Valeria

18 Consuelo

“What’s that smell? Ang asim…” Nova wriggled her nose, her eyes dropping on the dish I cooked. “Ano ‘yan?”

“Akala ko ba ay marunong kang magluto? Simpleng Sinigang lang ay hindi mo pa alam?” Tumaas ang kilay ko.

Bahagyang umawang ang kaniyang bibig. Her smile shook with the tone of my voice.

Wala naman kasi akong balak makipagplastikan sa kaniya. Wala akong mapapala kung makikipagngitian ako na para bang hindi siya ang babaeng madalas na pinag-aawayan namin ng asawa ko.

“What I mean is, why did you bring that here?” Her grin came back again as if nothing happened. “Hindi mo ba alam na marami kaming ginagawa? Kinakalatan mo pa ang lamesa niya. Diyan dapat kami magtatrabaho e…”

“E ‘di linisin. Ganoon naman kapag may kalat,” pasimple kong sagot.

I shouldn’t have said that because I forgot that she’s an heiress. Sa sobrang yaman ng pamilya ay prinsesa na kung ituring. Hindi niya siguro alam maglinis ng kalat o mag-ayos ng gulo na siya mismo ang gumawa. But I said it anyway just so she could feel my indifference.

“Tama ka…” Tumango-tango si Nova at inikutan ang coffee table. “Kailangan talagang linisin at itapon ang mga bagay na nabubulok na. I hate it when that happens. Kahit anong pilit kong magtagal ang isang pagkain, kahit hindi pa nauubos ay nasisira na. You don’t have any choice but to just throw it away because it’s already rotting.”

“Oh? Talaga?” I taunted.

“Yeah. Hindi ko naman pagtitiisan ang isang putaheng panis na, Sol. Hahanap na lang ako ng bago at mas masarap.”

“Well, you can always go back to your favorite dish. The reason why you’re so loyal to it is because it feels like home. Kahit magpapalit-palit ka ay babalik at babalik ka pa rin sa dati mo nang nakasanayan. Like the saying goes, the original is always better.”

Nagsukatan kami ng tingin ni Nova. Nakataas pa rin ang dulo ng kaniyang mga labi at kumikislap ang mga mata. While me, I maintained my serious resting face. Alam ko ay nag-uusap lang kami tungkol sa mga putahe kanina pero hindi ko na alam kung saan dumako.

Nova certainly handled it better than me. She rounded the coffee table and stopped just a few feet away, her eyes shining mischievously. Nanliit ako sa taas ng kaniyang heels pero kahit pagbali-baligtarin niya pa ang opisina ni Beatus o kahit ang buong mundo ay ako pa rin ang panalo.

Why? Because I was the wife. I already married the man she’s playing with if my gut instinct was right. But… wasn’t it always?

“Touché.” Sumingkit ang mga mata ni Nova dahil sa pagngisi.

I straightened my spine to at least look taller. Ever since I was a child, I was soft and delicate but I never did like the feeling of inferiority.

“So, Sol…” Nawala ang ngisi ni Nova at gumaan ang mukha. Kung hindi ko siya kilala ay aakalain kong totoo nga siyang kyuryoso akong kinakausap. “Are you going to the party too? Libra invited everybody. Do you know why?”

Umiling ako. “Imbitado kami ng asawa ko pero hindi niya sinabi kung bakit. Ikaw? Alam mo?”

Nova shrugged. “Your cousin is always full of surprises. Let’s just see what he’s up to. See you at the party!”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango dahil hindi pa rin maka-get over sa nangyari kanina. Parang nakipag-showdown ako sa kaniya at bahagyang nilamig ang sikmura. But looking at Nova, she seemed cool with it. I didn’t know if it was a good or bad sign.

Sakto namang bumukas ang bathroom at iniluwa si Beatus. Palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa akin at kay Nova. She was already advancing towards him but I beat her to it. Ako ang naunang nakalapit sa asawa ko na ikinatahimik niya.

“Magtatrabaho na ba kayo?” I put my hand on top of Beatus’ chest and began rubbing his posh suit soothingly. It was what I usually did when I was asking for s*x and he knew it. Binasa niya ang mga labi at tumango. “Aalis ka na ba? Ihahatid kita sa baba…”

“I’d like that. Thank you.” Humiwalay na ako at hindi pinalampas ang oportunidad na sipatin si Nova sa gilid.

The mischief in her eyes were long gone. Five minutes ago, she was like a sly fox but now she looked like she’s about to have a tantrum. Tahimik, madilim ang tingin sa amin ng asawa ko at hindi kumukurap.

