Dragon

22 - I don't know what to do

Kyla

I’m not going to be able to walk for a while, that’s what the doctor said. Some of my lower spinal nerves are damaged, and my left leg is broken at the bottom, and badly bruised to the point it is black from my knee up. I have plaster from my foot to my knee, not to mention my left wrist is busted.

Doctor Anand says that I’m going to need help when I go home. I’m not going to be able to do the things I used to do for a while, which worries me where Geer is concerned. I don’t know what to do; I’m going to be on crutches for I don’t even know how long.

How am I meant to take care of Greer when I don’t even know if I’ll be able to take care of myself?

I am so lost right now. I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do. I want the best for my daughter, that much I do know. Nothing in this world is more important to me than my little girl.

I’ve told the doctors not to let Greer back into the room just yet. I love Greer more than anything in this world, but I am in so much pain right now. I don’t want her to see me like this because it will upset her. I know she has been without me for too long; she needs me, but I just need a little time to think about things.

When I woke up and my baby girl was right by my side, it hurt to see the tears in her eyes. She told me how scared she’d been, thinking that I’d die and she’d be alone without me. That hurt my heart so much that I cried. I held Greer's little hand tightly to my lips; then I told her how I would never leave her. I will always be here for her, no matter what.

Greer told me how happy she is to be with her daddy finally and how much she loves her new family. She told me how Uncle Storm told her that she’s just like Connor with the whole milk and bacon thing. Greer was so excited that I couldn’t help laughing with her, my beautiful little girl.

I am grateful that Connor and his family have taken such good care of Greer while I’ve been here. I never doubted that they’d love her, and I never doubted that Connor would fall in love with our little girl the moment he saw her. I’ve heard how Connor speaks to Greer with such kindness in his voice. Not only that, but how he tells her that he loves her. Hearing her little voice telling him that she loves him, too, made my heart swell with love for them both.

Willow told me how she’d take good care of Greer for me until I’m home, and she will because she knows Connor isn’t going to leave my side. He hasn’t been gone for more than an hour or so here and there since I’ve been here. That’s only to check on Greer and make sure she knows that her Mommy and Daddy will be home with her soon.

Connor. I don’t even know what to do about him right now. I haven’t once looked at him since I woke up, and that’s unfair of me. Connor has sat with me and told me everything that’s going on with Greer and how the man who ran me down won’t get away with it. I figured he meant the police would prosecute the guy for what happened, but then I heard him speaking with Hammer. . .

I’ve tried to block it out of my head because I never want to believe Connor is capable of murder.

Okay, I don’t for one second think Connor is capable of that, but his dad?

Without a doubt.

Connor talks to me, but I haven’t spoken to him. To be honest, the only person I have talked to in the past two hours is Greer. Others have spoken to me, and I’ve listened, but with Connor, it’s a whole other story. I’m scared to look at him because I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes.

All I ever wanted was to find him and tell him how much I’ve missed him and how much I still love him. I wanted to share all of my memories of Greer as a baby with him. Now I can’t even find the words to tell him: thank you for taking care of our daughter.

Connor has been thrown into fatherhood without any warning. But from what I’ve heard, he’s doing a fantastic job. I’m so glad, but I’m so sad that I wasn’t there to witness it. I wanted to be the one to find Connor and explain things to him about Greer, about our lives, and the promises I kept.

What’s done is done, and I can’t change any of it. All I can do is work on myself. I will fight this, and I will heal, no matter what I have to do, no matter how many hours of physical therapy I have to go through, no matter how long it takes.

I didn’t die when that car hit me, but sometimes I feel like I should have. I have no idea how I didn’t die, and I came away with a few injuries. Thankfully, none of them were severe. But it’ll be painful when the painkillers wear off, but I’ll manage.

I haven’t seen myself in a mirror or anything, and I’m not sure that I want to. God, I must look awful. Greer pointed out that I look like I’d been in a car crash. Little Madam laughed at her own joke, which made me laugh as well.

It wasn’t lost on me when Greer mentioned how sorry Storm was for what happened. I don’t blame Storm; he wasn’t driving the car that hit me. Yes, he said some awful things, but I overreacted to those words. I should have realized that I’d be able to speak to Connor, and we’d sort through everything.

Accidents happen, and I can’t have Connor falling out with his brother because of me. Greer whispered that they hadn’t spoken since they brought me to the hospital. That is so wrong.

I do not want Connor to be so angry with Storm that he would not speak with him. That is something I must fix, and I will as soon as I am out of this place.

“I called your aunt to let her know what happened. It took me a while to find her number, but Hilly found your address book, thanks to Greer. Jane said that she hoped to be on her way to see you tomorrow. It’s not definite because she mentioned that she might not be able to get away from work. But from how determined she was, I’d say she’ll be here.”

It will be good to see Aunt Jane; I’ve missed her, and so has Greer. But I know once she’s here, she’s going to think she needs to take care of Greer and me. I don’t want my aunt to think that’s why I want her here. I’ll figure something out for when I get home.

Connor will help with Greer, as is his right as her father. Jane would never intentionally take over with Greer, but Jane has always been there for us, and it might be hard to step out of the role of protector.

“Do you need anything?” Connor’s deep voice sends vibrations through my body. I always knew his voice would be deep. His voice broke at thirteen, and I always imagined what Connor would sound like as a man, and I’m not disappointed.

I don’t answer Connor. I don’t look at him; I keep my eyes to the window, watching the breeze as it gently shakes the leaves on the trees. It’s strangely calming.

“Kyla, you can’t ignore me forever. You tried that once; it only lasted an hour. I climbed that big tree in the park to try and impress you.”

The memory of that day is so clear in my head. Connor and I fought over something so stupid. He kept telling me pigs were ugly. I got mad because I thought they were beautiful, and Connor was making fun of me. I refused to speak to him until he agreed that they were special.

“I climbed to the highest branch and screamed how pigs were the best and most beautiful animals in the world. I lost my footing and fell.” He laughs to himself.

I watched him fall, and it wasn’t funny to me back then. It scared me half to death.

“You came running over to me, yelling how sorry you were and how we’d never fight again. I broke my arm and wore that plaster cast for six weeks.”

Six weeks where I felt so much guilt. But Connor would not stop pestering me until I finally let go of what I was feeling.

He was always so good to me.