Tonya's Secrets and Lies

The Beginning

    I've rehearsed how to tell my son everything over and over again hell it was my life, I lived it but I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to say first where to being, feeling like do it really matter, they want really want to know because it will make me to human for them and they don't want me to be human, is it all in my head. 

But I have to start somewhere , so I have to go back to the beginning, to when I first met him the love of my life.

Okay mom I'm ready to listen, or you ready to talk.

Yes I'm ready but it's my story so you have to let go of what you've heard over the years and have to open your heart to what I'm going to tell you. Can you do that?

Yes I can

   Okay, will here goes, it started when I was about 13 yrs old, I was riding with daddy, we stopped at the store as I was walking around the store I bound into this kid, it was an instant spark. The crazy thing is I had known him for years but that day something woke in me, it was love, I fell in love with him and I believe in him also but I can't speak for him. Daddy most have seen it to because when we got back in the car he said you to young to be making googly eyes at no boy and especially not that boy do you hear me young lady. I said yes sir with tears in my eyes, I understand why he said it but I didn't understand why he was so mad at me, he sent me to my room  a little later mommy came in my room to talk. We had our first mother/ daughter talks and our first race don't mix talks. I understood but I just couldn't stop thinking about him, everytime I could get a chance to see him I would even though it wasn't much at first I would, daddy stop letting me go with because he know I liked him. So I know where he played baseball at and where he hung out with his friends, I would ride my bike near by just to see him. One day he was waiting for me at the spot I would be at. I tried to play it off and ride by but he said follow him I was scared at first but then I did. He walked a little ahead of me, he had fought a place that we could me and no one would see us. We would meet there and talk about different things, stuff we liked and didn't like, places we wanted to go, we would hold hands and kiss but nothing more than that. This went on for about 2 yrs, until he heard I was supposed to be dating your dad and came to see for his self but I wasn't dating your dad at that time, we were just label partners, I tried to tell him but he was to mad so we broke up and went our separate was. He was dating a few girls around town and I was started dating your dad, but I was jealous at first but then I fell for your dad because he had plans to get out of this little country town and see the world. But life happened and the plans changed.

What happened?

I'm getting to it. All though out 11th and 12th grade we were saving every dollar and dime we got, your dad had two after school jobs, I could only work one, daddy didn't want me out to late, so I only worked 4 hours after school, but daddy and mommy let me save everything.They didn't want us to go into the world without any money. But then I got pregnant with our first baby and your dad wanted to get married, so we did after senior year. We had to take everything we had save to get an apartment but then our dads kicked in more and we was able to get a little house. Your dad got a good job over at the factory, we tried living on a budget and still save so we could still leave but it was hard to do. And the more we tried the more things got bad. Shortly after our first baby was born I got pregnant again with you, and we was in over our heads, I couldn't work towards the end of my pregnancy I was put on bed rest which made your dad work a lot of overtime. We was just to young going through things we were going through, we argued all the time, said some hateful thing to each other at times, and we started believing that the person you married really feels that way about you. Your dad.... 

  So your trying to say it's my daddy fault you cheated on him after he gave you everything naw I'm not going to let you play my daddy like that, I don't want to hear no more of your lies this is bull shit

I wasn't finished you have to let me tell you what happened

I'm not going to sit here and let you lie on my daddy, the only parent who's been in my life all the time and not part time.

Just let me finish son it's much more to it

Go to hell

Tonya thought she would at least get more out before her son blew up at her but then again she was fooling herself to think anything different. At first she regretted it all everything she had done, every move she made but regretting the past only makes your future miserable, so she was determined not to go back home without cleaning everything up weather she had anyone left after all was said. She didn't want to lose her son but he has the right to know why she let him even though his not the only person who will be hurt others will be hurt even more. As she was about to knock on Jonathan's door to his room her phone rang, she started not to answer but that would be wrong.

Hello

Thought you was going to call me when you made it.

I'm sorry but when I got her a neighbor told me my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and my phone wasn't working while I was there.

Oh no is she alright

Yes they said her blood pressure was up and need to change her meds, they're also keeping her overnight to monitor her pacemaker to make sure it's working properly

Do you want me and the girls to come down early then planned

No just come on Friday like we planned ok

Let me guess you haven't told everyone yet

No I started telling Jonathan but he got upset and went to his room. I was just about to knock on his door but than you called

How much did you get out

Not much

What is not much

Just a little of the beginning 

we don't have time for you to start at the beginning

Yes we do, I can start at the beginning and be done by the time y'all get here on Friday

I don't think so, look Tonya I'm tried of this s**t my patients is running out

It will be over this weekend and you can gone and move in with Jackie

I keep telling you there is nothing going on with her

Whatever

You know what who are you to be mad at we even if I did have something going on with her. All the secrets and lies you have been covering all these years

You know what maybe it's best we not talk until you and the girls get here 

I'm say this before I go, I have the right to be mad, angry and leave you if I want too

Your absolutely right Sam, good bye.

But Sam was right as much as I don't want him to be he has every right to be mad, I went into our marriage with some many secrets, I lied to him about something that is so hurtful, just thinking about it as me crying my eyes out