Just a Pen & Paper

4. c***k in the mask

ftr: 2.1.2021 [11:52 am, pennsylvania]

4 - c***k IN THE MASK

mask • a manner or expression that hides one's true character or feelings; a pretense. + 

/mask/ | noun

━

mask • conceal (something) from view.

/mask/ | verb

"We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin." - André Berthiaume.

*

     Ramsha had slightly cracked the door open ━ her face a canvas of concern, worry, and curiosity. "Hey. . . you okay?" 

     "I could be better ━ but yeah." Luna tilted her head.

          "You hungry? Think you could eat?"

     Luna just shrugged. "If it's not any trouble ━ I'm not hungry. But I could eat."

     "No, no ━ not at all!" Ramsha gestured for Luna to come in ━ opening the door wider, so she did. "I have some leftovers from dinner today. We can have a sleepover in my room."

     "Do you want to eat now?" Ramsha questioned in askance ━ watching as Luna placed her belongings down on the floor in the living-room. 

          "Can I take a shower first?"

      "Yeah! Of course!" Ramsha lead Luna upstairs to a bathroom ━ not bothering to hide her enthusiasm. "Come downstairs when you're ready."

     "I ━ uh." Luna cleared her throat, two times. "I ━ can I borrow a rag and drying towel?"

Luna felt completely uncomfortable and out of her element. She felt like a bother ━ waste of time and effort. She felt embarrassed. She felt shame.

     "Oh, right! I forgot, it's just that I'm so excited you're here." She reached into a closet inside of the bathroom ━ pulling out a matching black rag and drying towel, handing it to Luna.

     Ramsha couldn't help but walk away with pep in her step. Luna peeled each clothing of her body, one by one ━ each piece bought by one of two people who didn't love her. She lazily walked over to the shower faucet, turning it nearly all the way to the hot end ━ almost immediately steaming up the bathroom. She snatched her rag off of the sink before stepping into the shower, toes flinching at the cold of the ceramic ━ before relaxing at the warmth, no ━ the boiling heat of the water raining down on her.

          For anyone else, they would've screamed and hissed at the unbearable way the water bit ━ searing better than an iron branding fresh flesh. But for Luna, she'd been showering in what was undoubtedly worse than fire ━ for years. She always showered in that inferno for years with an unanswered wish, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it'd burn away the pain ━ the impurities, herself. But it wouldn't ━ and that she knew.

As she showered, her thoughts were as foggy as the bathroom mirror. When she stepped out, her skin was redder than the 'H' label on the shower gauge. She dried herself and dressed in pajamas ━ also bought by those who didn't seem to love her. 

While she jogged down the stairs of the modern and clean-looking townhome, she wondered how Ramsha thought of her ━ and how she snapped on Ramsha but was asking for her help now.

     "Feeling better?" Ramsha looked up from her phone ━ face illuminated by the lighting of the device, to see a refreshed Luna. Luna was practically radiating how refreshed she felt. Now I owe her.

     "Don't worry. You don't owe me anything." Ramsha was one of the few who could read people like Luna ━ so she cleared up what she could tell Luna was thinking. But of course, Luna didn't like being read ━ she tried to act in a way that made it hard to read. So Luna was uncomfortable ━ but Ramsha could read that too.

     "Maybe we can talk some, after you eat?" Ramsha saw an opportunity to make friends with her ━ so she was going to take it.

          "Uh━" Luna cleared her throat ━ a nervous habit. "Ah, yeah. Sure."

     Ramsha nodded before taking out a full container of what appeared to be spaghetti and noodles. She heated it up in the microwave and took it out once the timer beeped━ juggling the hot container in between her hands, trying to reach the seemingly far counter. 

She set it down in front of Luna and handed her a fork. "I'll be in the living room once you're done. My mom is okay with you staying, but you have to be quiet. She's trying to rest."

     Luna only nodded before around in the food ━ then she began to eat it. During the time she ate, though she tried hard not to, she couldn't help but think about Ximena's home-cooking. Once she finished eating, she went to the sink and washed her dish ━ feeling out of place in a house that wasn't hers. Once done, she slowly walked over to the living room to find Ramsha watching The Office.

     "Ah━ so um." Luna cleared her throat ━ indicating the situation at hand was wrecking her nerves. "So you wanted to talk?"

          "Mhm."

          "Well uh━ what about?"

     "I want to know what's going on with you. I may not know you that well, but it'd haunt me if I had the power to prevent anything from harming you ━ but didn't." Ramsha started off slowly and uncertain ━ motioning for Luna to sit next to her, she did but not without distance. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

     Luna was getting nervous, scared, and uncomfortable ━ all forming into a big demon out to suffocate her. So she cleared her throat, again. Should I lie? She might not like me. What if she tells everyone?

          "Can I trust you?" Luna already knew Ramsha's response ━ but she asked anyway.

          "Yea. Yea, you can." Ramsha nodded along to accompany her words.

     Luna let a deep breath pass the gates to her lungs. In any other situation, Luna would've told her to leave her alone ━ but in this situation, she decided to do something both risky AND reckless. She let a secret be free. "My parents are planning to divorce."