My suspicions heightened because of her reaction. Hindi naman iyan magiging ganiyan kung walang dahilan. Pero paano nga kung wala? Maybe… she secretly admired my husband and got pissed off? Maybe there really was no relationship and I was just paranoid.

Bago sumarado ang elevator ay naabutan ko pa ring nakatingin si Nova. Whether my husband knew, he just remained silent. Atsaka lang kami nagkibuang dalawa nang nasa parking lot na.

“It’s nice of you to visit me, Sol. Thank you for bringing lunch.” Humalik siya sa pisngi ko pagkatapos kong patunugin ang sasakyan.

Tumango ako. I didn’t know how to say what I had in my mind so I fixed his necktie instead. In the end, I knew I had to say it just so I wouldn’t go crazy when I get home.

“Siguraduhin mong trabaho lang, Beatus,” masinsinan kong sabi. “Huwag na huwag kang gagawa ng isang bagay na alam mong makakasira sa ating dalawa.”

As if our marriage wasn’t already rotting like what Nova said. As if I hadn’t already cheated. But I had to say it anyway because my gut was telling me so. I needed to somehow remind him of that.

“Nova is just a friend. Stop overreacting.” Umiling si Beatus.

Tumango ako at pumasok na sa kotse.

Instead of going straight home, I went to the mall to buy a new dress for Libra’s party. I chose a caramel pink Delpozo crepe dress. It looked simple and pure, and that was what I wanted to feel for tomorrow.

Para mabawasan ang guilt ko ay sa ibang mall ako bumili. Aaminin kong ang una kong pinuntahan ay iyong kinalalagyan ng coffee shop. Hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa pamimili dahil parang hinihila ako ng mga paa ko paalis sa mga boutique. I didn’t want to feel that I only went there because of one reason so I moved to another mall.

I knew what I did. I cheated on my husband.

It was purely physical. I needed release in those darkest moments.

It was wrong.

Hindi ko alam kung sasabihin ko pa ba kay Beatus kahit na alam kong masasaktan siya. Pero hangga’t maaari ay gusto kong subukang ilayo ang sarili ko roon. Kahit na gusto kong magpunta sa coffeeshop ay pinilit kong hindi. I wasn’t expecting a medal but at least I was able to deny myself of that desire. Hindi katulad nitong mga nakaaran na talagang araw-araw akong pumupunta.

Later that day, Beatus went home earlier that usual. Ako naman ang ginulat niya dahil sabay ulit kaming nag-dinner. Kahit ang mga kasama namin sa bahay ay hindi rin makapaniwala. We were able to make short conversations which was fine for me. The only thing that didn’t went well that day was the smell of his white inner shirt.

Kaharap na ulit ni Beatus ang laptop dahil inuwi ang trabaho. Gusto ko namang magpaka-asawa sa kaniya kaya ako na ang nag-ayos ng marumi niyang damit. It was what I usually do anyway.

I thought I was hallucinating… but I took another sniff and there was it again. Amoy pabango niyang mamahalin pero may nakahalong iba. Something sweet like a fruity pear, something feminine. Like an apple. Hindi sa asawa ko ang amoy na iyon. Alam ko.

Dilat na dilat ako buong gabi at pilit na iniisip kung bakit naamoy na naman ang pabangong iyon. I wasn’t quite sure when but I knew I smelled it before. Parang mababaliw na ako sa kaiisip pero ayokong magmukhang katawa-tawa sa asawa ko. So, I tried distracting myself the next day until we arrived at Libra’s party.

“Bakit ang tagal ninyo? Kayo ha! May ginawa ba kayo?!” Ang pinsan kong energetic ang sumalubong sa amin.

Umirap ako. To be honest, I didn’t even know when was the last time my husband and I had s*x. Ever since he started going out on business trips, we became inactive. Siyempre. Paano namang may mangyayari sa amin kung nasa kabilang panig siya ng mundo?

“Good evening. Some party you have here…” Pagkatapos humalik sa pisngi ni Libra ay iginala ko ang tingin.

Ayos lang pala na ganito ang suot kong damit. Medyo formal ang setup ng venue. Warm white lights littered their backyard lawn, and a few canopies were erected. Intimate lang pero magarbo at halatang pinaghandaan. I wondered what Libra was up to.

“Of course! Only the best for my Lyanna.” Dinuro niya ang girlfriend na abala ring makipag-usap sa ibang kadarating na guests.

Currently, she was talking to our Aunt Rana’s unica hija. Nakita ko rin ang iilang mga kaibigan ni Kuya Ilay.

