Valeria

4 Consuelo

            The next morning was just like the last. I laid in bed with my tears all night only to wake up drenched in them. Beatus had to wake me up to change my bandages. When he asked if I needed help in taking a bath that morning, I didn’t resist. I simply sat there on the tub as he scrubbed my back. The warm water couldn’t even do its wonders on my skin anymore.

            Pagkatapos kong maligo ay si Beatus naman. By the time he was finished, I already finished dressing up. Isang maluwang na sundress lang para madaling isuot at hubarin. My husband got his dress shirt and trousers on just as the voices down below called.

            “Baka sila Aling Nenita na.” Sumilip si Beatus sa bintana. Nagsintas muna ito ng sapatos bago tumungong pintuan. “Saglit lang.”

            I was left alone in our room again, sitting in front of the vanity mirror and looking at myself.

            They said I was the spitting image of Carlotta Delgado. That the vicious blood of Don Apollo didn’t quite reach my bloodstreams at the first glance. I was the softest thing in their eyes, the most vulnerable one in our bloodline that the society detested so much.

            Was it because of our immense wealth? Or was it because of our morals?

            Katulad ng kay Mama, umaalon din ang aking itim na buhok. Ngunit sa hitsura ko sa salamin ay hindi ko iyon nakita dahil basa pa. My hands weren’t exactly in the mood to pamper up my hair so I just let it be. My mother also bestowed me with the same pale complexion. One that absolutely hated the blazing sun. Although in the mirror that morning, its glow was absent. Maputla lang, halos walang kulay.

            There was no picture of my beloved mother in our room because there was no need for it. Isang tingin lang sa salamin ay siya kaagad ang aking nakikita. Mula sa aking singkit na mga mata at manipis na mga labi. It was all Carlotta, the sweet summer child who chased a certain Delgado boy who already gave his heart to another, with her cute button nose and almost non-existent cleft chin.

            But the most prominent feature my parents gave to us as they said, to Kuya Ilay and I, were our eyes. Soulful. Intelligent, expressive. But most of all, kind but not timid. It was what differentiated us from the cruelty of my grandfather. Yet sometimes, when situations required it, I found myself becoming more like him. The cruel Don Apollo.

            I knew I wasn’t the only one who didn’t blame him for living that way.

            Wala akong picture ni Papa at Mama sa aming kwarto. Ang mayroon lamang ako ay iyong litratong kuha noong aking nakaraang birthday wala pang isang buwan ang nakalipas. Those who attended the funeral were also the ones in the picture.

            My closest friends, my family… Basically everyone who knew who I was before I became like… this.

            Dinampot ko ang litrato. It was that sunny Sunday morning when everything got taken away from me. That particular morning where we said…

            “Cheese!” sabay-sabay naming sigaw sa camera.

            Ilang pose pa ang ginawa namin ng mga dating high school friends. Hindi ko maitago ang aking mga ngiti dahil parang nagkaroon kami ng mini reunion. Truly, time flew by that fast. We were once exchanging love letters and throwing food at each other. Time happened and there we were, already busy building our own lives.

            Despite the greetings coming in, my eyes kept dancing back and forth on our front yard. There were still no signs of my two brothers.

            Ang pangako nila sa akin ay pupunta sila sa birthday ko. They wouldn’t break a promise, would they?

            The first thing that came to my mind when I was drafting the invitation was incapacity. The names formerly enlisted became too shallow in my eyes. As far as I was concerned, most of the names chosen were nothing but strangers. The so-called two-faced friends.

            Those politicians, those judges, those high-class wives of the society. Those… bastards out there… were also the same ones who wouldn’t look at us three remaining Delgado descendants straight in the eye. Because no matter how legitimate we had become, they only saw the dirt we rose from, the same dirt that they were eating from below us.

            In the years that I manned our empire alone, I learned that there was only a thin line between fear and admiration. Loyalty could shift just as easily. And in this world full of men, you don’t get what you deserve – you take it.

            Cutting the guest list in half and maybe even more was the best decision I did for my birthday.

            “Happy Birthday, Sol!” sabay-sabay na bati sa akin ng mga kaibigan naming dumalo.

