For you, I hope the grass is greener

Chapter 16 What Do I Do?

Daphne's POV

The tears start filling my eyes at that realization once again, feeling the pain in my chest, but hoping with every bit of me it would go away swiftly and quickly, not taking me down with it.. but I guess only time can determine that.

"Are you ok?" he asks me as I shake my head. "I just don't know what I did wrong.. it's been 17 years we have been together.. what happened now that changed everything? Or has this been happening for years now, and I was just too stupid to see? I have no idea.. but I think I need to have a talk with him and just figure out what happened and why." I state as he asks. "You want to try to get back together with him after this?" he sounds almost dumbfounded with that question.

"F*#k no.. I love him, I do.. but I'm the kind of woman that I don't give second chances for serious stuff like this.. I know myself too well and know that I would be questioning every late night or work trip after this.. I really would. I would partially hate myself for letting him come back and hurt me even more because I know it wouldn't work with him after this.. I have a hate for him in my heart that I never expected to ever appear, but now that it's there, it won't go away.. It's like a stain on your favorite shirt.. you still like the shirt but every time you wear it you will see the stain and think about what caused it.. this won't ever go away for me.. so I'm done.. my heart and mind need the closure, so I need to talk to him for my sanity sake.. that's all." I declare this with so much certainty that it remotely gave me confidence.

"Have you heard about your mother?" He asks me sweetly which is something no one has asked about or even mentioned. I shake my head before I take my phone into my hand as I stammer almost tripping with the tinge of pain in my foot as I step to the side and dialing my father's number. It rings only once before picked up this time around.

"Daddy?" I call out for him because all I can hear is sniffling and hard breathing on the other end of the call. "Pheony?" he calls out to me in his little nickname he made up for me so many years ago. "Yeah... it's me daddy.. I wanted to know if you're alright and what's going on with mom.. I know things are probably hard for you I was just worried." I declare as he lets out a deep breath. "She didn't make it Pheony." he states as I gasp before pushing my back up against his wall at that turn of events.

"She fought.. and she fought hard, but when it came down to it.. she didn't have any more strength in her and finally gave in.. I'm getting everything figured out so I can ship her over to do a funeral like she always wanted." he explains as I nod, then shaking my head as even more tears pour down.

"I called and told Danny about this just a little bit ago, but he said you weren't with him.. I was just hoping he could help ease your pain about this." he explains why I hadn't heard from him.

"Yeah and I'm sure he failed to mention why I wasn't with him!" I snap out, not at my father but about the situation. "No.. he didn't." he stammers through his reply as I lay it all out so he knows why I'm angry and that its not for no reason. "He was too busy f*#king some other girl in our bed.. I told him he had an hour to get what sh*t he wanted to have out of our place and that we were done." I explain as it goes silent on his end.

"I can't believe he would do this too you. I'm so sorry, Pheony! You don't deserve this and to just kick you while you're already down makes this so much harder than it needs to be.. When I get back I'm coming to you." He declares as I gasp out with the pain filling every last bit of my body, mind and soul.

"No daddy you need to take care of yourself! you shouldn't be worrying about me!" I gasp out as he quickly replies. "I won't let you live with all of this pain alone.. maybe we can grieve together.. I don't want to be alone right now." He states as I nod. "Daddy you're always welcome with me any time and for as long as you need."

"I'll be back in a couple of days." I nod as I squeak out my reply. "Ok see you soon." I hang up the call as I gasp for air feeling now like my heart has been ripped from my chest and taking the air with it. I feel like everything is falling apart right in front of my eyes.

I'm lost in this heartbreaking realization until I feel a light touch to my shoulder. "Hey.." He starts as I break down, turning just to throw my body into his as I shake and cry. His grip tightens around me as he just holds me, probably not knowing what to say at this point. I think he knows what has happened and probably doesn't want to make me talk about it again.