“Ano ba kasi ito? Can’t you tell me?” pakiusap ko na inilingan lang ni Libra. Nauna na siyang maglakad. “It’s a secret. Come on! I’ll show you to your table…”

Nagkatinginan na lang kami ni Beatus bago sumunod.

Kaunting kamustahan din ang nangyari sa mga kakilala namin bago nagsimula ang munting programa. Our table consisted of me and my husband, Kuya Ilay and his friends, and Maxence and his boyfriend Kier. Hindi nakadalo si Kuya Carlo dahil isa rin iyong pagala-gala sa kung saan mang sulok ng mundo. Thankfully, Charlie also couldn’t make it otherwise it would be awkward.

Some of our common friends were invited too. Beatrix and Nova were sharing the same table with them. Sina Libra at Lyanna naman ay solo ang harapan.

Ganitong-ganito ang nangyari noong birthday at baby shower ko. Sila rin ang mga imbitado. It was the last time that I actually felt happy and free. Unfortunately, it was also the time when everything got taken away from me so I couldn’t help but to feel conscious.

It had been what? More than three months already? Sobrang bilis. Parang isang kurap ko lang ay tapos na naman ang isang linggo. Ilan na lang ang bibilangin para sa Pasko at Bagong Taon pero heto pa rin ako, stuck sa isang madilim na pangyayari sa buhay ko.

“Friends and foes, associates and arch-enemies, mothers and fuckers. Comrades! Everyone…” Ngising-ngisi si Libra na nakababad sa spotlight sa harapan. “This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Question is, can you handle this fat ass?”

“Daming arte! Sabihin mo na!” kantiyaw ng mga kaibigan namin. “Naligo pa ako para sa’yo, Libs!”

“Go, Libra! Go, babe!” Maxence and Kier cheered.

Nakipalakpak din ako. Kapag talaga napupunta si Libra sa harapan ay nagiging entertaining. Ang galing bumangka ng usapan.

I was about to take another sip from my champagne glass but Beatus held my hand. Umiling siya at tumango lang kay Libra. Napanguso ako. I leaned back on my chair without knowing that his arm was positioned there. Medyo nailang pa ako pero pumayag din.

“Ano? Ano? Sino ang gustong mauna sa tsismis?” Panay ang inis ni Libra.

I had a lazy smile plastered on my lips but it died down when I spotted Nova. Hindi nagkakalayo ang table nila sa amin kaya nakita kong nakatingin siya. For a moment there, I thought she was mouthing something. Mabilis din siyang umayos ng upo at nakipagtawanan sa mga kaibigan.

“Are you talking two talking?” I turned to Beatus instead.

“Ano?” He shifted in his seat. “I’m not doing anything. You’re paranoid.”

Nilingon ko ulit si Nova. She’s now talking with Beatrix. Binasa ko ang mga labi at unti-unting kinalma ang sarili. I didn’t know if I was hallucinating or it was just the champagne. I was really bothered but I tried not to pay attention. Nakinig na lang ulit ako sa programa.

“Ang tagal naman! Gutom na ako!” sigaw ni Conan sabay himas sa tiyan. Inakbayan niya pa si Kuya Ilay na napapangisi na rin. “Huwag mo nang pag-antayin ‘to! Ilang taon na ‘tong naghihintay!”

That earned him a few laughs. I fought the urge to smirk.

“Alright, alright. No more games this time.” Itinaas ni Libra ang dalawang kamay. “Paging Lyanna Montes. Paging Lyanna Montes. Kailangan kita, mahal.”

When Lyanna went under the spotlight in front, the ambiance turned different. She was so shy that our friends stopped fooling around, but I thought it was the way my cousin held and looked at her that made us all shut up. Kumikislap ang mga mata, magaan, mainit. Pakiramdam ko ay naintindihan ko na ang nangyayari.

I didn’t know Libra was capable of being serious and romantic at the same time. He started telling their love story and might have quoted a dead person or two. Then he held Lyanna’s hand where a rock was sitting on a finger. Nang hinalikan niya ito ay umulan na ng mga palakpakan.

“We’re engaged! Guys, we’re getting married!” Kahit nakangisi ay namumula ang mga mata ng pinsan ko.

I got teary-eyed also. It was certainly a surprise. Uminit ang puso ko dahil sa balita nilang dalawa pero hindi pa pala tapos iyon.

“We’re also pregnant. My fiancée and I are expecting our very own miracle to arrive next year. Oh, my goodness…”

At first, I didn’t know why our small crowd had gotten even louder. They weren’t making jokes anymore. May ilang napapaluha sa saya at mayroon ding napapasigaw. Galak na galak ang kanilang mga puso dahil sa sinabi ni Libra.

