaso..." She pulled away and shook her head in dismay. "Walang silbi. Palamuti. Hanggang display lang. At si Thaliya?" She smugged. "Thaliya is one rare and precious gem. She's worth everything. 'Yung tipong pag-aagawan. Hindi pwedeng pangdisplay lang, kasi siya? May halaga. At hindi ko lubos na maunawaan itong apo ko..."

Her brow embowed as she looked at me like I was the worst person she ever encountered.

"He's choosing a beautiful yet cheap stone over a precious gem!"

I wiped my tears with my thumb but it's not enough. Patuloy pa rin sa pagtutubig ang mga mata ko, paulit-ulit na pinipiga ang puso ko. Habang tumatagal... pasikip nang pasikip sa dibdib ko.

But I have enough of it.

I have enough of the humiliation.

I have to stand for myself.

That clearly wasn't us. That was't her. And I had to show her that I was not like what she's thinking of me. Siguro nga, at some point, failure ako. But not in this relationship. I wouldn't let this relationship be one of my failures.

I feigned a smile as I relinquished my hold from Chelzie's arm and went closer to Madame. I was going to say this once because I don't think I will ever have the courage again to do so and I had to make sure that every word I'll say will harrow her mind- deep.

"All my life, I always look up to you. I always care about what you think, about what you say. Kasi gusto ko, magustuhan niyo rin ako. Gusto ko, makita niyo rin yung rason kung ba't mahal ako ng apo niyo. Kaso nga lang, mukhang malabo na pong mangyari 'yun." I chuckled. "Hindi ko na po hihilingin na magustuhan niyo 'ko. Hindi ko na rin hihilingin na suportahan niyo ang relasyon namin ni Levi. That is too much to ask, I think, but there's only one thing I would like to ask."

Pinunasan kong muli ang mga luha ko. Mas nakita ko siya nang malinaw. She wasn't looking at me. Nakakuyom lamang ang panga niya at ang mga mata, nakatuon kay Levi.

"Respect." I smiled. "If you can't respect me as his fiancee, then just please... Respect me as a person. Kahit bilang tao na lang. Kahit pakitang-tao na lang. Kasi to tell you frankly? Wala po akong balak umatras sa kasal. At itong mukhang 'to?" I pointed my finger to my face. "You'll see this face often. Even without your consent, even without your support, I'll marry your grandson anyway. And whether you like it or not, I'll carry the same name as yours. So might as well respect me... or displease yourself forever."

My words seemed to pull a trigger to her gun. It was about to fire a blast. But before it could, nilampasan ko na siya. I couldn't bear another humiliation. Spare me. Nakakadurog din kasi talaga. Alam ko naman na ayaw niya sa 'kin. Pero deserve ko ba 'to? Deserve ko bang marinig ang lahat ng 'to? Hindi ko tuloy alam kung alin ang totoo sa magkaibang version ng Eliza Gilmore na nakaharap ko. Was it the one who told me that I am amazing? Or was it the one who made me feel so worthless?

Hindi ko alam.

Minsan talaga, mapapatanong ka na lang kung nagbago ba ang ugali ng isang tao o nagbago lang ang pakikitungo niya sa 'yo. O baka naman, nakamaskara lang talaga siya noong unang nakaharap mo.

Ewan.

Magulo.

Sobrang gulo.

I could feel Chelzie trailing behind me. I was wiping my tears hard that it could almost erase my whole face but it didn't really stop my eyes from churning out tears. I went to the couch to grab my bag but before we could reach the door, a thunder-like voice made us halt.

"He's not going to marry you, Blaire! I swear! Never!"

I rolled my fingers into ball of courage before turning my back to face her only to regret it after. Nakakuyom ang panga ni Madame sa galit. Everything in her was in tensed. Maging ang dalawang palad niya ay nakakuyom. She's really getting bent out of shape and... do I have to ask why?

"I just tolerated my grandson's delusion once but I won't tolerate him again this time! Pangalan mo lang ang nagpapabango sa 'yo, Blaire! Pamilya mo lang ang nagpapaangat sa pagkatao mo! Pero kung wala sila? Isa kang basura!"

I inclined my head down, not wanting to look at her. Not wanting to hear anything from her. But it was pierced deeply to my head. It was making a deep cut in my chest.

I should go out.

I should run.

I shouldn't listen to her anymore.

Pero... para akong nanghihina.

"Kaya kung iniisip mo na hahayaan kong magpakasal siya sa 'yo, nagkakamali ka! As long as I'm here, I won't let your fantasies do come true!"

