Alone with the Cold Weather (Guerra Entre Familias Series #2)

I sat on the bench where I often sit alone. Then I hugged myself before closing my eyes as I could feel the cold weather caressing my face, the only part of my body that was exposed. I sighed with a heavy heart. It's Christmas again and it's been years. I'm already here... with my whole family. But I still feel so.. alone. I took a deep breath, with my eyes still closed. Trying to control myself with what's about to burst inside of me. The hurt I'm trying to hide for a long time. Then I sighed heavily again. It's been years and now I'm starting to lose hope. I feel like the little bits of hope I have left are gone. I let the snow from the sky touch my coat and hat, falling on me bit by bit. I opened my eyes when I felt someone sit beside me. I sighed and didn't even bother to look at him. I wasn't planning to say anything. Like I mean, I'm not even sure if I know him. I find it hard to be optimistic now. I find it hard to be hopeful now. The pain is already too much. I was already expecting that he's probably waiting for someone and that he'll be leaving soon but I was surprised when he suddenly talked to me. "It's been a while, Francine." Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko nang marinig ang malamig niyang tono. Nagtaka ako dahil alam niya ang pangalan ko. I laid my eyes on him and it widened when I gradually recognized him. The tears I was holding back a while ago escaped from my eyes. I couldn't help but clench my hands wearing gloves. He's wearing a mask to cover half of his face but I started to recognize him because of his eyes. Those brown.. mysterious eyes. "Grandma! Grandma! I wanna show you something!" I said as I ran towards my grandmother who was busy sketching clothes. It was winter at that time. "What is it?" she asked, her eyes still focused on what she was doing. "I wanna show you my design!" I said before raising my doll that's wearing the dress I made. "Design?" Saka palang niya ako tinignan nang marinig ang sinabi ko. Inayos niya ang suot niyang salamin bago pinasadahan ng tingin ang manikang hawak ko. "Is it pretty?" I asked. She raised an eyebrow. "No, it's not." She sighed heavily before bringing back her attention to what she was doing. "Just leave my office now, Franchesca. You're disturbing me." The smile plastered on my face vanished. The high energy I had a while ago suddenly went low. I sighed heavily and left the office without a word. Pagpunta ko sa sala ay sumalubong sa'kin ang pinsan kong si Zoe. I looked away when I saw her mean expression. "Grandma didn't like it? I told you so. Your designs are cheap. Your designs are nothing but trash, Franchescalyn." I didn't respond and continued walking to get away from her but I heard some of her last words before I left the house. "Who would like your designs anyway? Just throw that doll already! It's not even pretty!" I ran straight to the place where I often stayed alone. I sat on the bench and wiped the tears that fell on my cheeks. I stared at my doll. "They say you're ugly. But why do I find you pretty?" I asked as if the doll would answer my question. I sniffed before wiping my tears again. "Is it because of what you're wearing? Is it because of the dress I made for you?" I cried even more because of that thought. Lagi nilang sinasabi na hindi maganda ang mga disenyo ko. Na common o cliché na 'yong mga gawa ko. I have always tried my hardest to get some love and attention from them ever since when I was a kid but I think my hardest was not hard enough. That my best was not good enough. I cried for minutes before removing the dress from the doll and throwing it away. I stood up and started walking back but I suddenly stopped when I heard a voice behind me. "Why did you throw it?" I bit my lower lip before looking at the boy who asked that, feeling shy because I realized he saw what I did. Dahil sa malamig na panahon ay balot na balot siya gaya ko. "It's ugly." "No, it's not." Lumapit siya sa'kin bago binigay ang maliit na damit na tinapon ko kanina lang. "It's cute." I felt my cheeks burning, still feeling shy. I glanced at the dress I made before looking at him again. "Really? But everybody else says it's ugly. That it's common." "That's not true. It's not ugly. It may be common but it's fine. You're still practicing so it's okay if you start with the common designs before making your style. Practice makes perfect." I smiled at him. "I'm Chesca. And you are?" He smiled too. "I'm Alex. Can we be friends?" My smile widened. "Friends? Yeah, sure!" Meeting Alex for the first time was also the first time I made real friends with someone. He was so good to be with. He didn't judge me like how my relatives and grandmother do. We didn't see each other that often back then because he doesn't live in the US. We only see each other when he visits his relatives. I would always go and sit on the bench where we first met and he would sometimes appear. When Christmas came, I rushed out of our house to go to the bench where he and I always meet. I didn't even mind stopping myself from going out when Zoe shouted at me when I accidentally bumped into her before leaving. She's always like that so I already got used to it somehow. I was already sitting on the bench holding the little present I prepared, carefully holding it when I saw Alex walking towards where I was. He sat beside me when he got near. "Hi, Alex!" I