For you, I hope the grass is greener

Chapter 21 Like A Wake

Daphne's POV

Time just seems to fly by whenever he is near, as if he is the one controlling the clock on the wall. We sit and talk about everything. It's really nice, honestly.. We mostly talked about my husband, as strange as that may sound.. and it wasn't even talking bad about him, so not in a mean way at all.. It was very nice and pleasant stories that were told.

It's more of like the time that my uncle passed away and the whole family threw a wake for him. Everyone the entire time shared fun stories about him, just enjoying the good times while not even thinking about the bad.. and that's what Nicolas did for me, oddly enough.. I never expected that because I work with so many people who love to gossip and talk so much sh*t about one another, that you always seem to hear the bad but never the good going on with everyone around.

So he seemed to be unlike most people that I know who would jump on the idea of talking bad about someone because of loving all about the drama and bad stuff going on.. He continued to make the conversation light as we shared so many stories about fun things in our lives.. and it was amazing.. I slightly feel an ease in my heart about this divorce to come, like he has died in my heart but making sure that I haven't forgotten the good parts he gave me.

I feel that's very important for trying to get past someone.. not lingering on all the bad that the person has caused inside of you, putting more salt in the wound that only wants to heal. When I think about the horrible situation with my husband, I tend to feel stupid for even being there with him and not seeing the red flags flowing in front of me.. but as they say, love is blind.. and I won't blame myself for loving him.

This conversation showed me why I wasn't stupid and that at one point in my life, he was good for me.. He helped bring me out of my shell, taught me how to cook, introduced to some of the most amazing people I have ever met creating a family environment I always wanted for me and my family and gave 2 beautiful human beings to live and fight for. Those are the most amazing things I have ever wanted or been given and shaped me into the person I am today.

So no matter how hurt I am by all of this.. I won't regret meeting or being with him. but this has also shown me that people change so much through their lives, and its understandable. Every situation we are put in changes us in one way or another.. but those changes made it so we are not compatible anymore, and that's ok.. I'm not going to blame him for becoming someone different.. He is still a good man but just not the man for me anymore. It hurts a lot, but I know in time I will be ok.. because just like my husband, I have changed as well, and I can survive this.. the old me might not have been able to get past this.. but the strong woman I am now can, and that's all I need to know to be ok.

I got to see all of this with Nicolas' help. He seemed to show me how things were amazing for me because I'm alive and have so much to live for.. and also showed me that even though I won't be happy and in love with my husband again, building a relationship and having a family, that it doesn't mean I can't do that with someone else. He showed me a lot in this very long but needed conversation.. He showed me that it's ok, I'm ok.. and that everything around me will be ok.. and that's exactly what I needed to hear. He is a special man, and I'm lucky to have actually met him in this hard time for myself. I needed this more than he will ever know.

"He really did that?! Oh man, I don't think I would have ever had the guts to do that!" He declares loudly about my last story as I smile over at him across from me. "Yeah, and we almost got caught, but luckily, the security guard wasn't that smart, so we got away pretty quickly because Danny knew his way around." I retort as he laughs even louder.

"That's fun.. I never would have pinpointed you as a bad girl.. breaking the law." He states as I shake my head, thinking about that. "It was mostly Danny, and I just thought he was the most amazing man, so I did anything just to hang out with him.. So I slightly turned into a little rebel until I got pregnant, that is." I explain as He smiles at me.

"Yeah, I was a rebel for most of my life.. but that's what happens when you feel neglected. My parents got a divorce when I was about 15, but before that, they tried to stay together, thinking it was best for us.. they were the couple that tried to force being together 'for the kids' for a while but it just made things worse so I was always climbing out and breaking into places just to have a place to get away.. that is, until my father finally moved out then I was finally finished and being home again." He states as I think about that.

"Was your father beating you?" I ask a too personal question, instantly feeling bad about it. "I'm sorry that's none of my business." He shakes his head being so willing to answer. "No, but he did drugs, so he had a lot of random and bad people in our house every day.. making it not feel safe.. I didn't have a safe place to go until he finally left."

