Without Sin

Chapter 4-3

It’s not until sixth period that Jacob realizes he doesn’t know where the party is. He doesn’t know where to meet Avery or what to wear or even if they’re going as a couple, and of the three questions, the last is the one that bothers him the most.

But Avery must be thinking the same thing, because he catches up with Jacob in the hall between classes. He’s a little breathless from chasing after Jacob. Jacob has to admit he likes the flush in Avery’s cheeks. It adds a rosy color to his face that makes Jacob think that might be what he looks like when he comes. That’s something Jacob wants to find out.

“I forgot to tell you,” Avery says, touching Jacob’s arm. “Meet me outside your dorm after dinner. What building are you in?”

Jacob likes the way Avery’s hand rests above his elbow. “Goodman.” Third floor, 323, the bed on the left, he adds silently, but Avery didn’t ask for that much information. “What time after dinner?”

Avery shrugs. “Seven?”

“Sure,” Jacob says with a nod. Seven sounds good. “Where’s this thing at?”

If it’s on school grounds, it might not be worth going to. Jacob thinks any party these kids would throw would be like the ones he went to in elementary school, in the basement of his friend Jenny’s house, her mother upstairs listening out just in case anyone should have some fun. If it got too loud—or too quiet, and she thought the kids were fooling around in the dark—she came down, clicked on the lights, and pulled out the board games. It wouldn’t be long after that Jacob would head on home. He thinks St. Thomas Aquinas boys probably learned to party from Jenny’s mom herself. That scares him.

But Avery must see the concern written on Jacob’s face because he laughs. His hand squeezes Jacob’s arm just enough to make Jacob’s heart skip a beat. “It’s not far,” he says, lowering his voice. “Don’t worry—there’ll be girls there.”

“I’m not worried about that.” Jacob wonders if Avery is going for the girls. Did he peg Avery wrong? He hopes not. God, he hopes not.

Avery grins. With a wink, he whispers, “I didn’t think you would be.”

Jacob stares into those catlike eyes and doesn’t remember how to breathe. In, out, in, out, he thinks, but that makes him think of s*x and the one porno he ever watched, a gay film he still fantasizes about from time to time. So he tries to think of something else, anything at all, before Avery can see himself undressed in Jacob’s eyes. “What should I wear?” It’s all that comes to mind.

“Anything that doesn’t have the damn A-Queer-Ass crest on it.” He refers to the emblem embroidered onto their jackets, right above the left breast. The way he says it makes Jacob laugh. “Jeans, T-shirt, sneaks.” His grin widens into a leer as he adds, “That tank top you’re wearing.”

“By itself?” Jacob likes how coy he sounds. So maybe they are going together.

Avery laughs again. “Seven, outside of Goodman.”

Jacob notices how he avoids the question. “How are we getting there?” There’s a curfew but on weekends it’s pushed back to eleven, so they shouldn’t have any trouble leaving. But students aren’t supposed to have cars.

“A friend of mine,” Avery tells him. Jacob swallows the jealousy that surges into his throat at the words. “The party’s at his house.”

“He’s a student here?” Jacob asks, even though he knows better. All students live in the dorms. It helps equalize them.

Avery shakes his head. “He used to be. Graduated last year, goes to State now. He’s got a place a few miles away and we keep in touch.”

Your boyfriend? Jacob wants to ask. Wouldn’t that be a horrible joke? He’s not sure he wants to go anymore.

With a shrug, Avery says, “He’s picking us up.”

“He doesn’t mind if I go?” Jacob asks.

To his own ears he sounds young and childish. How old is he again? Sixteen… what makes him think he can compete with this friend of Avery’s? This guy in college? This guy who has a place and a car of his own and throws parties on the weekend?

Avery must see the change in Jacob’s face because his smile softens and he stops in the middle of the hall. “It’s not like that, Jacob. He’s not like that. I mean…” He trails off, not sure how much he should say.

But Jacob gets it. He flashes Avery his most angelic grin. “Okay. Seven?”

Relief floods Avery’s eyes. “Seven,” he agrees, nodding. He squeezes Jacob’s arm again before letting go. “I’ll see you then.”

Avery is looking at Jacob’s mouth like he wants to kiss it but knows he can’t. Jacob sticks out the tip of his tongue to lick his lips. He likes the way Avery’s eyes widen at that before the boy smiles and walks away.