A Thousand Ways to Love

Can't Fight This Feeling

KatieThursday evening, I walk into my favourite coffee shop and get in line. I look at the back of the man in front of me and he looks familiar.

“Colin?” I say and he turns around and faces me.

“Hey.” He smiles at me. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“They make the best chai tea latte here,” I say.

“My mother would agree with you,” Colin says. “I’m grabbing her one before I head back to the house.”

“Such a good son,” I say.

“I try,” Colin says and shrugs.

“I finished your book,” I say.

“And?” Colin says.

“Not terrible,” I say and smile at him.

“Would you like to read another ‘not terrible’ sci-fi book?” Colin asks.

“Maybe,” I say.

“Sir!” the barista calls to him.

“I’ll find you something,” Colin says and then winks at me before he turns to go to the counter.

Butterflies. Every time he gives me butterflies.

“Miss?” the barista says, and it snaps me back into the moment.

“Bye Katie,” Colin says as he walks away with two drinks in his hands. I wave at him before I go up to the cash.

“I’ll have a large chai tea latte,” I say to the barista as I fish through my purse for my wallet. Another barista puts a large drink on the counter and pushes it towards me. “That was fast,” I say as I pull my card out.

“No need,” the barista says. “The guy in front of you ordered and paid for it.”

“Seriously?” I say, not believing it.

“Yup,” she says, and I can tell she wants me to get out of the way for the next person.

I take it and get out of the way. I send him a thank you text. Just friends, I think to myself. Just friends. Doesn’t matter if he’s a good guy. Devon was a good guy too.

***

Friday morning, someone slams my locker door close on me and I look to see Liam standing there. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have said what I said, even if I do think Devon is an idiot.”

“I’m sorry too,” I say. “I went a little crazy the other day.”

"Nothing I'm not used to," Liam says with a smile. "You don't have to tell me what happened, but I'm always here to listen if you do."

“Thanks, Liam,” I say.

“It might help,” Liam says.

“It’s embarrassing when the person you cared so much about doesn’t care about you as much,” I say.

“Embarrassing?” Liam asks.

“How can I let people see the destruction Devon caused? He made me feel less than I have ever felt before. I’m trying to rebuild the confidence he broke down,” I say.

“Does fooling around with guys give you confidence?” Liam asks.

“It makes me feel wanted,” I say.

“Oh, Katie,” Liam says and then hugs me. “Don’t let someone who’s not worth your time ruin your life.”

"Easy to say when you're not the one who had their heartbroken," I say.

***

Later that day, I walk through the cafeteria during lunch, but something outside catches my attention. I look through the big windows and see a guy and girl sitting together on a bench. I immediately recognize Colin, who is sitting back and talking with a girl I don't recognize. She's a pretty blonde and she's trying to get as close to him as possible. She's smiling and laughing and hanging off every word he says. It annoys me. She's just interested in him because he's good looking. I watch as she puts a hand to his knee, and he doesn't do anything to stop her.

I can’t watch this. So I leave Colin to flirt with the pretty blonde outside.

***

In the afternoon, I grab the second book of the Emperor series from my locker to give to Colin. When I look down the hall, I see him at his locker, but again, he's not alone. He's talking to a pretty redhead this time that I don't recognize. Probably in his grade. Their smiling, talking, laughing, and it just stirs something inside me that makes me feel sick. Just like last time. She puts a hand on his arm, and again, he does nothing.

“Something wrong?” Sierra says and slaps me on the back.

“What?”

“You are just staring down the hall,” Sierra says and then looks down the hall and sees what has grabbed my attention. “Ah,” she says. “She’s pretty.”

“Shut up,” I say.

“What?” Sierra says. “He’s a good-looking guy. Like a sexy scientist. You can’t be surprised that other girls would be interested in him.”

“Stop.”

“You are the older one, Katie. And the popular athlete,” Sierra says. “You have to be the one to make the first move with him.”

“How many times do I have to say that I don’t like him like that before you believe me?” I ask.

“I don’t believe lies,” Sierra says, and then walks away.

***

When the final bell rings in Chemistry class to let us out for the weekend. I quickly grab my books and get out of that class as fast as I can.

"Hey!" I hear a voice call from behind in the hallway, but I keep walking to my locker. "Katie, wait!" I only stop when I get to my locker and Colin stands there as I pack my stuff to get out of this school as fast as possible. "Katie," Colin says but I ignore him. "Did I do something wrong?"

“No,” I say, not looking at him.

“Then why are you freezing me out?” Colin asks.

I grab the book and push it into his chest hard. “I’m not freezing you out,” I say and continue to pack my bag.

“Katie, just tell me what’s wrong,” Colin says.

“Nothing’s wrong, Colin,” I say and slam my locker close and throw my bag over my shoulders.

“Very convincing,” Colin says sarcastically. “Just tell me.”

“Colin, I’ve known you for like two weeks. You don’t get to pretend to be like a concerned friend to me,” I say. I try to walk by him, but he grabs my arm.

“I’m not pretending. But clearly, I did something to piss you off, but this time, I don’t know what I did,” Colin says.

“I told you, you did nothing wrong. I hope you enjoy all the pretty girls in Grade 11 falling for the handsome genius,” I say and pull my arm away, but his grip tightens.

“What the heck are you talking about?” Colin asks.

“All the girls that love talking to you,” I say.

“Really?” Colin says as if he can’t believe it. “You’re really going to talk to me about that.”

“You must love it,” I say.

“Now you are talking crazy,” Colin says.

“So, I’m crazy now?” I say.

“You have always been crazy, just more so now,” Colin says. “You don’t get to be mad at me for talking with other girls.”

“It’s more than just talking,” I say.

“And what do you do with guys, Katie?” Colin says. “Because I definitely know it’s more than just talking.” I stay silent. “Nothing to say? Why do you even care who I talk to?”

“I don’t,” I say.

"Tell me why you are angry, Katie. Tell me why you are upset," Colin says sternly coming up close to my face.

“I’m not upset,” I say to his face as we glare at each other.

“Tell me why you care about me talking with other girls,” Colin says.

“Let go of me before I hurt you,” I say. He doesn’t let go. “Five seconds. 5…4…3…2…” He lets go and I walk by him and leave him there.