Valeria

12 Beatus

Pagkarating ko sa bahay nang hapong iyon ay hindi ko inasahan si Sol. In fact, we both didn’t expect each other going home so early. I only see her at night when she’s already sleeping, and she sees me in the morning before going to work. Ang pagkikita namin sa isa’t isa sa aming bahay ay isang malaking himala.

“You’re home early…” I threaded carefully.

Tumigil ito sa ginagawa. Bahagya akong sumilip at nakitang may pinupunasan itong kung ano sa lapel ng suot na blazer.

“I took the day off. Ikaw?” Kumunot ang noo niya. Una ay sa mukha ko at pangalawa naman ay sa coat ko. “Bakit ganiyan ang itsura mo? Saan ka galing?”

I didn’t need to look down on my clothes to see all the hays and wheat that got stuck in it. Sa kotse ko rin ay may mga dayaming naiwan. My hair was a mess. I was definitely much dirtier compared to her. Mukhang natapunan lang ng kape ang blazer niya.

“Galing lang akong site. Hindi na ako nakapagpalit ng damit kaninang may inspection.” Nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

Dahan-dahang tumango si Sol. She resumed dipping her handkerchief to the running water and dabbing it to her stained dress.

I stood there silently, waiting for something I didn’t even know. Hindi na ako nilingon pa ng asawa ko kaya pumanhik na lang ako sa itaas.

I was taking off my clothes when Nova’s texts came. Dinampot ko ang cellphone sa drawer at nagtipa ng reply.

Surprisingly, Sol found my cellphone almost a week ago and let Nova give it to me. Nagpunta raw siya sa opisina ko pero nasaktuhang may pinuntahan akong mga kliyente sa Tagaytay. She didn’t say where she found it but I was sure that it’s just around the house.

Pagkatapos kong mag-reply ay nagtungo na ako sa shower. I had a f*****g breakdown earlier but that didn’t mean that my work for the day was over. Kailangan kong bumalik ng opisina dahil nangungulit na rin si Nova.

It was just a quick shower. By the time I got out, Sol was also inside our room, her stained blazer already gone. Naabutan ko itong nagpapatuyo ng buhok at mukhang kaliligo lang din. Hindi ko mapigilang babaan ng tingin ang kaniyang manipis na puting roba.

When I first met Sol, we were still in highschool. She and her brother just transferred mid-year, and I swear to God that she’s the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen. Mestiza, matangkad at may itim na itim na umaalong buhok. Kamukhang-kamukha niya si Tita Carlotta lalo na sa mga mata. ,

Back then, she was still so young. So soft-spoken, vulnerable, and very quiet. Like her mother, she was elegant and refined. But after the tragedy of their family, I wasn’t quite sure if she matured or that was her way of coping. Ang dating tahimik na si Sol ay nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob at paninindigan. She was still the same girl I fell in love with before but she became a lot stronger and grounded.

Being by her side through all those times allowed me to see how she grew into this woman. I couldn’t believe I was seeing her again tonight. Without the walls and the disconnection. My dear Consuelo.

From her jet-black hair, heart-shaped face, and pale skin. And to that almost invisible cleft on her chin. My eyes drifted down to her sharp jawline and slender neck. Tinutuyo niya pa rin ang buhok kaya nakaanggulo ang panga. Napalunok ako.

“Babalik ka pa sa opisina?” Sol looked up at me in the vanity mirror.

I licked my lips. Marami pa akong kailangang tapusin at nangungulit din si Nova. But skipping work to spend time with my wife wouldn’t be so bad, right?

“Do you... want to go out for an early dinner? Saan mo gustong kumain?” alok ko.

Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakaikot ng tuwalya sa aking baywang bago tumungo sa vanity ni Sol. The drawer we messed up from a few weeks ago were already organized. Naging abala ako sa drawer na iyon pero hindi ko napigilan ang sariling malanghap ang natural na amoy ng balat ng asawa ko. Napapalingon ako kahit na nakaupo lang naman ito sa harapan ng salamin at nanunuklay.

“Wala ka na bang ibang gagawin?” she asked.

“Bukas na,” iling ko. “How about in Shangri-La?”

Sol shrugged and continued brushing her long dark hair. My eyes followed the elegant slope of her back where she’s putting the loose strands. Her white silky robe was so sheer that I easily knew that she had nothing underneath. I could make out her n*****s from my high angle.