But… I couldn’t understand why. Unti-unting namatay ang mga ngiti ko.

Then the lights turned on again. Nagsimula nang tumayo ang mga kaibigan namin upang yakapin at kamayan sina Libra at Lyanna. As for me, I couldn’t move a muscle. They all looked so happy and I didn’t know why.

“Congratulations and good luck! Welcome to fatherhood!” Paglingon ko sa harapan ay naroon na rin si Beatus, nakangiti at nakikipagkamayan sa pinsan ko.

I looked around our table and noticed that I was the only one left. Habang sila ay nagsasaya sa harapan, ako ay walang maramdaman. I looked at Lyanna. I looked at her innocent face and glimmering happy tears. Then I looked at her flat tummy.

Sabi ni Libra ay buntis siya. Na kahit maliit pa lang ang tiyan niya at patag ay may laman na. Something inside it was alive and sooner or later, it would show.

But… what’s so joyous about it?

“We’re pregnant. We’re pregnant. We’re pregnant!” Paulit-ulit si Libra at halatang hindi makapaniwala.

Napalunok ako. Para bang nahihilo ako at nasusuka. It wasn’t one of my attacks, I could breathe properly and feel the thumping of my heart. I just felt like everything was spinning because I was so… sad. Hindi ba dapat ay masaya rin ako? Bakit ganito?

“Sol? Sol, are you okay?” Lumapit sa akin si Beatus, nakangiti pa rin dahil kagagaling lang sa kasiyahan.

“O-Oo. B-Bathroom lang…” Umiling ako at mabilis na tumayo.

I didn’t care that my husband was still calling me. I didn’t care that some of our friends saw me. I didn’t care at all. Halos takbuhin ko ang daan papunta sa bathroom kung saan alam kong tahimik at hindi ko maririnig ang mga halakhak nila. Pero hindi pa rin ako pinagbigyan dahil hanggang sa loob ay umaabot ang kasiyahan.

Bumuhos ang mga luha ko at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Sobrang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Sobrang lungkot at pait. Hindi ko alam kung saan nagmumula pero sobrang tapang ng epekto. I braced the both of my hands on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I cried so hard that I thought my lungs were going to rip open.

It was like losing Apollo all over again. It was just like this. Sobrang hapdi at sakit.

I didn’t know how long I was crying but it was long enough to erase my makeup. Kumalma na ako sa pag-iyak at nanghihina na lang habang naghihilamos. Then the bathroom door opened and revealed Nova. Pati siya ay nagulat nang magkita kami.

“Oh! Hi, Sol! Ikaw lang pala!” Ngumisi siya at nagtungo sa tabi ko sa harapan ng salamin. Then she brought out her lipstick and began retouching. “Ang saya, ano? Ikakasal na si Libra at buntis pa si Lyanna. That’s a double celebration, don’t you think?”

Wala ako sa huwisyo para malaman kung pinaplastik niya ba ako o sadyang masaya lang siya para sa pinsan ko. Tahimik lang akong tumango. After fixing her lips, she pulled out a small vial and sprayed some on her neck. Then she smiled at me before leaving.

Bumagsak kaagad ang tingin ko sa sink kung saan niya naiwan ang maliit na bote ng pabango. I was about to call her but something stopped me. Something fresh and dewy, something sweet… fruity… maybe. The scent she left behind was too familiar with my nostrils that my mind started having memory lapses.

Dahan-dahan kong kinuha ang bote ng pabango. Iyon lang ang hawak ko nang lumabas mula sa bathroom at tinungo ang garden.

Siguro nga ay matagal akong nasa loob ng banyo. Medyo nagulo na ang arrangements ng table dahil mukhang patapos na silang kumain. Gusto nang makipag-bonding sa lahat ng tao at parating na rin ang drinks.

My heart was pounding deeply in my ribcage as I held Nova’s perfume bottle. I easily spotted her through the small crowd. Her confident strides brought her to our table where my husband was. Pinalilibutan silang dalawa ng mga taong itinuring kong kaibigan at kapamilya. Magkaiba ang taong kanilang kasalukuyang kinakausap pero maglikod. Magkadikit ang mga balikat.

Then I saw their hands moving subtly. Such a small movement wouldn’t raise any alarm. From afar, it looked so innocent but it wasn’t. They were holding hands, their fingers intertwined intimately. That was when I felt my whole world crashing all over again.

Nagsimula na akong manginig. Parang hihimatayin ako habang pinapanood silang dalawa.

There they were. My husband and his mistress.