Dragon

10 - Where do I go from here?

Kyla

“I can’t believe you would do this, Greer. Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?”

“Yes, Mommy, but. . .”

“No ‘buts!’” I scrub my hands over my face.

I didn’t mean to yell at her; I was just so scared when she took off without telling me. I said she could play in the garden; I didn’t expect her to rush off into town. She’s never done that before, and I was terrified.

Sure, we live a ten-minute walk away from the town center of Bardsville. But Greer is eight years old, looks six at a push, and anything could have happened to her! I thought I taught her better than to go anywhere alone.

There are no words to describe how frightened I was upon finding Greer gone from the backyard. All sorts of horrible thoughts ran through my head, including the fear that someone had snatched my little girl. I was crippled with fear, and it took me a moment to shake myself out of it enough to go looking for Greer.

When I found her running toward me from the direction of town, I almost lost it. For the first time in Greer’s life, I nearly yelled in anger. I have never before been angry with my daughter, and I know it was nothing more than fear and relief. I managed to pull it back enough to hold her tightly.

But since bringing her back home, Greer has done nothing but go on about how she found Connor.

God, this is all my fault. I should never have promised that I’d go and see her father today. I should have kept it to myself until I’d spoken with Connor.

I had planned to go looking for Connor today. I thought I could leave Greer with Mrs. Campbell from next door, and go over to Willow and Hammer’s house, if they still live there, and ask where to find their son.

Greer had other ideas.

From the moment she was born, I swore to take care of Greer, to protect her, and I have. God, I have given her everything humanly possible for someone of my age.

My aunt took me in while I was still pregnant after I refused to have an abortion, and my mother walked away from me. My aunt had the means to ensure that I stayed in school and paid for someone to care for Greer while she was at work. Jane was a doctor and worked long and unpredictable hours, but she was great.

All Jane asked of me was that I work hard at school, keep up with my schoolwork, and take care of Greer without any help on the weekends, and I did that without complaining. Greer was my baby, and I loved her. I took such good care of her.

I was grateful for Anna, the Nanny my aunt hired to help with Greer while I attended school. She was a lovely older woman who never tried to take over where Greer was concerned. She allowed me to be the mother, which I knew my own mother would never have been.

I worked hard in school and graduated with honors from high school. I could have attended a great university anywhere in the country; I was smarter than most gave me credit for. However, I chose community college because I didn’t want to be away from Greer. I graduated with the degree I had set out to achieve, and I landed a job with an interior design company shortly after. I left my job for obvious reasons when we moved her. But I am not concerned about work right now. I’m good at what I do, and it won’t be too difficult for me to find something similar, especially with the glowing references from my previous boss.

I earned a sufficient amount of money during my years of working at the company. I also have enough savings to keep Greer in all the things she likes, including the pretty ones, for at least a year. Yes, I was very well paid.

My baby is a real girly girl. No matter how many rock shirts I put her in as a baby, her eyes were always drawn to the pink and frilly.

I never have and will never love anyone as much as I love Greer. She’s my world, and thinking someone could have taken her from me ripped me apart inside. I wish she could understand that.

“I’m sorry, Mommy.”

I close my eyes. I can’t bear it when Greer cries. She doesn’t do it for attention, and she tries to hold it back, which only breaks my heart further.

“Greer,” I hold my arms out to her. She comes closer and climbs onto my lap on the couch. I wrap her up in my arms like a baby and kiss her head. “I’m sorry, I yelled. You just scared me, baby. You can’t go off out there on your own; anything could happen to you.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to find Daddy for us.”

I close my eyes again, this time to ward off the tears of sadness I feel for my daughter. She meant no harm in taking off the way she did. She’s just eight years old, and all she wants to do is find her father – not only for herself but for me also. My child has a big heart, and she constantly thinks of others, especially when it comes to me. I was honestly blessed with my little girl.

“Baby, we will contact your dad, I promise. But you need to leave it to me.”

“But I found him, Mommy.”

My heart hammers in my chest as Greer sits up and looks at me with wide eyes. She doesn’t understand how wrong it was for her to approach strangers the way she did.

“I asked in the ice cream place, and the lady there told me that I shouldn’t be looking for men like him. I told her that he was my dad, and she said that he was right outside on his motorcycle. There were lots of bikers out there, so I asked if they knew my dad. There was this really huge biker, and he said he knew my dad. Then Daddy came round the corner,”

Jesus Christ, I don’t think I can breathe. I can feel my emotions trying to drown me, but I need to be strong.

“He’s so tall, Mommy, and he has long hair to his shoulders. He’s very handsome, like you said, and he has so many muscles!” Greer is so excited, and I’m sitting here feeling like I’m about to have a heart attack. “They don’t call him Connor, though. They call him Dragon. Daddy said it was just a nickname.”

A road name. Connor took the road name Dragon. That will take some time to get used to.

“Greer, that man could have been anyone. You can’t go talking to strangers about our personal lives.”

“But he wasn’t a stranger. I showed the really big man your and daddy’s picture, he was shocked, but he said he knew my dad. Mommy, it was my dad. I hugged him, and I felt it in my heart.”

I don’t even know what to say to her right now. I know Greer’s intentions were good; she wanted to find Connor for her and me. But it doesn’t alter the fact that Greer walked up to random strangers and told them our private business! Goddamned bikers, no less! Not all bikers are nice!

I thought I’d taught her better than to be so stupid; I really did. But then I have to remind myself that Greer is still very much a little girl who longs to be with her father.

“You have to meet Daddy at your special place. You have to go there, Mommy.”

“Enough, Greer! Enough.” I can’t deal with this right now. This is all my fault, but I can’t deal with it!

My daughter’s teary eyes shoot daggers through me before she climbs off my lap and runs from the room, sobbing.

Great. Well done, Kyla. Way to hurt your baby girl when all she wants is her father in her life. You drummed the idea in her head that Connor would be with her soon, and all she was doing was what she thought you wanted her to do.

God, I’m such a dumb bitc.h!