Diary of Ivory Black

Chapter 7: Downward Spiral

    Mei has been sobbing in her bed for the last week now. Everything felt like hell but worse, why? Because at least in hell, you’re already dead.

    Every now and again she would regain the idea of trying to do something productive, but that thought would always lead to why she’s in this situation in the first place. Because she tried to get better, too soon.

    So now, she’s just deteriorating back to square one.

    She felt numb, well, except the sense of perpetual sadness. Nothing brings her joy or comfort anymore, and she didn’t care about anything at this point. She doesn’t care about herself, about her family, about her friends, about the diary no matter where in the world it is or what it contains. Just, f**k everything.

    But this is nothing to joke about, really. This was serious because Mei has never felt something so emotionally draining before. One moment she’s completely numb, the next second she’ll be experiencing nine different emotions at the same time.

    After a few moments of debating with herself, she decided that she at least would go and check on what exactly she is having. Because to be blunt, she has no f*****g idea of what’s going on inside her head. She stumbled around to reach her glasses. It was dirty and smudged, she tried whipping of the smudges of with the bottom of her shirt, but it was still there.

    She sighed, then painfully walked over to her computer and searched up what her symptoms mean. And after a few minutes of searching, she finally came to a conclusion. It’s either PTSD or depression. Both are never good.

    She’s considered of seeking help other than from her dad or friends, but she figured it’d be too much trouble to go through. Besides, she’s never been comfortable with the idea of a therapist. Or even worse, prescribed drugs. But maybe it’s too early to decide, or it’s too early to act. Either way, things are currently horrible.

    “Fuck.” She mumbled to herself as she shut off her computer, turning off the only light source left in her room.

    She sighed and leaned her back onto the chair, she placed both of her palms to her eyes. She’s crying again. You’d think after two days of crying, there’d be no more tears left to shed. She whipped the tears off from behind her glasses bitterly.

    The thoughts. The thoughts were starting to flood her mind again. Those toxic, agonizing, horrible thoughts. Her mind felt like a tsunami, and suddenly she cares about anything and everything.

    “What should I do?”

    “What would Dad think of me?”

    “What’ll happen if I’m not there for Violet and Olive?”

    “What are they doing right now?”

    “I’m scared.”

    She quickly opened up a random writing app and start typing vigorously on the keyboard. It was an impulse, she couldn’t help it. She just had to pour those thoughts somewhere else besides her mind, somewhere like writing.

    This had been happening more frequently lately. And when she’s too mentally drained to reach for something to write on, she just used her finger as a pen on her bed sheet, pretending to write her thoughts on it. And it helps...Sort of.

    After a full hour of Mei’s writing frenzy, the thoughts finally stopped. And once again, she’s numb.

    Anna has no idea what Adriane’s doing, but judging by what’s she appears to be doing, it was not a good thing.

    Adriane was in Ivory’s room, again. Though this time, she seems to be searching for something. Looking under the bed, in the closet, and each drawer that exists in Ivory’s room. She kept mumbling things like, “Where is it?” or, “It has to be here!”. She seems to be unaware of her sister’s presence, just behind Ivory’s door.

    Anna was more confused than furious, which is quite unbelievable given what happened yesterday between them. But then again this was Adriane, any violence she does to Anna basically gets a pass at this point.

    But still, what Adriane was doing right now, was...Odd. But to put it more precisely, uncanny. This was too unlike her. But nevertheless, what was she looking for? In Ivory’s room, to make it worse. From what Anna’s logic could gain, it has something to do with Ivory’s writing. Especially the writings on her computer, which is currently being searched by Adriane like a damn crime scene.

    But from Anna’s current analysis, it seemed that the object Adriane’s searching for isn’t necessarily in Ivory’s computer. She just assumed that it would be, after what Mei had stated. And something about Ivory’s writing...Well, not important for the time being.

    What is important though, is how Adriane is currently wrecking Ivory’s room to shambles (again) as she searches for this mysterious object. And of course, Anna was fed up with her sister's shenanigans.

    Anna barged in the room, making her presence to Adriane loud and clear. Adriane stumbled over in panic but soon walked up to face her sister. They both just stared into each other's eyes for a while, watching the flame of anger re-emerge from the opponent’s eyes.

    “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Anna asked her sister, her voice ice-cold, matching her stern face.

