You are Enough

Chapter 7

I received a few calls the next morning in regards to my referrals. I guess they are concerned about my mental health. The kids are feeling a little better so I will take them to Tina's and head to work. After getting myself and the kids ready, we headed out. Once we arrive at the sitters I park the car and get the kids out. Walking hand in hand, my two little ones marched up to the door and knocked. Watching them grow up to be independent little humans makes me super proud as a mama. Tina opens her apartment door and lets my little gremlins in while saying hello to me. After dropping the kids off, I headed to work at the cafe. I hope today is a better day than yesterday. As I reached the cafe, I realized the morning rush had already started. I race in to get ready for the work day, this time not crashing into anyone. I clock in and get right to work helping clear tables and seat people. I rush around helping customers and the staff. I worked a ten-hour shift today and then had class to study for my GED. After cleaning up tables, I took orders and handed them to the cook, Frank. He's a good man. He doesn't talk much, but that's okay. My shift goes by fast with so much to do. I finish for the day and head to my GED classes. I arrived just in time for class. I'm not completely focused on my work. My mind is wondering and I can't stop it. Have you ever had so many thoughts that you can't focus? That's what is going on with me right now. I'm thinking about my babies, about my car. The class lets out and I get in the Buick and head home. I arrive home and go look for my babies who are in the office with my mom. It sounds as if they are playing with Lue our dog.They are playing with Lue with an old sock that she loves so much. The kids are laughing and playing and it melts my heart. Holden now grabs Lue and holds onto her neck while Harper pulls the sock.Lue is such a good dog. She puts up with so much from these kids. Hey honey, how was class? I couldn't focus for some reason tonight.

I have an appointment in a few days with the doctors. We will figure this out, honey. I hope so because this is getting out of control. Well, I need to get these little monkeys to bed. After getting them laid down, I try to focus on my class work but I just can't. I finally just gave up and got ready for bed. As I fell asleep I heard Dylan's voice, who is going to want a slut and her two brats? No no I can't do this, but my body soon falls into a deep sleep that I can't control. Dylan is right in front of me, I can feel the anger coming off of him. He grabs me by the throat and starts to squeeze tightly. He whispers in my ear, you are worthless. Nobody will have you and those kids. You are stuck with me Kat. No I'm not. I managed to squeak out. You are nothing. You will always be nothing, he says as he squeezes harder . I know it's going to bruise. I should just kill you right now Kat.I should punch your face in until I feel carpet. Nobody will miss you. Do.... what.... you......want. Dylan. You always do, I think. He squeezes harder. My vision starts to blur and it's getting harder to breathe. He gets tighter and tighter. I wake with a jolt and realize my hair has been wrapped around my neck since I left it loose. After some time, I fell back asleep.

Three days later

Mom, I'm going to my appointment now. Okay sweetheart. Just be honest and tell her everything.. I will mama. I drove all the way to my psychiatrist to get signed in and just wait. Kathleen Prescott. Here, right here.I unload everything on this poor woman. Kathleen, I know what's going on with you. I believe you have bipolar 1, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, anxiety and a little bit of paranoia. We can manage all of this with medicine and therapy. You also work too many hours. I get that you are a single parent. You have to slow down.As I left the doctor's office and got my next appointment set up.I drove home in silence thinking over what the doc said. I get home to give the kids love and attention. So what did she say? I gave her a quick rundown of what was said. Okay, so you have to take meds, but for how long? The rest of my life. I'm going to do research on all of her diagnoses and see what they are. You want to help me? Of course, I want to understand you better. Thanks mama for the support.

One and a half years later.

Mom, mom, mom, mom. What is it, Holden? Can we go play with the chickens? Yes, hold on baby. The years have passed by. My kids are almost three now. My phone rings. It's Sam. Hey, what's up? Hey, I know that you haven't been seeing anyone and I think you should sign up for an online dating site. What? Why? I think you should do it. Okay, I'll think about it. I get off the phone and decided maybe I should listen to Sam. So I set up a profile on a dating site, including my kids in the profile. I need men to understand why my kids come first. I'm doing better with the meds. I can cope with things better. Harper, I sign Are you hungry?" Mommy can make you and bub something to eat. Yes please she signs back. Okay baby mommy will make you some food. After I cook for them, I get them dressed for the day. I don't work as much anymore at the cafe. I cut back on my hours so I'm not too stressed. Okay my loves. Let's play with the chickens.