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My tete a tete with Carrie seemed to shore up my confidence and mobilize me, but after my second cup of coffee I was stuck in the rut once again. Last night I paged through three of Jackie’s books and was no wiser than when I began. They were all formulaic romance novels with plenty of s*x, and none of the plot points suggested any new direction for me to explore. I was left with the two general areas Carrie and I cited yesterday: (1) her father, and (2) Apex Publishing. Just the thought of my limited options stirred up a pot of anxieties. I needed to calm down. I wasn’t keen on meditation. I didn’t question its usefulness. Just that I could never quiet my mind enough. But I had to purge the anxieties. I laid on the couch and closed my eyes. Some ten minutes later I sat up and turned o
