Unexpected turn

“Stop! Please! Leave me alone! I...I don't know what you want! I don't have it! Please just stop! Stop talking!” I screamed. " Hayden, honey you need to wake up" someone called. " No please I haven't done anything! I promise! Just stop!" I screamed again. " Hayden you need to wake up right now!" I was shook violently. I slowly opened my eyes. One look at the person who was shaking me, my heart was torn apart. It had happened again. I sighed in defeat. I was drenched in sweat and tears, I was a mess. I dreaded sleep more than ever, the t*****e felt real. It was that kind of dream that you can feel even when you are awake. “I. I’m sorry.” I whisper, I feel so tormented but I cannot have my mum worry too much. I have to be strong for her.  “it is okay honey, do you think you can go back to sleep again?" mum asks. I don’t have to look at her twice to know that’s my increasing nightmares are taking a toll on her more than they are on me. I cannot help it. I cannot tell her how scared I am. I just cannot do that to her. It is not fair; I have to somehow make her believe I will be fine. “No...May I have some pills please my head is killing me." I just cannot bring myself to lie to my mother. I imagine her penetrating gaze seeing through my lie, I wonder if they are just motherly instincts. “let me get them for you, I will be right back" she left. You are probably wondering what's happening. I have no idea either. All I remember is that it all began when I was fourteen. It was a few days before my Brother Mike's sixteenth birthday. I ran downstairs a couple of times thinking my mum or someone might have been calling me and I didn't hear. It did not seem like anyone was calling my name but I heard a few voices saying something which was inaudible.  After 5 trips downstairs I realize it was all in my head. I tried to hide it form my parents for a long time, it worked for some time. My mum would always ask if I was okay, which made me feel like she somehow knew something was wrong. Aunt Esther’s visits then became frequent which was odd because I only saw her a few times for someone who is supposed to be my mother’s sister. It only got worse, I was having nightmares and there was no way I could stop lying. “Hey, here is some aspirin" my mom's said. I had not realized she was back and did not realize that she wasn't alone either. “Are you okay Hayden."  “I don't know dad."  The pain in my father's eyes told me that he wanted to do more but there was no way he could help. I somehow understood that. “Your mum tells me the voic...i mean it’s been getting worse" I nod. My dad is almost never around. I get it he needs to work but ever since all of this started he hasn't been around. I have been more understood lately. " I care about you okay. I'm trying to find a way to help you that's why I'm never around.” When you put it like that, how can I blame you?  I don't respond.  “Hayden, we have discussed with your mum that we can leave this place go somewhere far away from here" he says. Obviously they want me to be somewhere where I won’t be regarded as a freak that I am. “Why?" I ask. " We are just hoping that if we go to a new place it will be better for you" mum says. I feel like there is more to this but hey I'm out of options. It’s not in me to argue any further. “I’m okay you don't have to worry." Now that's a dismal attempt to lie. Let's face it everyone knows I'm lying. I also want to believe that I'm okay but I can't. " Hayden you don't have to pretend to be okay" dad says. " I'm really okay dad" I fight back tears. This has been hard for me. I lost my friends and became the freak of the school. No one wants to hang out with me even my best friend Anna. I feel so miserable; l like my life is not worth living anymore. There is nothing enjoyable about all of this and most of all I miss my brother. We were very close but once he turned 16 he became weird and closed off and all of a sudden he is at boarding school or something but he never calls. We don’t talk like we used to do. “Okay, whenever you are ready. Just think about it okay?" dad says as he stands up to leave. " Do you want to watch a movie maybe? We can watch the movie until it’s time for school?" Mum asks. I know she cares but she hasn't been sleeping just like me, she is worried. I shake my head to say no but she doesn't stop there. “I mean if you want to go to school. You cannot go if you want. Do you want to? " I don't want to hurt my mother by telling her the truth about school so I lie to her. " Anna will be with me mum, I will be okay “I try to smile. “Okay, I love you and I'm always here to talk to you, if you want to." she smiles at me. It’s clear she doesn't want to leave but I can't let my emotions out it will break her.  " Okay, I'm going to go now" she waits for me to say no don't go but I'm not going to say it she deserves to sleep. " I'm okay mum" I reassure her. A saw smile creeps on to my lips to cover up for the fact that I am breaking inside and I cannot put this burden on someone else’s shoulder. " I'm right next door you know" My mum finally says, I can tell she is hesitating to leave me on my own. " Yeah"  As soon as I hear no sound of footsteps, I drop down and start sobbing as quietly as I can. I have always wanted a normal life, I mean who doesn't. But clearly my life is not normal. I sob until I can't feel the urge to cry again. I wait till I can calm down. I miss having my brother around, he is the first person I want to talk about everything that has been happening to me but since we haven't been so close in a while so I'm afraid to call him. He left few days before his sixteenth birthday and he came only one time in two years and he is at a 'boarding school' or something. You would think I would know but weirdly i don't. I hesitantly pick up the phone, slowly I scroll to Mike. I press call and hope for the best. After a couple of rings he doesn't answer and I decide to not call him. I can’t help the voice in my head that tells me I need him more right now. I decide to try again one last time. I call again and in one ring he picks up. I feel a little happy I actually smile but my happiness is short lived when he answers. " What the hell do you want! Leave me alone!"  He shouts into the phone. I wasn't expecting him to say all of that which completely shatters my heart. Mike would be the last person to do that to me. I can't think of anything to say at all, fresh tears fall down my cheeks. I hang up without saying anything at all; there is nothing for me to say. This time I don't care if my mum hears me I let it all out. I hear someone scramble out of bed but the door is quickly closed, no one comes into my room. I feel so alone, with no one to share my misery with, I have to admit its driving me to the edge. I have often thought of ways that could end my life fast but the sane part of my mind tells me to think about my family but honestly think that they would be okay without me. After a couple of ages Mike calls me. What does he want now? I ignore him. He calls again a couple of times, I ignore him. He then sends a text. At first I don't want to look at it, I tell myself that I am strong enough to ignore it. I push my phone away and sit as far away from it as I can. I force my mind to drift to other things but there is not much to think about but as time passes my curiosity gets the best of me. I reach for my phone to read the message which says ‘I’m so sorry Hay, you know I wouldnt do that if I knew it was you calling. Please answer your phone. Please' Oh okay, it make sense now. Or I just want it to make sense. He calls again, I listen to it ringing for the first time, second and I answer the third time. It serves him right. I can hardly wait to hear what he has to say. I answer the phone but I don't speak. “Hayden!” he says. I don't answer him. He shouldn't have shouted without checking who it was or it’s just a lie because I woke him up. " Hayden, so this is your way of getting back at me?" he asks. At least he still knows that about me. Somehow I don’t care about him not being around enough all I want to do is talk to him. “Well...for starters you should not have shouted.” I say sniffling. I am smiling into the phone; I know he knows I enjoyed getting back at him. " I'm really sorry; I can make it up to you." He sounds so sincere and I just can’t help it. But the only thing I want him to do is being here this minute and I know it’s not possible. “Oh really" it comes out as a whisper. My voice is cracking again, I feel like crying my eyes out. I take a deep breath away from the phone so he doesn’t know I’m crying. “What?" I know he can tell I have something I want to say but I just can’t bring myself to say it. " You are just saying you can make it up to me yet you haven't been home?" I can’t hold it anymore, my eyes flood with uncontrollable tears but I’m still trying to hide it from my brother. “Hayden? So this is about me not coming home?” he asks unsure if he is right. My emotions get the best of me .I nod my head. " Hayden?” he questions again. I didn't realize he can't see me. “Partly" I respond finally. " Why don't you come over?" he says casually. “I don't even know where you are!" I scream into the phone. Somehow my outburst is funny to him. He laughs and asks the question I'm sure he has wanted to ask all this while. " Are you okay sis?" " No" I reply. Oh crap, here comes the waterworks again. Tears flow down uncontrollably I can’t hide it from him this time so I cry my eyes out. As the most considerate brother that he is, he waits till I’m done. “What’s wrong?" he asks. I wish he could read my mind, so I wouldn't have to explain and leave out some information. " It is getting worse and I think I'm dreaming about my fears" " What exactly did you dream about?" He enquires, concerned etched in his voice. “I was in an open space and there were a few people there. What they were saying wasn't audible. Then more came and they all wanted to get through to me." I had a feeling he wasn't getting the picture of how terrified I was in my nightmare so I continued." You remember when we were watching world war z right?" I wait for him to answer. It seems silly but that’s like the only way for me to explain how terrified I was and how unsettling the nightmare was. “Yeah" he waits for my explanation. If he wasn't my brother I'm pretty sure he would have hung up already. " They were like speaking a zombie language and they were trying to touch me all at once. They were kind of suffocating me, I wasn’t breathing properly. Or it seemed like they were animals and I was a piece of meat and they all wanted to get to me." I hope he got the picture because I tried my best to explain it. He laughs," I get the picture it must have really been terrible. I'm saying this because I love you. Do not watch any creepy shows on TV or go to any creepy places. You are getting nightmares because of your imagination otherwise you will be okay" " Way to go bro..."  " Hayden come on, I won’t pretend to understand what you going through but you don't need to think about it that much okay. I know it’s probably hard but try not to think about it at all okay?" Yeah sure, I shouldn't have called anyway. What was I thinking? At this moment I regret this call. I don’t get why everyone is just saying don’t think about it because that’s all I can think about. I can’t help it. They don’t understand what I’m going through because they have never had this experience before. After my silence my brother calls me again." Hayden" After an irritated sigh I reply him" Mike " " I know what you thinking. Why did I even bother calling him? I want you to know that I will always be there for you at whatever time and don't hesitate calling me okay?" " Okay Mike" " As much as I love my sleep, I love you more than anything. Don't ever forget that" " I love you too Mike" " Now try and get some sleep, you wouldn't want to look like a zombie in the morning" he chuckles. Despite shouting at me he actually made me happy. I smile as I hang up. I feel better now. It doesn't take long for me to sleep. I think I slept at around 2 am. It was the most peaceful sleep I have had in weeks. I dread the hour of school, I never set an alarm I always have the excuse of being late. When I wake up it is as if I'm dreaming, I look at the time and squint my eyes to see properly. I cannot believe what I'm seeing, its 11:56pm.  I sprint downstairs to find no one. I sprint back upstairs to my parents’ room to find no one again. This has never happened before and there is no way I'm going to school at noon. Mum always wakes up but she didn't. This is all so confusing yet so amazing, I sprint downstairs again to check if truly I'm alone. I dash down the stairs but just as I'm about to step on what I think is the last step I look down and see three more steps which automatically gives me less time to react, I miss my step and fall, i groan as my face slams into the floor. I'm in such a state that my legs are still on the stairs and I'm laying the floor.  In a second the door opens, I am too lazy to make a run for it and hide my shame so I cover my face with my hair. "Oh my, are you okay" my mum says as she goes to the kitchen to drop the groceries she brought. " Yes mum, I'm just casually chilling at the bottom of the stairs" I remark sarcastically. We both laugh at this. “Can you get up? Are you injured?” Mum asks worry evident on her face. "My ego might be broken and my awesomeness is definitely bruised.” “Hayden, quit that" " I'm okay" I try to get up. This is the perfect opportunity to twist the truth. "My leg is sprained a little bit l think I can walk." "Let me help you up" She says as she walks over to me. I have to make this believable so I let her lift me up and stumble a bit. " Why didn't you wake me up?" " I came to wake you up but you were sleeping so peacefully so I just left you there. Besides you need a break, you...ummm were not sleeping" I'm sure she heard me crying yesterday. She just won't say it I know. I carefully sit down so that I won't hurt my "sprained leg". Mum rubs some of her weird herbs on my leg, I act accordingly.  " Mum?" '' hmmm" " Do you think I can go to school tomorrow?" Actually that’s not what I wanted to ask but asking for permission not to go to school is just suspicious. I don’t want to get caught lying. "If your leg is fine and you feel okay" She says as she smiles. I sometimes wonder if my mum doesn’t know what I am doing because this feels like she knows what I’m doing but she doesn’t say anything about it. Is she letting me feel guilty so that I can confess on my own? “Okay" I say, the guilt is eating me up already. I have to make this work to my advantage though; maybe I can miss school a few more days. " I brought you lunch, let me heat your food for you." "Thank you mum" After having my lunch I limp my way to my room to watch a movie. Halfway through the movie my phone rings. To my surprise it’s Mike. “Hey sis, how are you doing?” It makes me happy but I don’t really want to show him how happy I am so I try to sound as bored as I can. “Good” I fail miserably and laugh. “Mum told me you broke your leg, how convenient is that?” he asks, it more of a worry than an accusation. There is no harm in making him feel guilty. “I don’t believe you Mike! How would you think that of me? I’m hurt and all you can think about is I’m faking it” I try to sound as hurt as I can be hopefully it works. “Hayden, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just convenient that’s all I’m saying” I feel a little guilty for making him feel guilty. “Just don’t call, if all you are going to do is accuse me.” Brothers are annoying sometimes. “Okay, I’m sorry.” He says. I can tell he knows I’m lying. And I’m imagining him putting his hands up Chapter 2: The breakdown So my leg has been "killing me" since Wednesday when I fell. I managed to not go to school for Thursday and Friday. Saturday, as if by a miracle I was able to walk. Mum has been spoiling me; I get breakfast in bed and a lot of other benefits. My mum has been overly sympathetic and patient with my injury. I still feel like she knows I’m faking it.