Just a Pen & Paper

6. a c***k in everything

ftr: 2.3.2021 [9:34 pm, pennsylvania]

6 -  A c***k IN EVERYTHING

crack • a line on the surface of something along which it has split without breaking into separate parts.

/krak/ | noun

"There is a c***k in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

*

          "It's time we head back." Grayson voiced the information to Faija. "It's getting a little late."

     "Dude, you okay?" Faija was confused. "It's only 7:21 pm. We can head back when it hits 9." Faija felt it was a little early ━ and in any other case, Grayson would have too.

     "My mom wanted to talk with me." Grayson reasoned. Faija remembered that when Ramsha followed Luna, Grayson told her he couldn't stay long ━ she figured that now he was explaining why, so she formed an 'o' expression.

          "You heard him, gotta go. Let's exchange numbers." Faija threw a thumb back to gesture towards Grayson. Is it a thing for them to exchange numbers with strangers? 

          "Why are y'all talking to her?" Deryck scoffed.

     "She's actually enjoyable and doesn't think she's a mile if she's an inch." Grayson shot back ━ Faija nodding in agreement to back him up. Deryck opened and closed his mouth with a fish-out-of-water look for a few seconds, before closing it for good. You have chosen well.

After Faija and Luna exchanged numbers, they all walked out into the living room ━ Grayson looking out of place with a mask of annoyance and irritation to his face. Deryck caused that.

     "We're leaving." Faija called out to Ramsha while grabbing her phone, coat, and keys ━ Grayson also gathered his things. 

     Ramsha pouted, folding her arms ━ walking them to the door. "Aww. . . text me when you get home, kay?"

          Faija hugged Ramsha before opening the door and walking off with a wave. "Bye Ramsushi."

          "Bye Fayfa." Ramsha dramatically wiped a fake tear from her eye. "Bye Graybear."

Grayson nodded ━ before opening his mouth in Luna's direction with his eyes on her, before closing it again and walking off. What was he going to say? Ramsha went ahead and closed the door ━ before plopping down on the floor after sliding down against it dramatically. 

          "Uh, Jason━ I mean Deryck is still here." Luna internally smiled at her forgetting of his name. I'm petty spaghetti betty. As if on cue, Deryck walked out when Ramsha opened the door for him.

          "So, what do you wanna do?" Ramsha asked, drawling out the 'o' in so ━ to which Luna just shrugged. Ramsha walked off to the living room, leaving Luna at the doorway ━ so she chose to finally check the messages she got, seeing that it couldn't spoil her mood as Deryck already had.

- mama - 

  [where are you? when are you coming home? don't leave us. . . please?]

sent/seen

- luna -

[i'm staying at a friend's]

sent/seen

━━

She sent the message and got a reply almost instantly.

━━

- mama - 

[what friend? you don't have any friends.]

sent/seen

- luna -

[i met one at a group.]

sent/seen

- mama - 

[i guess that's good. but you need to come home.]

sent/seen

- luna -

[i like staying here.]

sent/seen

- mama - 

[Luna you're being ungrateful, don't be like this. You're adopted, we chose you because we love you, even though we didn't have to.]

sent/seen

━━

Times like these reminded her of a milky-white rose, so serene and beautiful, symbolizing how her relationship with her adoptive parents once was, but beginning to see past its beauty and through to the pain ━ she felt the cutting of its thorns, saw the climbing of its vines on a mission to consume her and be cause to the shed of her blood. Once snowy and tranquil, now stained by her suffering and ichor to a vermillion with the promise of destruction ━ now to be enchantingly wined with thorns to slice, vines to wrap around prey in agony, for those roses, her suffering satisfies to suffice. Who knew torment to be such a sinister belle? Such a poisonous sight?

━━

- mama - 

[you need to be home soon. i'll be expecting you.]

 sent/seen

- luna -

[Yea, okay.]

sent/seen

- mama - 

[mhm. you know i love you, right?]

sent/seen

- mama - 

[hello?]

sent/seen

━━

     She felt upset and an inexplicable amount of pain, she wasn't ready to go home ━ and she definitely wasn't ready to endure more of what was just going to tear her apart. She felt a need to release the intense emotions, her hands were itching, aching, and shaking for her to use them as means to liberate the fire ━ to let it roar. But being in a house that wasn't her own, she decided to put on her shoes and run out into the night ━ with nothing to carry but herself.

