A Thousand Ways to Love

Let You Love Me

KatieI come to the rink early in the morning to get a skate in, just wearing my skates. The rink is empty except for the people that are just opening up. I skate hard and fast around the ice, skating backward, practicing cross overs, and then suicides until I can't breathe. I see the Zamboni getting ready to get on the ice, so I get off, grateful for them letting me use the ice early in the morning before the day starts. I sit on the player's bench to try and catch my breath before I take my skates off.

“So, this is where you find solace,” I hear a voice say. “Should have known.”

I turn and see Colin walking up to me. “Colin?”

“You really love the ice,” Colin says as he stops and stands in front of me.

“Colin, I’m so sorry,” I say. “I yelled at you and freaked out on you and that wasn’t fair. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Katie,” Colin says. “I had a feeling it wasn’t all to do with me.” He looks at the bench. “Can I sit?” I nod and he sits beside me, and I can feel my heart pounding. “So, do you want to talk to me now?”

“You asked me a while ago what happen with Devon and I shut you out,” I say. “The truth is…He cheated on me. I went to visit him at school, and I found out he had slept with another girl. The guy I cared for, who had been so good and kind to me, cheated on me. Made me feel worthless.” Colin stays silent, just listening. “I was so mad and upset with him. And then I had to come back to school, and I wasn’t Devon’s girlfriend anymore. I was just some girl that got played by her boyfriend. I needed to feel wanted.” I stop. I don’t want to say anymore.

“You are definitely not just some girl,” Colin says. “You are this beautiful, incredible, smart, and athletic girl that was in a relationship with a guy that didn’t know how good he had it. A guy that probably hates himself right now.”

“I lost all my confidence,” I say.

“He’s not worth it,” Colin says. “I mean, what kind of guy is he if he goes to Queen’s?”

I laugh. “It’s a good school,” I say.

“Full of preppy snobs,” Colin says. “Katie, you were upset with me on Friday because I was talking with other girls.”

“I went crazy, I know,” I say.

“Why did you flip out on me like that?” Colin asks.

“It felt weird,” I say. “Watching you with those other girls. I just…” I trail off.

“I hate the way guys treat you,” Colin says.

“What?”

“I hate them whistling at you, catcalling, touching you. I hate it. I never gave it a second thought before, but now I hate it,” Colin says.

I turn to look at him and he's just staring out to the ice. "Colin," I say, and he looks at me. "I got hurt by a good guy. And now I'm finding it hard to let in a good guy because of what happened last time."

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m nothing like your hockey player ex-boyfriend,” Colin says and then smiles at me.

“What they say about me, the guys, it’s not true, Colin. I never did anything more than make out with them. I was hurt and upset. I never stopped the rumours that they were saying about me. I never stopped how they treated me. It’s terrible to say, but it made me feel wanted again. That I was still attractive, that guys still wanted to be with me. Devon had made me feel so terrible about myself that I let it happen,” I say.

“You shouldn’t have to subject yourself to that to feel wanted, Katie,” Colin says. “You deserve someone that makes you feel amazing about yourself every single day. Because you are.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask. “I’ve gone crazy on you so many times.”

“Because I actually like your crazy side,” Colin says.

“Funny,” I say.

“I’m serious! It tells me you’re passionate,” Colin says.

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” I say. We stay silent just looking at each other. “I’m going to freak out on you a lot more. I can be a lot to handle at times.”

“I know,” Colin says.

“Yelling, ugly crying, I might even try to punch you,” I say.

Colin smiles. "I wouldn't want you any other way," Colin says and then he slowly puts a hand to my neck and brings me close.

“Please don’t hurt me,” I say.

“Never,” he says and then he kisses me.

No POVFrom the other side of the rink, Jared watches as that Grade 11 kisses his brother’s ex-girlfriend. This is who she’s going to go for? What is she thinking?

“Hey!” one of the guys calls from behind and taps Jared with his stick. “What are you looking at?” His gaze follows through the glass to see the couple kissing. “Oh, first your brother, now this geek. I think now is a good time to give up on her.” And then he walks to the dressing room as Jared just glares at the two of them.