Making Choices

Chapter 2

2

I had wanted the scar to be on his shoulder. I had desperately wanted it to be there. My subconscious desired dark, dangerous Sam Davis. I longed for him with every fiber of my being––conscious, subconscious and everything in between. I wanted him to the depths of my soul, and I knew it without a doubt.

Sam’s twin brother, Seth, was a terrific person, but I didn’t have the same all-consuming passion with him that I had with Sam. Seth deserved to be someone’s first choice, not a substitute for his brother.

Choosing Sam was risky, even without considering the baby I was carrying. He was a player, and I didn’t know if he was capable of altering his Playboy ways, or if he would even want to change. I was certain that the thought of a baby would completely freak him out, especially considering that it could be his brother’s.

I cringed at the turn my thoughts had taken. How had I gotten myself into this situation? It just wasn’t me, or at least not how I wanted to perceive myself, anyway.

I would worry about the baby, and who its biological father was later. My first order of business should be to find Sam and tell him I want to be with him. I had finally made a definite choice, and it was time to act on it. I wasn’t at all sure that Sam would be able to handle a monogamous relationship or the fact that a baby that was coming, but I needed to give him the chance.

I decided to take small steps so as not to freak him out too much all at once. First, I would let him know that I had chosen him. Then maybe we could act out some of the scenes from my steamy dream. We could figure out the rest later.

Before heading over to Sam’s house, I needed to fix myself up a little. I glanced at the real version of myself in the mirror of my vanity and found that my actual reflection looked significantly worse than the dream version of it that I had seen earlier. My s*x-tousled, slightly messy chestnut hair from the dream was actually a tangled mess that was stuck to my head on one side and ratted up on the other side.

My teeth felt like they had grown fur overnight, so brushing them was first on my agenda. Well, not quite first. Even though I hadn’t eaten anything, the queasiness of morning sickness reared its ugly head as I started moving, so I ran to the bathroom and threw up what was left of my dinner. This was the first time I had actually gotten sick in the morning, as the name implied. So far, I had discovered that I needed to be ready for nausea to strike at any time. In fact, I had started carrying a barf bag in my purse in case I only had a moment’s notice. Calling it simply ‘morning’ sickness appeared to be some sort of cruel joke. It would be much more aptly named ‘anytime and anywhere sickness.’

Once I finished vomiting, I brushed my teeth and took a shower. I applied a bit of mascara and cherry Chapstick after donning my favorite jeans (that were starting to become slightly snug around the middle) and a soft, emerald green shirt. I chose a multicolored silk scarf from the selection that hung on my wall. When Courtney bought me a gift, it always included a beautiful scarf because she knew it made me feel confident to wear them. Her gifts from me were always one of the quirky piggy banks that she loved to add to her collection. I smiled remembering the beautifully wrapped pig in a polka dot bikini that was sitting in my closet waiting for our next celebration. I coated my exposed skin with the luxurious Kiehl’s body cream that I saved for days when I needed to feel extra-special, then I pulled my thick hair into a presentable ponytail and took another look at my reflection in the mirror.

“Not quite as hot as my subconscious seems to think I look, but it will have to do.” I said the words to no one in particular, since Courtney wasn’t up and about yet, having worked the dinner shift at Joe’s last night. I walked quietly down the steps, trying not to disturb her.

Tabitha, Court’s orange tabby cat who couldn’t stand me, was waiting around the corner at the bottom of the steps. She pounced out at my feet as soon as I reached the landing. She startled me so much that I yelped and threw my pocketbook in the air as I nearly fell. Tabi darted off. Then she and I glared at each other from across the room as I stooped to retrieve my belongings.

Buster, Court’s lazy basset hound, watched the entire exchange with mild interest, but didn’t bother to get up. He watched me grab a bagel from the kitchen, and then he gave me two tail thumps when I said goodbye to him. The burst of activity evidently wore him out because he shifted his head along the floor and went back to sleep.

The drive to Sam’s house didn’t take long. I tried to think of the exact wording for what I wanted to say to him, but then decided just to improvise when I got there. We were so hot for each other that we might not talk for a while anyway. I had the feeling that we would likely want each other so badly that we would take a ‘screw now, talk later’ approach. I smiled at the thought.

As I turned up the incline, making the approach to Sam’s house on the cliff, I marveled at the impressive structure. It had been built so that it looked like it dangled impossibly out over the lake. Having grown up in Michigan, I had seen my share of gorgeous lake houses, but this one was truly unique and amazing, just like its owner. I grinned with anticipation, already damp at the thought of getting to see Sam soon.

As I rounded the last bend to his house, I noticed a blue SUV parked in his driveway. I frowned slightly at the thought of having to share him with anyone right now, but I was certain that whoever was here would have enough sense to see that we needed to be alone and make a quick exit.

I parked my car, leaving plenty of room for the SUV to back out of the drive. As I walked past the other vehicle, I briefly wondered if it belonged to another woman. After all, Sam was known for being a womanizer. He might be banging one of his plastic-looking, perfect Barbie doll lookalikes in there right now. I squelched the thought and the queasiness it brought along with it.

I tried to shake off my sudden nervousness as I walked up the stone path to Sam’s front door. The massive wood door was surrounded on either side by tall, brightly colored stained glass windows. It was through these windows that I saw movement as I raised my finger to press the doorbell.

I paused there, my hand raised in mid-air, when I heard the laughter. It was a high-pitched, female giggle. My heart started hammering wildly in my chest as I urged myself to stay calm. I reminded myself that it could be his mother, his sister, a cousin, or just a friend. I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge the other possibility, even as I struggled to take in enough oxygen around the elephant that had plopped down on my lungs.

I peered through the colored glass, hoping to decipher the identity of this woman, without being seen. I found a piece of clear glass and pressed my eye close to it. I could see the woman’s long, blonde braid. My breath started coming faster. Okay, it’s definitely not his Mom or sister, but I need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I forced myself to take some deep breaths. There could be a simple explanation for this, and Sam and I would laugh about it later. I heard his voice then. It was deep and masculine, utterly sexy. He walked around the counter in the kitchen, and I caught my first glimpse of him. He was n***d, except for a towel slung low around his hips.

His beautiful, perfect body that I craved with every ounce of my being was in there with another woman. The elephant sitting on my chest had invited ten friends to join him there. I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. My legs felt wobbly, so I slid my back along the door until I arrived in a sitting position. My mind wasn’t functioning properly.

I don’t know how long I sat there in shock. I forced myself to focus on breathing in and releasing air. I was frozen, unable to do anything but sit there and breathe.

Suddenly, the unwanted mental images of Sam and the blonde braid lady started flooding my brain. His mouth on her breast, her hands touching his smooth abs, her riding his massive c**k, him l*****g and nibbling the inside of her thigh, her crying out in ecstasy as he rammed into her, him clinging to her as he came. I couldn’t stand the thought of any of it. I wanted it all to be me, not her.

It was all too much. My stomach started roiling violently. I ran to the side of the house and retched the bagel I had eaten into the grass.

The only positive thing about throwing up so frequently was that I had become rather quiet at it. When I finally regained some of my wits, I realized the last thing I wanted was to be caught here puking at the sight of Sam being with another woman. I wanted to maintain some semblance of dignity, so I picked myself up and drove home on autopilot.