To Make Him The Emperor

Buzzing ballrooms, click-clacks of opulent heels, furls of undulating laced gowns ornating the gracious beings - when you mix all of these up, the result is always a cacophony. When I said I was not too fond of a lively convention of the bests in laughs and jocular conversations - I meant it. Cross that out, I absolutely despise it. My breathing halts in sporadic gasps as I try to focus on one noise at a time. I hear Octavia sneering in the distance, I imagine her to be donned in blue, a silver necklace glimmering over her long elegant neck. Back when I used to see her around, every image that I can recall of her, I saw her in mostly blues. Inevitably, the shades tended to be different every time, but perhaps it was her favorite color at the end. Blue - no matter what shade it arrived in, she made it her color, reigning its empire. In the faintest corner, there's my father, Duke Sylvanus, one of the most revered authorities in the empire. Wherever he goes, there's always a troop of flatterers following him, trying to earn his favor in the midst of their sneaky trials to drop a few remarks. His voice always sounds husky and drowsy, perhaps from countless sleepless nights. He must be too busy handling the royal affairs. Even if this banquet is held on the occasion of my brother's coming-of-age who is soon about to leave for his long-term training at the border, I have hardly heard any familiar bustles that made me think of him. Where is Isnian? I prod twice on the wooden bracelet on my hand, and pretty soon, familiar steps of Mariqua arrive. She stands beside me, dropping to a bow to her waist as her voice arrives from beneath my line of sight, "You must be tired, my Lady. Would you like to go take some rest?" I shake my head, asking, "Have you seen Isnian?" "Lord Isnian is likely to be in the garden, greeting his friends. Do you wish to go see him?" I nibble on my lips. Perhaps he is having fun, it's no good to go and ruin it for him. I say, "No. Take me to my room." "Of course, my Lady." She lightly holds my hand and taps once. I turn to my right to the staircase and proceed with her trailing from behind. An abrupt high-pitched voice decides to alight and interrupt my pace, followed by a general of a few more quirky ladies in the back. The sudden ambiance changes and I can feel the air being entrapped within the space. I know exactly who the person is. "Lady Ishelyn! It's been such a long, long time since I have seen you! Please accept my humble greetings." "It's great to see you've been doing well, Lady Aurelia." I put on the facade of my formal smile, to which the other person begins to snicker behind her palm, "Oh, my! I by no means wish to offend - perhaps my Lady means hear me instead, since-" Of course, they wouldn't ever leave no chance of mocking me once in a while. I can't engage even in a flimsy snapback right now. This banquet is not for me but for my brother, and I can't be in the limelight in this event on these trivial matters. "I hope you enjoy the banquet. Please don't mind my insincere words, I am feeling somewhat tired, I think l will go take some rest." "Of course, my Lady. I am your well-wisher after all. I just happened to come across this rumor that Duke Sylvanus is considering adoption since...my Lady, well, will be alone after Lord Isnian leaves for his training. I have been worried for you. May I know if...this rumor might be true?" It was her experimenting to achieve even if a quick falter of anger or frustration escapes to be on my countenance, that would feed her daily fit of content after all. But I, by no means, shall give in to her meticulous mischief. Years and years of training allowed me to feign my inner feelings, how could this minor lady in the name of Aurelia think that she could get me so easily like this? "I do not know what runs in the mind of my Father, but if he chooses to get a second daughter then I'd be happy and all excited to have a new sibling and make all preparations to have her welcomed into the household. Do you perhaps know anyone of nobility who wishes to give up their child for our sake? What about your sister, Arabella, my Lady?" Aurelia doesn't respond immediately. There are chatters around amongst her followers, who might be thinking of some new words of ignominy they can lend to Aurelia to have thrown at me. I do not intend to allow them much time for that. One minute has gone by, and they have lost in the game they set up for me. "I shall go to my chamber now, if you excuse me." I stomp my way up the staircase. Mariqua silently follows me. "Mariqua, I won't be leaving my room for the night. Please take care of the banquet if my absence embarks any need. I will be retreating to sleep." She helps me take a bath and change into my bedwear. After I dismiss, she exists closing the door behind her, letting me be alone in my room for the time being. I sigh. "Maybe it was meant to be like this." There was this reason I didn't want to attend the banquet in the first place, had Isnian not pushed me for it. Aurelia, her friends, even other nobles who arrived at this banquet, I could tell - not a single person was left who didn't eye me out of pity. To them, I stood as a decrepit mural who was useless, rotting off a kind father who loved his children so much but his child can give him back nothing. I didn't want to be like this, Father. I didn't choose to be like this, do they hear me? I brush my hair away from my face and stand in front of the mirror. In front of my eyes, I see nothing. Absolute darkness persists. Only the soft whispers of the cool breeze traveling from my balcony tell me, "I hear you, Ishelyn. You can hear me. That should be it." Should that be it? Age 12 - the time when I completely lost my sight. My mother told my father on her deathbed to take special care of me, that I would be a special child. Is having no sight the thing that makes me special? I titter. Dear mother. Of course, I have what you were bestowed with. But what greatest thing can I conceive and bring to this world with having nothing to see? When I hear someone talk, I conjure the last image I have seen of them before I turned blind and continue to talk with them. If I have never seen the person before, I imagine what they might look like. Pretty soon it became a game for me and I won't deny, it was fun as long as I thought I could have fun from it. Mariqua joined as a maid to serve me when I was about to be 13. In my mind's eye, I see her as a petite woman, her head full of icy ombre. Acnes cover her left cheek, her eyebrows are slightly crooked and her eyes are full of warmth. Maybe if I ever get my sight back, maybe, I don't wish to see what Mariqua looks like in real life because this image I have of her in my mind has become too dear to me. Is it hypocritical that I wish to see again, but don't want to change the images I have procured in my mind during the time I couldn't see? I fix my pillows and stare at the ceiling. It must be a full moon tonight. I smile for a second, getting ready to sleep.