            Pagkatapos ng picture taking ay ako ang naging sentro ng atensyon. I tried my best to receive all their warm greetings without moving too much. Marahan ang hawak ko sa anim na buwang tiyan dahil baka hindi sinasadyang maipit o masiko.

            “Happy Birthday! Man, you’re getting old!” Nakipag-beso sa akin si Maxence.

            Umasim ang mukha ko. “Hey! Twenty-one is not that old! Where’s Kier?”

            He waved his hand irritably. I shook my head at him and put my hands up. “Okay, okay! Understood.”

            “Happy Birthday, Sol! Ang dami kong regalo para sa inyo ng pamangkin ko!” It was Libra’s turn to kiss my cheeks. “I’m so freaking excited!”

            I gave him a small hug, minding the baby bump that I needed to take care of. Sumunod akong nakipagbeso sa katabi ni Libra. “Thank you! So glad you two came!”

            Lyanna, Libra’s girlfriend, smiled shyly at me. Tumango lamang ito at dinuro ang kanilang regalong naghihintay sa isang table. Unlike her boyfriend, she was the silent type. Parang dalawang pirasong puzzle pieces nga. Opposite of the other but exactly fitted together.

            “Syempre. Baka magalit ka e...” Umakbay kaagad si Libra sa akin.

            I squinted my eyes at him. He had his smirk on which was already familiar with me. Tumawag ang aking pinsan kagabi na baka hindi sila makadalo ni Lyanna dahil nag-away. Siguro ay naayos na kaya naman nakangising-aso sa akin.

            Pagkatapos sa loteng iyon ay lumipat naman ako sa kabila. I greeted Beatus and I’s common friends. His twin, Beatrix, was also there, taking a few pictures with Nova. Most were our closest high school friends, the ones who first witnessed our love story.

            Our backyard was nothing sort of special. Covered in trimmed grasses, a few hibiscus here and there. Might even install a pond or two. I wanted it to be that way. Normal and nothing fancy like how I wanted our lives to be. For the past three years that I’ve been married to Beatus Santa Romana, it was all that I reached for. Simplicity. No matter how hard it was because one, the company I was running was already giving us the limelight. And two, I was a Delgado. Look at a Delgado the wrong way and it wouldn’t turn out well. That was how the saying went.

            “Sol? Has anybody seen my wife?” palinga-linga si Beatus sa paligid.

            Walang boses akong sumenyas kay Libra. Umiling lamang ito at ngumisi. I caught him sniffing Lyanna’s hair before I turned to my husband that was already looking a bit lost without me by his side. Sa tabi ko ay si Max na umirap lamang sa paparating na si Beatus.

            “Hey, love. There you are.” In an instant, his broad shoulders relaxed and a full blown smile broke on his lips.

            For its radiance, I tried to do the same.

            “The boys are killing me in there. Sorry. How’s your back?” Lumapat ang kaniyang palad upang suportahan ang aking likuran.

            “I’m fine,” tango ko. “Apollo isn’t acting up today.”

            Ngumisi ito at tumango. He crouched a bit so he could be face to face with my big tummy. “That’s my good girl.”

            Like the first time Beatus knew I was carrying his child, he was extra careful with me as we walked together on the well-tended brilliant greens of our lawn. I had it look extra pretty for that particular day. Even the shrubbery on the either side of the canopies were perfect.

            “Akala ko ay sa November pa uuwi si Kuya Carlo. Will he stay here for good?” Beatus parted my fingers so he could clasped our hands together.

            I shrugged. “Alam mo naman si Kuya Carlo. Pabago-bago ng desisyon. Hindi mapakali sa iisang lokasyon lang. But he made effort to come here for my birthday so...”

            “It’s about time he comes home, don’t you think? If he stays abroad in November, I’m sure he’ll find it hard to return for Christmas. Para magkakasama kayong tatlo ni Ilay.”

            “You talked to Kuya Ilay? He’s already here?” Luminga ako sa paligid.

            “Yeah. I think I saw Ilay’s car parked around somewhere.” Lumipad din ang tingin ni Beatus patungong labas.

            Naging diretso ang aking salubong na mga kilay. Lumipas ang maliit na espasyong aming nilalakaran at sa hindi kalayuan ay nakita ko na ang bunga ng aming ilang linggong preparasyon.

