For you, I hope the grass is greener

Chapter 18 Making Calls

Daniel's POV

My phone has been going crazy with calls and texts from my father-in-law along with my kids. The text messages are almost as bad as the voice messages I'm receiving.. but they all have the right to be mad, so I can't blame them. I wonder if my wife has told everyone, or just them.. because I figured my phone would be lighting up nonstop like a tree during Christmas with messages from everyone in our families and friend groups.. Telling me about how stupid I am and how much I am going to regret this.. but my phone is pretty silent for what it could be.. you know, besides these interactions with my kids and her dad.

There have not even been any messages received from my wife, which I figured she would be the one doing it out of everyone.. but not one message from her. She has always been the advocate for talking about your feelings and getting through hard situations together as a unit.. but it has been silent on her end. Maybe she is still processing all of this.

But I can understand, that's the same for me.. I know this was my doing, but that doesn't mean it's not life altering for me as well.. I hurt too and even have that straining thought in the back of my mind that maybe I made a mistake. But my happiness has never been a mistake.. no matter how hard it is to require it.

My mind is brought back to this moment as I feel lips pressing to the back of my neck as her small arms snake around my body, hugging me tight for a moment. I can feel her body pressing into mine as I imagine the delightful moments that have transpired in the last day. It's Delilah. She keeps trying to help by taking my mind from things to try to make me feel better, but she can't get rid of this chaos whether she wanted to or not. "I'm going to make us something to eat.. I'll be back." She states, prancing her naked body off of her bed, leaving me naked and alone, sitting up in her bed with only her blanket to cover me.

I look down at my phone as I hover over my wife's contact information, about ready to press it and start this conversation, whether it will be hard for me to do or not, I do need to talk with her.. I know that will be a fight because she is pissed and hurt from everything I have done, but I can't in good consciousness leave our relationship like this.. I can't just sever ties with my family and wander on with my life.. yes, I wanted a break, and I'm happy I am going to get it.. but I didn't want it like this and not at the sake of my families hearts.

It's ironic that when I was planning on telling her that it's when she finds out about me. Caught in the moment was never what I wanted.. I feel bad about that, but Delilah did make me feel better.. She made it not so hard by helping me get my things out, and she even said I could stay with her.. I don't know if that's the best thing right now, but she makes me feel good, and that's what I want and need right now. So I'm accepting for the moment, until I figure out what to do next.

I know it may be hard to believe, but I swear I never wanted things to end like this.. yes, I did want them to end, just not like this. I hate seeing Daphne hurt. The pain in her eyes as they shifted from confusion to realization really hit my heart like an arrow. It was quick but hit so much harder than I imagined it would. I can only imagine how my kids are doing, and if the messages are any indicators at all, I think that they would hate me until the end of time.. but I will fight for them.. no matter what they think about me right now.. I won't stop because I love them no matter how hard that may be for them to believe at the moment.

I need to have someone to talk to about this before I throw myself into this hard conversation with my wife and maybe kids. So I back out of my wife's contact information and go through my phone and give my mother a call.. she always has my back and will help me not feel like such an assh*le.. or at least that's what I am hoping for.

It rings once, then twice before my mother's sweet tone graces my ears. "Danny?! Richard.. it's Danny!" she declares as I hear her messing around with the phone. "Danny, I put it on speaker phone because your father and brother are here as well.. we were having dinner.. what's going on?" she sweetly asks, knowing I normally call her to update about anything in my life.

"There is so much going on, mom.. I don't know where to start." I state as she waits for me to continue on. "I am still not happy.. I declare to her as she groans out. "You're just frustrated because things have been crazy with your work, the holidays just passing and the kid's birthdays.. plus your family have been all over the place taking care of sports and the anniversary party.. I know you keep saying you're not happy.. but as I told you time and time again.. things will get better in time, and once they are over with, the stresses will pass, and you will be happy again." She tries to explain again, but I outwardly groan as I spat. "No, mom, it won't get better."

"Yes, it will.. you just have to give it time.. you could take, for example, your father and I.. we would both tell you that we had plenty of times in our almost 40 years of being together, that we wanted to leave, but we didn't give into those thoughts.. we stuck it out, and we are better for it in the long run... just stick it out with her, and things will get better." My mother tries to convince me again. I can feel my eyes rolling back as I shake my head, not wanting to hear this entire explanation again, because I have heard it all before from her.

