Awakened

Chapter Six

The next day rolls around and as the minutes tick by I start to freak out even more. My nerves are getting the better of me. What if everyone blames me for my parent’s death? Jack keeps telling me that I am ridiculous, but I just cannot get it out of my head. A voice inside my head keeps telling me it was, in fact, my fault and I cannot get it to shut up.

KNOCK…KNOCK…

“Come in.” I tried to shake off the worry that I could feel resonating through me before Jack could see and put on a fake smile.

The door opened slowly and Jack appeared. “Ready?” he asked as he adjusted his tie.

“No,” I croaked.

“I know it is going to be difficult, but let’s just get through the day,” he said as he wrapped an arm around me and led us downstairs. “Let’s head out. We need to be the first ones there.”

“Okay,” I said and looked down at the floor, trying to keep tears from wetting my face.

“That dress looks nice,” he said as we made our way outside.

“Thanks,” I forced a half smile. “It was one of mom's favorites.”

When we arrived, Jack led us inside. We passed by a couple of rooms before stopping in a large room in the back. As we walked inside, I spotted two coffins right away, set side by side in the back of the room. Lots of flowers surround them and two large photos of my parents sit on either side. The rest of the room is open, aside from a few rows of chairs set near the closed coffins. There is a platform with a book set on it and an easel with pictures of my parents right next to Jack and me, set right by the door where you first enter.

Tears begin to flow as I look at all the photos. There are a couple of pictures of the four of us when we were on our camping trip a few years ago, sitting by the campfire and then of us swimming in the lake and when we were failing to put the tents together. There are other pictures of us around the holidays, sitting by the Christmas tree and sitting at the table on Thanksgiving. A couple of them from when they were kids and teenagers. I had never really seen a lot of these pictures, of them, before. They do not look much different from how Jack and I do now. So many good memories are shown here. So many good times I will miss and never get to share with them again.

“Did you put this together?” I asked as I pointed to the poster.

He just nodded.

“It’s beautiful,” I assured him. “How’d you get all of this together so fast?”

“Thanks, it was hard to find the pictures of them from when they were younger, but I ended up finding them in the attic. For the rest of the stuff, I had help from a friend back home. When you were in the hospital, I was rummaging around to find what I could, and a friend helped set up the rest.”

“I can’t believe how much we look like them,” I said while pointing at the photos of them from when they looked to be about our ages now.

“I know right,” he smiled in return. “Listen, people should be showing up soon.”

“Okay.”

“You can stay here if you’d like, but I’m going to go wait by the door outside.”

“I’m just going to go sit,” I said as I pointed to a chair in the front row.

“All right,” he shook his head in understanding and rubbed my shoulder before turning toward the door. “If you need me, come find me.”

I just nodded and then made my way over to a seat by the two coffins. I cannot imagine too many people showing up today. Jack and I hardly know any of our relatives. Mom and Dad said they had moved far away from their families before we were born. I guess their relationships were not okay on either side of the family. So, they left to start their own lives.

Over the years, I have met a few, but I am not sure if I could even remember their faces at this point if they showed up today. I never really understood why we did not speak with any of our family, but it never bothered me enough to ask about it. If they were important enough or cared for us, they would have tried to reconnect.

Eventually, people slowly start to walk in and one by one they are greeting me with tears clouding up their eyes. To my surprise, no one says anything negative as they speak to me. They just gave their condolences, paid their respects at the coffins, then took their seats. Before I knew it, the room was full, and the priest came to the front to speak.

I took one last look around the room to take in the sight of everyone who filled the room. I do not recognize about eighty percent of them. I only recognize close-net friends my parents have had over the years. Everyone else must be family, I can only assume.

No one from my school showed up, not even Amanda, my best friend. Out of anyone, I thought I would have her by my side today. Now that I think of it, I have not heard from her since the first day I woke up in the hospital. She never tried to visit me after that one time. I know I told Jack to have her leave me alone, but I hope she didn’t take offense to it. Given the circumstances, I’d think she understood why I wanted her to stay away.

