7 years later

Chapter 2-5

She leaned over to him, who was now sitting up in bed, and they embraced one another. This filled Lana with a pleasant feeling. It was the warm sensation of relief mixed with just a little bit of sadness. When they released one another, Lana straightened up and began to make her way for the door.

‘I won’t forget you.’

‘All the very best, Ben, and thank you for everything.’

‘Lana!’

‘Yes?’

‘I envy the bastard, whoever he may be,’ Ben said in a little lighter tone with a lopsided smile. ‘But my next song will be dedicated to you.’

Lana shook her head with a grin, and just waved at him.

‘God bless you, Ben Jones,’ she said, and after the door closed behind her, she heaved a deep sigh. She knew Ben wouldn’t be ruined by this farewell. He would soon start a new life – with someone else by his side.

She was remarkably relieved when she stepped out of the lift in the hospital hall. She immediately searched for Hayden with her eyes, but instead she caught sight of a paparazzi-like couple with cameras. One of them looked at her, so Lana quickly ducked her head and hurried in the other direction. The bald paparazzo turned to his partner and whispered something to her, after which she too began to search for Lana with her eyes. By then, Lana had noticed Hayden in a chair by the window. He was sitting with his back to her, leaning forward, his elbow on his knee. He was holding a medical magazine he had picked up at random from the newspaper stand, but he was flipping through the pages way too fast to actually read or grasp any of its contents. Apparently, this was only a mechanical activity for him, his thoughts were elsewhere. Lana stood a step away from him, and he looked up suddenly in surprise.

‘Lana! I thought… I mean, I hope the situation is not too serious. I didn’t expect you so soon.’

Lana glanced at her watch, and realized that she had indeed finished very quickly. She had been with Ben no more than twenty minutes.

‘Thank goodness, everything is all right. We have sorted out everything.’

She smiled at Hayden, who was still no less puzzled. ‘But I think it would be best if we got out of here as soon as possible. There are some paparazzi here,’ she indicated with a move of her head, ‘who must be hunting for Ben, and I don’t want them to recognize me or misinterpret my presence.’

Hayden looked around with a furrowed brow and noticed the bald man with his partner approaching them.

‘You’re right. Let’s get out of here,’ he decided quickly.

He put his arm protectively around Lana’s back and led her towards the exit. She leaned against him perhaps a bit more devotedly than necessary, trying to make the most of the situation.

Seconds later they were out the revolving door, and if the two paparazzi had taken pictures of them, they only showed their backs. In the car, they both felt relieved, and the atmosphere was now much more relaxed. Lana openly shared with him the details of the accident, and didn’t leave any doubt regarding the fact that Ben Jones belonged to her past, which she considered a closed matter.

‘Ben really is a nice guy – funny and very optimistic. He often cheered me up. This might be one of the reasons I was with him for so long.’

‘I’m sure a lot of women are crazy about these… popstar-type blokes,’ he looked at her from the driver’s seat and, with no small effort, forced himself to smile.

‘Undoubtedly,’ she said, sending him a smile. ‘Of course, he has his darker side as well. He can be very selfish sometimes. Occasionally he behaved as if he were the centre of the universe. What’s more, the big fuss that normally surrounds him only enforces this false notion in him.’

‘It can’t be easy to stay sober when everyone around you keeps saying that you rule the world!’

‘Yes, I suppose,’ Lana shrugged, glancing to the side. ‘The only problem is, the opinion of the public keeps changing too quickly and easily. If your self-image is not right, and you judge yourself based on your fans’ opinion, it’s a very dangerous game. They might worship you today, and forget you tomorrow.’

‘Hasn’t this life before the public eye ever tempted you? Like, the publicity, the celebration, and all that comes with it…?” Hayden suggested looking at her inquisitively.

Hayden shivered at the thought of seeing, or even imagining, Lana as the love of some other man, or in someone else’s arms, but he knew he couldn’t say anything. He had even got married, after all! True, it was without love, but this perhaps made things even more tragic. And Lana was such a beautiful and breathtakingly attractive woman. The mere fact that she had not married yet was a wonder.

Lana sighed, and thought a little before she answered.

‘Well, I’d be lying if I said it had never affected me. What woman wouldn’t be flattered if a celebrity tried to win her love? Yes, at first it must have influenced me somewhat… a little. But then you get to know your partner. You get familiar with his faults that drive you crazy, his doubts, his madness… I mean, the stage is only a small part of the story. Ben had more to him than I first expected. You know how mistrustful I am,’ she shrugged jokingly. ‘The title of pop star would not have satisfied me if there hadn’t been more behind it.’

‘And now?’ Hayden asked, staring out the windscreen blankly.

‘It’s over. Our last breakup really was the final one, and he must accept that. He must have thought I’d come back to him as I had several times before. By calling me here today, he took his one last chance of winning me back.’

‘You mean… he set up this whole thing and there had been no accident?’ Hayden asked indignantly.

‘Oh no, of course not. Something had really fallen on him when he was onstage, only it’s not at all as serious as they presented it on the phone. He has always liked to exaggerate,’ Lana shook her head.

