Loving Cino

Chapter 13

Cino

            I stood in front of her watching her anger take over.  Her gray eyes became dark and I realized Hakeem had emerged. 

Oh s**t, I thought as her breathing increased and her hands balled into fists.  Oh s**t.

 She lunged at me swinging her fists.  I ducked out the way and she came at me again.  I jumped out the way and she charged at me and tackled me.  I held her and fell backward in the recliner which fell over backward with us.  She tried to get up, but I rolled on top of her and pinned her to the floor as everyone flooded into the room.

 “We’re okay!”  I called to them making them stop as Ramona cried and screamed at the top of her lungs.  “I HATE YOU GET OFF OF ME!”

 Hearing those words brought tears to my eyes.  “No, you don’t baby.”  “f**k YOU!”  “Hakeem, I need Ramona back.”  “f**k YOU!  LEAVE US ALONE!  STAY THE f**k AWAY FROM US!  WE DON’T NEED YOU!”  I looked down letting a tear hit her chest.    “Ramona, please come back.”  I begged.  “I know you don’t hate me.  I know you love me as much as I love you.  Please come back baby.”  She stared up at me out of breath from crying and struggling.  “If you love me then why do you keep hurting me like this?”  She cried.

 I laid on her hugging her letting her cry herself out.  Eventually she hugged me back.  I glanced at our sons who were screaming at the top of their lungs.  Carline and Daria were trying to sooth them, but it wasn’t working.

 I stood up with Ramona as she calmed down.  I held her and watched out sons lose their minds.  “Baby, if we aren’t okay, neither are they.”  She sniffled and looked at me. 

“Of course they are okay because I will make sure of it.”  She looked at our sons.  “Calin, Caleb, it’s okay my babies.  Mommy’s here.”  Caleb calmed down immediately.  Calin refused to calm down.  She let go of me and walked over to Daria who was holding him.  “Calin, baby, it’s okay.  Mommy’s here.”  She said and kissed his nose.  He began settling down. 

Watching that made me fall in love with her all over again.  She took him from Daria and held him tight.  “I’m sorry for scaring you.  I will do my best not to let it happen again.”  Carline handed Caleb to me as they all walked out leaving us again.  I sat on the bed with Caleb, who was watching me, and watched her with Calin.  He cooed at her as she talked to him.  I couldn’t help but smile and feel like the luckiest man alive.  She smiled at him.  “See we’re going to be okay.”  I watched Calin yawn and lay in her arms staring up at her until he finally drifted to sleep.  She looked beside her at Caleb who was fast asleep as well.  She kissed his nose and took him in her other arm.  She then crawled in the middle of the bed with them.  She laid them down and gently covered them.  She laid beside them and protectively watched over them and slipped into deep thought. 

“Baby, I know you are pissed at me right now.  But I need you to know I am working on us. Everything is falling into place.”  She looked at me before saying, “Go to hell.” 

Those word stung my heart and made it hard to breathe.  “Baby, I can’t lose you.  You’re my drive.  You and our sons.”  She scoffed.  “Believe me or not I am coming back for you.”  “Please don’t.   Please stay far away from us.  When they are older, if they want to have a relationship with you, they will reach out to you.  Otherwise, f**k off.” 

Ramona

            I was beyond done.  Yes, he got me good.  He made me fall in love with him, he got me pregnant and now I had two kids, and he was nowhere to be found.  I hated him for that.  Truth be told, I fell more in love with him watching my sons grow.  He looked at me heart broken and walked out the door and out my life for the last time. 

            Watching my boys grow made me miss Cino more and more.  I tried my hardest to love them enough for both of us, but I couldn’t help but feel like they were missing out on his love.  My babies were now six months old and crawling.  I couldn’t believe how time was flying and how much they were growing.

 It was Saturday morning and I decided to take them to the beach to watch the sun rising.  I was sitting on the hood of my car.  Caleb was laying in my lap falling asleep and Calin was being bounced and tickled to death.  His laughter made my heart melt every time I heard it.  He was such a silly boy.

