While You Were Pretending

Chapter Eleven

If it wasn’t for the fact it was New Year’s Eve to the year 2020, I would be wearing my same old jeans, tee, and flannel. Because, even though we’re going to the same party with the same friends we always do, it’s Roaring Twenties themed to roll into the new decade with glamour and decadence. The once seniors to our freshman are old enough to buy champagne, so they have, along with any other alcohol one might consume.

Peyton had gone so far as to order a navy and silver Flapper dress, with a black headpiece and faux fur shawl. I drew the line of a costume for myself, though, so I ended up with taupe slacks, a brown vest, a forest-green button-down, and what Peyton called a taupe-y ‘paperboy’ hat. (She explained that with the hat, I wouldn’t need a tie.) In front of the mirror, tugging at the vest, I can’t say I look too shabby. A bit out of the ordinary for me, sure, but looking better than I did at prom.

Wallet – check, keys – check, and I eye my new phone. I’d mentioned wanting a better camera, so my parents ended up picking up one of the latest models. So far, I’ve loved it! The back camera is able to take such beautiful photos of the winter weather and close-ups like the wood-burning I’d done. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with an upgraded system and more memory. The only thing I haven’t tried out is the front-facing ‘selfie’ camera, but maybe that’ll change tonight. Maybe with Jackie. Phone – check, and I head downstairs.

Everything’s good, parents are already at the Pullman’s, after my coat on I open the front door. Only to find Jackie there, her hand up to knock.

Her pale hair in the faux bob with those perfect twenties’ waves, Jackie’s also has over-the-top makeup in the best way as she smiles up at me. Between her cream peacoat, I see a pink Flapper dress with rose gold sequence and little faux pearls. She lifts a gloved hand, “Hey.”

“Oh! Jackie! What are you doing here?”

She laughs, a little awkwardly, “Well, Peyton already left and I have no idea where we’re going.”

As I step outside and lock the door, I explain, “Yeah, she and I are kind of in a fight right now.”

“That’s unusual,” Jackie replies more as a statement than a question.

I motion for her to follow me around the house to my car, “Yes. I think the last time we fought was about the whole trip thing over the summer. And before that… well, probably over something stupid in high school – I can’t remember.”

I’d turned on the car some fifteen minutes ago so it greets us with warmth, “She’ll get over it soon enough.”

“What happened?”

Looking behind us to pack out, I try to answer without lying. “Well… for a Ravenclaw, she can be pretty dumb sometimes,” I try to joke. “I just don’t agree with some of her choices lately.”

“And instead of having her take advantage of your Hufflepuff ways, you decided to talk to her?”

My eyes fall on hers for a second and I smile. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Well, hopefully, she’ll cool off and you’ll sort it all out.”

Turning onto the next street, I sigh, “She’s my best friend. I wish things weren’t so complicated,” I let slip.

“This whole dating thing not working out so well, huh?”

Another turn, another sigh. “I know some of it my responsibility,” agreeing to this whole bull s**t in the first place.

“I don’t know,” she comments quietly. “My sister has a way… of…” but she doesn’t need to explain for me to understand.

I look at her. “But I love her.”

She looks at me. “Me too.”

We both nod and stare straight ahead. “It’s just been a huge misunderstanding,” I confess. “And on top of you changing schools -”

“Sorry? What does that have to do with anything?”

Fuck. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. “Nothing.” As we pull up along the curb and poise my hand to turn the car off, I take a moment to say quietly, “You have no idea what it’s like to be alone.”

“You’re not alone, you have Peyton.”

I turn off the car and go to open my door. In this moment, “I don’t have anybody.”

*

“This is my roaring! Roaring twenties!” Panic! At The Disco plays through the surround sound system.

For poor college students, a lot of people have invested a lot into this party. Gold, silver, and glitter-filled balloons line the walls everywhere. Above the main couch floats a gold ‘2020’. Various string lights are strung across the ceiling. The collection of plastic champagne flutes are gold and sparkly, the paper plates white with gold trim. There are even faux white roses on the coffee, side, and dining room tables.

