Kissing the Fae

Chapter 50

I was a sucker for that one and still crave for that simple feeling without worrying about anything, without those big sense of responsibilities. It was as if the little ‘me’ inside me has woken up and took me back in the past, those times that I dreamt and discovered what I really wanted in life. Those little dreams that will forever be dreams and sadly, it will never be fulfilled. It will never come to reality.

Well, unless the counselor was telling the truth, then maybe I’s have an opportunity and chance to make it happen. But the question, am I ready?

I grew up here... And thinking of leaving the place that has witnessed me grow is just so sad... Like I can’t seem to bare seeing myself at the back of my head leaving these people behind... Those people who became my guide and instructors, those people who were there through ups and downs... Those people who motivated me to increase my desire to be better...

Am I ready to let them go? But then, even if I am not ready Tto, I have to.

I shook my head in dismay for myself. Why am I thinking too much again?

“How was the human?” I asked the Little Fairies, taking out the pain out of my hair. Again, we are just outside where the human is, sitting on the large branch of the tree.

The hamadryad... The tree is sleeping now for years and I, am waiting for it to wake up and talk to me again. The trees has life. They talked and we were close. I can talk to the nature, and these trees called Hamadryads, I promised them to protect them at all cost. No matter what, they will remain standing rotted on the ground.

No one can ever touch my trees.

“I guess he’s sleeping,” Rin answered shortly. “I haven’t heard anything from him since you self so I figured he must be asleep, or maybe just silently trying to process everything? I don’t know.”

He’s probably doing the latter. I nodded and smiled a bit.

“Ah, that human needs time before he’d listen to my explanation. Said he can’t just accept and believe whatever I have to say so, I did give him what he want,” I told her. “Then, the La Roi especially mum, are now eager to meet him for I don’t know why.”

I saw the looked of surprised on her little face, then confused. See? Who wouldn’t doubt their intention of meeting him? They never do that! Decades passed and not even once they asked to see the human who was brought here.

Until now... Was I wrong for telling them about his dreams that seemed... off. He is playing with us, probably. It can’t be true because there is just no reason to see us — our world in his dreams. Yes, it bothers me but it bothers them most. I wouldn’t be surprised if sooner or later, the La Reina will personally visit us here because of her eagerness to see that man.

I shook my head. “See? You are confused as I am. I can’t understand them. I mean, they don’t do it even before so what changed, right? What changed?”

I heard her sighed deeply. Zah and Tia are not here but looking after that man. It was just me and Rin, me — pouring out my frustration and her, trying to listen to keep up with me.

“Because it was you they assigned,” she pointed out. “This is your first time to deal with a human after all. So of course, they just wanted you to be safe.”

I shrugged. “That’s not how it looks to me.”

I looked up to the big branches. I used to hide here whenever I tried to run away from the Sisters when we were kids. Those were times that the Enchanted Forest was still open for everyone. Those were happy memories I’m trying to bury. Now that everything has changed, my perspective and roles, I have learned to set boundaries and rules for me and others.

“I know it is really bad to doubt them but they are making me feel that way towards them...”

I sighed again, trying to keep myself calm. I am thinking too much and I hated it. It’s something I can’t just ignore. Those little things, they always get my attention and it’s been like this. Those small things are big things if you’d dig deeper, these doubts and confusion, I can’t just shrugged it off because my instinct never failed me yet. I trust when I say there is something more than my doubts... I would not feel this way if there was no something that made me feel this way. That it made its way to my heart.

I can’t ignore all these. I know there is secret they just don’t want me to find out.

“I want to dig deeper, inside me... I know I want to find out whatever it is they are hiding from me. It makes me feel so confused and it is sometimes unbearable to handle, Rin. Yet at the same time, I am afraid to know what’s it because it might... changed everything.”

I am not afraid of change but this kind of change, I don’t think I’d be ready to accept it. Maybe I won’t? Maybe I would but all just stopped on maybes.

There is no clear response. But yes I admit, I am afraid to know what it might be. Because I have no idea what it is, I have mo idea how it would change me, or how big it might be to ruin me... I have no idea even just a bit. And that is so scary, to be honest.

It’s so scary if you are the one who’s left clueless. That even how much you wanted to dig deeper so you won’t feel outdated, you just can’t because of fear and it is so annoying, yes.

“Why don’t you just... forget it?” Rin asked slowly and gently.

I chuckled without humor. “That’s not possible. Since I heard the counselor shouting and telling me I am not a real fae, it started to haunts me even in my sleep. So to forget? That won’t happen anytime soon, Rin. I need to find out the truth.”