  “Stop playing around or we will miss it.”  I said kissing him.  I then turned him towards the water.  He let out a high-pitched squeal and sat in awe.  We sat there watching the sun rise. 

            “So, you have babies now?”  I looked to my left to see Kevin standing there watching us.  I was so shocked to see him I didn’t know what to say.  “Why do you think they are mine?”  I asked.  He smiled at me. 

“Mama!”  Caleb squealed shocking me.  I looked at him.  He was looking out at the water.  He looked up at me and smiled.  “Caleb what did you say?”  I asked him picking him up with my other hand.  “Mama!”  He squealed again making me hug and kiss him.  “That’s right!  My baby!”    He laughed as I drowned him in kisses.

 I had forgotten Kevin was there until he sat next to me on my car.  The three of us looked at him.  He laughed.  “You had two babies on me.  Wow.”  I began to get a little nervous.  “Who is this?”  He asked holding Caleb’s fists.  I held both of them and slid away from him off the car.  “Ramona don’t be like that. I’m not going to hurt you.  I just got out of prison about a month ago.  I came out here for my morning run and saw your car pull up.  You didn’t even see me.  If I wanted to do something to you that’s when I would have done it.”  “You’ve been watching us for that long?”  “Yes. To be honest I was in shock.  I can’t believe you had a baby let alone two babies.”  He stood in front of me watching my boys who cautiously watched him.     “Are they mixed?”  He asked observing them. 

And what the hell does that matter?  They are mine that’s all you need to know you, nosy ass bastard. 

I slowly nodded my head.  “It’s that guy I fought isn’t it?”  I nodded my head again.  He looked at me disappointed.  “Why him and not me?  They could have been ours.”  I stepped towards the back door of the car. 

“Well nice to see you.  Hope everything goes okay.”  I said quickly putting Calin in his car seat.  I walked around and quickly put Caleb in his seat behind me.  I went to get in and Kevin slid in the passenger seat.  I looked at him.  “I want to show you something I know you will want to see.  After that I will let you go.”  I stared at him for a moment. 

He seemed really sincere about what he was saying.  What in the world could he possibly have to show me? 

“Please.”  He begged.  I looked at my sons who were looking from Kevin to me as if they were curious as to what was going to happen.

 I nodded my head and started my car.  He led me further down the beach to the restaurant and bars.  When we got to a certain one, he told me to park.  I sat there looking around wondering why we were here. 

I watched the bar owner wiping down tables and another person putting out the signs of the day’s specials.  That’s when I noticed someone laying on the ground asleep.  Their back was to us.  I looked at the half empty bottle next to him. I guess whisky will do that to you.  I looked across from them at the waves crashing into sand. 

“You don’t notice anything?”  Kevin asked making me look at him.  “What am I supposed to notice?”  He pointed to the sleeping man.  “What about him?”  I asked looking at the man again.  He looked dirty and he was missing a shoe.  “Isn’t that your baby daddy?” 

Bitch you just tried me, I thought getting ready to curse him out. I looked back at the man as he rolled on his back knocking the bottle over.  I looked at him again. 

His hair was long and hadn’t been cut in months.  His face was covered in hair and dirt.  His clothes looked like he’d worn them for a month straight and he was so skinny.  That’s not Cino.  I stared at him.  The more I stared at him the more the realization this was indeed Cino set in.

Before I knew it, I rushed over to him.  He smelled like he hadn’t showered in almost a year.  I leaned over him and he opened his eyes and looked at me with a blank stare.

 “I’m so sorry baby.”  He mumbled before passing out again. 

My love for him took over and I was trying to drag him to my car.  He finally came to and was able to stand.  The moment he stood he started vomiting.  I looked up to keep from looking at him and vomiting with him. 

We finally made it to the car where Kevin was leaning outside the door watching us.  He opened the passenger door and I managed to get Cino inside.  I closed the door and sped away.  Cino passed out again. 

