3. we all hurt
2190 Words
ftr: 1.25.2021 [11:05pm, pennsylvania]
3 - WE ALL HURT
hurt • cause physical pain or injury to.
/hərt/ | verb
"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." - Joanne K. Rowling
*
"So Grayson, can you share about yourself for our new member, Luna?"
"I'm here because I have issues, like the rest of you. Yes, even the ones who don't want to admit." Grayson stated in a matter-of-factly tone ━ earning an eyeroll and annoyed scoff from Atlas.
"Alright so today we're going to share negative past experiences, how we feel about them, and how they affect us to this day." Atlas cautiously continued. "You don't have to, but we heavily encourage you to. Ramsha, will you start us off?" Just glad it's not me.
"I was on vacation with my parents in Venezuela━ wait." Ramsha repeatedly ran her hands over her face shakily ━ while sighing.
"It's okay, you don't have━" Atlas began, but was interrupted by the person he was talking to.
"This will help me, right?" Ramsha asked shakily ━ slowly reducing the unstableness in her voice as she got herself together, earning a nod from Atlas. "We were having so much fun but━" She sobbed, putting up a shaky hand ━ head motioning that she couldn't continue to tell the nightmare.
Confusion ━ simply anxiety, worry, and concern in another form, cloaked itself around Luna. An emotion, one of the only, that could render the problem-solving brain ━ defeated. Brain working so desperately to reach the solution, to have that 'eureka' moment ━ only to be stolen away in the foggy darkness by confusion. Worry looped and wrapped itself around Luna's head like a vine, seemingly forever playing concerning scenarios within her head ━ forevermore.
Ramsha broke the cycle Luna was enduring ━ with a scream. Ramsha's scream was blood-curdling and shiver-inducing, so much so that ━ her confusion, worry, anxiety, and concern withered at the sound, like a plant deprived a water so much it's brittle to dust.
Luna snapped her head to find Ramsha's face contorted in an expression of agony ━ as if her face would never be able to portray how much. . . it hurt. Ramsha clutched her with a face with an expression of pure-white snow, as if something precious would escape if she didn't. But Luna new to the group, so they didn't know. They didn't know Luna hated it; they didn't know she'd snap.
But it didn't matter ━ because she did.
It began with Luna whispering little reassurances to herself ━ regardless of whether they were a lie, she didn't want to endure the pain of it, so she believed. But soon it wasn't enough, so she started to clutch and claw at her ears ━ trying to remove the source of the pain, feeling ever so frantic. Yet, Ramsha's vocal expressions of pain pierced through the shields of Luna's hands.
"SHUT UP! PLEASE!" Luna screeched ━ tired of being so affected.
Atlas already had Ramsha to deal with ━ and now another. He ordered Grayson to restrain her ━ worried Luna would attack Ramsha, knowing she could with her strength. Grayson huffed and grumbled in annoyance, but complied with Atlas's request. He gently but firmly folded Luna's arms behind her back before making her lay face-down on the floor ━ sitting on her lower-back, both legs on either side of her.
They'd managed to get Ramsha stable ━ which helped Luna steadily ease up.
"I-I'm sorry, Ramsha." Luna choked out ━ voice raw from yelling and eventually screaming. Ramsha just shakily grabbed her phone and tapped it before pointed to Luna. After a few guesses, Luna figured out that she was asking for her number.
So she grumbled to Grayson. "Can you get off of me now?"
"Guess you're fine." He shrugged before returning to his seat after a glance.
Once Luna was no longer restrained, she exchanged numbers with Ramsha ━ who still had yet to speak. Everyone watched Ramsha with worried eyes and Luna with caution. Luna heard a DING! ━ so she checked her phone.
- ramsushi -
[i can't rlly speak rn]
sent/seen
- luna -
[Why not?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[dont text like tht ever again. it's painful 2 look]
- luna -
[?
Are you okay?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[yea srry for bothering yall]
sent/seen
- luna -
[You didn't. I'm sorry for nearly attacking you.]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
['s ok. i low-key knew u wouldnt]
sent/seen
- luna -
[?]
sent/seen
━━
Luna declared the conversation dead and turned off her phone ━ before pocketing it. Everyone was awkward in their seats, waiting for Atlas to instruct them further.
"Luna, Ramsha━" He cut himself off before looking at Ramsha, to ask for approval; receiving a nod. "Ramsha has PTSD."
It only really took one word. Only one word to feel like she died ━ like she deserved it too. Guilt. Her actions had cut her deeply ━ leaving an ugly scar, guilt, forever there; never to be erased. I messed up, again. She felt another DING! ━ and pulled out her phone to check the notification.
message from - ramsushi -
[don't worry about it. make it up to me by hanging out tomorrow.]
━
Luna nodded to Ramsha, letting her know that it was agreed.
"We won't continue to share negative experiences for today. But I think something needs to be said." Atlas started.
"Society says that when something bad is going on, to look at the person who has it worse than you. Yes, it's true ━ but we can't do that in all situations. If a person is orphaned from one parent, and acknowledges that there are people who are orphaned from both parents ━ doesn't mean their pain doesn't hurt. Just because someone else has "suffered more" doesn't make your pain any less nor take it away. It still hurts and that's something I want you all to understand. We will not say 'I've had it worse so you can't complain or that isn't anything, nor will we say 'well they had it worse than me so I can't hurt or express my pain'. You can hurt, it's okay, go ahead ━ hurt. We all do." He spoke, and just like that, he crushed one of the many walls Luna had built ━ one of her sturdier ones, too.