This poor man is just dealing with me having a complete utter breakdown. We have never had an actual conversation and hear I am spilling everything devastating that has happened to me in the last day with this complete stranger.. its making me feel even more vulnerable than before along with highlights of feeling pathetic because I didn't know who else I could go to.

I didn't want to have to explain this to everyone at the moment, and most people in my life are not just friends with me but Daniel as well.. which is going to make things so much harder than they need to be in the separating times.. but because he is neutral in all of this, I feel like there is no judgment or altered feelings in this, making it almost easier to break down with him.

The pain won't stop when that's all I'm internally begging to happen. but I guess as the saying goes, when it rains it pours.. I just didn't know it was going to be a rainstorm over my head.. and even my families heads.. Speaking of, it's almost time for the kids to be arriving home, and I still have no idea how I'm going to tell them this.

I grip his shirt unto my hands just holding him next to me whether he wants to leave or not. I can feel his shirt getting drenched the longer I sit here with my face pressed against his chest. "I hate today so much.. I just wish this pain would stop.. What did I do to deserve this?" I rhetorically ask.

"You did nothing.. sometimes bad things happen to good people." He declares in a soothing soft tone right next to my ear. But I can't believe that.. I feel like I must've done something wrong to deserve this. I shake my head as I state in the most serious tone I can muster up. "I don't think I can go on.. how am I supposed to go on? What? Pretend I'm ok, when I'm not?" I ask into his chest saying my concerns for only him to hear since he has heard everything else bad involving my life.

His arms tighten around me as he declares. "You have so much more to survive for.. there is no reason you should give up now.. It's not your fault your mother passed.. it's a tragedy for sure but nothing that you should feel responsible for.. and that goes the same for your husband.. it's not your fault he wasn't faithful.. he knows what he was doing was wrong, and he did it anyway.. that's not your fault.. I'm sure that the relationship wasn't perfect and that there is always something both of you could've done to make the relationship better, but you can't let his bad judgment and decisions destroy you. You can evolve from this and move on the way you deserve.. just take it one step at a time, and everything will work out in time.. I promise." he states as I let out a wavering breath as I nuzzle my face intonhis chest as his grip tightens around me.

"Thank you." I softly say to him as he replies, "Of course, and if there is ever a day you feel like you can't do it anymore.. than come to me and I can help you out with whatever you need.. first things first, we need to buy you a new bed and I can help you move it in and take the old one out." He declares as I chuckle at that suggestion of where to start.

"You're right.. I'm sorry.. I'm not normally this negative.. this has just hit me really hard.. and just knowing the kids will be home soon hurts even more because I can't forget any of this.. I have to lay it all out for the kids, and reopen that wound making it bigger because not only will I be hurt they will be as well.. and I hate it when anything hurts my babies." I state as his hand runs over my back calming the beast within me down, so I lean almost all my weight into him and it seems like he doesn't mind one bit.

I keep my head pressing into his chest until I hear the squeaking sound of my son's breaks approaching the house. They are like an alarm for my brain, with each squeak my heart does a backflip making me panic as I look from the door to him but not moving my feet at all. "F*#k they are home.. I.. I have to go.. I just.. ugh.. I don't think I can do this." I tell him this last confession as he pulls me back, getting my attention so I'm looking up at him.

"You can do this.. you need to do this.. not for just yourself but for your kids as well.. and if you need me just yell out or come knocking.. either way, I'll hear you.. but you're stronger than you know, and I know that you can do this." His determined eyes after that comment, give me a strength I never knew I wanted or needed until now in this vulnerable moment.

I nod to myself, then him as I turn around but his hand drifts over my arm until it grips it to stop me. He hands me the crutch as I willingly take it but stop at his front door. I turn to face him as I say. "Hey.. can you help me? please." I indicate to the door as he runs up to my side, but as he reaches in to grip the door knob I lean in and press my lips to his soft skin. I gently kiss his cheek not only catching him off guard but also myself. "Thanks for being there when I had no one else to help me." I say softly as he nods back, pulling the door the rest of the way open and letting me out of his place to hop to my front door.