"Mom, I am not happy.. I cheated on Daphne.. and it was amazing.. the best time I have had in a while.. and I am staying with this woman because she wants me here just as much as I want to be here." The gasp of shock at my statement is undeniable as my mother starts to yell at me. "How could you do that to your wife.. and you know this will push the kids away! How could you?! Danny, do you have any respect for your wife?! You have to tell her.. if you don't, then I will!" she yells at me as I pull the phone away from my ear, hearing the ringing with each yell she lets out.

"She already knows." I state as if it should be obvious, but this gets my father talking. "How, did she find out." he sounds skeptical as he should be. Probably hoping for me to say that I told her, but I think he knows as much as I do that I don't have the guts to outright hurt her like that. "The way I never a wanted.. I just want some ideas to make her not hate me but to also let me move on with my life!" I yell out, trying to lay down what I want and will make happen whether they like it or not.

"You just have to talk to her.. that's the only way to get out of this with your head above water.. to use your horrible communication skills to talk with you wife and start this process off with a bang.. you know not the same bang you started it off with." My father states in a snide tone as my mother comes into the conversation again. "I swear to God if you broke their hearts and you try to make it up to them.. then you better not let them down again.. because if you hurt them anymore than you already have, then I will murder you, Danny."

I nod with that because I agree, and that's the last thing I want. "You guys are right.. I need to talk with her and try to figure out what the next steps can be so I can still be a part of their lives without hurting myself or them more than I have. I know it's hard to comprehend, but I wasn't happy, and I haven't been for years.. I needed something to change, and when it didn't, I made a change for myself.. yes, it wasn't the best way to do it, but I'm human and gave into my urges that lead to this entire ordeal.. I regret the way she found out, but I don't regret a second with this woman.. Her name is Delilah, and she is amazing.. and makes me happy and helps me have a fun time.. she cares about what I want and wants to make me happy." I try to explain how it feels since I'm finally being put first for what I want in life.. not what everyone wants for me or expects of me.

"Sure.. she wants to make you happy because it involves being in bed and having sneaky fun.. let's see how long that stage lasts and see if you guys move on to the next level.. and if there is anything substantial underneath all the fun sex." My mother spats this at me with so much anger and disgust through her words, making them so much harder to hear.. This is not the reaction I was hoping for, but I will listen to what she has to say no matter what. that's why I called her.

"I will just have to wait and see what happens with her, but just know this wasn't her idea.. this was mine, and I will be the one taking responsibility for my actions.. I don't want anyone blaming her for this." I declare in her defense, but this just makes my mother mad.

"I will react however way I want to.. but you can't expect me to love your mistress with open arms and want there to be no resentment.. she helped destroy a family whether you want to admit it or not.. I don't know how I feel about any of this.. and honestly, if you can't figure things out with your family.. at least getting on better terms.. then I might need to cut off contact with you because I want a relationship with my grandkids, and I don't know if I can do both.. but I will give you a chance to try to fix this.. and I will decide from there what to do.. but first things first.. you need to talk to your wife and out hwr feelings first for once." My mother demands this of me showing there is no wiggle room if I want her in my life.

This is making me furious because I don't want to get an ultimatum from my mother.. that is not why I called her.. and I just don't want everyone blaming Delilah. That's all I was meaning. "Ex wife.. and I was already planning on talking with her.. I just wanted to know I wasn't alone, but you're making me feel more alone than ever! And she is my EX wife!" I spat at her as she instantly retorts. "Not yet! Talk with her and figure something out, or we are gone.. you got it, Danny?!" She yells this as I nod, then reply. "Yeah, I will figure something out.. I will wait until tomorrow morning to head over. I want to give her some time to think about this, and I also need the time to figure out what I want to say.. Then we can go from there, hopefully." I explain my plans as humming can be heard on the other end of the call.

"Well, fine.. better late than never, but you better come up with a darn good apology.. and hope that Daphne, that saint of a woman, has it in her heart to forgive you, or at least make this new living situation tolerable for everyone.. she is very understanding, and if anyone can accept you and give this new life a chance, it's her... please talk to me after you talk with her just to give me an update.. we need time to figure out what we want in this whether things go the way we would like it to or not.. good luck, Danny.. talk to you tomorrow." she explains as she hangs up, not even giving me any more chances to try to explain or mull ideas over with her.

She told me what I already knew to do.. So I guess time to figure out what I should say to them.. I don't know if my kids will be there or not.. but maybe I can write them notes if anything to show how I truly feel.. I could even bring them something to try to help ease the pain of Daphne losing her mother and the kids their grandma.. anything to help ease the unbearable pain at the moment. Let's just hope that some part of this plan works.