A lump in her throat formed, causing her to scold herself ━ which only made her eyes water even more. She'd subconsciously been waiting to hear that, it just wasn't from the right person. Grayson took note of her reaction ━ as it was a clue to solving the mystery he was trying to c***k.
"We should wrap it up today. I'll see you all on Monday."
Luna walked out of the door and a few blocks to the bus stop where she waited ━ until she was distracted by a text message.
- ramsushi -
[hey]
sent/seen
- luna -
[Uh. Hi?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[so do u kno where u wanna eat up?
*meat up?
ughhh *meet up?]
sent/seen
- luna -
[No, not really. Do you?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[y is ur texting so boring]
sent/seen
- luna -
[What do you mean?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[u have no spice or personality in ur texts when i read them i can't help but read tehem in a robot voice *them]
sent/seen
- luna -
[I mean, I do. It depends on who I'm texting with.]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[oh so like open up? ]
sent/seen
- luna -
[I guess?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[ig i gotta work hard so u open up 2 me]
sent/seen
- luna -
[Good luck?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[smh ♀️. i'll send u location how 3pm sound?]
sent/seen
- luna -
[It sounds fine.]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[k. we also gotta work on ur texting]
sent/seen
- luna -
[?]
sent/seen
━━
Luna pocketed her phone before waiting another 3 minutes in the cold biting at her skin ━ for the bus to arrive. When it did, she boarded it on her usual and boring route back home.
*
She stalked up the porch stairs of the townhome before lazily shoving the key into the knob's lock. Her mother must've heard her because before she could turn the key, the door opened, taking the key from her hand along with it.
"Luna! We've been waiting for you to get home. We have something to tell you!" Her mom said in an oddly-sweet voice with a firm but gentle grip on Luna's wrist.
"Okay.. what's going on?"
"What do you mean? Nothing's going on." Ximena, her mother, had started playing with her hair. Something's up. She only does that when she's stressed.
"I'll tell you when you sit down at the table with us."
"Fine, but don't let it be another prank, please." Luna sighed and followed behind her slightly-shorter mother. She sat next to her father who was already seated ━ before noticing the grave expression he was modeling like a pro.
There was a moment of silent ━ which Luna didn't interrupt. Until it was broken.
"Your mother and I are getting a divorce." Luna didn't initially have a reaction ━ reason being, it hadn't set in yet. Once it did, she felt the urge to throw something ━ picturing herself doing it, even feeling her fingers take a phantom grip on something.
"We tried, really. We tried to keep it together for you, but we couldn't." Rafael explained.
"Why? What made you guys break your vows to go through thick and thin together?" Luna asked with a face of ridicule and voice of spite ━ enough to make her parents flinch.
"It's been a strain on our marriage with your addiction. We're torn between what to do, we have different ideas. It's not your fault. Luna honey━" Luna had a respect for her parents, but this just caused her to lose it.
"You guys are just trying to play good cop, when in reality you're bad too. You're indirectly blaming it on me. In therapy, they had us do homework and research ━ I never thought toxic people would apply to you guys. I think I remember what it was called. Gaslighting." She quieted down to a broken whisper at the last sentence. But it was enough to hurt the others who heard it ━ Rafael and Ximena. But it only broke one person ━ Luna.
"I don't understand. Why don't you guys just love me?" Luna's mind was in a state of chaos. She wanted so badly to go back in time and keep them together ━ but she couldn't. She was feeling an indescribable helplessness. She couldn't change it, it was out of her control.
"No, we do love you. We'll stay together." They forced themselves to hug each other for the sake of Luna ━ but not being able to hide their expressions of disdain.
"No━ no. Don't force yourselves for someone like me. I understand, you can leave." You aren't the first and you won't be the last to leave, they all do. Luna knew from experience ━ after all they weren't her biological parents.
A scowl branded itself on her face as she abruptly got up ━ storming upstairs to pack a backpack. She packed two outfits, two pairs of pajamas, a toothbrush with toothpaste, a pair of glasses, and two pairs of shoes. She sat collapsed onto her bed and contemplated whether or not she should really leave for a couple of nights. In the end ━ she decided it'd be best. So she made a run for it, before running a few blocks to lose her "parents" in case they followed her. Even though they probably didn't ━ it was all a bitter hope.
She wasn't sure where to stay, so she took a risk ━ and texted Ramsha.
- luna -
[Hey. Can I ask a favor?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[mhm.]
sent/seen
- luna -
[Think I could stay at yours?]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[yeah.. but y?]
sent/seen
━━
Luna took a deep breath to gain courage before replying.
━━
- luna -
[Something happened at home.]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[oh that sux 342 sletno drive]
sent/seen
- luna -
[Okay, I'm on my way. And thanks.]
sent/seen
- ramsushi -
[ur texting is so painful 2 look at.]
sent/seen
━━
Luna left her on read ━ already pocketing her phone after putting the address in her GPS. She let out a sigh ━ watching as it turned into wispy-white smoke in the cold-biting air. She began her walk, in the dead of the night, with stiff joints ━ and nothing but a backpack.
━━
+2155
━━
Done.
- Writer