When I got home, I parked in the back and took my sons in first.  I put them in my room in their play pen and turned on the tv for them.  I then rushed back to my car and help Cino out the car.  He walked into the house and into my room with me supporting most of his weight.  I got him in my room and closed and locked the door.

 We passed our sons who were watching us like we were today’s entertainment which I am sure we were.  I turned on the water and filled the tub with warm water.   I then rushed back to Cino who was sitting in front of the toilet throwing up. 

Oh my God, how am I going to do this?  I watched him lay his face on the toilet seat and attempt to go back to sleep.  Oh no!  I thought pulling him to his feet.  I stripped him of his clothes and held him up at the same time.  I then helped him into the tub, and he slid down in the water and relaxed.  I stood up and took a deep breath from all of that hard work I had just done.  I looked in my room at my boys who were playing around with each other and laughing.  I couldn’t help but smile at them.

 I looked back at Cino to see him under the water.  My heart sank when I saw him exhale the water.  I jumped in the tub with him and pulled him up making him cough and vomit again all over me.  I didn’t care as long as he was alive.

“Stop saving me!”  He cried stumbling in and out of conscious.  “Just let me die!”  Hearing that made my heart break.  I held his head in my hands.  “Baby, live!”  He opened his hazel eyes and revealed his broken heart to me.  “You have to live.  If you don’t you will miss out on that.”  I turned his head to the doorway showing him our sons who were standing in the play pen laughing at the tv.  He weakly smiled at them before he passed out again. 

I let the water out and cleaned the chunks out the best I could.  I then turned the shower on and scrubbed him and myself down.  Trying to bathe him without drowning him became a challenge since he was out.  I ended up just running a bath for him and scrubbing him and his head and rinsed it that way. 

After I was satisfied with my work, I let the water out again and left him sleeping in the tub while I ran and got dressed. 

Next, I put the boys on the bed and changed their diapers and got them dressed for the day.  I checked on Cino who was still sleeping.  I put my finger under his nose to see if he was breathing.  His gentle breaths hit my index finger satisfying my soul. 

The next thing to hit my finger was vomit as he began violently throwing up again.  I stood over him disgusted, aggravated, and annoyed, watching him vomit all over himself in my tub.  Well, at least he’s in the tub already.  Clean up will be a little easier.  I waited for him to dry heave before I turned the water back on. 

I washed my hands under the water and went back to scrubbing and rinsing him down. When I finished, I was getting ready to turn the water off when urine hit my arm enraging me.      “WHERE THE f**k IS YOUR WIFE?!”  I roared at his unconscious body.

 I heard Caleb laughing which made me look at him.  He and his brother were laying on my bed facing me watching my every move.  I glanced at Calin who was smiling at me waiting on me to do something to amuse him.  I rolled my eyes at them and returned my attention to their father.

 I vigorously scrubbed my arm again and then scrubbed Cino down.  I rinsed him and waited for the next disgusting thing he would do to me.  When he laid there sleeping peacefully, I became content and turned the water off.

  Watching him sleep gave me the best idea in the world.  I went and grabbed a pillow off my bed and returned to Cino.  I lifted his head, put the pillow under it and rested his head on top of the pillow. 

Genius! If he pees, vomits or anything else he is already in the tub.  I watched him shiver before I ran to my closet and grabbed a sheet.  I laid it over him, and he continued to shiver.     He’s withdrawing, so this is normal, I realized.  He is okay. We are okay.

 I cleaned up the bathroom and opened the window next to the tub and let the breeze in. 

I will close it in a few.  I collected his clothes I stripped him of and took his broken phone out the pants.  I decided they were never going to come clean, so I threw them in the trash, and tossed the phone on my nightstand.  I walked the bag outside to the dumpster and returned to my room where I found Carline holding Caleb and Daria holding Calin while staring at Cino in my tub sleeping.  They both turned and looked at me like I had lost my mind. 

