While You Were Pretending

Chapter Thirteen

What is it about her, anyway?

Maybe you can explain it to Peyton.

You met her.

Yeah… but…?

Jackie’s….

She just…

Gets under your skin.

She drives you so nuts that…

Like, you don’t know if you want to hug her

Or argue about books with her.

She wants to go all the way to England

Just to visit the Globe Theater.

And! all the way to Paris

Just to visit Shakespeare and Company.

I don’t know if that amounts to insanity…

Or just being really, really loveable.

Well….

You have your whole life to find out.

*

Pacing the hallway, I know I just need to man up and knock on her door. Knock on the door, ask her to talk…. Talk about everything that’s happened, clear the air and tell her how I really feel about her sister. No big deal. Now that Peyton and I are friends again, this shouldn’t be so hard.

Maybe I could suggest going for a walk so we won’t be stuck in her bedroom. That wouldn’t be too terrible? It’s cold, but not snowing. And awkward silences don’t seem so bad if we’re moving around.

Fuck it, just do it.

I finally knock on her door. In the few seconds it takes her to answer it, I almost walk away. But the moment I step back, she’s there. Big smile, blonde hair, a recognizable face that brings me comfort. “Oh, hey, Luke.”

“Hi, Jackie.”

“I thought you wanted to meet in the lobby? So we can head straight to my mom’s?”

“Actually, would you want to go for a walk first?”

She nods and her shoulders wiggle. “Might be nice to move around, sure. Let me just get ready….”

I take a step into her room, holding the door open with my foot. She’s quick about slipping on her boots, then her coat, and fluffing out her long hair behind her. “All set!”

After we exit into the hall, she hops a little. “All I do is sit in that hotel room and all I do is sit at Mom’s… a walk would be really good.”

I nod quickly, “I was thinking we could go walk around the garden.”

She laughs a little, probably thinking of the past conversation we had about it. “The lake is frozen, the shrubs covered in snow, and they took the Christmas tree out of the gazebo, but left the string lights - it’s all still really pretty,” she confirms.

Entering a different, much closer set of elevators, I figure it would be better to wait until we get outside to talk. Once that frosted air hits my lungs, I shove my hands in my pocket. “So….”

She smiles, “So….”

“You look beautiful tonight.”

She seems a little taken aback at my bluntness but nervously tucks hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”

“Peyton came over yesterday….”

“Yeah, she told me. We were getting kind of worried.”

We carefully walk along the path, the only other sound than our talking is the crunching snow. “I’m sorry about that.”

Her shoulder lifts and she peeks over at me. “Things were tense…. But she said you guys are back to being friends.”

Did she now? Well, that’s not exactly a lie, but not exactly the whole truth either. “Right. That’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

She stops, looking up at the falling snow. “She told me she asked you to lie.” Then she looks over her shoulder at me. “That’s still….”

I bow my head, “I know.”

She lets out a soft hmph. “I always knew things had been difficult for her, but I didn’t think they were ever so bad she’d resort to this.”

“I’m really sorry.”

Her shoulders slump and she takes a step forward. “I know. I am, too.”

I catch up to her, almost slipping. “Why?”

She looks straight ahead, her voice soft on the wind. “Because I like you.”

I rush forward to grab her hand, actually slipping this time. “And I like you.”

Smiling, laughing, she tries to steady me on the ice. But then my uneven weight makes her slip. Now I laugh, trying to steady her and myself. “Hold on.”

Mostly steady, I hug her body close to me. Her little hands cling to the lapel of my coat. Slowly, I stand us up; slowly we gain our balance. This time, she was the leaner, her hands flattening against my chest.

I lift one hand from her waist and brush loose hair off her cheeks. “I like you,” I repeat.

“I like you,” she murmurs softly.

The string lights from the gazebo twinkle in her eyes. Her smile is so wide, dimples show in her cheeks. The wind picks up her golden hair and it drifts around her like a halo. And when I close the distance to kiss her, she falls into me and this time I’m never going to let go.