NOT SO SUBTLE

Trigger warning. This chapter might include uncomfortable references to topics such as r**e, fat phobia and eating disorders. Please do well to skip if you’re not comfortable with it. “Ughh he’s so fat” “He needs to lose that baby fat” “What is up with the shape of his nose?” “He’s too ugly to be an idol” “Wish he gets r***d and dies” A lot of things like this are said to idols by people they consider fans and some truly haters. San was reading this comments about himself, alone in the room he shared with their oldest hyung sometimes whenever they wanted to watch a movie together and a member of their five person k-pop group. Tears brimming in his eyes as he scrolled through the harsh comments. He finally let himself cry, shutting off his phone and curling into a ball, hugging a pillow close to his chest as he sobs quietly . The quiet cries, when you cry that way, you don’t want to be heard by anyone and get questioned then end up sharing things that you don’t want to. I think crying so quietly without making a sound is the level of hurt someone reaches, your chest constricts and you feel like you can’t breathe so you try your possible best to hide how you’re feeling. San is 22, part of the k-pop group Ace. He’s the maknae of the group (youngest member) and the most hated member of the group. People always said he didn’t deserve to be in a group of hot men when he’s just average looking. Ain’t nothing average looking about San, the boy is drop dead gorgeous. A cute face for a twenty two year old, unlike his hyungs with bigger build, he preferred to have a slim body and not jacked up with muscles. He did have baby cheeks that made a lot of people he came across have the urge to squeeze and pull the soft pillow. He was at least 179cm, small waist, pretty face with a nice hourglass proportion. Even his members knew he was the prettiest amongst them but why do other people say otherwise?. Why do they call him ugly when he’s far from it, why do they hate him so much? well the korean beauty standards are toxic. San is from Daegu, when he turned twenty, he Moved to Seoul with his aunt. He majored in contemporary dance and he was flexible, beyond flexible. He could twirl and spin like a figure skater when he isn’t even one, he can pull you into his own world with how bubbly he can get. He lost all the bubble ness when he became an idol. His aunt convinced him to apply and go for an audition and he was picked immediately, amongst the ten people that were also chosen out of fifty others. He was placed in a group, yet to debut at that time. The sort of happiness and ray of sunshine he radiates pulled people to him, he was that kid that other people would rush and look for to hug whenever the feel tired and according to them, ‘When their battery runs out’ When he finally debuted, his ray of sunshine was now filled with darkness. Hate and agony clouded his mind and he treated people differently, doesn’t bother to associate with his members unless there’s an event, concert or anything regarding their business. Something happened to him, something he dare not say to anyone, something that will probably ruin his career that he worked three years for. He decides to keep it all to himself no matter how desperately he wants to talk to someone, anyone. Gerald walks in, he’s the oldest member in the group and he goes by his english name since he grew up in beverly hills. He sees San curled up and sniffing and he turns on the light, San shoots up from the bed, sitting up and wiping his eyes. Gerald observes him for a while, the dried tears evident on his cheek and he moves closer to the boy and squatting in front of him, he took the phone out of his hands, looking at the comments before he shut the phone off, his eyes turning dark with rage. “I told you to stop reading comments like this, what is wrong with you?” Gerald doesn’t mean to yell at him because now, the other members were now gathering at the door, watching them. “Sorry hyung, i didn’t mean to” San says quietly and his hyung sighs. Gerald has a soft spot for San, he’s really like a big brother to him and the amount of love he shows him sometimes gets misunderstood by the other members including their staff. “Come here” Gerald says, opening his arms and the boy leans in, letting his hyung envelope him in a warm hug, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. “I’m sorry for yelling, i really didn’t mean to” Gerald apologises and San believes him, he never really yells at him or any of the other members because he didn’t want to lead them with fear. He’s also the leader of the group and a leader is always the middle member but they all chose him because he suits the role perfectly and because the rest were too immature to lead anyone. Jung Gerald is the eldest member, currently 26 years old and the main rapper of the group. He’s about 181cm tall, nicely built with the right amount of muscles. He’s half american as to why he answers Gerald but his korean name is Minho but a lot of people including their fans preferred to call him Gerald because they loved it more and it seemed easier to pronounce according to their fans. He’s undeniably fine, american features obvious but definitely the korean ones take up half of his face. He looks pretty cute sometimes and sometimes he looks dangerous, not cute in anyway. Sharp jawline, nice doe eyes, an obvious stubble on his face whenever he