“Are you crazy?”  Carline scolded.  “What are you thinking?” Daria asked.  “He’s their father.”  I defended walking past them to the bathroom to wash my hands.  “Yes, he is but they don’t know him, and he should not be here.”  I looked at Daria.  Exhaustion overwhelmed me and I walked to the bed.  “Well he’s here now.”  “Ramona!”  “Yep she is crazy.”  Carline said walking out the room with Caleb.  “Daria I couldn’t just leave him sleeping on the ground. Regardless of what he has done to me, he is still the father of my kids and truth be told I still love him with everything I am.  I couldn’t just walk away from him.  Look at him.”  She looked in the bathroom at him.  “That don’t even look like Cino anymore.  He’s been through hell and back.”  “Ramona, did you ever think maybe it’s karma kicking his ass?”  I stared at her a moment.  “Yes, I guess so.” She nodded her head with me.  “He’s going to leave you again.  Your heart is with him but is his with you?”  I looked from him to her.  “Of course, his heart is with us.  Why else does he keep coming back?”  “Ramona if it was with you, he wouldn’t leave in the first place.”

Cino

I awaken to some commotion.  I opened my eyes to see blurred figures standing in front of me.  I was lying on something very hard and cold.  It felt so soft and cool under my body.  The voices were screaming so loud it made my head begin to hurt so I turned away from the voice on my side.  I was about to close my eyes but noticed a tiny face watching me.  The face put their face in my face as if they were looking for something.  I smiled as I realized it was one of my sons.  I passed out as he began babbling.

            The next time I awakened was to someone feeding me.  I tried to open my eyes but couldn’t.  “It’s okay.  Just rest and eat.  I got you.”  Ramona said putting another spoonful of mac and cheese in my mouth.  I relaxed against the pillows and ate until I passed out again. Things went on like that for a while. I had no sense of time so I’m not sure for how long.

            One particular day I awakened to snoring.  I opened my eyes and looked around the dark room.  I couldn’t see anything but darkness.  I sat up and realized someone’s head was on my shoulder.  It felt like my bladder was about to explode so I groggily made my way to the bathroom and used it. 

After I washed my hands, I ran my face under the cool water and washed my face.  I then dried my face and looked in the mirror at myself and scared myself.  I looked as if I had aged ten years older.  My beard was neatly shaved but my hair was long and messy all over my head.  I never let my hair get that long.  It was a little past my shoulders.  I walked out the bathroom and stopped. 

I looked at Ramona who was laying against a barricade of pillows.  She had a baby on her chest who was also lightly snoring and one laying in between her legs using her thigh as a pillow.  Her leg was wrapped around him protectively and he also snored lightly.  I guessed the baby on her chest was Calin and the other was Caleb.  I couldn’t help but smile at them.  I looked on the other side of the pillows at all of the paper bed pads.

 Oh my God.   What have I put her through?  I looked at her again and watched her snore loudly.  It must have been a lot because she was exhausted.  I walked over to the closet and went towards the drawers to the right where I used to keep my stuff.  It made me smile to see my stuff still there.

I grabbed my clippers and returned to the bathroom.  I cut my hair low to a fade.  After I finished, I took a shower and tidied up the bathroom.  I got dressed in some basketball short and boxers.  I then threw all the paper chucks away and changed the garbage bag in the can next to me.  I put it back in the bathroom and took the garbage out to the dumpster and returned inside the house.  I went to the kitchen and washed my hands and began making eggs and toast.  I fixed her plate along with some orange juice and walked into the room to find Calin waking up.  “Mama.”  He sleepily called pulling at her shirt.  Without opening her eyes, she sat up holding him and pulled her breast out and stuck it in his mouth.  She leaned against the pillows and fell back asleep while Calin noisily gulped down milk.  I watched Caleb sit up. She moved her leg and helped him crawl over her thigh.  He then crawled up beside her and laid on the pillow beside her. 

I was very impressed how she was handling them.  She had them down packed.  I couldn’t help but fall in love with her even more.