Tinigil ko na lang ang katatanong dahil mukhang ayaw naman niya. Tinatamad siguro. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to appreciate her in this rare moment. The lighting in our room highlighted Sol’s pale skin. Pababa na ang tingin ko sa kaniyang mapuputing mga hita at binti.

The only thing my eyes missed was the baby bump that’s supposed to be there. Sanay na sanay na akong makita iyon dati sa tiyan niya pero kailangan ko na rin sigurong masanay na wala na. I didn’t know what Sol was doing in her free time but her tummy was almost flat now. Like she didn’t carry my child at all.

Naroon na naman ang bigat sa dibdib kong hindi maalis-alis sa tuwing maaalala ang anak namin. I stopped looking at Sol’s body and rubbed my eyes together.

Nang dumilat ako ay hindi ko inaasahang nakatingin na si Sol sa akin. I suddenly felt off guard with her expressive eyes looking up at me like that.

“What?” I frowned, feeling all defensive.

Dahan-dahan siyang umiling at ibinalik ang atensyon sa sariling repleksyon. Parang may sumuntok sa dibdib ko. I didn’t need know why I suddenly felt so triggered. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit obvious namang may problema kaming mag-asawa pero hindi namin mapag-usapan. We’re living together but we just couldn’t get rid of the elephant in the room.

Hindi na ako nakapagpigil at tinatlong hakbang ang pagitan namin. My hand shot up to stop her hands from brushing her hair. Ang mga kamay ko ang sumabunot sa kaniyang mahabang buhok. It felt so soft under my palm. Almost like her skin.

Sol gasped and turned to our reflection in her vanity mirror. I crouched low and put my other hand on her drawer to balance myself. Isang hila lang sa kaniyang buhok ay lumantad ang kaniyang mahabang leeg. Hindi ako nag-aksaya ng panahon at una iyong hinalikan.

“Beatus...” she moaned as I suckled on her sensitive flesh.

I knew her delectable body like the back of my hand. I memorized her curves and hidden treasures from making love to it for a thousand times. But when we lost our child, it became like this. This... raw, undomesticated f*****g. We’re no longer husband and wife but just two animals having wild s*x.

Pagkatapos pagsawaan ang kaniyang leeg ay umakyat ang mga halik ko sa kaniyang panga, pisngi at sa wakas ay sa kaniyang mga labi. We shared a sloppy kiss, leaving the half of my face all wet. Hinila kaagad ni Sol ang tuwalya sa baywang ako at hinagis sa kung saan. I pulled away and stood behind her. My eyes never left hers in our reflection.

Yumuko ulit ako at mula sa kaniyang likuran ay pinagapang ko ang aking mga kamay. From her arched spine, tiny waist, and to her flat tummy. Gumuhit na naman ang sakit sa puso ko kaya mabilis kong inakyat ang aking mga kamay sa kaniyang dibdib. In the mirror, Sol was bitting her lip while my two hands were busy roughly molding her full breasts through the sheer fabric of her silk robe. Everytime she whined, more blood would rush straight down to my c**k which was now stirring to life.

“More, Beatus...” Inabot ng isang kamay ni Sol ang aking batok samantalang ang isa ay bumaba sa pagitan ng kaniyang mga hita.

I obliged, loosening the strings of her robe to reveal her body. Like how I imagined it, her pink n*****s were in tight furls. I gave her breasts a few rough squeezes before my fingers relieved its aching pebbled stiffness.

“Ah s**t! Beatus!” Parang mababaliw na si Sol sa aming repleksyon, pabaling-baling ang mukha sa mga kamay ko at sa pagitan ng kaniyang mga hita.

I gritted my teeth as I looked down on her busy fingers. She opened her legs widely on her own, her middle finger rubbing her swollen c**t hastily. She was so wet already that her fluids were visible on inner thighs and on the material of her chair.

Tinabig ko paalis ang mga kamay niya at mabilis siyang hinila patayo. I made her stand up so I could sit on the chair that she just ruined.

“I need to taste you now,” tiim-bagang kong saad bago ko siya sinandal sa salamin.

