For you, I hope the grass is greener

Chapter 13 Monday Morning

Daphne's POV

I keep to myself in my room throughout the entirety of the day. I can't even get myself to come out as if I'm locking me and my hard feelings away into a safe.. I don't like feeling like this since I'm feeling almost numb with everything lately.. The fighting with my husband as he pushes me away emotionally and physically.. Pushing me away in every way that I need him as of right now. I feel neglected and unappreciated, which brings me down to a level I don't think I have ever been mentally.

Not to mention the chaos that has plagued my side of the family because of what's happening with my mother.. I don't even want to think about the pain my father and mother are enduring at this moment. They are alone on what's supposed to be a fun, retirement vacation together, just enjoying the views and each other's company.. Until out of nowhere, your significant other is going through a medical issue that can't be predicted because it just happens when the right circumstances occur.. from the food eaten or the stresses around, or even the actions that are occurring.. who knows what set this off? Either way, it's shocking and unwanted. I can't even imagine how scary this is for them because I know how terrifying it is for myself.

What hurts even worse is the unbearable thoughts of my life without her, I don't want to breathe life into any of those thoughts because I would be afraid that those actions might actually make it happen.. like a type of manifestation.. but I have had to come to terms with the fact that this might be happening.. whether I agree with it or not.

I have no say in any of this. That's what makes all of this so much harder because I want to do something to help, but I can't, so I feel helpless on top of everything else. So I keep just hoping she will be ok. The overwhelming thoughts of what could be occurring at this very moment seem to run rampant through my brain, and I can't keep them under control no matter what I do right now.. So, I need something to keep me distracted.

I rub my sore eyes from crying so much that I didn't even know if there were any tears left to shed.. so my eyes and heart hurt almost equally at this rate, since the throbbing won't stop for either of them.. but how can I even compare the pain when they both hurt so differently? I can't.. I just have to endure the pain as best as I can. But that's way easier said than done.

I do have to admit, in all of this dreadful news, my kids have stepped up to help me like I have always helped them, and it was incredibly sweet. My kids felt so bad.. that they felt the need to put together dinner and cookies for dessert for me... and kept checking up on me throughout the night as much as possible because they were obviously worried for me with this distance between us since I have spent every day with them for their entire lives.

Sadly though, I never heard anything from my husband after I asked him to give me some time alone.. I guess I should appreciate the fact that he respected my words in that hard moment.. But I was already feeling rejected and hurt from the past couple of days, then his actions toward me today piled on top.

So honestly, I was hoping for some pushback on my request to show how much he cared, but he didn't fight any of my wishes and did it with such ease.. It's like he didn't even care at all.. or maybe he cared so much that he just left without a second thought, giving me what I asked for.. which is unlike him in every sense of the word.

That's not the man I have known for almost 20 years and married for 17.. I thought he would know that I meant that I just needed some time, not all the time left in the day alone. I thought he knew me better than this.. But I won't hold it against him because maybe he doesn't know, and I didn't say it out right to him either, so maybe we're both to blame.

I wanted him there no matter how hard it is to ask. He never even slept in the room with me. I thought he would at least try to come in and check on me, but no, there was nothing, just silence on his end of things, and that makes me even more disappointed. What's worse is that I didn't even hear anything about my mother yet, but I know that things are hard for them right now. So I won't punish my father for having his attention on his wife as he should.

So I reluctantly I get up and get ready for work alone, in the dead silence of this room. I know I shouldn't worry about anything involving work and most would probably call in, but I need to distract myself, and work will help with that while still being productive and not looking bad to any of my clients.. besides, I know this isn't healthy, but this is what I do when I'm upset. I just distract myself as much as I can until I have to face the harsh reality. Sometimes, this strategy even helps me come up with a way to deal with my stresses at hand. So let's try to distract and hopefully help.

The kids check in on me and try to convince me not to go to work.. but I easily shut that down and make sure that they know I will be fine. We say our goodbyes as they leave out the front door, I can see that my husband is still lying on the couch as I tap his shoulder to wake him up. I don't know if the kids even said bye to him, but he doesn't look remotely awake. "Hey, I'm leaving for work." I state as he looks shocked. "You're going to work?" he clarifies.

So I nod and explain. "I need to be distracted.. so it will probably be a late night.. love you." I state as he quickly replies. "Stay safe.. today's my day off.. so let me know if you need anything." I nod and walk out the front door, shutting it behind me, just to turn around and run straight into the neighbor.

