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You Will Be Set on Fire…

I'm jealous of the rain,

That falls upon your skin

It’s closer than my hands have been…

- Labrinth

Miriam is standing still watching us intently. To my great disappointment, Alexander leaves my side and approaches her.

“Miriam.” He says cautiously. “What are you doing here?” When he reaches her, he bends and kisses her cheek. Jealousy invades my insides and by heartbeat increases. Does he have to kiss her in front of me? Why did he do it? He knows it will only make me mad. But now I need to focus. Don’t show disappointment or jealousy, Sarah. Control it.

Miriam shifts her gaze from me to Alex and plasters a fake smile on her pretty face full of makeup.

“Alex, hi. Never expected to find you here. You didn’t tell me you’d go shopping when we talked today. I would happily accompany you.” Today? They talked today and he didn’t tell me? I do my best not to just turn and leave but I know it will hurt Alex. Or will it?

“I didn’t know I needed to tell you, Miriam.” Alex says with a level voice. Inside my head, I smile. I know it is his way to support me. I exhale slowly, trying to show disinterest in their conversation.

“Okay, anyway. What have you chosen?” She looks inside his cart completely dismissing me. I know it’s an isolation policy and I don’t intend to back away. “Not your style at all. How come you chose these?” She snaps with a displeased face. I want to punch her. Anyway, I reign confidence and stand closer to Alex. Why doesn’t he introduce me?

“We need to go Miriam. We’ll talk later.” He says tapping her shoulder.

“Wait. Why don’t you introduce your friend? She seems to be very shy.” I can’t help but notice the irony in her voice. Alex exhales sharply.

“Miriam, this is my girlfriend Sarah. Sarah, this is my friend Miriam.” As he says the words, the blood drains from her face and she pales. I jump with happiness inside my head.

“I… I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” She says eyeing me. Suddenly, I feel naked and shy. As if I’m on an auction. Alex takes my hand and squeezes it gently, reassuringly. I look up at him.

“Yeah, it has not been long.” Why is he justifying himself? I feel him being torn between not hurting her and not hurting me and the very same action hurts me more. I excuse myself and leave for the toilet.

Inside the cabin, I feel tears building and I do my best to calm down. The last thing I need now is crying and letting her know I’m affected by her rudeness. I do a small pep-talk and encourage myself to be strong. Fixing my hair in the vanity mirror, I wash my hands and reach for a paper towel.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry I made you cry.” I look up to see Miriam’s smug face in the mirror. I keep silent though I’m boiling inside. “I would advise you not to think so highly of yourself. He only uses you for his enjoyment. As soon as he gets bored, he will come to me. Just like he did some days ago.” I exhale slowly. Patience…

“I didn’t cry. I know you have met on June 1. I also know why. And I have left your earring in the round vase. I will ask Alexander to give it back to you. You must have lost it before you had cried yourself to sleep. Did you cry because you’d felt Alexander doesn’t care for you anymore?” I say the words confidently, coolly, swiftly. Inside, I am anything but… I leave the room before she can say anything more.

Alexander is standing in the waiting room and I can see it on his face that he’s overly worried. As soon as he sees me, he rushes to me.

“Baby, I am so sorry. Did she tell you anything?” I gesture for him to stop.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. Let’s go please.”

“I will kill her if she has done something to you.”

“Oh, would you?” He rolls his eyes at me. “She hasn’t done anything to me. I’m not a child. Can we just go?”

“Yes. The car is in the parking lot.” He takes my hand and leads me out of the mall.

Inside his car, my emotions burst.

“Did you actually talk to her today?” I look at him in disbelief.

“I told her I had found her earring.”

“So you did talk to her today. Brilliant. And she still had no idea you have a girlfriend.”

“You know why she had no idea. I didn’t want to stress her out.”

“And you chose to stress me out instead.” I want to cry. Why is he being so unreasonable?

“Sarah, no. I thought you understood me.” He huffs. How dare he say such things to me?

“Everything has a limit. What would you do if I refused to tell my ex I had a boyfriend? Just because I didn’t want to stress him out?” His gaze is intent. Then he rakes his hand through his hair: a sign he is nervous.

“Do you have to talk such nonsense? Can we just settle that I simply care for her as a friend and close the topic?”

“It’s me who’s talking nonsense? Alex, are you okay?”

“What did she tell you? Did you argue?”

“Are you worrying about me or her? Because it feels like you care for her feelings more than mine.” My voice is surprisingly steady. As the situation gets worse, I fight to keep my self-control. The fight-or-flight instinct resurfaces. My tears suffocate me. “Can you please take me home?”

“But my parents…”

“I know. I need time.”

“Are you leaving me?” His voice is panicked.