The shelf rocked a bit, her perfume bottles clinking together. Ramdam ko ang mabilis na t***k ng puso ko nang ipatong ang kaniyang isang paa sa ibabaw ng vanity. Ang isa naman ay sa aking hita. From this angle, Sol was open widely for me. I could see everything. Her juices flowing, her swollen c**t, and that pink quivering p***y.

Hindi ako nag-aksaya ng panahon at yumuko. I spat on her sensitive flesh before lapping my tongue all over it. Starting from the bottom, my tongue f****d her glistening folds like it was my c**k. Si Sol naman ay sumabunot sa akin habang paatras nang paatras sa vanity. Hindi ko ito pinayagang makalayo at hinawakan na sa magkabilang hita.

“Beatus! Ohh!” My wife had no choice but to scream because I was eating her out just the way I knew she liked best.

From the bottom, my tongue made its way to very top. My face was all wet now and covered in her own juices but I didn’t care. I suckled on her sweet little stiff c**t along with the flicking of my tongue. Wala akong ibang narinig kung hindi ang mga pag-iyak ni Sol. My d**k was so f*****g hard already that I thought I would explode.

When I felt that her walls were tightening, I added my two fingers inside. I could see it ramming in and out of her p***y that her entire perfume collection was shaking. Humawak siya sa balikat ko at marahas na binaon ang mga kuko. Three more thrusts and she came hard. In my fingers, in my tongue, in my f*****g face.

Marahas ang panginginig ng kaniyang buong katawan, pikit na pikit ang mga mata at naka-arko ang gulugod. When I saw that her folds were all soaked and slippery, I stood up. Tumapat na ako sa kaniya at pumwesto. Natauhan lang kami pareho dahil sa isang nag-ring na cellphone.

I knew it wasn’t mine so I continued positioning myself. But Sol shook her head at me and pushed my chest away. Her face was glowing from the high but her eyes were frantically looking for her cellphone!

“Mamaya na ‘yan, love...” Halos magmakaawa ako sa kaniyang leeg.

Hindi ako nito pinakinggan at dinampot ang cellphone sa loob ng drawer. Nang sagutin na ang tawag ay napamura ako.

“Yes, Charlie?” From her womanly mewls, her voice turned serious.

She then hopped off the vanity and reached for her robe thrown carelessly on the floor. Silently, I grabbed her arm and pointed at my very hard c**k. Isang senyas lang ang ibinigay niya sa akin pagkatapos ay dumiretso na sa bathroom. Nang maiwan akong mag-isa ay hinilamos ko ang mga palad sa mukha.

Great!

By the time Sol went out of the bathroom, she was done talking to her uncle and already wearing a corporate attire. Pagkakita ko sa kaniya ay parang nanghina ako dahil naroon na naman ang pader sa pagitan namin. Mas inuna pa niya ang trabaho niya kaysa sa akin.

“Emergency meeting. I already missed the first one this month. I’m so sorry.” Nakatingin pa rin sa cellphone si Sol kahit nagpapaalam. “Babawi ako...”

Then she was out of the house just like that. She really left me with his raging hard-on. Ang galing. Sobra. Wala akong ibang choice kung hindi ang tapusin iyon mag-isa. Pagkatapos ay gumayak na lang din ako para pumasok na ng opisina.

Another couple of weeks passed. Nothing changed much except for the fact that my marriage was collapsing from its very foundation. One wrong move and it would all crumble down to pieces. Hindi sa kaalamang iyon ako naasiwa kung hindi sa paghihintay. Lagi namang mahirap maghintay. Alam kong may hinihintay akong maaaring mangyari pero hindi ko alam kung kailan darating. Kung bukas ba, mamaya o sa susunod na sampung taon.

Katulad ng mga gabing inaatake ako ng mga iniisip ay hindi muna ako umuwi at nanatili sa opisina. As usual, there was a whiskey in my hands as I stared out into the buzzling city of Manila. It didn’t take long before Nova showed up. She always did.

I didn’t know why I was allowing it still, but I knew something was bound to happen eventually.

“What is it again, Nova? This is still my office. We’re friends but you have to respect my privacy.” I looked over my shoulder.

Instead of firing a rebuttal, she looked straight at me in the eye. It looked like the feisty, quick-witted Antonova Escobar was… crying.