     "Oh, oh. Is this the only thing you know?" Ramsha just sighed. Luna shook her head to signal that she knew more.

          "They don't know. . . but I've heard them fighting before." Luna stopped to gauge Ramsha's reaction before continuing. "More than once."

     "You know, the therapy group is there to help with that. . ." Ramsha trailed off beginning to calculate something in deep thought.

          "I don't want to share it."

Luna was done ━ with everything.

     "It's best to share it. Express it with others." Ramsha had put a comforting hand on Luna ━ who was fighting with herself to not rudely remove it. Where Ramsha's hand took residence, Luna's back burned ━ not really no, it felt foreign. It felt wrong.

          "It's just easier to ignore them. It's worked up until now."

Luna hadn't been fond of the idea of telling people your weakness.

     "It's not healthy though. If you ignore them, they'll shut down. It's not healthy. It's painful." Ramsha was beginning to feel concerned.

          "It's okay, I'm used to it."

Luna had revealed that maybe she was hurting, and just like the c***k in her voice ━ there was a c***k in her mask.

     "You don't have to wear a mask." Ramsha's voice and facial expression softened.

          "Well, when you're around me, you don't have to wear a mask either." Luna spoke ━ Ramsha was shocked she noticed, others never had a second thought about it. "You don't always have to act happy. You too, show me the c***k in your mask."

      Those words forced tears out of Ramsha ━ showing the power that words held. One slipped out, and then another, and another, until she was full-out bawling.

*

Throughout the half-hour Ramsha was crying, Luna just soothingly rubbed her back ━ with the most emotionless expression on. She hadn't spoken to reassure Ramsha ━ she didn't know how to. It was uncomfortable for Luna ━ as were all emotional ones.

     After Ramsha's cries died into quiet sobs, they walked up the stairs and into her bedroom ━ Ramsha holding onto Luna for support, body spent from crying, guiding Luna to her room.

     "You can take the bed. I'll take the floor." Ramsha offered ━ sniffling while rubbing her nose. Now I'm uncomfortable, 'm not worth it anyway.

          "Nuh-uh. This isn't my house. It already feels like I'm intruding enough. I'll take the floor."

Ramsha wasn't having it.

     "How about we both sleep on the floor? We can make beds with some linen I have." Ramsha beamed, not a mask, but genuine ━ liking that idea better.

     Luna sighed, nodding in defeat. "Yea, yea. Okay."

          Ramsha skipped away to what had to have been the linen closet, and came back with two fluffy comforters, ten pillows, and few throw pillows. She began laying them out ━ Luna felt she should help, so she assisted her in the process of making a makeshift bed. Once they were done, Ramsha plopped on her little bed before sighing in content. Crying and then cuddling up in pillows felt amazing to her. Then it was Luna's turn to try and get comfy.

She ran her fingers along the soft and smooth comforter, generating a warmth that would feel best wrapped around her body. The comforter was comfortable and so incredibly irresistible to her now tired body, so she climbed into the cloud-like material and cloaked herself within it. She made sure to cover her eyes ensure all she saw was darkness ━ before deciding she finally felt cozy. Luna sighed and contemplated what she would do from now ━ but didn't get to finish thinking, because slumber demanded she urgently answer it's call.

*

     When Luna woke in the morning, her limbs felt heavy ━ unable to move. After a while her eyelids felt light enough to open ━ along with the rest of her body. Luna had stanky morning breath and crusty eye-boogers ━ looking like crap because she'd just woken up, dried white and crusty slobber from her mouth over to her ear. 

          "Hey sleepy-head." Ramsha walked in, eyes so puffed up ━ it left Luna wondering how she could see through them. "I hope you know we're still going to hang out today."

After hearing Ramsha's last sentence ━ Luna laid back down and muffled groan in a pillow, playfully. Of course, Ramsha hadn't known she was joking ━ so she waited until Luna uncovered her face to see a straight face, but eyes that betrayed amusement. 

     Luna was warming up to her ━ that didn't mean she was going to spill her life story anytime soon or at all, but she acknowledged Ramsha as a good person ━ and that was a start. 

Luna saw that the bathroom leading to Ramsha's room wasn't occupied ━ so she took out a toothpaste, toothbrush, outfit, and sneakers she'd previously packed with her into the bathroom.

     There she felt the refreshing mint sting after brushing her teeth. She dressed herself in a white Pedro top, vintage Levi 550's, with retro all-white air force 1's ━ styling her thick black raven hair into dual braids that fell down at the waist. She did a onceover after putting on a little bit of mascara before walking out.

          "Ready?"

     "I'm ready." Luna nodded ━ looking at Ramsha who was spraying herself with perfume. We're only going out to breakfast. What's with all of that? Though Luna would soon learn the reason.

          "There's this cute little retro diner that I love to go to. We'll eat there."

     Luna just nodded with a simple "Okay".

          They walked down the stairs, Ramsha grabbing her keys and making sure she had her phone ━ Luna making sure she had the latter along with her wallet. They were heading out the door when Luna heard a sound. PING! She knew it was her phone ━ and who it was from, so she didn't bother to look. She decided that since she wasn't feeling bad ━ which rarely was the case ━ she would spoil it later.  

Not now.

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+2068

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Onto the next.