"Oh well, I'm glad you finally got that peace of mind that's very important for a child." he nods with me as he says. "I know that all too well and appreciate that you say that because things will get hard for your kids.. There will be a lot of pushback in the coming months, but you just got to grin and bear it for their sake.. things will get better once the routine hits, but until then, it will be hard." He gives some good advice as I think about that until the sound of a car is heard approaching the house. The lights shining brightly into the windows show that it's probably my husband bringing the kids back.

I stand up, realizing it has been hours of us talking.. they flew by effortlessly, but it was just what I needed. "Thanks for everything.. I had a wonderful time, and I needed this." He declares standing up to leave as I point to the front door. "Don't you want to officially meet the kids?" I ask him as he instantly shakes his head, making my eyebrows furrow.

"No, like I had told you before.. this is a sensitive time for your kids, and they need to know that even though everything is changing around them that they have one safe space to come to.. and walking into that safe space to find a stranger with their mom when a stranger just took their dad.. is not how I want to meet them. thank you, though.. I will meet them but on their terms.. not mine." He respectfully states this as I smile at him loving how much respect he has for everyone around him. "So how are you getting home?"

He points at the backyard as he quickly opens the door to the patio. "Thanks again for having me over.. I really had a wonderful time, Daphne." I smile and wave. "I had a wonderful time, Nicolas.. please let's do this again." he nods at me as he replies. "Just call me Nick.. we will do this again.. that dessert was too good not to make it again." I smile as he shuts the door behind him and sneaks over to his house before the front door swings open. To expose both of my kids.

"I'm so happy to be home.. All of this has been too much to handle lately, and all I can think about is just being at home. I needed to wind down from that long day.. and dessert?! yes, that's exactly what I wanted right now." Marley exclaims as Andrew is right behind her. They get to my side in no time at all as they scarf down the rest of the dessert. I smile thinking about how Nick was right.. and how all they wanted was to feel safe to finally wind down after a long day.. I'm glad he said that so I wouldn't have ruined something with them.

"This is amazing. Did you make it?" Marley asks as I chuckle but shake my head. "No, it was the nice neighbor, Nick.. he made it so I could be upset and eat something sweet like most people do during a breakdown." I state playfully as they laugh at that. "So how was dinner with your father?" I ask, needing to know if they are ok.

"It was exhausting.. Dad is such an assh*le! Mom, you're such an angel. You deserve so much better than him. All he did was gush about his new woman not caring how much all of this has hurt us and just caring about her and his happiness.. he even wants us to meet her." My daughter spats as I shake my head.

"He is not an assh*le.. I know all of that must have been hard for you to hear, but everyone in this world is in the same pursuit to find something that makes them happy, and he found it.. I always thought it was me, but it's not, and that's ok.. that doesn't mean that just because we are not together anymore that neither one of us can be happy.. I don't want to force anything in my life because it won't feel right. And he doesn't want this with me anymore, so ok." I declare as she snaps at me. "he hurt you. How can you not hate him right now! Am I insane for being pissed off?"

I shake my head. "I want to hate him, believe me, I do.. but I can't.. I love him too much to hate him for finding someone that makes him this happy.. the smile on his face is unlike anything I had ever seen, and he deserves that type of happiness.. and I won't hold him back from it.. and neither will you two.. he is allowed to be happy, and we won't make him feel bad for it.. and I love myself too much to stay with someone who doesn't want me and wants someone else.. I deserve better than that." I declare as they both sadly nod at that.

I touch their shoulders gently as I continue. "It's ok... it will be a change, a big change.. but we can do this as long as we all work together.. You're going to be with me full time since your father travels so much.. and he will come visit and take you guys out for trips and such.. it will be fine.. he will still come to games, we can still have meals with him and everything.. just some things will be different.. and when he decides to introduce you both to his new lady, you will be nice.. if I hear otherwise, there will be consequences.. and please, no talking bad about him.. you know just as much as I do that he is a good father and he will stay that way... Your guys relationship won't really change. So your attitude needs to reflect that, please.. I don't want problems with your father, and I don't want him to think I would ever be talking badly about him." I declare instructing them on the next couple of months because I'm sure this will be the hardest point for this change. But like I said, I know we can make it through as long as we work together.