“Hello everyone,” the priest started, drawing me from my thoughts. “Thank you all for coming. We are here today to pay our respects to both Mr. Daren Costa and Mrs. Lexie Costa. We are here today to show our love and support for their very precious family. Not only have we sensed our personal feelings of loss over their passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them. We are here today to seek and receive comfort. We would be less than honest if we said that our hearts have not ached over this situation. We are not too proud to acknowledge that we have come here today trusting that God would minister to our hearts and give us strength as we continue in our walk with him. It is our human nature to want to understand everything now, but trust requires that we lean and rely heavily on God even when things seem unclear.” He paused for a moment as he scanned the room but then takes in a breath and continued. “Proverb 3:5, trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Philippians 4:7, and the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. I am not going to tell you not to cry or not to experience emotions. Emotions are God-given. They are a part of who we are. Jesus himself said, ‘Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.’ Tears are the safety-vale that God built into us to help us at times like this. It is okay to cry.”

I cannot find it in me to focus on the priest after that. The tears just fell and the cries filling the room were louder than his own words. I leaned into Jack throughout the rest of the speech and cried into his jacket. He put an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder.

After the priest was done speaking, he gave his condolences and left the room. The rest of the time is spent catching up with everyone. Having not met any of these people, I do not talk to many of them for more than a few minutes each, but that is okay with me.

I just have to make it through the rest of today and I’ll probably never see them again anyway. Most of my family is from Maine and my parents moved to Delaware before I was born.

“Hello dears,” an older woman with a full head of grey hair said as she approached Jack and me. “I am you’re great Aunt Jackie. I just want to say I am sorry about your parents. I remember your mother being such a sweet little child.”

“Thank you,” Jack nodded.

She walked off and made her way over to the coffins after that and another person, a middle-aged man with blonde hair, approached us.

“Hello children,” he said after shaking our hands. “I am your mother’s cousin. I am sorry for your loss.”

Both of us just nod as he moves on.

About an hour went by, and we continued to talk and cry with random strangers when I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, I found Emanuele standing there, in a suit. “Um… hey,” was the only thing I managed to spit out.

I cannot believe he is here. I am glad he is here, but if I expected anyone it would have been Amanda.

“How are you?” he asked as he looked me up and down. As if trying to figure it out for himself.

“Doing better than I thought I would,” I shrugged. “Thank you for coming. It means a lot.”

“How could I not?” he said with a soft frown. “What happened to you should not happen to anyone. I just want to show that I am here for you. I’m sorry I could not make it earlier.”

“That’s okay. I am glad you’re here now. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He bent down and gave me a soft hug before pulling back and grabbing my hand, staring deep into my eyes. “I know we do not know each other very well but I cannot help but want to do what I can to make your pain lessen.”

“I appreciate that,” I said as I forced a crooked smile.

Emanuele stayed with me throughout the rest of the funeral. He did not leave my side for a second. Even at the end, when I lost it as they lowered my parents’ caskets into the ground, he stood right by my side, consoling me. I do not know why he is being so nice; he barely even knows me. We talked for a little bit at a party. That is all and yet he keeps showing up. But I am glad he is here, nonetheless. It is like he knows what to do and say to keep me from losing it completely.

I buried my face into his suit as everyone started to throw their flowers down the holes in the ground where my parents now lay. Slowly, people started to disappear and when there were only a few left hanging around the area, I took my flowers and tossed them, one on each casket.

When the funeral is over and everyone is gone but Emanuele and I, I find myself lost in thought, staring down at my parents’ caskets. This is it. I am never going to see my parents again. I wish I could take it all back. Go back to just before I made that phone call. They would still be here if I had just stayed home that night.

“Amara,” I heard someone say behind me. I turned to find Jack walking towards Emanuele and me. “Are you ready to go?”

I just nodded and looked up at Emanuele. “Thank you for coming today.”

“Of course,” he nodded. “If you need anything, anything at all, I will be around, okay.”

“Thank you,” I nodded in return, then walked over toward Jack.

When we got home, I made a straight shot right to my room and climbed into bed. After the day I had, it does not take long before I fell asleep.