Changing Her Stars

Chapter Sixteen

Leira wiped her eyes with her sleeve as she leaned against the closed door in her room. She had been relieved to not run into anyone on her way back, though she had already concocted a story about her tears just being raindrops. Whether it was a believable story or not, she didn’t care. The last thing she wanted was for the servants, or worse, her husband, to see her crying about something so dumb. Something from her past. Something she’d tried so hard to forget.

She hated how it all still plagued her. Though time had passed, she was stuck in the memories of her mistakes. They clung to her, taunted her, and even haunted her. Every word, action, and choice had to be carefully cultivated so that she would not make the same mistakes she had made as a viscountess. Any misstep and that would be it for her. Leira was well aware of the consequences awaiting her otherwise.

Shoving it all to the back of her mind, she readied a bath for herself. She hoped she wouldn’t be playfully scolded later by Lilla, since it was her maid’s job to bathe her and dress her. Since returning to her parents’ home after getting divorced, she had preferred to do everything herself, and she’d grown used to it over the years. In fact, it felt more uncomfortable for her to be served than for her to do things herself. Leira constantly felt like a burden to others.

Sinking into the water, the warmth seeped into her body and bones. She hadn’t noticed how cold she’d been prior and was now grateful for the warmth. Her body was already beginning to ache, which told her just how sore she would be the next day. But again, she knew that she’d rather have sore muscles than not. Leira hoped that her husband wouldn’t take away the lessons, especially since she’d already grown accustomed to waking up earlier to train.

Once the water cooled, she got out and chose another simple dress to wear. The duke hadn’t said anything about it to her yet, so she decided to continue wearing them. It was a darker grey color, which she chose specifically because it matched the dark cloud outsides, with ruffled shoulder sleeves, and white accents and a white bow that tied in the back. The issue she ran into was that she couldn’t fasten all of the buttons in the back and made it roughly around halfway. Only then did she wish she’d called for Lilla earlier.

Sighing, Leira walked over the door and opened it, surprised to see her husband pacing in the hallway.

“Oh,” she murmured, even as he turned to look at her with guilt written all over his face.

“Leira,” he stated plainly.

She waited for a moment, wondering whether he’d continue talking or not. When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to say anything further, she decided she needed to end the awkwardness.

“Can I help you?”

He nodded.

Leira shook her head, dumbfounded. “How? What can I do for you?”

“Um…”

She had never seen him flustered before. She didn’t prefer it. Based on her interactions with him, she had created an image of what and who he should be. Seeing him floundering broke the stoic image she had given him. For the first time, he seemed more real to her and more relatable.

“Your dress,” he finally mumbled. “Do you need help?”

Glancing down, Leira noticed that her left sleeve had fallen off her shoulder. Quickly, she pulled it back into place, but then nodded sheepishly and turned around. She felt his hands brush against her skin and did her best to ignore the smattering of butterflies she felt in her stomach. Somehow, her husband buttoning up her dress was sending flashbacks of their intimate times together in her head. Her face flushed. What was she thinking?

“Do you not have a maid anymore?” he then asked quietly, fumbling with a button at the base of her neck.

“No, I do,” she replied hesitantly.

Panic coursed through her at the question. She didn’t want to get Lilla in trouble and hoped she could explain the situation clearly enough.

“So, where is she?”

“Well,” Leira attempted, hoping she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. “I prefer to do certain things alone, so I didn’t think to call for my maid until I realized I couldn’t finish dressing without her. I was about to call for her when I found you outside the door.”

“Why do you prefer to do things alone?”

There was a gentleness to his voice that she wanted to trust. She then felt him smooth out of the fabric of her gown and step away. Leira soon found herself yearning for his closeness to return, though she couldn’t fathom why. Her emotions seemed to be at war with her brain.

She cleared her throat, buying herself time. “After several years of living in my father’s house again, I became used to doing things a certain way. It will take more than a couple of months to train it out of me. If it is something that you wish for me to work on, as is proper of your duchess, then I will comply with whatever you command.”

“I… It is not a command,” he said softly, his breath hitting her ear.

He had leaned in close to her, and his voice sent a shiver down her back. For the second time since their marriage, she felt an insatiable urge to kiss him. It was a feeling she did not comprehend. However, she kept herself from acting on it. Perhaps he had merely indulged her last time. She did not want to be a woman who forced unwanted advances upon her partner, as she knew all too well how that experience felt .

“Leira,” he continued.

His voice was a melody in her ears. She closed her eyes.

“I want you to be comfortable here. I want this castle to be your home and to feel like your home. If you don’t want to use the staff, you don’t have to. If you want to make your own meals or fold the laundry, you can. I do not want to be a barrier in your way. I only want to–”

She turned abruptly to face him, their faces inches apart. “Why say this now?”

“Why should I wait any longer to say what’s on my mind? Didn’t we agree to be more honest with each other? More forward?”

“Not quite,” Leira countered defensively.

She watched his eyes flick down to her lips before they met her eyes again. “Well, I’d like to be more honest from now on.”

“More honest about what?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

The atmosphere had changed, and she could sense the tension between them. She tried to keep herself from thinking about whether he wanted her as much as her body seemed to want him in this moment.

“About…” he paused, leaning ever closer to her.

There was barely any space between their lips as he repeated, “About…”

She closed her eyes, feeling the softest brush of his lips against hers. Her pulse quickened, and her body betrayed how much she wanted this.

“Oh! Me lady!” Lilla excitedly cried out as she turned the corner.

Lilla held a new gown in her hands and was staring at the beadwork, missing how the couple flinched apart, startled by her sudden exclamation and guilty about what had almost transpired. The duke was on the other side of the hallway as the maid approached, a huge grin on her face.

“I ‘ope I’m not inter’uptin anything, ‘ere,” Lilla said with a curtsy. “I jus be noticin’ that me lady gots a new dress! I couldn’ wait ta show ‘er. Wait, me lady, don tell me yous bathed yerself agin. Yer dressed already!”

The duke gave Leira a knowing look before he excused himself. Lilla pouted at her mistress for bathing and dressing herself with the maid’s help. However, Leira could only think about how to calm herself down. She had almost kissed him. Willingly. Longingly.

She let her maid push her back into the bedroom and seat her in the vanity chair. Lilla immediately began chatting away as she brushed out her hair, unaware of what she had interrupted. Leira wasn’t sure if she was glad for the maid’s intervention. In fact, she wasn’t sure what had come over her the last few days.

Before long, her hair was done up in a loose bun, and she was ready to head down for breakfast. Taking one last look in the mirror to ensure her cheeks had returned to their natural color, she dismissed Lilla and headed to her breakfast nook. The rain was picking up outside, which made the manor feel extra quiet. She was looking forward to her cup of coffee and watching the rain fall. She deliberated on how she would fill the rest of her day, now that the duke had taken her work from her. Her mind briefly wondered if there were any art supplies in the building. After breakfast, she would ask Mrs. Varn. She hadn’t touched a paintbrush in far too long, and she missed it dearly. It had been her only solace in her father’s house, so perhaps, it would serve the same purpose in this house.

As she turned into the room, she was shocked to see the duke already sitting at the small table, a steaming cup in hand. His eyes alone set her face ablaze as he stared at her with an intensity she couldn’t match, and so, she averted her gaze. She sat down in front of him, one of the staff placing her preferred cup of coffee in front of her.

“Leira,” he said, his voice laced with lust.

She felt the heat spread from her face to her entire body.

“Yes, m’lord?”

“We need to talk.”

Her heart sank.