“Please, Alex, please. I need time alone.” He doesn’t speak for some moments. Then he says.

“I cannot. If you need time alone, I will give you that. But I won’t let you go. I am unable.” I groan. He is impossible.

“God, Alex, when will you learn I’m not leaving you?”

“Never.” He grins. I fight my own smile. “I see it you want to smile.” He says arrogantly.

“I want to punch you.” I say with a small voice. He laughs out loud. Then he asks.

“Can I touch you?” I look at his face. I see pure concern and longing in his eyes and my heart immediately melts… Why, why can’t I resist this man? Why does he make me so weak? Everytime we argue I cannot make my point clear because he either kisses the life out of me or distracts me in some other way.

“Please, don’t take this as a rejection, but I need to think. You can take me wherever, I just need an hour alone. I need to think.” My own words hurt me. It’s amazing how sometimes the emotions of our beloved people are more important to us than our own ones. You feel bad for them even if they are wrong and if they hurt, you are willing to do anything to take their pain away. And you are lucky if they don’t take advantage of that.

Alexander takes me to his place. He gives me his t-shirt and a pair of ridiculously oversized shorts and then kisses my temple.

“You have the whole house at your disposal. I won’t leave my room and disturb you unless you want me to. It’s 5.30 pm. If you want to cancel the dinner with my parents, make sure you tell me that now. Now I will leave you to yourself.” Why, why doesn’t he understand my problem? Why doesn’t he want to see my worry?

“Wait.” I say loudly. He turns. “Don’t you see how much it hurts me to know that you care for her so much you let my hand go when you see her? Don’t you see how it hurts me to know that you have been deliberately hiding me from her? She insulted me today, not once. And I felt alone and unsafe. Don’t you see how much it hurts me to feel alone when I’m with you? I somehow managed to convince her today that we have a high trust level and that we tell each other everything, but Alex, I am crying now…” And my tears break… He makes an attempt to approach me but I gesture him to stop. “And then you tell me I’m unreasonable, you ask me to pull myself together… She has won today Alex, she has hurt me so bad. She thinks you didn’t tell her because I’m very temporary for you. She said you would eventually go back to her and she enjoyed it so much that I had no idea you talked today. You have let her hurt me. I don’t know how to deal with this feeling…”

Alex’s face is blank. Nothing. He shows nothing. I refuse to look away from him hoping that I will register some kind of emotion. A few moments later I see it. He realizes what he’s done. He can see it. His gaze shifts from the sofa to me and he swallows.

“Sarah, I… I didn’t realize I hurt you so much today. I am so sorry.” He says so sincerely my heart clenches. His face is pained. “I don’t know what to do now. I feel very guilty.” He sits on the sofa putting his elbows on his knees. He looks into my eyes. “I will tell my parents we won’t make it to the dinner today. I will understand if you don’t want to see me again…” What? No!

“Alex, wait, no. You are taking the idea too far. I’m not leaving you.” I rush to him and kneel in front of him putting my hands on his knees. The idea of me leaving him scares him so much he sees it everywhere. “Alex it’s okay for couples to fight and not get each other right sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily mean they need to part. I told you how I felt and you seem to understand it and I’m sure you won’t let it happen again. Right?” He nods. “See, then it’s all good. We’re okay. I love you.”

“You do?” He sounds surprised. This is hard.

“I do ace. I love you forever because even if we have a problem, we talk and solve it. Means nothing can make us let each other go.”

“Oh Sarah…” He grabs my face and smashes our lips together. “I adore you.” I laugh.

“I don’t give up easily.”

“Don’t give up on me. I can easily screw this up. Don’t let me.” I see fear and hope in his eyes. All at the same time…

“Deal…” I promise him.

“So, we’ll go to my parents’?”

“Sure. Wait. You have paid for the dresses didn’t you?” I narrow my eyes at him and he lets an exasperated growl.

“I did, because you were absent at that time.”

“But you promised me.”

“I never promised you that. I just distracted you and you forgot about it.” Right. He did.

“I hate you.”

“You don’t.”

“Right.” He kisses me again and again till I have nothing on and we’re late for the dinner.

“Alex, we are so getting late! Get up!” I try to push his huge weight off the sofa and fail miserably. He laughs.

“What time is it, sunshine?” I give up and fall facewards on his back. He is warm and soft, yet so firm…

“Fifteen minutes to seven. I hate being late, please get up!” He lets a growl and grabs me by my waist. Then he puts me under him in one swift movement.