forgets to shave, small lips, nice teeth and a pointed nose.Sexy biceps considering he works out at least twice a week or once if his schedules are not jam packed. “I know hyung, i won’t read the comments again” San says and he knows it’s a lie, he’s always been curious about what people are saying about him and then he picks up his phone and starts browsing about himself, it always ends up the same way, leaves him sad and a crying mess. Gerald helps him up and fixes his hair, wiping his tears again before taking his hand and leading him outside of the room. The members were always jealous of San, he gets all the love and attention from Gerald and they barely get anything asides from warnings and inexcusable nonsense whenever they do something stupid. “There they go again and then they worry whenever we misunderstand their relationship” Yuta says, following the rest of the members into the dining room so they could have dinner. Kim yuta is the second eldest of the group. He’s half Japanese and currently 25, just a year younger than Gerald. He’s the main visual of the group and it’s understandable because he fits the korean beauty standards perfectly, a slim figure but he had a good build, not too slim too. His pale skin even paler whenever he catches a cold. Small face, v-shaped jaw, straight eyebrows, flawless skin and larger eyes. Korean beauty standards indeed. Yuta talks a lot, never lets the stylist cut his long hair because he believes that’s where his beauty comes from. He’s funny, arguably the most comfortable member to be around and maybe he talks a bit too much and doesn’t know when to shut up. They all gather in the dining room, it’s a huge dorm they live in and they all had their own rooms so they wouldn’t get into each other’s hair. Chan starts dishing out the food, he’s the third oldest and mainly cooks for them since the rest can’t. San is good at baking and that’s all, whenever he’s feeling better, maybe after reading actual nice comments about himself. Hwang Chan, 24 and the third oldest. He’s from illsan. Grew up poor, had to do countless part time jobs in other to get by. He’s the main dancer of the group. He mainly worked as a waiter in restaurants and if he’s lucky, he gets to work as a chef. He’s very bold, arguably stubborn and very straightforward. He’ll definitely not hide the truth just to protect your feelings, he believes it’s best for one to know the truth instead of getting lied too. Boxy smile, nice body build, full lips, long lashes, he does look like a celebrity. He doesn’t smile much, talks only when he deems it necessary. He doesn’t consider people’s feelings sometimes, he really cares only about himself. “Yahhh the rice for San is too small” Gerald says as he looks over San’s bowl of rice and Chan rolls his eyes at him. He grabs San’s bowl and adds more rice before setting the bowl in front of the boy. “Eat up” Gerald says, separating the chopsticks and handing it to the boy, San nods and starts eating after pinching at the food for a while. They’re all settled around the table, eating and talking about different things while Gerald just watches San, making sure the boy’s eating. San has been starving himself and barely eats anything and only drinking water just to lose weight and his baby fat after reading those harsh comments about his weight so Gerald took it upon himself to make sure he eats well. Gerald picks up on his own chopsticks, taking his pork cutlet out of his own plate and putting it into San’s with a small smile on his face. “Thank you, Hyung” San says and Gerald nods at him, filling a glass cup with water and pushing it gently towards San. The other members watched them, how they always behaved as if they were alone in the room marvels them. “You two are something else” Daniel says, the second to the youngest. He’s only a few months older than San but he acts really mature. Kang daniel is the second maknae of the group but he’s barely considered as a maknae due to his level of thinking. His intellectual ability, he’s really too mature for his age. He’s 23, just a year older than San but he acts more like a 30 year old due to the way he behaves. Calm, smart and really easy going. He was nominated as one of the most sexy and calm idol and it’s true, he is one of the most sexy and calm idol. He’s also one of the group’s main dancer, dances so well and leaves people stunned. Daniel has a face that can be considered as cute, yet sexy and charming. Unbelievably attractive and he’s just 177cm tall. He’s shorter than San that people wonder if he’s really older than San. Just like San, he loves being slim, the good kinda slim with the right amount of muscles, not too much though. He doesn’t bother going to the gym, he eats the most and never gains weight and that’s something to be envious about. “Tell me about it, it’s as if it’s only San that you can see, we’re here too you know” Yuta chimes in, jealousy evident in his tone although playfully and Gerald snorts. “He’s the maknae and it’s our job to take care of him” Gerald says and Chan rolls his eye at him, at both of them. “Let’s eat up, we have a photoshoot in two hours” Gerald says, getting up after he confirmed that San was eating as much as he wanted. He glanced at the boy one more time, his heart squeezing at the way his blonde hair rested on his scalp ever so prettily. He knows how much he wants to make San feel safe, especially with him.