Making Choices

Chapter 3

3

Somehow, I made it home safely, even though my mind was mush. Courtney knew something was terribly wrong the moment I shuffled through the door. She scurried quickly over to me. “Ab, what’s the matter?” She put a loving arm around me and supported me as we made our way to the kitchen.

Once she had me settled in a chair, she started a pot of hot water for tea. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t talk. All I could do was think, and I didn’t want to do that right now because when I thought, mental images popped into my head of Sam yanking that blonde braid back and kissing that woman’s lips. I wanted his lips to be mine, and only mine. I was the one who had helped him open up and begin kissing on the lips again, and he was magnificent at it. I didn’t want him being that tender with anyone else, ever.

Despair washed over me. There was no other word for it. I must have looked horrid because Courtney said, “Okay, you’re really starting to worry me. You’re not going to slip into a depression where you sleep for a week again, are you? You have a baby to think about now. It’s not healthy for either of you, if you go into that kind of funk.”

My eyes were burning with unshed tears. I wanted to explain to her, but my mind couldn’t formulate the words. I finally managed to croak out one word, “Sam.”

“What happened with Sam? Did he hurt you? What did he do?” Court immediately jumped on the name, ready to take him on if he had wronged me.

I shook my head, wanting to give her a better explanation, but feeling like my brain was in a hazy fog. Courtney was obviously concerned about me, so I needed to find the strength to say the words. I ordered myself to pull it together.

When Court set out tea mugs on the table, I took a deep breath and said sadly, “I chose Sam.” If she was surprised by this news, she hid it well. I knew she had been rooting for Seth, but was also sure that she would support me no matter what decision I made. I needed to spill it all before the tears started flowing, rendering me unable to talk. “I went to tell him, and there was a blonde woman at his house.”

Court grabbed my hand, “Did you talk to him? Do you know who the woman is?” When I shook my head, she continued, saying, “Sweetie, don’t you think you might be overreacting? Maybe she’s just a friend of his. I’m sure there’s an explanation,” she reassured me.

I knew that she wasn’t grasping the gravity of the situation, so I attempted to continue. “He was only wearing a t-t-t.” The pent up tears were starting to overflow, making me stutter on the last word. “Towel,” I finally uttered the word.

Courtney sat back in her chair, stunned. “That changes things.” She sat there for a minute, processing. “You’re certain it couldn’t have been his mom or sister?” I shook my head somberly. She tapped a finger on her lip, deep in thought, before asking, “Did he see you?” When I shook my head again, she confirmed with me, “You’re sure he didn’t see you?”

“He didn’t see me,” I answered, wondering what she was getting at. She was quiet for a while, so I took a sip of my tea. It had the perfect amount of cream and sugar. She had made it just the way I like it, of course. I tried to smile at her, but the gesture came up pathetically short.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” Courtney started. “You and I are the only ones that know you chose Sam, right?” I nodded in confirmation, so she continued. “I will take that knowledge to my grave, Ab, I promise.” I gave her a bewildered look, uncertain why she would say this.

“You are going to choose Seth, Ab.”

As soon as her words sank in, I responded, “No, I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“You can, and you will. Just hear me out, Ab.” I frowned at her, but let her continue. “You care about Seth. In fact, you thought you loved him until Sam came along and muddied the water. If Sam didn’t exist, you would still be with Seth, and you would be perfectly happy.”

I interrupted her, “Yes, but Sam does exist.”

She held up her pointer finger at me. “Yes, Sam exists, but he’s a player and a cheater, just like that bastard ex-husband of yours. Sam is not the right man for you. Seth is sweet, caring, honest, fun, and sexy as hell. He will be in it for the long haul, and you can count on him to be faithful.” She emphasized the last word.

I nodded because she was right. “Yes, Seth is all of those amazing things, which is why I can’t be with him. He should be someone’s first choice, rather than playing second fiddle to his brother. He deserves so much more than I can give him.”

“He deserves to be with someone as wonderful as you are. You can have a fantastic life with him, Ab. He will never know he was your second choice.”

“I’ll know,” I answered sadly. It wasn’t as simple as Court was trying to make it, but I wished that it could be. It would be fabulous to be able to forget about Sam and move on with Seth, but I knew it just wasn’t possible.

“Okay, I’m gonna be really frank here.” I’d never known Court not to be frank, but I refrained from saying so. “Seth looks exactly like Sam, and he was the first person you ever had an o****m with, so we know he’s decent in the sack. Can’t you use your imagination a little and make it work?”

“The Davis twins may look exactly alike, but they are not the same person.” When she started to interrupt me, I held up a hand and continued. “Yes, I could probably make it work with Seth, but it’s not right, Court. He’s a wonderful man, and I care about him way too much to do that to him. If he ever found out, it would be heart-breaking.”

“He would never find out,” she muttered the words under her breath.

“You really think I’m that good of an actress? That I would be able to see Sam with one of his bimbos and pretend like it doesn’t bother me at all? You think it wouldn’t be written all over my face that it was ripping my heart out? Seth’s not dumb or blind. He would see it in a heartbeat.”

“We can work on the Sam thing and build up your resistance to him. I know we can make this work, Ab.” When I shook my head at her, she brought out her trump card. “It’s not just you anymore, Ab. You have to think about what is best for your baby, too. You and Seth would bring this child up in a happy family with a Mom and a Dad.” She paused before adding sadly, “Believe me, growing up with a single mother can be tough.”

Courtney never talked about her past, other than to say that she grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. I knew that she ran away from home as a teen and that she didn’t currently have any contact with her Mom, but I didn’t know any of the specifics. I needed to tread lightly on this terrain.

“Court, there isn’t going to be a child on earth who is loved more than this one.” I patted my belly, which looked more like I had just eaten a large meal than an actual baby bump. “This baby has you, and me, and crazy Nana-Annie to take care of it.” We both smiled at the thought of my wacky boss, Annie. She was already totally head-over-heels in love with this baby. I fervently wished that my parents were still alive to meet their grandchild, but I also knew that, short of them, no one could love my child as much as Courtney and Annie already did.

“This baby needs a father, and Seth would make a great one.” Courtney tried again.

“Seth will make a terrific father someday,” I agreed with her, “but what this baby needs is love, and I don’t think there’s going to be a shortage of that with the little family we’ve made for ourselves, Court.”

“Just promise me you’ll take a day or two and think about it. I want this baby to have it all, and having it all includes a father.”

I told her that I would think about it, but I already knew that my mind was made up. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to Seth. I cared about him way too much to let him be second choice.