greeted him with all smiles. He smiled back at me. "It's nice to see you again, Chesca." I gave him the little present I was holding. "Merry Christmas!" "Thank you," he said before he took the gift and gave me the present he brought. "And here's yours. Merry Christmas too." We opened the gifts together after we exchanged them. I received a necklace from him while he got a bracelet from me. We looked at each other again. "Did you made this?" Inunahan niya ako sa pagsasalita. I nodded. "Yup!" He smiled again. "It's very pretty." "Good thing you liked it." "I love it, Chesca." I smiled even more. I don't know but... I just felt so happy when I was with him. Well.. maybe it's because he was one of the least people who understood me. I wore the necklace he gave me and he wore the bracelet I gave him. Silence conquered us for seconds before he talked again. "I.. have something to tell you. It's very important." He sounded so serious and at the same time, sad. That got me curious... and worried since I noticed how his expression changed. He looked happy a while ago and now I can see that he's sad about something. "What is it?" "I won't be able to visit you here again, like how frequently I used to." The happiness I was feeling gradually vanished when those words were finally processed inside my mind. I was already used to how frequently he visited but I couldn't imagine that time of how it would work if that 'sometimes' would be 'rare'. "It's a long story, Chesca. I'm so sorry." He held my hand. "But please don't worry. I'll try my best to still visit you, though it won't be as frequent as I used to." It took me a little while to think before I held his hand too. "I understand, Alex. You may be miles and miles away, but we're still friends, right?" He nodded at me before looking into my eyes. "Yes, of course. Distance won't matter." I felt sad, but at least we will still see each other. I thought that it was better than completely not being able to see him. "Hey, where have you been?" Norwin, Zoe's older brother, asked me. "I just went outside for a little bit," I answered. I can somehow handle the way Zoe treats me but not how the way I try to handle her brother. He's too difficult to read. Most of the time, I just can't understand him. He always had that blank expression of his, the reason why I couldn't tell if he was happy or not. If he cares or not. His voice is also in a low tone and he's mostly quiet. That's why I find him intimidating. I know well that Zoe hates me for a reason that I don't know. I'm not sure of the reason, but at least I'm aware of what she thinks of me. Alam ko na ayaw niya sa'kin kaya nakakagawa ako ng paraan kung paano siya pakikitunguhan. But I can't tell if his brother hates me too so I'm quite confused about how to deal with him. He nodded. "I'm the one who's currently in charge here. They went somewhere but they promised to come back as soon as possible. But still, behave and don't go outside without telling me. I'm the one accountable if anything bad happens to the two of you." "Okay." When I went to the living room, I saw Zoe sitting on the single sofa near the fireplace, reading one of her books. She closed it when she felt my presence. "Where have you been, ugly? My brother was looking everywhere for you," she said artistically before raising an eyebrow. "I just went outside for a little bit," I gave a repeated answer in a tired tone. Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa suot kong kuwintas. "Where did you get that?" "Someone gave it to me." "Who?" "It's a secret." No one in my family is aware of my friendship with Alex. I chose not to tell them about him because they're so strict. Well, maybe not every one of them. Mom and Dad are not strict but they're always busy at work. Auntie and Grandma are the ones who are always in the house. Auntie and Grandma are so tough and if they don't like someone I'm with, they might force me not to be with that person again because I saw how they did it to Zoe and Norwin. Based on what I remember and what I still feel, I wanted to keep Alex for myself because he was my only friend. That he was my only, genuine, best friend. And I didn't want to lose someone like him. I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to lose him. He was very important to me. And I didn't want anyone to make me avoid him or force me to end our friendship. "Why can't you tell me? Who would give you that? You don't even have friends! Or maybe you stole that!" "No, I didn't!" "Then, who gave you that?" "Do I need to answer your questions all the time? Well, I don't want to!" "Well, maybe because you stole that! And you're hiding something from us!" "Why are you girls fighting?" Zoe and I suddenly stopped arguing with each other when Norwin suddenly entered the room and asked. Zoe pointed to me. "Chesca stole something! And it's that necklace she's wearing!" Norwin raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that true?" I shook my head. "No! Someone gave this to me." "She's lying, Norwin!" "Did you see how she stole it?" Zoe paused for a second before she answered. "No." "Well then, you don't have enough evidence to justify your accusation, Zoe. It's possible that a stranger outside gave her that. And besides, it's Christmas. Just let it go." I became speechless when he said that. When Norwin left the room, Zoe gave me a mean stare. I held my necklace. "This is mine. I didn't steal