“I want to be in bed and lazy with you. Why is it so?” He caresses my cheek and my hair with his right hand. His left is holding my wrists above my head firmly. “I want to kiss you and breathe you and love you… I want to never let you go, I want to hold you. I love you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes… I want you all the time, all to myself, I want you in all the ways I can get you… You mean so much to me Sarah, you mean so much…” Then he lets my hands go and hugs me to him. Careful not to crush me with his weight he kisses my neck and my face. I am overwhelmed with emotions. Life with him is a roller coaster… But I could not be happier…

“Baby, why are you crying?” He is frowning at me when I open my eyes. “Have I hurt you? Are you okay? Does anything hurt?” He is panicking as he studies my body.

“No, I’m fine, nothing hurts, it’s just… You say such beautiful words, it’s overwhelming…” He looks at me with a serious face and then relaxes his features. He grins.

“You love me.” He says with his boyish grin.

“I love you. I do.” I say softly. Then I raise my head inviting him to kiss me. He does.

Alexander’s parents’ place is not far from his. We only have to walk a couple of blocks and we’re there. I am wearing the olive green casual dress that Alexander has bought for me with the pair of brown sandals. He is wearing the khaki shirt with the brown pants and brown shoes I had chosen for him. It’s a very sensitive act, a way to show me he cares about my opinion. We walk hand-in-hand, leisurely, him holding my cake. My ace doesn’t even care we are 20 minutes late.

“I’m so nervous. Thank goodness Lana is home as well.” I whisper to him as we approach their door.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. They will love you.” He kisses my hand. Soon, Alex’s dad and mom open the door.

“Mom, dad.” He hugs them both and I see it right away that they are a loving family. I’m glad. “This is Sarah, my girlfriend. Sarah, meet my mom - Susan.” I smile brightly and she pulls me for a brief hug.

“I am so happy.” She whispers into my ear and I blush. Susan is a plump, blonde woman with green eyes and a kind face. “Me too.” I whisper.

“And this is my dad - Aaron.” Says Alexander. I look up and mouth falls. He is the duplicate of Alexander! Just twice older.

“Welcome to our place, sweetheart.” He says and also hugs me lightly. I smile and look at Alexander. His face is lit, happy, bright! I have not seen him this happy and I’m so excited now! He notices me watching him and winks. I melt into a pool. He aches his brow and blows me a kiss. Alex’s parents start laughing at us. I blush.

“Sarah!” Lana saves the situation. She rushes towards me and hugs me tight. “I missed you!” I hug her back. “Aw, me too, Lana.” As she pulls back she studies my outfit. “You are so beautiful.” I grin. “You are, too.”

“Sarah has baked you a cake.” Says Alexander ceremoniously and holds the cake up for everyone to see.

“Aw, thank you darling, it’s such a sweet thing to do.” Says Alex’s mom and takes the cake. “Oh, and it’s a fruit cake!”

“It is.” I smile.

“Okay family, now let’s go to the dining room. Everything’s ready and waiting.” Says Aaron and we follow him.

The dinner is very relaxed and fun. Alexander is so different when he’s at home. He’s all responsible and grown up. He occasionally makes jokes and we all laugh at them but I clearly see that he wants to show how responsible he feels about everything he does. He wants to make his family proud of him. And I’m going to help him with that.

“So, what do you do for a living Sarah?” Aaron asks casually as we are eating.

“I’m a teach…”

“Sarah is a teacher of English.” Alexander says quickly. I glance at him. For the first time in the whole evening, I understand he is also nervous. I smile at him reassuringly. Then I say.

“Yes, I’m a teacher.”

“Wonderful. Did you graduate the university?”

“Yes, I have graduated last year but my major is in Journalism. English is just a plus.”

“Good. What about your parents?”

I tell them everything about my family. They listen attentively and strangely, I feel so at home.

“Alex, you could show Sarah around before we have dessert. She must be curious.” Lana says and winks at me.

“I am sure she is curious.” Alexander says and blows a kiss to me. I blush.

Alex’s parent’s place is a big two-storey building, all in wood colors, very warm and welcoming. Just like them. It’s amazing how people’s homes are like their owners. When you enter a house, you can definitely tell whether the owner is a kind and open person or not.

“Show me your room.” I tell him as we ascend the stairs.

“I was waiting for that.” He grins at me. The bastard.

His room is full of books and maps. It doesn’t resemble a room of a teenager.

“Did the room look like this when you left it?” I ask him in disbelief.

“Yes. I was always a very smart and serious child.” He says confidently. I laugh.

“It’s called boring, ace.” I slap his arm playfully.

“Hmm, boring you say huh?” He pins me to the wall. My smile is replaced by shallow breaths.

“Alex, they could come in and see us like this.” I say in a low voice.

“I know.” He whispers and kisses me. It’s soft and sweet and gentle. I am momentarily set on fire.