          Not really having destination in mind, she wandered in the streets through the dangerous dark night ━ until she walked closer to a basketball court with a lone lamppost, unaware of who could be playing. As she got closer, she heard the sound of rubber hitting hard, wet asphalt ━ wet from when it had previously rained. Easing herself onto a bench near the outskirts of the court but within the fencing, she saw a figure who she identified as Grayson ━ with glistening sweat trailing from his face and tracking down his neck. I thought he had to talk with his mom, smooth liar. 

     "Guess I have a stalker, huh?" Grayson deadpanned with a straight face, only his eyes to betray him in showing emotion ━ revealing his slight amusement.

               "Don't flatter yourself."

          "Guess not." He shrugged. "Too bad."

After shooting his last three-pointer, he made his way over to the bench Luna sat on.

               "Weren't you supposed to talk to your mom?"

     "We don't━ yea. She said something came up last minute." He got quieter as he spoke, losing the amusement in his eyes ━ that he was once failing to hide.

     He cracked his knuckles ━ wanting to change the subject, Luna noticed but played along. "Anyway, why're you out here?"

          She shrugged before speaking in casual. "I was feeling upset so I walked out. I walked around until I found this place."

          "You know it's dangerous to be out here this late, in the dark?" Grayson began wondering whether Luna was dumb, stupid, or dumb.

               "Same goes for you."

     "Touché. Do you even know how far you are from Ramsha's?" Grayson interrogated ━ this was the most Luna had heard him talking, but then again, she didn't really know him. Should I lie?

          "No." Grayson's question made her begin to wonder how far she actually was.

               "It's 13 minutes to hers. Do you have your phone on you, for GPS?"

     Luna reached in her pocket for her phone. "Yea, hold on it's━ craappp. I forgot it." She was patting herself down ━ even going as far to stand up, thinking that it'd magically appear if she did.

          Grayson mumbled to himself before speaking up. "It's too dangerous for you to walk alone. I'll walk you."

     "It'll be dangerous for you on the way back ━ when you won't have me to protect you." Luna excused and accidentally cracked a smile which slightly debuted her pearly teeth ━ before quickly mastering her straight face again. 

Grayson chuckled at her reaction, it was a beautiful thing ━ something ethereal, really. There wasn't anything she'd known to light up the nights of inky black, except the sun as a remedy to it ━ yet here he was, becoming the second thing she'd known to have such ability. Grayson stood up and waited for Luna to follow suit, the ghost of a smile on his face ━ its the most exquisites that never last, causing her mind to note that she should cherish it when she comes across such delicacies. 

     They walked into the night, not talking along the way ━ but both sharing the similarity of a faint smile graced upon their lips, silence not of suffocation but amicable contentment. 

     "Ramsha might've been confused about where I went." Luna said once they reached ━ and had begun walked up the porch steps.

          "See you on Monday." Grayson sighed before waving.

               "Mhm."

Grayson turned around and walked off ━ Luna watching until he was no more but like shadows within darkness of the night. She stood there for a few seconds before turning around and knocking on Ramsha's door. 

     A woman who looked to be in her late-30s opened up the door, dark skin that had a beautiful glow to it ━ full lips, dark brown eyes, high cheekbones, healthily-set, and black hijab.

               "I'm here for Ramsha."

The woman just nodded before yelling. "Ramsha! A girl who says she's here for you is at the door."

Luna heard footsteps rushing down the stairs follow before Ramsha had taken the place of the woman ━ out of breath and painted with worry.

               "Where were you?"

               "I don't really wanna talk about it."

     "You━" Ramsha choked on air ━ forcing herself to collect enough might to speak. "Are you actually kidding me?" She was getting louder with each word.

          "Do you know how worried I was? I WAS SO SCARED!" She yelled through her frustration ━ tears slipping out to show as proof. Why does she care so much? She cares more than they do.

          "Why. . . do you care?" Luna was genuinely curious to know, she hadn't meant any harm but that statement, and didn't know its connotation ━ she just wanted to quench her curiosity.

     Ramsha was tongue-tied, in a moment where she was tried with such emotion ━ she had forgotten how to function her tongue, or how to gather words. So she choked out what she could with a cracking voice. "Please━ just. Don't leave. Please?"