"I'm so sorry.. I.. oh no.. I'm sorry." I fumble through my words as his small smile graces his features. "It's ok.. It's not a big deal.. but are you ok?" he instantly asks me as I wave it off. "I'm clumsy, so I stumble and run into stuff all the time.. So I'm fine." I declare as he shakes his head. "No.. I mean, about yesterday." he asks as I notice that it feels like the air has been sucked out of my lungs with that question.

"I.. no.. ya..I." I don't know what to say, and he sees this, so it causes him to instantly have remorse that consumes his features. "I'm sorry, that's personal and is none of my business.. I saw the devistation on your face and I was worried.. I hope everything is ok." he declares as he keeps walking to give me space, which I appreciate. "It's my mom." I let slip out.

He stops in his tracks before turning around. "Excuse me?" he asks, obviously confused. "I'm devastated because my mother had a heart attack yesterday.. and they don't think she will make it." I explain to him as his eyes widen. "I'm so sorry.. do you need a ride? or a plane ticket? I can help." he asks me, wanting to help out, but with his eyes trailing up and down over me, he is respectfully confused since I'm obviously dressed for work.

"No.. she is on a trip in Barcelona with my father.. I can't get to her in time, so my father asked me to just stay positive for them.. so I'm trying to do the best that I can.. and the only thing I want to do right now is distract myself with work." I explain further, causing him to nod. "I know we don't talk by any means.. but.. I'm here all day.. it's my day off, and I'm just running a couple of errands.. so if you need anything just ask it's not a problem." I smile at his genuine care in his tone that instantly soothes my heart for a moment.

"Thanks, that means a lot.. especially coming from someone I don't talk to a lot." I declare as he smiles, then waves as he leaves me beside my car. I open my door and get in, letting out a deep breath, trying to calm my body before I cry once again. I don't know if I have any more tears to cry, but I can only hope not.

I drive to my work and get there pretty quickly with me slightly dazing off while doing so. I walk in and instantly see my assistant's bright features, which look incredibly happy to see me, like usual. "Hey D." I try to say this pleasantly, but with her features changing to a look of terror on her face, I think she can tell that this is just a mask over my true feelings.

"Daphne, are you ok?" she asks as I shake my head. "No, I had a tough day yesterday.. I got some bad news that I have been having a hard time processing.. but I need a distraction, so I'm here." I explain as her eyes look like they almost light up. "Did something happen with your kids? or husband?" She asks as I shake my head.

She looks like she is thinking as I explain. "No, my mother is not doing well." I say to her because I don't want to explain this again. She nods at me as she lets out a deep breath. "Well, it's a full schedule today, but the only issue I have is that I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of hours.. and I don't know how long it will go for." She explains as I nod.

"That's ok.. you can go to the doctor's, then take the rest of the day off if you need it, and I'll handle everything as best as I can." I state to her as she smiles big then nods. "Thanks so much, Daphne.. I appreciate it." I nod as we get this day started.. I blindly work, not even paying attention to anything around me as time flows on. I keep going in my tunnel vision, that is, until I see my assistant in my doorway.

Her outfit looks almost exactly like mine, but I never noticed it since she was sitting down behind her desk when I got here. "That outfit looks just like mine." I declare as she blushes then shyly states. "I have always really looked up to you and how you act and dress, and even your amazing family.. it's everything I have ever wanted in my life. So I figure if I dressed for the part that I might get it.. you know the saying dress for the job you want but in this case it's life I admire to have." she pleasantly states as I look her up then down.

"Well, you look beautiful, and I'm sure that a man will think the same about you too.. are you leaving for your appointment?" I ask as she nods. "Yes, I will see you tomorrow." She says with so much enthusiasm that gets my eyebrows furrowing because I have never been that excited about a doctor's appointment ever. "Well, good luck, and have a good day." I declare as I look down at my paperwork. "Oh, I will.. you too."

I nod and wave at her as she prances out of the office, making me think that maybe it's not an appointment.. maybe it's something else, but she just didn't want to mention it because she was afraid she might get in trouble for it.. who knows.. but that look on her face doesn't show that she is going to the doctor's.. but she is a weird woman honestly, so maybe she likes those sort of things.. to each their own, I guess.

I keep my head down and work hard and long until I realize that I am almost done after so many hours of work for the day. This is relieving to have the stack of papers gone for now, but at the same time devastating because after all this time, when I never took lunch or anything. I finally had a chance to look down at my phone, and there were no notifications about my mother or anything from my father.. this has me worried.