A Thousand Ways to Love

Heartbreak Back

KatieHe stayed to watch the hockey game. I took my time getting undressed because I knew he was out there. I knew he would be waiting for me. Jared is playing now so he has an excuse to stay. After sitting on my own for ten minutes in the dressing room, I decide I should leave. I can’t stay here for another hour. I grab my bag and stick and head out the door. Everyone is watching the guys play so I try to get out of the arena without being noticed. And I do.

But I’m not so lucky when I get to my car.

“What are you doing?” I say as I see him leaning up against it, watching me walk towards him. I notice that he parked his car right beside mine.

“Well, I knew you couldn’t avoid me this way,” Devon says.

I walk past him and open the trunk and lift my bag to put it in the back. He reaches down to help me. "Don't," I say to him. I don't want his help with anything. He puts up his hands and lets me put everything away. I close the trunk and walk around the front of the car to avoid him and get to the driver's seat.

"Katie, just wait," Devon says as he stands in front of the driver's seat door.

“I have to go,” I say. “Please move.”

“You took your sweet time getting out here. I know that’s not true,” Devon says.

“Then just leave because I ask!” I yell at him.

“I’m not leaving until I believe that you’re okay,” Devon says. “I’m not trying to get back with you, Katie. I know I’ve caused too much damage for that to happen. I want to help you.”

“I don’t want your help!” I yell at him and push at his chest. “You cheated on me! You slept with another girl! You made me feel worthless! You were the perfect guy to my face and then turned around and slept with someone else!” I start to feel tears in my eyes.

“Katie, please,” Devon says.

“You took away my confidence,” I say. “And I don’t know how to get it back! I’m scared to trust another guy because you proved that even good guys cheat.”

“I am so sorry, Katie,” Devon says, and I can tell that he means it. Now that he truly sees what his one night did to me. “What can I do?”

“For a year, you made me feel like the most beautiful and confident girl. You made me happy, you made me laugh, you made me feel better about myself,” I say. “Watching your face when I asked you about that girl was the worst pain I have ever felt.”

“I am never going to forgive myself for causing you the worst pain. But I want you to forgive me. I want you to move on. I deserve to be in this situation. You don’t,” Devon says.

“I think I need time,” I say.

“Take all the time you need,” Devon says. “Just focus on you. And forget about that stupid ex-boyfriend of yours that’s kicking himself for ruining the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

“Making out with all those guys. I wasn’t doing it to make you jealous,” I say. “I just wanted to feel wanted but I couldn’t be in a relationship.”

“Katie, I haven’t been with a girl since what happened,” Devon says. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“Did you really come up this weekend to visit your family?” I ask.

"Yes," Devon says. "I always asked Jared about you over the phone, but he always just said you were fine. It wasn't until I came home and could talk to him face to face that I found out what was really going on with you. That's why I came here. I had to talk to you."

“What did he tell you?” I ask.

“Just that you have been fooling around with a bunch of different guys,” Devon says. “I am grateful that Jared wasn’t one of them.”

I laugh. “I’d never do that,” I say.

“They’ve embellished what you’ve really done with guys,” Devon says.

“It’s high school,” I say.

“Is there more happening that I should know about?” Devon asks.

The catcalls, the whistling, slapping my ass, talking about me being easy now that Devon is out of the picture. “No,” I say.

“I know my brother can be a jerk so don’t be afraid to tell me,” Devon says. He stares at me. “I should go, but I’m glad I got to see you and that we got to talk.”

"Devon, I know you're sorry. I can't do it now, but I will forgive you," I say.

“That makes one of us,” Devon says and then he turns to walk back into the arena.

***

When I come back to the house, I hear my parents talking in the kitchen. It sounds serious so I sit on the stairs and listen in.

“He’s been coming over here a lot lately,” Dad says.

“It’s because he’s going to be moving for his new job at the end of the month. And it’s Katie’s last year at home before she goes off to university,” Mom says.

“He goes to all her hockey games, comes over here all the time, and I know she goes to him when she doesn’t want to tell us something,” Dad says. They’re talking about Uncle Joe. “Does she prefer him over me?”

“Oh, don’t say that!” Mom says. “You know she loves you. You are her father, she needs you in her life.”

"The strict father that works all the time while my brother is the fun uncle that gets to be her confidant," Dad says. "I work to give us the life I want for you and her, but I barely get to see her."

“She’s a teenager,” Mom says. “Don’t take it too hard. She needs the strictness in her life to help her. She’s an incredible girl and she wouldn’t be that way without you.” There’s silence. “Your brother loves Katie with all his heart. He has no wife or kids of his own. You, me, and Katie are his family.”

“Do you think he’ll ever…” Dad starts.

“I don’t know,” Mom says.

After a moment of silence, I see that this conversation isn’t going to continue. “Hello?” I call out and then walk into the kitchen.

“Katie,” Mom says. “How was your game?”

“Great, we won,” I say. “I’m just having trouble getting more lift on my slapshot.” I turn to Dad. “I was hoping that you could help me out in the backyard, Dad.” Dad was a really good hockey player in his day.

He smiles at me. “Of course,” he says and then wraps an arm around my shoulders as we walk to the backyard. “Now, to get more height on you slapshot…” I smile to myself at how happy he is.