Chelzie cursed under her breath. She's losing her patience too. Mabuti na lang. I had to thank her for being here. At least, I didn't have to deal so much with Madame's hostility. So I did what I thought was right— ang gawing diversion ang pagpapakalma kay Chelzie.

Kasi sabi ni Mommy, hindi raw dapat pinapatulan ang taong galit. Between the two of you, ikaw ang kalmado. Ikaw ang mas nakakaunawa. Ikaw dapat ang magparaya.

Kasi kapag nagalit ka, talo ka. Sa huli, magsisisi ka.

Mahirap bawiin ang mga salitang nasabi na.

Siguro, someday... matatauhan din si Madame. Tapos marerealize niya na sobrang sakit na. Then she'll regret everything. She'll feel sorry for everything.

Kaso... hanggang regret na lang 'yon.

Kasi kahit ilang sorry pa ang sabihin, nakabaon na ang mga nasabing salita sa puso ng taong nasaktan. Kasi ang mga salitang binitiwan nang may emosyon, hindi sa isip tumatatak.

Sa puso...

"Hindi niyo po ata alam ang sinasabi niyo, Madame," said by a barritone voice.

All eyes shifted to the person who just entered. Binagsak niya ang pinto. Like a starless night sky, his eyes were dim. His lips were in a thin line, luluwa ang puso ng kahit na sino sa kaba. Chelzie quickly went closer to him and anchored her arms to his.

"You're right. Marrying your grandson is one of my sister's fantasies. Pero hindi niyo po ata kilalang mangarap ang mga Altaluna. You don't have even a single clue on how good we are in chasing our dreams."

Umismid si Madame. "Then tell your sister to keep on chasing, Zuriel. Hanggang paghahabol lang naman ang kaya niyang gawin."

"Talaga!" the bravest woman chimed in. "Kahit itago mo pa ang apo mo diyan sa palda mo, kayang kaya ka naming hubaran-"

"Chelzie!" Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata.

"Blaire!" Tunog nauubusan na ng pasensya si Madame. "Sino ba 'tong intrimitida na 'to-"

"Don't you dare talk to her that way!"

"Zuriel!" suway ni Chelzie.

Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. Chelzie's trying her hardest to square him off. Ngayon na nandito na si Kuya ay mas mahihirapan ako. Nonsense ang pagpipigil ko sa sarili ko kung ayaw naman nilang magpaawat. Alam ko naman na ginagawa lang nila 'to para ipagtanggol ako. But I can handle myself. And they should let me handle the situation, too. Kung magpapadala kaming lahat sa emosyon ay sasabog ang kwarto na 'to at magkakaro'n ng lamat ang pamilya namin. I shouldn't let that happen. Because if it will...

Levi and I will suffer.

Tita Martha and Mommy will suffer.

Masisira pati ang magagandang relasyon na nabuo ng mga pamilya namin.

"Madame..." I breathed, sounded pleading. "Please? Tama na po. Kahit anong sabihin niyo, hindi niyo po ako mapipigilan. Hindi po ikaw ang magsasabi kung sinong pakakasalan ni Levi. Mahal ko po siya, at alam ko pong mahal niya rin ako. If you want to hide him from me, fine. Gusto niyo siyang ilayo, fine, too. But I also want you to know that I won't back down. We already spent two years being away from each other at kinaya po namin 'yon. Hindi po ako susuko lalo na ngayon na malapit na kaming ikasal."

"Ikasal..." she echoed. "Proud na proud ka talaga na inalok ka ng kasal ng apo ko, ano? Masyado kang nagmamalaki! 'E hindi rin naman mangyayari 'yan kung 'di ko hinayaan-"

"Exactly! Bakit hindi mo na lang din sila hayaan ngayon?" Chelzie said.

"Stupid! Kaya ko lang naman hinayaan ang apo ko, dahil alam kong mahina ang puso niya! Obstructing him from the things he wanted to do will just aggravate his condition! Kaya kahit hindi ko gusto, hinayaan kong alukin niya ng pesteng kasal ang kaibigan mo!"

"'Then just leave them-"

"Alone?" she finished the last sentence for Kuya. Mahina siyang tumawa. "Naniniwala akong gagaling si Levi, Zuriel. Magiging malakas ang puso niya at darating ang panahon, kayang kaya niya ng iwan ang kapatid mo!" Nagliliyab ang mga mata niya nang tapunan ako ng tingin. "Kaya kung ako sa 'yo, 'wag kang pakampante! Make full use of the time that you still have someone you can refer to as your fiancee because once he recovered, I'll make sure he'll marry no one but Thaliya Tianco!"

Kuya's fists were rock-hard. Kung hindi lang babae si Madame ay baka kanina pa niya ito nasuntok. He threatened to draw near her but thanked God Chelzie's beside him to stop him from doing whatever. I whispered to him, telling him to calm down. Pero hindi siya nakinig.