it." She rolled her eyes and didn't give a word. Bumalik na lang siya sa ginagawa niya kaya natahimik na rin ako. I decided to stay inside my room and do some sketching while waiting for our parents. When they arrived, my parents talked to me. My tears started to fall when they told me something unexpected. "We're leaving? But why?" Mommy looked at me sadly and wiped my tears. "We need to manage our business there, my love. And we want you to come with us." "I don't want to!" I didn't exactly know what to do at that time. I was still a kid but I know what I want. I just didn't know where to stand. What about my promise to Alex? I might not see him again once I leave! I was so scared about that thought. I didn't know how to tell them the main reason why I didn't want to. If I didn't meet Alex, I would love to leave the country with them. As long as there's still snow. But Dad told me that there's no snow in the Philippines. I wouldn't be able to see both Alex and the snow again. So I was hurt a lot. I left Alex and I went to a tropical country. I was left with no choice. When we arrived in the Philippines, we fixed our things and rested for a while before going somewhere. "'Yan na ba ang anak niyo? Her name is Franchescalyn, right?" I looked at the woman talking to my parents. I didn't understand everything she was saying. Mommy held me on my shoulders. "Love, this is your Tita Amanda and Tito Alonzo. They're our friends from way back." Tita Amanda smiled at me. "Hello!" I smiled at her. "Hi!" I responded. "You're so pretty!" she added. I was surprised when she said that. I never heard that from Grandma. I was always with them but they never told me I'm pretty. Zoe calls me ugly all the time. Kaya nagulat talaga ako nang marinig ko iyon sa isang babaeng noong araw na iyon ko lang nakilala. Tito Alonzo looked at his son. "Adrian, come here." His son obeyed and glanced at me. "Bakit po?" "Where's your sister?" "Nasa taas po." "Puntahan mo siya at sabihin mo sa kanya na may bago siyang kaibigan." I didn't understand the last thing that Tito said but when his son came back, he was already with a girl that's like the same age as me. "Adrian, Andria, this is Franchescalyn. She's the daughter of your Tita Florene and Tito Arthur." "Nice to meet you," Adrian said. The girl smiled and waved at me. "Hi, Franchescalyn!" She looked at me as if she was so amazed. "You're so pretty! Your eyes are green! It's so cool!" Hindi ako makangiti nang maayos nang sabihin niya rin iyon. Hindi kasi ako sanay. "H-Hello." Kaya iyon lang sinabi ko. I was shocked when Andria suddenly took my hand and pulled me to go somewhere. "Laro tayo!" she said. Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?" I asked because I didn't understand some words they said at that time. I looked at our parents. Mommy smiled at me. "It's okay. Go ahead," she mouthed. "Andria, be careful." I looked at Adrian when he said that. I just realized that he was busy following us upstairs. "And by the way, Dad told me that she doesn't understand Filipino yet." "Oh." Napatigil bigla si Andria kaya tumigil rin ako sa paghakbang. "Okay, Kuya. I'm sorry." When we reached her room, saka pa lang kami iniwan ng kapatid niya. "What do you mean by 'Kuya'?" I suddenly asked her that because I was inquisitive. "That means older brother in Filipino." "What do you call an older sister?" "Ate." Then she pouted. "Here in our country, it's normal for us to say 'po' to elders. That's how we respect them aside from 'mano' or bless." "We don't have those in the US." "I understand. But you're one of us na! So you can do that now too." She took her dolls and gave me some. "How old are you?" "Six." Her smiles widened. "I'm six years old too!" she said and then giggled. We were already playing when her brother suddenly knocked and opened the door. "Andria, Danna's downstairs." "Okay, Kuya." Then she looked at me. "Let's go outside. Danna is my friend and she can be your friend too." When we got down, Andria introduced me to Danna and Kuya Adrian introduced me to Kuya Cedric, Danna's brother. I also met their parents and realized that they have Chinese ancestry. "Can we be friends?" Danna asked me. I smiled. "Sure!" The last people I met that day were Kuya Derrick and his parents. Kuya Derrick greeted me with all smiles. "Hello! Wow, our eyes are green! Ang ganda mo!" Kuya Adrian elbowed him. "Hindi pa siya masyadong nakakaintindi ng Filipino." Kuya Derrick looked at him. "Ah, ganun ba?" Then he looked back at me and smiled again. "You're pretty." Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Receiving compliments from other people I just met was just so new to me. I think that day was a first. "I brought my camera. Mag-picture tayong anim!" Kuya Derrick added. Andria looked at me. "Kuya Derrick said we'll take pictures." "Oh, by the way, do you have a nickname? Franchescalyn seems too long to pronounce," Danna said. Bigla akong napaisip. She's right. I think I want a new nickname for myself, too. My family calls me Franchesca. Every time Grandma and Auntie scolded me, they would call me Franchescalyn. But I'm in a new environment now with new people too. This might be somehow a new start for me. "Francine," I suddenly said. Bigla ko na lang naisip iyon. "Just call me Francine." She smiled at me. "Okay." So that's how I met them. That marked the day I made five new friends in a new environment and made a new name for myself too.