The Toxic Relationship I Couldn't Of Gotten Rid Of

It was love at first sight; at least to me. He did not know who I was and I didn't know who he was. He was tall and he had the most marvelling light brown eyes and his voice was soothing. I introduced myself without a doubt and he seemed to be very please by my presence. I couldn't help but look at his eyes and swing to the way that he talked. The day was coming to an end and i really didn't wanna leave by his side, he graced me with a hug and we said our goodbyes to each other. When i got home it was nearly night and all i could of think about was him. I was in a desperate need to see him or talk to him again. Night's came and night's went and i was still dreaming about him. My desire of seeing again was real intense. I even searched his name but at first I didn't get through-until one gracious day came and on top of friend list was his name. All i needed to do was send him a friend request and wait for him to answer it. I didn't hesitate to send him a request and in less than a minute he accepted it. In seeing that he had answered my request a great deal of joy was within me. It took me a while before I decided to message him; when I texted him he responded very quickly as if if he was waiting for me to message him. We started of with a simple conversation and within that conversation i told him that I had liked him and he responded saying that he already knew that. I was young at that time and very naive. I then asked him if he liked me back and he said he didn't. Hearing him say that really broke me down into lots and lots of pieces. I felt heart broken and sad. My naivety got the best of me and i decided that I wouldn't give up so fast. Though it was far from what i wanted; I asked him to be my brother although I already had 2 biological brothers. He agreed  to be my brother and i was sort of excited I guess. I only asked him to be my brother so that I would be able to get close to him. I was in 14 at that time time and he was 18 and he was in college. I sort of understood why i couldn't of gotten what i wanted from him simply because of our age difference.  School had started and I was really excited to tell my friends about him but i didn't as yet. His college was right next to my my school so I got to see a lot of him. As time flew by he really started treated me like if I was actually his little sister; it was okay at time but sometimes it really got to me because i never really wanted to be his sister so i had to grind for the time being. I finally decided to tell my friends about him and unfortunately that was a big mistake that i regret up to this day. Well i could also say it was a life lesson learnt. I told my friend Rina about how i met him and  how amazing he was etc. To my suprise Rina had already known about him because she went to the same church as he did. As time passed me and Rina made a very common conversation we would have together. Then on mornings before our school bell rang we would both go to the court that he was always on just to see him. We made this a habit until Rita told her friend Nia who also knew him because they go to the same church together about how i liked him and i had a big crush on him. Nia then went back and told him that i had a big crush on him and that i always talked about him. I don't know up to this day what they both really talked about but some days after that Rina told me that Nia said that he said he didn't like me and that he couldn't of stand me and that I was annoying. Hearing these things really crushed me and it even made me cry. I then decided to confront him about it. When i did he said that he never said those stuff. I didn't know what or who to believe but to be honest some part of me wanted to take Nia's word for it. This issue caused us to drift apart; I wasn't answering his texts and I passed him straight when I saw him. Many days; well a week to be exact had passed and I finally decided to talk and reason with him. He said he was sorry and he swore that he never said those stuff about me. I told him that it was okay although deep deep down inside of me i wanted to curse him till he melted, but even at that time i had convinced myself that i actually loved and trusted him.We soon went back to how we use to be, I was always known to be someone who went to bed early. That changed when i noticed that he stays up until morning. I then changed my sleeping schedule just to stay up with him and talk more and know more about him. So we would stay up late and talk s**t whole night until morning. There were times when I couldn't  of stayed up due to the fact that i was really tired, but i didn't let that stop me. I would drink coffee sometimes to have enough energy to stay up until morning. This soon became my everyday routine and i got so accustomed to setting up that it came like a natural habit of mines.Very soon it was very hard for me to cope when Rina told be about his girlfriend. This hurt me in ways that i couldn't of even start to explain and i didn't want to tell him how i felt about it because i was supposed to be his sister. I had to hold in all the sad emotions in and pretend like if i was real supportive of his relationship. I so wanted to please that i never really told him how i felt about certain things. That was until i developed bipolar symptoms and this mad me vent every time i got upset. Every time this happened I would apologise a few days after and it was like i wasn't fully conscious about most of the things I said. And to my surprise he would always forgive me when i reacted that way; but I always use to find something was very strange about that. I then became very very extremely difficult to deal with or to handle.