Luna had been too familiar with that sentence, so it hit home with her ━ her eyes teared up and a hardened lump formed in her throat. I messed up again. She pushed open the door a bit more, and gave Luna a hug ━ something she had wished an infinite amount of times that the ones who mattered in the moment, would do for her. On her way guiding Ramsha to the couch, she noticed that the lady was nowhere to be seen ━ she also realized that that couch seemed to be the place for Ramsha's breakdowns, because that's what she did when she finally hit the cushion, Ramsha broke down. Like a dam unable to hold back the water ━ no matter how much effort.

     "I'll stay. . . I'm not going to leave. Why would I leave my best friend?" Luna reasoned but realized the title that had slipped ━ she planned to take it back, but it was too late by the time she was on a mission out for it.

          "I'm your best friend?" Ramsha croaked.

     As much as it'd bring joy for Luna to take it back, she knew it'd also pay her in guilt ━ so she didn't. "Y━ yea. Best friends."

Ramsha had gradually stopped crying.

          "I think I'll tell you." Ramsha said with a sniffle, wiping her nose with the cuff of her oversized-sweater ━ earning a nod from Luna. 

     "My parents and I went on vacation to Venezuela. We knew it was a beautiful country and wanted to go there for summer break. We also heard about it being dangerous but we figured out a way to work around that. But I should've stopped us from going. . ." Ramsha continued with a voice that was slowly getting shaky. "I could've pretended to be sick ━ anything. Our stay had been fantastic and we were going in a taxi to a parade of the locals. When we were driving down a slope, a group of bikers began trailing us ━ the taxi driver tried honking but it was clear they weren't unaware, they were after us."

          She took a deep breath ━ shifting uncomfortably before starting again. "When the taxi driver went to take a turn to lose them, they blocked us off." Ramsha was trying her hardest to keep it together and relay her ordeal, but she couldn't ━ she began an uncontrollable sob with a pale face that didn't match her beautiful skin-tone.

     Luna soothingly rubbed Ramsha's back, she understood this would take time for her to be comfortable with sharing ━ so she decided that would be enough sharing for Ramsha. "Whatever happened━" She cleared her throat, inexperienced in calming people. "It's okay now━"

          "But what if something happens again? It's my fault after all." Ramsha interrupted Luna.

Poor girl. . . Luna thought. She hides it so well, I'd never think to ask if she had any problems.

     "No. I'll personally beat whoever up for you." Luna cracked a smile ━ this time, letting it hang around for a little while longer. "You've seen me fight."

          "It's so frustrating. I just wanna be. . . fixed." Ramsha quieted after seeing Luna's breath-taking smile, quieted down to sobs.

     "Then you'd be perfect, but perfect in itself has flaws. Everyone has cracks and problems, they have to. . . or how else will the light get in?" Luna reasoned with Ramsha ━ who was shocked and thought about it.

Ramsha nodded once she settled on the weight of Luna's words. Luna sat up from her spot, stretching ━ before grabbing her phone off of the counter which read "10:34 pm".

     "C'mon, let's get you to bed." Luna walked back to the couch and spoke to Ramsha, who nodded in response ━ before they walked up the stairs to Ramsha's room. They both collapsed on their makeshift "beds" ━ soon lulling in a slumber to the lullaby of sleep.

*

Once Luna woke up, she followed the same routine of yesterday ━ with the exception of taking a shower. Her outfit of today was a grey fleece-lined stacked-sweatpants, a white cropped wife-beater, and white-grey Jordan's. She was packing her stuff at "11:35 am" in the morning ━ though Ramsha was still sleep, probably exhausted from her episode last night. Soon after Luna was done packing, Ramsha woke up.

     "Hey." Ramsha was rubbed her bedhead, only making with worse with yawn to accompany. "Where ya going?"

               "Going home. Thanks for letting me stay though. I'll pay you back."

As if on cue, Luna's phone went DING! It was a message ━ from her mom

message from - mama -

[come home, NOW! it's an emergency.]

━━

+2484

━━

[A/N] I just want to let readers know that Ramsha didn't have a full-blown PTSD episode. I also want you guys to know that not everybody has the same PTSD episodes or share the same symptoms. I encourage you to do your own research on things like these, to learn more.