“You’re nothing but a selfish bastard, do you know that? Here you are, drinking yourself to oblivion knowing your wife is all alone and waiting for you! Your life is so miserable right now so why don’t you do something about it?!” She charged forward until she was slapping my chest.

Malutong akong napamura nang bumagsak ang hawak kong baso sa sahig. Basag. Bahagyang natigil si Nova ngunit bumuhos na naman ang mga luha.

“Fix your goddamn life, Beatus! Rebuild it! Why are you just standing there?! Stop being so dumb!” Sinampal-sampal niya ang aking dibdib.

“What are you doing here? Are you drunk?” Pilit kong hinawi ang kaniyang mga kamay.

Her face was a mess. Her hair was in tangles. And the dress she wore looked a bit revealing in my opinion. She was indeed drunk as hell. Great.

“f**k…” Hinilot ko ang sentido. “Alright. That’s enough. I get your point. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home–”

“N-No! I’m not letting you!” She took a step back, her face defiant. “Not until you fix your life, Beatus. You and your marriage!”

Umigting ang aking panga at ilang segundong pinakatitigan si Nova. Parang unti-unti nang nauubos ang pasensiya ko. Maling-mali ang pinili niyang oras na gambalain ako dahil katatapos lang namin magkasagutan ni Sol kanina sa telepono.

“You want to do this right now? Okay! Go! Shout at me! Sigawan mo ako para maubos na ‘yang mga iniiyak mo!” Hindi na ako nakapagpigil.

I had no more patience left for her for always barging inside my office, for always being there, and for always feeling so responsible for my marriage.

Nang makitang humikbi lamang si Nova ay ngumisi ako. “What are you waiting for? Isn’t this what you want? Go on! Curse my name! I’m giving you a free pass!”

Napalunok lang si Nova.

“Ano?! Hindi mo kaya?” hamon ko.

I thought she finally had her senses back but she was once again charging forward. Bago pa man ako makakurap ay lumagapak na ang malutong niyang sampal sa pisngi ko.

“Wala ka nang ibang inisip kung hindi ang sarili mo lang! Akala mo ay sa’yo lang umiikot ang mundo! Sa’yo lang at sa sakit na nararamdaman mo! You’re so selfish and unfair!” she cried hard.

I took her every blow and every bad name she gave me. Nakabaling lang sa isang banda ang mukha ko dahil sa pagpapaubaya. Why did I even got mad when she’s right all along? I was just standing there, not even giving a f**k about how my life suddenly turned out to be this... this pathetic.

“Kung sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo, paano naman kaming mga naghihintay sa’yo? Paano kaming mga umaasa? You’re so selfish thinking you are alone! That you got only yourself! You’re not, okay?! You got us too, Beatus! Kami! Marami kami na naririto pa at nagmamahal sa’yo!”

Kumunot ang noo ko sa mga sinabi niya. She was crying so hard in front of me that I felt something in my heart constricting. I had never seen Antonova Escobar like how I had seen her that night when the clock struck midnight.

“Please come back to us…” she begged.

Sa akin ba siya nagmamaakwa? Ako ba ang sinasabihan niya ng ganoon?

With the sound of her voice breaking, I forced myself walk until I reached her. I tilted her face upwards with the use of my fingertips. Nagtama kaagad ang tingin namin.

Nakita ko kung paanong nagningning ang kaniyang mga mata dahil sa hindi maipaliwanag na mga luha. Pati ako ay gulong-gulo. Then she closed her eyes and reached for my face.

My eyes were wide open as she did so. Her lips brushed mine with the softest, faintest touch that my head was suddenly spinning. Bukas na bukas pa rin ang aking mga mata nang humiwalay siya sa akin.

Nova started crying again but for some unknown reasons, I didn’t want that to happen. Awtomatikong umikot ang mga kamay ko sa kaniyang balikat upang dalhin siya sa akin. Hinayaan kong sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko siya umiyak. That was what she’s doing for some time. Natulala ako sa madilim na langit.

I didn’t know what she was doing or why the hell she was crying her heart out to me. And most importantly, I didn’t know why I was letting her. Hawak ko pa rin siya at pinatatahan na para bang siya ang araw-araw na may dalang mabigat na sakit.

“Please, Beatus...” Nova whispered. “Come back...”

“It’s okay,” I whispered back. “It’s going to be okay. I got you...”