            As if on cue, our other friends who just arrived saw us and waved from a distance. Kaunti lamang ang imbitado sa aking birthday dahil pareho naming gustong intimate. Their smiles reached us and it all pointed towards the little life growing inside me. Even my two brothers were there, smiling genuinely as they waited for us.

            My husband was right. There he was.

            My brother, the middle one, was the spitting image of Ricardo Delgado, our late father. Both with the same soulful eyes and not a single ounce of arrogance from Don Apollo, once Sorsogon’s most feared man. Bless his soul.

            But like our eldest, Allistaire Delgado, too, was in great pain. Even as I watched him mingle with the others with a lazy smile on his lips.

            “My brothers are very sad.” Tumagilid ang aking ulo. “One endded up leaving the only woman he loved. While the other evaded death but not heartbreak.”

            “Sol, baby...” Napangisi si Beatus.

            “It’s true. Maybe it has got something to do with being a Delgado. Look at us. My parents died together but the love they shared was only for their children. They suffered a lot without us knowing that. And my brothers, well, look at them. I am the only one that got lucky.”

            “Because you’re with me? Yeah?” Ngumisi si Beatus.

            I bumped shoulders with him. “Because I’m with you.”

            “Don’t believe it’s luck. This isn’t fate or destiny either. Life moves according to your choices, and this is all you.” Tumaas ang kaniyang kilay. “So, I guess I’m the lucky one here.”

            Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang ngumisi. I shook my head as a giggle escaped me. Beatus pressed our hands together, bringing it up to his lips so he could kiss each of my fingertips. Gamit ang isang kamay ay marahang nilapag nito ang palad sa ibabaw ng aking tiyan.

            “As much as I love Cala, that horrible woman, the combination of a Montemayor and a Delgado is not the best decision. You’ve been at it for how many generations now. However, your choice of loving and marrying me, a Santa Romana, is my biggest stroke of luck. With me, you’ll be the happiest girl. I promise you that because I just love you too damn much.”

            A happy marriage, a baby on the way, and with all the important people in our lives. Wala na akong gugustuhin pang iba sa araw ng aking kaarawan.

            “I know. I know...” Dinantay ko ang ilong sa gilid ng pisngi ni Beatus. Paulit-ulit akong tumango habang nakangiti. “Thank you, Beatus. For giving me all these.”

            He kissed my temple and whispered his love for me for the last time before dragging me away. “Come on, Sol. Our guests are waiting.”

            Kuya Ilay was the first one to hug me when we made it into their lot. Sumunod namang dumating ang aming nakatatandang kapatid.

            I didn’t know if it was the hormones but seeing my two brothers by my side, us siblings together in one piece, made my tears well up. Seeing everybody here, happy and interacting with each other was just the bonus. The small family of us three made the occasion complete.

            “I missed you two...” Sabay kong niyakap ang dalawa.

            “Happy Birthday,” they said in unison.

            It was like being sandwiched by two big loaves of bread. Matangkad ang dalawa kong kuya. Parehong malaki ang katawan at malakas ang dating. I could hardly breathe but it was such a nice feeling. Nang humiwalay ako ay nakangisi si Kuya Ilay sa akin.

            “Bakit ngayon lang kayo umuwi? Sa birthday ko lang talaga? Paano kung hindi ko pa birthday?” I crossed my arms, my smile leaving my lips.

            “Birthdays... Christmas... New Year... We’d come home. Won’t we, Ilay?” Kuya Carlo nodded, his eyes shifting towards my husband who came by my side. Bahagyang tumalim ang mga mata nito.

            My other brother cleared his throat, noticing the change in Kuya Carlo’s behavior.

            “Mabuti at nakapunta kayo. We will be having barbecue night for later. “ Ngumiti si Beatus. “Huwag muna kayong umalis, Ilay. Beer lang naman.”

            With the way Kuya Carlo was looking at him, I was slightly becoming aware of the tension rising. Tumingin sa akin si Kuya Ilay ngunit umiling ako at napanguso.

            “Sure.” Our eldest raised a brow.

            “Really? That’s great! Oo nga pala, iyong tungkol sa planta sa Batangas. Nabalitaan namin ni Sol ang nangyari...”