“That counselor hates you for we all know why, Rani Letisha. He was lying to drag you down after learning you won the challenge. He was just bitter so he said that... but it was not true, just don’t believe anything you heard from those people who hates you.”

Those who hates me? They are likely to be the ones who’d tell the truth.

“But I can’t just ignore it,” I told her. “He risked his life for telling me I am not a true fae, Rin. The La Roi won’t let the counselor get away on his grasp. He wouldn’t risk his life for telling lies, right?”

That’s something that bothers me until now. No one... No one will ever dare to disrespect me and my mother in front of the King. Yes, it is too personal but then my father won’t let it slide. The counselor... Where is he now? Why don’t I see him anymore?

Is he suffering? Is he locked up somewhere for disrespecting me — and women in general? He went that far... No one will ever risk his life for some lies, right?

That was just too absurd.

“It’s the reason why I can’t let this slide, Rin. He risk his life. That’s something a sane man won’t do.”

“The counselor is not sane,” she countered. “He probably didn’t think straight. You should not really listen to them, Rani Letisha. Those were all lies. Nothing’s true to whatever he has said, so don’t worry too much, Rani. You are putting words in your mind and that’s not honestly a good idea.”

I just smiled at her. I felt like everyone around me is a liar. Telling me it was not true. That perhaps it’s only in my head, that it was just me who made a big deal out of it. Isn’t it more doubtful if these people around me keep on telling me not to worry? Why?

They all sounds... defensive. Why would they advise me to just listen to my parents? My parents who seem like has something that I don’t know about, yet. Why does it seems like they are trying to convince me to not worry and just forget about it?

I am siding with counselor. But with their doubtful actions and words that sounds wrong to me made me think that maybe, he was right and these people around me are just trying to block me from knowing what it might be.

They are trying to stop me from digging deeper for truth. They are trying to hide it from me.

My instinct never failed me yet. And I trust myself when I say that there is something wrong, that there is going on around that I should not ignore, that there is something I need to know.

That’s how I feel towards it. That’s what my heart is telling me to believe. My mind is urging me to dig deeper and yes, I will.

I need to find out what they are trying to hide. I need to find the counselor to confirm whether it was true or not.

“But what if... What if he was telling the truth? That I am not belong here. I can’t help but somehow agree because I lacked in many aspects as a Fairy, Rin. I am not as strong as those former leaders in our region.”

She scoffed, dismissing my thoughts.

“You are as strong as them but you all are different. You may be strong in this specific field that the other leaders don’t have. You are different from them, stop comparing yourself and you don’t lack of power, Rani Letisha. You are belong here that’s why you are here.”

I shrugged. My parents loved to adopt. What if just like Julianna, I am also adopted?

My heart twitch at that thought. My parents loved me deep inside their hearts. I never wished to replace them for they are the best. They make me feel love and worth it. It is something every child wanted, right? But then as I think of it, what if deep inside them they crave for more? That they feel like there is something missing because of the truth that I am not their biological daughter?

The thought made me want to run. It made me want to bury everything and forget those words. I wanted to just believe in them and force myself to accept I am real, to believe I belong here.

But that is too hard. To fit in, to force myself to pretend I own them, that all this things I have now is all mine when the truth, maybe is it is someone else’s possession.

“Rani Letisha, don’t doubt the La Reina and the La Roi, and yourself, too. You are belong here. You are the leader of the Faye region, the princess of the Acres Kingdom and you’ll be the Queen of our Kingdom. Never let anyone make you doubt your identity. You are you, Rani. You shall not worry about anything because you are belong here. You are a Fairy, that’s the only thing you should consider as truth because it is.”

I just like how they tried to cheer me up to stop from feeling bad about myself and to someone who is supposed to be on my position. It is not prove yet... I haven’t dig deeper yet I am thinking the worst now.

I am a Fae. And I should really not doubt that until it’s proven.

I smiled at her to show her I will. Okay, for now... Since I haven’t started to make my way towards the truth, then okay. I should enjoy this one first, right.

“Alright, then...” I said in a low voice. “Now that I think of it, I should just, uh... Let my parents see that man, don’t you think? Although I am skeptical about it.”

“It is your choice,” she answered. “Id you want, then go. If not, no one is forcing you to do so.”

“The La Reina is eager to see him,” I added. “And I can’t just neglect it. She wants to see him and I must obliged.”

I must... So I would know why they wanted to see this man and what those dreams are all about. Or why it occurred to someone as ordinary as that human.