If the girls aren’t in Flapper dresses, they still are in something sparkly or sequence. Some guys are full Halloween mobster, some are in straight suits, some are like me in low-key yet themed outfits. Not even going to lie, this is one of the best parties I have ever been to. (And who’da thought, this will continue for the next nine years.)

Rum and Coke in one hand, phone in the other, I scroll with my thumb to look at all the artsy pictures I’ve taken so far. I can’t wait to edit and upload some to my more aesthetic-based i********:. I look around, trying to find Peyton, wanting to show her one of my favorites.

Instead, my eyes meet Jackie’s from across the room. I lift my cup to her, she waves back. After a moment, her tiny frame weaves through the crowd and she slides onto the wall next to me. “Hi!”

“Hi.” Remember Peyton bitching about the rich-friend parties Jackie is always posting online, I ask, “How are you liking the party?”

“It’s awesome! Everyone is so nice! And there’s so much food – I’m stuffed.”

I eye the flute in her hand, “How’s the champagne?”

She looks confused for a moment then laughs, “Oh! It’s Sprite.”

“Not much of a drinker?”

She shrugs and looks around the room. “Not really.”

It might be the rum, but I can’t stop looking at her. “Wanna go for a walk?”

She turns, a completely bemused expression, “It’s snowing out.”

I think of the kissing-her-in-the-snow daydream. “Yep.”

She still is looking at me like I’m a tiny bit crazy. “Bit too loud in here for you?”

“Yep.”

She studies me for a moment, “How about the back patio? We could go sit out there for a bit.”

I nod, “Yep.”

She giggles and leads me through the house. It’s a bit harder for me not to run into people with my broader frame and I end up putting my drink down on the kitchen counter to grab my coat. Once she gets her coat free from the pile on the washing machine, too, we head outside. I’m surprised to see the back patio empty, even if there are people smoking down in the yard.

Unfortunately, all the seats are covered, either by snow or plastic. Jackie looks to me and I point to the far edge; still under the overhang, we could have the corner. When she leans against the wall, I stand back but face her. “Are you excited to be transferring schools?”

She nods thoughtfully, “Yes, I think it’ll be good. They have a better literature program and it’s more in between Mom and Dad. Plus, I could use a change.”

“New campus, new teachers, new people….”

Chin level, eyes up, she smiles, “New people is always good.”

When I shift my weight, I slip a little and have to throw a hand on the wall to catch myself. Unintentionally close, I look down at her. “I could be one of those new people.”

The shimmering of her dress draws attention to her chest heaving. “I’d like that.”

The door thwacks against the outer wall as a group of loud, laughing people spill outside. Our attention is drawn to them as they stumble their way into the yard, exclaiming something about a snowball fight. Then I notice Peyton coming up from the smoker’s pit.

When she makes the last step, she gives me a look, “Hey, Lucas, come inside with me for a second?”

Fuck, I’m in trouble. I push off of the wall and carefully follow her inside. She pulls me into the kitchen pantry. “What the f**k was that?”

“What?”

“You and Jackie.”

“We were just talking.”

“Didn’t f*****g look that way to me.”

I grunt.

“Luke…?”

I push my back against the door, “What.”

“Do you like Jackie?”

“She nice,” not a lie.

“Luke….”

“She’s your sister,” not a lie.

“Then why were you leaning?’

I finally look at her, completely exasperated, “What?”

“You leaned.”

“I slipped on ice,” not a lie.

She shakes her head. “It was more than that. Catching your fall is one thing… this was different. This was a whole-body lean…. Leaning is two people together… leaning is wanting and accepting… Leaning is what leads to kissing.”

I wish it f*****g had. “Well, we definitely weren’t doing that, huh?”

“What’s going on with you, Luke? Ever since she got into town you -”

But I cut her off, shoving a finger towards her chest, “You! You – even before she got into town you’ve been this… this – ugh!” and I let out a grunt, throwing my hands up. “You are not the Peyton I know and love, you are not my best friend.” I whip around and exit the pantry and before I know it, I’m completely storming off out the front door, down the steps, and into the street. Happy f*****g New Year to me.