Just a Pen & Paper

5. try socializing again

ftr: 2.1.2021 [11:53 am, pennsylvania]

5 - TRY SOCIALIZING AGAIN

socialize • participate in social activities; mix socially with others.

/ˈsōSHəˌlīz/ | verb

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell." - Criss Jami

*

On the ride there, the car was filled with conversation ━ mostly Ramsha talking and Luna nodding along, but she didn't complain, it was a nice dynamic. They entered the retro diner ━ with teal, pastel pink, pastel yellow walls along with a black-white checkered floor. The aesthetically retro food spot had scents of syrup, bacon, and eggs with a hint of sweets ━ but when mixing they somehow hadn't managed to stink. 

     "How ya doin darlin'? What can I getcha?" A plumped woman with blonde hair shoulder-length hair pulled back into a ponytail along with strands fall out to frame her face and stunning blue eyes asked ━ in a chirpy voice from behind the counter.

     "Hey Pandora! Can I get a 'From the Sunny Side' meal?" Ramsha turned away from the lady and menu to look over at Luna. "What do you want?"

     Luna scanned over the menu ahead of her, hating that she was on the spot again ━ before clearing her throat. "I'll have 'Some Good Stuff', please."

          "Good choices, girls. We'll be out with your orders as soon as we can."

The cashier put the charge in a cash register ━ before walking away, leaving Ramsha and Luna at the counter. They walked to a booth and plopped down on the seat cushions, opposite of each other.

          "So what are you gonna do when you go home?" 

          "I plan on going home after staying again tonight. If you're okay with that."

Ramsha was worried about what Luna was going to do ━ she was hoping Luna wouldn't go at all and would stay.

     "Noo! I don't want you to leave. Am I the only one have fun?" Ramsha whined ━ faking sadness though she was really feeling it, just not to the extent she exaggerated.

     "Yeah. . . it's nice, I guess." Luna nodded while shrugging ━ the shadow of a wannabe smile on her face. Ramsha did a little victory dance, earning an eyebrow raise from Luna.

     Ramsha began, but the food was set in front of them by Pandora before she could finish her thought. "That's good but━"

          "Enjoy ladies."

     "Aww. . . I should've ordered that instead." Ramsha pouted before finishing her statement. "I didn't think I wanted it right now, but now that I see it. . . I want it." At this point, she was drooling over a plate that wasn't even hers.

Luna had a juicy burger with fresh-hot curly fries on the side ━ a delicious milkshake to be the creamy companion. Ramsha had gotten two sunny-side up eggs, juicy bacon, and fluffy pancakes. Both of their plates were mouth-watering in all aspects, yet Ramsha wasn't focused on her own plate anymore ━ her focus was Luna's.

     Ramsha was hesitant to ask. "Can I have a fry?" 

     "Here."

Luna nodded while handing her a curly fry. If Ramsha was surprised, she was good at acting ━ she was good at it in more ways than one. They were talking and eating, well mainly Ramsha talking and Luna eating ━ nodding along, before Ramsha showed her a funny meme on her phone.

     Luna smiled ━ no teeth showing, but smiling. Ramsha just stared in awe and amazement. "You should do that more often."

Luna internally scolded herself for letting it slip ━ before schooling her features, back to her signature 'born-to-kill' expression. A grin broke out on Ramsha's face, causing Luna to throw a curly fry her forehead ━ Ramsha took that same fry and ate it. Luna just scrunched her face up in disgust. When she went to reach for another curly fry, it was at that moment ━ she realized the one she'd thrown was her laugh. So that's why she ate it. . . Ramsha broke out into a laughing fit.

All she had left was her half-way drunken milkshake. So she sipped on that until she finished ━ Pandora walked over as if on cue.

          "Which one of you will be sharing your money tree?"

     "I will." Luna made her voice to betray no emotion ━ dead. Ramsha didn't bother her about it, she decided that Luna would tell her when she was ready. But something she hadn't learned about Luna yet, was that she wouldn't ━ you'd have to pry at the right moment.

          "It'll be $18.42, missy."

     Ramsha interrupted Luna ━ who was reaching for her wallet. "Let me pay." This is one of the reasons that I hate eating out.