            Seeing the three talking about business as usual, I tapped my husband’s chest. Kumaway ako kay Kuya Ilay na humahabol ng tingin sa akin. I mentally laughed for leaving him with the two. Kung siya ang magiging referee ay mas matutuwa pa ako.

            Bago tuluyang umalis ay ngumiti ako kay Beatus. He subtly waved back, his eyes trained on me even though he was having a little chitchat with my brothers. Kumaway ako sa kaniyang pag-alis. I was smiling to myself but it was only short-lived.

            “Naku, mam! Kadarating pa lang ng cake. Na-traffic daw. Diyahe talaga!” Aling Nenita, the middle-aged woman we hired as a househelp for my pregnancy, scratched her head.

            Bumuntong-hininga ako at sumilip sa labas. Malapit na ang kainan dahil dumadami na ang mga bisita. “Sige. Paki-tawag si Hanz para maibaba na. I’ll be in the kitchen if Beatus looks for me.”

            Dali-daling sumunod si Aling Nenita. While my husband was busy entertaining our guests, the job of making sure that the kitchen would be sending out food accordingly was up to me. Nakahanda na halos lahat ng mga pagkain at hinihintay na lamang ang aking senyas. I surveyed the food and nodded to the helpers.

            While they were busy sending out food, kasama ko naman si Hanz upang tingnan ang cake. Nasa labas kami ng gate habang tinatanaw ang delivery.

            “Happy Birthday, mam! Lalo kang gumaganda kada-taon!” The boy, barely in his twenties, smiled at me, showing his crooked front teeth. s

            I tore my eyes away from the van, showing Hanz my ridiculous smile.

            “Totoo po! Kaya mahal na mahal ka ni Sir Beatus!” Pumalakpak ito.

            “Ikaw talaga, Hanz. Kapag maganda lang ba dapat minamahal? Baka kaya wala kang girlfriend ay ganyan ang mindset mo?” bawi ko.

            Aling Nenita’s nephew coughed. Natawa ako. He was trying to explain to me that I was just so beautiful but all of what he said wasn’t foreign in my ears. The serene beauty of Carlotta Delgado was passed down to me in every inch that it would be insulting to not receive a nice compliment.

            “Basta kapag nag-asawa ako ay gusto kong katulad ng sa inyo ni Sir Beatus. Iyong malalim magmahal at tumatagal. Walang gigiba kahit ano at sino. Ang swerte ninyo, mam,” ngisi ni Hanz.

            That wasn’t also unfamiliar to me. People said that to us all the time. Alone, Beatus and I wasn’t lucky. But together, we were infinite. We broke the curse of my family that each member must suffer for a lifetime because of their love. But ours, kind but not timid, let me have all these.

            “Anong wish mo, mam?”

            Nag-angat ako ng tingin dito. Bahagyang kumunot ang aking noo kasabay ng pag-usbong ng ngisi. I hadn’t thought of that because I already had everything. Tanging inisip ko lang ay ang simpleng preparasyon para sa aking birthday.

            Bumaba ang aking tingin sa nakaumbok na tiyan. Out of the corner of my eyes, Hanz did too. I was six months pregnant at that time. It was a wonder how I was able to carry and nurture a life inside of me. Nakapagbabago ng pananaw at alituntunin sa buhay. It was true that being mother would change a woman for life.

            “I wish...” I pursed my lips in deep thinking. “I wish my life would stay this way. Just like this always.”

            Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Hanz at ngumiti. Marahan kong dinampian ng hawak ang tiyan. Hanz returned my smile even brighter but it died in an instant. My brows rose. Ang buong akala ko ay sa akin siya nakatingin ngunit hindi pala.

            In the slightest movements of his pupils, I knew for certain that he was looking at something behind me. And by the sound of it, it was fast. Inevitable. Like a freight train that was about to crush us both.

            Except it wasn’t a train.

            “Mam, may paparating na sasakyan!” Hanz shouted, his arms grabbing mine but he was already too late.

            Ang sabi nila, bago ka mamatay ay ipapakita muna ang buong buhay mo sa isang segundo lamang. It was the second of life, the most important one before it would be all over. For redemption, for forgiveness. Or simply for the memories, who knew. But it was that one second where your life flashes before you. Hindi dumating ang segundong iyon sa akin.

            Isang malakas na busina lamang bago ang kawalan.