‘It seems our celebrated star musician will soon be back on his feet, and can go on breaking women’s hearts,’ Hayden said cynically.

‘It seems so…’

They were silent for a while before Lana closed the conversation.

‘He won’t call me again. I wished him all the best for the future, and he wished the same for me. And with that, we closed matters between us.’

The car stopped in front of the Masters office, and leaning back in the seat, Hayden exhaled loudly.

‘Well, here we are.’

‘Hayden,” Lana turned to him, and saw him close his eyes and hold his breath for a moment. ‘Thank you so much for taking me there and for staying with me and well… for everything. It was so good that I didn’t have to stay there alone. You are –‘ here she hesitated, not knowing the right adjective for the man who meant the whole world to her, ‘a wonderful… friend. Thank you.’

Hayden nodded slowly, and made a bittersweet smile. He really didn’t know how to answer, and the air was on fire between them in the car, so he chose to get out and rush over to the other side. He opened the door and helped Lana out. They stood close, side by side as Hayden had only stepped back a little, leaving very little space between the car and himself. Hayden’s lips quivered. His desire to kiss her bordered physical pain. He moved back a little, and finally answered her words.

‘You know I would do anything for you. All you have to do is ask.’

Lana inhaled sharply. She quickly looked away from the man’s lips.

‘I have an idea. I know how I could repay you for your favour today,’ she said cheerfully, at which Hayden raised his eyebrows in expectant surprise. ‘Emmy’s coming over to visit me this weekend. You know how much she loves to cook. Though it doesn’t always turn out as she planned, she really enjoys experimenting. And now she’s found a brand new recipe she wants to try. What if you had dinner with us? Saturday maybe, if you have time? Emmy would surely love to see you again,’ she added quickly, and began to twist a curl of hair around her forefinger with embarrassment.

This movement attracted Hayden’s stare like a magnet. He couldn’t take his eyes off it, and eventually lost control. He embraced Lana, and his agitated gasps made his chest heave wildly.

‘I admit it’s very appealing, especially when I remember Emmy’s cooking!’

‘Mind your words!’ Lana lifted her forefinger with menace. ‘You’d better not mess with the cook!’

Hayden laughed and pushed her away reluctantly. He was once again serious as he replied, ‘I’ll be there if I have the chance, but I can’t promise anything, unfortunately. I might have to go to Nottinghamshire to deal with some long-delayed family matters.’

‘No problem, I understand.’

‘I’ll let you know how things turn out.’

‘All right, and… thank you again,’ she whispered while Hayden leaned into her and pressed his lips against her forehead.

That afternoon at the chancellery, her work was not very effective. She found it very difficult to concentrate after all that had happened that day. She finished early, and went to a café with Stephanie after work to have a drink and a chat. Lana told her most of her unexpected meeting with Ben Jones in the hospital, but she omitted the details regarding Hayden. Their relationship was so complicated and tangled, that she herself could make neither heads nor tails of it, let alone explain it to someone else. In spite of this, the cogwheels of her brain were still spinning over the happenings of the day when she exhaustedly entered her apartment at eight in the evening.

#

As the weekend neared, it became clear to Hayden that he could no longer delay his tasks concerning family matters. The manager of the Ravensdale estates called him again and again. He was needed to sign rent contracts, and to give his consent for the planned budget. His attempt to pass these duties on to his mother and ask her to make the necessary decisions was also in vain. Victoria had recently refused to take any responsibility for these matters, and it was her explicit request that her son deal with them. Hayden, though he wasn’t particularly happy about this, knew he had no choice. As his business trip to the United States was also approaching rapidly, he couldn’t delay the issue any longer, and was forced to devote his weekend to the matters concerning the Ravensdale estates.

He fantasised what it would be like if Lana could come with him to the estate. It all would feel much less burdensome, and he would be happier to do his tasks. If only he could do all this together with Lana, and he could go to sleep by her side at night… foolish illusions.

He immersed himself in his miserable thoughts while he dialled her number to cancel dinner on Saturday. Then he realized that things would probably work out for the best in the end. At least he would spare himself another painful occasion where he would have to pretend at just being a friend. Why t*****e himself? Why spend another evening with her if he couldn’t act as he wished, couldn’t say what he wished? The whole situation was a hopeless trap. He suffered every time he saw her. And if he didn’t see her? He suffered even more, tortured by all kinds of dark thoughts. He leaned back exhaustedly and rubbed his forehead while waiting for Lana to pick up the phone.

#

A week later, Hayden pulled up in front of Lana’s apartment with his car, which had a cardboard box full of children’s magazines in it. The five-hundred copies were a donation from Ravensdale Publications to the Foundation, and they were planning to send them to the sponsors together with the fresh newsletters. Of course, Hayden could’ve arranged one of his employees to go and deliver the material, but his evening suddenly turned out to be free, and the temptation was too big to see Lana again, so he came in person.

He wasn’t sure Lana would be home, but he took a risk. He thought, if Lana wasn’t in, he would simply leave the package by her door. He gathered the box in his arms, and while climbing the steps towards the gate, he remembered what a fool he had made of himself last time he had been there.