Luna gave the waiter a $20 bill, not paying much heed to Ramsha aforementioned statement. Pandora walked off to the register to charge the bill and get the change.

     "Why? I wanted to pay." Ramsha pouted and whined like a little toddler.

     Luna mumbled low enough for only herself to hear. "I'm not worth it." She spoke to Ramsha in order to take her mind off of the mumble. "Just wanted to get started on paying you back."

They cleaned up their mess a little bit ━ before walking over to the cash register, where Pandora was getting the receipt ready. 

     "Here ya go, darling! Have a nice day!" She got louder as they walked away from the counter ━ though she didn't need to, as she had a loud voice and hearty laugh.

        "Hey. Thrifting?" Ramsha offered.

     "Eh. . ." Luna dragged out her response to make it seem like she considered it ━ though she didn't. "Not today, maybe tomorrow?"

Ramsha just nodded in understanding. Once they reached the car, they got in ━ putting the key into ignition, she triggered the car to roar to life. When they got home, Ramsha told Luna that she'd be going out with friends ━ of course she offered Luna to join. But as expected, Luna declined. 

     Once Ramsha left, Luna had the uncomfortable feeling of being out of place ━ unwelcome. She know she might've sounded crazy, no, she did sound crazy. She was in a state of dysfunction, in a mind of paranoia, in a world that didn't want her, in a home that she wasn't welcome. Her patched up being shattered pieces again, anxiety being a culprit ━ palms sweaty and unrealistic scenarios that played in her head giving her insecurity. Fear, her soulmate, though they were paired together ━ fear was someone she was supposed to slay. She was to kill her soulmate, to watch fear die ━ by her hands, but she couldn't, not now anyway. 

     It took her a while to calm down and whisper reassurances to herself ━ reassurances that she didn't believe. Once she felt a little better, she carried herself into Ramsha's room and flopped down on the soft cloud ━ the one she'd slept on the night before. She stayed there and calmed down until she became distracted by the whispers of sloth.

*

     Luna shot up from her makeshift bed and checked her phone ━ '5:34 pm'. It'd been 8 hours since they got back at '9:34 am' ━ she was hearing noises downstairs and it'd sounded like shuffling. So she cautiously got up and slowly eased downstairs hoping to catch an intruder ━ ironically, as this wasn't her house either. As she went downstairs, she heard voices talking ━ one of which she immediately recognized, as Deryck. When she reached, she froze like a deer caught in headlights ━ Ramsha and unidentifiable others were behind her, all of them frozen in place.

Nobody talked or moved for a few seconds ━ in complete silence. Until Deryck broke it.

     "You didn't tell us it was here." Deryck pointed out ━ giving Luna a look as though he was above her. Luna didn't snapback, surprisingly. 

          "She's crashing with me." Ramsha corrected Deryck on the pronoun.  

          "Can't we hang somewhere else?" He complained.

               "No, we'll stay in the living room where we always hangout."

          "Faija, Grayson, you're fine right?" Ramsha asked ━ looking back over her shoulder.

 In that moment, Luna became aware of the other two people. 

     "Mhm." Grayson gave the bare minimum as a reply ━ he was just fine watching.

     "Yeah. If Deryck could stop whining, I wouldn't wonder every two seconds why I hang around toxicity." Faija sighed whilst shaking her head. Smh.

Luna just walked back upstairs to Ramsha's room ━ Ramsha pardoning herself from her friends to follow her. After Luna hopped on her cloud, her stomach growled for the 50th time today.

          "Did you eat?" Ramsha asked ━ tilting her head like a puppy.

               "No."

               "Why not?"

          "Feels weird to make food without the owner of the house there. It feels weird to make it even if you are there. . ." Luna was relaying the dilemma she had all day, make food in someone else's home without permission or starve ━ obviously she chose the latter.

          "I've told you that you can, as long as you don't burn down the house. Let's go downstairs." Ramsha just facepalmed ━ had that been her, she would've made herself some food if it didn't cause any harm.

Luna just shrugged, causing Ramsha to massage her nose bridge in slight frustration. She might get so frustrated she'll stop talking to me. I guess it was a good idea not to get attached, huh? They walked downstairs and claimed spots, Grayson and Ramsha being directly on either side of her.

