Changing Her Stars

Chapter Nine

It had been hours since the duke had spoken to her, let alone even looked at her. Things had been tense from the first question that prince had asked, and though Leira had done her best to dodge every obstacle, she had ultimately made matters worse. It didn’t end until her husband had practically chased the prince out of the manor. Once he had come back, he had disappeared into his office, and she hadn’t seen him since, even for dinner.

Leira studied the plate before her, pushing the different foods around as the earlier conversation played over and over and over again in her head.

Harlon had been sitting across from her and had smirked over his teacup at her when he asked the pointed question, “Would you ever take on a lover?”

She was immediately horrified and replied quickly, “I–I don’t see how that is appropriate or relevant information for you to know.”

“So, you would, hmm?”

“I am newly wedded, Your Highness!”

Harlon shrugged his shoulders, “For the second time. It means you now get to compare husband number one to husband number two, you know? Tell me, which one is better in the sack, eh? Which one makes you scream?”

“Harlon!” the duke barked.

Leira shuddered at the memory and pushed away from the table. She had had no appetite all day and had constantly worried about how her husband had perceived her words.

“M’lady, yar finished already?” a maid asked quietly.

“Yes, please take me to my room.”

“Yar room?” the maid then questioned, confusion on her face.

She nodded. “Yes, the room in which the duchess will reside. Please take me there since I’m not well acquainted with the manor yet.”

“Uh–” the maid started

“Right this way, m’lady,” a different, older woman said, stepping up to her.

Leira watched them exchange a look before the older woman began walking towards the door. She followed silently, wondering what all that had been about.

“Can I get your name, please?”

“Ms. Benson, but e’eryone jus calls mah Ms. B,” the woman said, leading her to the stairs and through the hallway.

Once in front of the door adjacent to the duke’s, the woman opened it and escorted Leira inside. The room was strangely quiet and still. Though it had been obviously cleaned and well taken care of, there was something off about it, as if it hadn’t been touched in years. It was decorated in muted pinks and gold, which were not to her style, but it lacked the extravagance that every other room seemed to possess. Everything was simple in this room, even down the bedspread and curtains, which had no extra gaudy beading or patterns

“Thank you, Ms. B,” Leira said, who bowed her head and then exited the room, leaving her alone in the strangeness.

Leira looked around the room, investigating drawers, which had items in them, and the closet, which had dresses already hanging up. The dresser had a jewelry box sitting on top of it, and when she opened the box, there were clearly commissioned pieces of jewelry untouched inside. Everything about this room told her that it had been made for someone. The duke had clearly spent time picking everything out, from the jewels to the dresses to the designs on the furniture. She wasn’t sure why, but Leira felt very out of place in the room. It had been created for someone whom he must’ve held dear, such as a sister or mother. She briefly tried to remember if he had any family, living or deceased, but couldn’t remember. This room felt like an entombed shrine, and she was merely an unwelcome intruder.

At least an hour passed before a maid entered the room to help her change into a nightgown. She still hadn’t heard from her husband, even as the maid left the room, telling her to have a good night. She didn’t understand why he was ignoring her or why her heart hurt from it.

Her memory replayed a different scene from the dreaded tea party.

“Have you heard from Ezair lately?” Harlon had asked her, his shrewd eyes picking up on how Leira froze in her seat.

“Who is that?” the duke had questioned.

“Oh? So there are secrets already in your marriage, are there? I guess that means that I already know the answer as to whether the duchess believes that secrets within a marriage are acceptable.”

Leira regained her composure and quietly replied, “I have not heard from him in several years.”

“Ah, what a shame. Shall I tell you my news or make you beg me for it?” the prince jeered. “What would you be willing to do for such information?”

She turned towards the duke, searching for safety or at least a lifeline, but she was met with a coldness she wasn’t expecting nor could comprehend.

Sighing, Leira chased the memories away. Stewing on it wouldn’t help any, and it certainly wouldn’t fix the issues that had clearly arisen. He hadn’t given an explanation as to why he’d been upset. In fact, his silence was the only indicator of his anger towards her. Her mind was reeling. The anxiety of whether he was contemplating divorce already was eating her alive. Not only was she a failure for being unable to produce a living heir, but now she’d be the laughing stock of the kingdom for being divorced within days of being married off again. Her father would probably kill her outright for this complete humiliation.

As soon as the first tear slipped over the edge of her eyelid, she couldn’t stop the others from following suit. Her life was one nightmare after another. Each failure repeated itself in her mind, mocking her, sneering at her, laughing at how stupid she was, especially thinking that her second marriage would be different from her first.

Reverting to her childhood days, Leira found a small space under one of the many tables in the room and crawled under it. She wrapped her arms around her knees and sobbed into herself. She cried for the loneliness she felt; she cried for the pain she’d endured; and she cried for the love she knew she wouldn’t receive in yet another failed marriage. Her life was a walking tragedy. A joke. A truly miserable existence. She cried until her own exhaustion overtook her.

Her uneasy sleep was quickly overtaken by her past memories that plagued her. The whippings and beatings from not only her father but from her first husband as well. She was so lost in her own pain that she wasn’t woken up by the pounding on the door or the shouting or even when she was moved from the cramped hiding spot she’d located.

“NO!” Leira screamed out, jolting up into a sitting position.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around her knees, burying her head into her arms. She barely registered the large arms that circled around her and drew her into a lap. All she could see was the malicious grin on his lips. The taste of copper in her mouth. The searing pain all over her body. And the laughter. The malevolent laughter that never ceased.

“I have you. I’m so sorry. You’re safe here,” a gentle voice whispered. “I’m sorry. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe. I’ll protect you.”

She shook her head, pushing against the body holding her. She needed to get away. She needed space. She was suffocating. Her lungs refused to work. She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe!

“LEIRA!” his voice rang out, drowning out the laughter.

Her eyes, which had been hastily searching for an escape, focused on his piercing green ones. He held her tightly. One gruff hand holding each of her biceps.

“You’re okay, Leira,” he said. “You’re safe now.”

Silence strangled the room as she eventually matched his breathing pace. Her heart started to slow, and she felt her adrenaline begin to fade away. She felt her body grow weary, and she slumped forward into his chest. He hugged her, kissing the top of her head. She didn’t know when she fell asleep.

When she awoke, there was light streaming through the windows, and she saw that she was once again in the duke’s room. She was pressed firmly against him, his arms practically squeezing the life out of her. Leira noticed wet patches on his undershirt, and touching her cheeks, she realized that she still had tears. Weakly, she attempted to wiggle out of his arms.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice groggy.

She froze.

After a moment, he asked, “Are they always that bad?”

Leira swallowed uncomfortably, her vocal cords stiff. “Are–are what?”

“Please don’t play dumb with me.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, unsure of whether to be truthful or not. He seemed to want to know, but who was to say that he wouldn’t mock her for it later or use it later for his own purposes.

“Please,” he then said, his voice breaking.

“Yes, sometimes,” she replied quietly and matter-of-factly. “I guess so. I don’t know.”

“What do you see?”

Not knowing how to answer, she only shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t like he actually wanted to know anyway. He may care now, but in a matter of moments, he could turn against her.

“What does it matter?” she whispered, expressing her inner thoughts without thinking.

Pulling back, his gaze held hers in place. “You matter to me, Leira, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you if I have to.”