"You can't bear the thought of risking his health but you can bear the thought of hurting him emotionally?! Really, Madame Gilmore?!"

Madame was taken aback, napansin sigurong nahigitan ni Kuya ang galit niya. Chelzie and I were holding him as tight as possible, natatakot sa pwede niyang gawin.

"You just belittled my sister here dahil lang sa palagay mo, mas may kayang humigit sa kaniya?! Come on! My sister was away for two years straight and do you think I'm blind?! You took the chance to play a f*****g cupid between him and your favorite girl! Pero ano?! May nangyari ba?!"

Mabilis nawala ang takot sa mga mata ni Madame. She laughed her heart out. "Zuriel... Do you really want me to answer that?"

Kuya slightly soothe down. I loosened my hold to his arm. Naluluha ang mga mata ni Chelzie sa galit habang hinihimas ang braso ni Kuya, may kung anong binubulong upang pakalmahin siya. I breathed. Kuya's jaw clenched.

"Just accept it, Madame. Kahit anong pilit niyo, sa kapatid ko pa rin uuwi ang apo niyo."

Madame gritted her teeth. "Hindi mo alam kung anong kaya kong gawin."

"At hindi mo rin alam kung anong kayang gawin ng pamilya ko," he rebutted, mas madilim ang mga mata. "Underestimating my sister means underestimating my family, too. You'll run a senate campaign next election, right? I swear, you'll regret mocking the Altalunas."

Kuya stormed out of the room, mabilis siyang sinundan ni Chelzie. Bumuga ako ng hangin at hindi na tinignan si Madame. I was afraid she wasn't yet satisfied. Baka ma-realize niya na may hindi pa siya nasasabi at bigla na lang akong sigawan ulit.

Paglabas ko ng kwarto ay naabutan kong pinapakalma ni Chelzie si Kuya. They were both sitting on the floor. Kuya's leaning against the wall while Chelzie's kneeling beside him. There's a drop of tear beside his eye probably because of the anger he's been holding back. I was stucked staring at them. 'Di ko alam kung anong dapat gagawin. Should I approach Kuya? Alam kong marami akong gustong sabihin but at this point, hindi ko alam kung anong dapat. Anong dapat niyang marinig? Anong ayaw niya? Should I thank him for defending me? Should I say sorry? Naiipon na lahat ng kailangan kong sabihin pero hindi ko man lang maikilos ang mga paa ko.

I exhaled. I have to do this. I was the reason, after all.

Pero hindi ko pa naigagalaw ang mga paa ko ay natigilan na ako. I saw him—again—in my downcasting moment. He's wearing a black v-neck shirt and brown chinos. He's standing at the middle of the corridor and holding a green plastic bag. Just by the look of his posture, he seemed suprised, too. Sino ba namang hindi? Makakita ka ba naman ng tatlong tao na parang ewan sa gitna ng corridor. May isang naiiyak sa galit, isang nagpapakalma, at isang hindi alam ang gagawin.

Nakauwang ang bibig niya, naglalaro ang pagtataka sa mga mata. I was confused too. And curious. Bakit ba siya nandito? Bakit ko siya palaging nakikita rito? Was he really sicked? May binibisita?

Someone tapped my shoulder. Tinanguan ako ni Kuya. Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay nilampasan niya na kaagad ako at dumeretso sa elevator.

"Pinauna ko na si Zur. Kukunin pa niya 'yung sasakyan sa parking, 'e. Let's wait for him outside?"

Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. Napalingon ako kay Jehoram. He's still standing there as if he knew how I badly wanted to come close. As if he knew I needed someone I could vent to. Napabaling ako kay Chelzie. I can't just nod at her. There seemed like some demon pulling me to stay and my fragile heart who's suddenly conspiring with the demon wasn't helping.

Chelzie's forehead crinkled as she followed my line of vision. Nang bumalik sa 'kin ang mga mata niya ay nanunukso na ang mga ito.

"Kaya pala parang ayaw umuwi ah!" Sinundot niya ang tagiliran ko.

"Chelzie!"

She laughed like evil. "Wanna talk to him?"

Napaisip ako. My heart was saying yes but it's my mind who was asking why. And as far as I knew, it was not demanding for answers at all. At the end, it will still say no. Solid. It always turns a blind eye to anything my heart yearns for. But I knew better. This heart of mine was made stubborn. Marunong din magrebelde. It could even declare a war to fulfill whatever it would be bent on.

"Yes, please? I want to talk to him."

And yes, my heart reigned this time.

***

Proverbs 4:23 |

Above all, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.