          "Guys, we're ordering pizza. Do y'all want something? No weird toppings, either!" Ramsha made sure to let them know that option was out of the window ━ Faija and Deryck booed, though they were playing. They ended up ordering one large cheese pizza and another large pizza, topped with mushrooms.

     After they ordered, Grayson watched Luna in a subtle manner ━ but just shy of subtle that Luna noticed, only Luna. Is he just going to keep staring? She was starting to feel uncomfortable, something that Grayson had observed ━ everyone else saw a 'i-don't-give-a-crap' look. Then he stopped staring and casually looked to Deryck, who'd started a conversation with him ━ though he didn't really care.

          By the time their pizzas came, Luna had observed that Faija and Grayson were friends ━ they only hung around Deryck because he was a mutual friend through Ramsha. Luna could understand why, after all, he didn't really rub people the right way. All four of them went to took seats on the barstools at the dining side of the island. Luna could eat clean if she wasn't hungry, but she skipped lunch so she ate ━ like a hyena. Nobody really bashed her for how disgusting she was eating, because they were too ━ they were consuming it like they were breathing air. 

Once they finished eating, there were a few slices of pizza left.

          "You're a slob ━ and eat like one." Deryck snickered thinking that he'd actually affected Luna ━ before being pinched by Ramsha. "Ow."

          "Bye Charlie━" Ramsha smacked Luna in the back of her head before she could finish. "Ouch."

     That earned a chuckle from Faija and a smile from Grayson. Deryck, Ramsha, and Faija tried to hide their astonishment at how Grayson laughed in front of someone he barely knew ━ they were going to pester him about it later, the thought made him groan in annoyance.

          "Let's watch a movie." Ramsha suggested, earning a cheer from Faija and Deryck ━ a nod from Grayson and Luna.

They walked into the living room before tangling in a manner where you couldn't tell where a leg started or an arm ended; they were a human mess. Their game plan was to go through the catalog of movies and do a vote, but the process became too messy. So Ramsha just put on what she wanted, a Disney movie; everyone else groaned. She recited different parts of it word-for-word as if it were her rehearsal. She'd tell them one scene was her favorite part ━ but when a later scene came on, she'd say she'd forgotten that was her favorite part; that cycle continued all throughout the movie.

          "That was so refreshing!" Freakily enough, Ramsha actually had a glow.

     The rest just nodded along ━ not wanting to burst the innocent's bubble. A few of them put on a show while the remaining couple walked into the kitchen, on a mission to heat up the remaining slices. After Luna heated hers up, she took a seat on the barstool farthest to the edge. But soon after, someone else walked in and grabbed the last slice of pizza from the box ━ it was Faija. Please don't try talking to m━

     "So. . . did you like the movie?" Faija was curious about Luna, so she started a conversation ━ though Luna didn't want to talk, she replied. Why me?

               "Uh━" Luna cleared her throat, she was slightly annoyed ━ which caused her stress. "Not really. I never watched Disney movies growing up."

          Faija nodded and lightly shrugged. "I did. Ramsha loves them, she's the only reason I hate them now. She always forced me to watch them so now I've lost the appreciation I once had."

Luna just hummed in acknowledgement as she happily watched the conversation die, like the last flames of a once blazing fire cooling ━ watching something that had the potential to be magnificent, crumble without reaching it. Faija went to wash her plate, causing Luna to wait until she was done so she could wash hers. Once Luna went to wash her plate after Faija finished, Faija stayed and observed ━ watching as Luna washed the dish with scalding hot water. Observing the wisps of smoke that took liberty to rise and escape the fluid, witnessing that though the water should've been red from how hot it was, Luna's hands made up for that with the color of an inferno that shared temperature with the water she was using.

     After Luna finished, she gently placed the dish in its respective rack ━ it'd break if she was rough. There was a knock on the doorframe of the kitchen, causing both Luna and Faija to turn to its source ━ to see Grayson standing there, leaning against it. He shifted his weight off of the doorframe and onto both of his feet evenly before opening his mouth to speak.

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This took forever.