Life Ain't fair

Chapter 19

[Edited]

Alex's POV.

The entire day on Saturday I was trying to avoid Victoria. She had deceived me so much. It's actually hard to believe. Everyone believes her to be that cold hearted b***h. Even I do but I always believed that somewhere beneath it the old

Victoria was still there. That she wasn't totally lost.

Just like I am still there. The kid I was two years ago is still there within me. But I just fail to acknowledge him. Because it always hurt. Imagining myself as that naive little kid.

But now Sophia is here and I can see those parts of myself resurfacing. I don't want them to. But it's Sophia. That's what scares me more. The fact that I had always believed her to be the bad guy but now when she is back and trying to make me see myself again I am being scared. Terrified even. Of what this girl could do to me.

Did I like her?. Yes . Do I still like her?. Hell no. I am a player and I always will be one. I hump and dump as you say it. I do not care. Her leaving me was the worst thing that she could ever do to me. When she did all kinds of doubts about myself surfaced. What had I done?. Was I a bad kid?. Was I not good enough?. Did she resent me that much?. Was I a mistake?. Why did she do this to me?. But I got over it but two years ago when someone else did it they resurfaced.

Two years ago she walked out. Of my life. Of our life. Like it meant nothing to her. She never cared not about me. Nor about Emily. Her 2 year old daughter. I had to help her sleep for weeks. Wake her up from her nightmares where she would cry out for our mother. She would sob continuously asking for her mother while I had no answer. In the beginning I felt guilty thinking maybe I did something wrong. Then sad because I missed her. But then I was angry because she had split our family apart. She broke out family.

She truly broke my father. For a few weeks his eyes were always red and sunken and had dark circles beneath them. He did not do anything other than work. He busied himself in it. So that he could forget about her betrayal. That she was cheating on my father in their bedroom. She cheated on my father with whom she was married to for more that 20 years and cheated on him in their f*****g bedroom.

When I found that out. I was f*****g furious. I tried finding her but for a year I knew nothing about her. Later on I found out something that shattered my heart completely.

From then on I had decided that I will never love a woman in my life because all of them just seem to leave. Sophia left. Just when I thought I had told her that I loved her through Victoria. But turns out that Victoria is a lying b***h. And Sophia never got my message. I hated her all these years for nothing. I could forgive her so easily only because she is the only girl I have ever loved. And now she is back, but so what. right?. Im sure that it does not change anything.

Even though she is back my mom isn't. And she never will. I am sure of it. Love is always going to end badly and I will not fall in love again. Not for the same woman twice.

Can you fall in love with a woman who you have never fallen out of love for.

The Evening she had come over to my house for dinner. We played soccer for a while. And boy she was good. She could definitely play in my team. She would be awesome.

And of course I lost purposefully. I wanted her to be happy. Yes she was good but better than me?. Nahh.

We had dinner and had fun while at it. It was really nice and refreshing eating with so many people having fun.

Finally I went to bed peacefully.

Sunday was the day she was moving into her house. Harold did say that they would be here by around 10 or 11. My balcony was directly opposite to her so when they arrived I saw her enter her room. And then she entered her bathroom. I decided to go into her room through her balcony and give her a little surprise.

I went in and sat on her bed. As she came out of the bathroom and saw me she let out a gasp. She was shocked at first and then pissed. When I told her about the balcony she was surprised.

And I kept riling her up and finally she snapped and began to walk away but I held her hand and pulled her towards me. I don't know why I did what I did next but I probably had no idea what was happening. Probably just my emotions directing me.

I pulled her to my chest and wrapped an arm around her wrist. We were very close to each other. Our breaths mingling. I almost kissed her. I looked at her lips and back at her eyes. She looked like she wasn't opposed to this. But why. Why isn't she opposed to it. She is supposed to push me away. In confusion I looked at her. But she did not give anything away at that moment.

I decided to ask her about our first meeting and I told her about the car incident. Telling she was shocked was an understatement. I saw her eyes fill with relief later on. And they softened. But then she was suddenly confused. So I decided to break her from her inner thoughts and offered my help as she had stated it.

We worked for a long time and then finally at 4 we were done. I mean we did take a lunch break. So it was fine. After that we decided to watch a movie and she went down to get popcorn.

I was thrown back into my thoughts. What the hell was wrong with me back there. I was about to kiss her. Would it really be so bad to kiss her. Omg. She would hate me if I did it. She knows that I am a player and she will definitely tend to believe that I am Playing her too. But I'm not. Then why do I want to kiss her?. I don't know. Do I like her?. No I just gave myself a speech today about why love sucks. But it's Sophia. It doesn't matter. Either way she will not get stuck in my f****d up ways of life. The way I drink and sleep with girls just to forget what she and my mom had done and well now only what my mom had done.

She finally returned back with the popcorn. And I found out she liked romance movies. Not even once she had brought that up. But now she did. It was really not so cliche. I'll say it sucked watching those movies with her right beside me. Especially wearing the clothes she is. But that's not true of course. God I need to get her out of my mind. She is starting to consume all my thoughts. I need to stop thinking about her. Well it is tough to do that when she is sitting just a few inches beside you isn't it.

After the movies were done it was already 7 and I walked towards her balcony. In her eyes I could see regret. Regret for what I couldn't exactly figure out.

Regret that we didn't kiss

Or that we were about to.

It seemed more like the former but never get your hopes high. Right?. I walked away into my room. And slept on my bed. The almost kiss kept repeating in my head and I remembered the diner. Where it had happened too. I don't know if I want it to happen or not. I actually want it to happen but I don't. It's confusing and I am not able to figure it out. That night I slept with the longing for that kiss. And I realised that she is the girl with the f*****g perfect smile, lips , eyes. God her eyes they are the most beautiful thing ever. And then herself. She is so beautiful inside and out and she does not realise it.

She is one of the kindest souls ever and almost every f*****g person likes her. I see the stares and whispers her way. As soon as she enters a room all eyes turn to her. Some in admiration and some in envy. But she does not realise it and always sees the bad in herself she thinks that they are whispers against her. Rumours on her. Silly girl she is.

I drift off to sleep wishing she was mine but kinda regretting it later. And I finally realised that. I can never love anyone again. Not even her. Because how can you love someone who you haven't fallen out of love with. Right now love might be a strong word but what is true is that. I have feelings for her. The ones that have been resurfaced after years of suppression. Eager to be shown to her. But I know that I need to hold back if not for me then atleast for her. Because I know that whatever happens I can not like her. I f*****g need a distraction right now.

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Authors Note