    “None of your business, sister.” Adriane hissed, once again uttering the last word as an insult. She always does this, and so does Anna. But even so, the effect of the word was still as strong as ever for both of them.

    “Considering that it’s my house, and my daughter’s room, and my daughter’s stuff you’re snooping around in,” she continued, “I think it’s not too far fetched to say that it’s my business, sister.” She finishes, using Adriane’s last insult against her.

    “Well, only your daughter ever has a say on whether I should come in here or not,” She added, “And she’s dead.” She added, knowing full well what the last sentence just did to Anna.

    “You little-” Anna cut herself off before she could continue because she’s not really in any capability to fight Adriane again.

    “What?” Adriane taunted, “Cat got your tongue?”

    “Just, clean up this mess,” Adriane ordered, her tone becoming less laced with anger with each word. She knew better.

    “What ever.” Adriane scoffed as she left the room.

    Anna could only glance around the room, staring at the mess Adriane had created.

    Her daughter’s bed were trashed, and the usually neat closet was now in shambles. Clothes, papers, and left over white paint were scattered throughout the tiny room. Every drawer in the room was opened and emptied off of its content, some of the drawers were even ripped apart (out of frustration as Anna had assumed). And keep in mind, this behavior was not of a child’s. This home-wreckage was the result of a tantrum of an adult woman in her early forties.

    This far across the line, too far even for them. And Anna was more than ready to pounce at her aggravating sister at that point, but she’s learned her lesson the last time. Though the probability of them fighting again was more of a “when” rather than an “if”. So for now, Anna would rather stay quiet.

    Anna trailed her eyes on the mess her sister had made, occasionally glancing at the newly (messy) painted wall. She let out a heavy sigh as her head dropped down to look at the floor.

    Time to start cleaning. Again.

    “She did what!?” Olive shouted at her smartphone, making the person at the other end of the call wince at the sudden rise of voice.

    “I’m sorry, I just-” Violet tried to speak, but her words were cut off by Olive’s fury.

    “No, don’t you dare excuse yourself,” Olive lashed back, “You knew that she was already unstable!”

    “I know, I just didn’t saw it coming!” Violet explained, her voice shaking and desperate to explain.

    “She explicitly said it to you!” Olive interjected, her voice echoing through the walls of her empty room.’

    “I didn’t think she’d actually go to Ivory’s house!” Violet roared back, refusing to be the one taking the blame. Because to be honest, she didn’t deserve to be blamed in this. She already has her own set of problems to deal with at the moment.

    “Look,” Olive responded, her voice seemingly calming down, “I know you’re not the one at fault here, I’m just panicking right now.”

    “You okay?” Violet asked, genuinely concerned.

    “Yes,” Olive answered, before quickly saying, “No.”

    “Yeah, I get it.” Violet shrugged in a desperate attempt to calm Olive down. And because she knows exactly how that feeling effects people.

    “So anyway, I’m fine enough for now.” Olive sighed.

        “Oh yeah, so have you been contact with Mei?” Violet suddenly asked, changing the topic like a breeze.

    “Uh, actually now that you mention it, no,” Olive replied, “She isn’t answering my calls anymore.”

    “Huh,” Violet said, “Me neither.”

    “It’s been what? A week now?” Olive asked, worried.

    “Yeah, she isn’t answering my calls either,” Violet added, somewhat devastated.

    Olive was surprisingly surprised that Violet felt so intensely over Mei. Not that they weren’t friends before, but they were never the pair to work well with each other. Well, opposites do attract.

    “Should we visit her?” Olive asked.

    “I’ll probably accidentally hurt her,” Violet imparted dismissively.

    “And I’ll probably just make the situation worse,” Olive added.

    “We’re too unstable to comfort her,” Violet admitted.

    “Don’t I know,” Olive agreed, “She’s probably a raging storm right now.”

    “And that’s the worst part about this,” Violet commented with a casual tone, as she stares at the blood-red book in her hand. This was going to be the worst mistake of her life.

     Log 3. 165

    I met an old friend today. Well... “friend” is a very subtle word to describe a new enemy. We used to be friends, that’s all I can say. Too much said, and she’ll be on my tail again.

    Camilla Vorpex. A little warning to you my friends, stay away from her! At all costs. She is a snake in a form of a teenager, do not a believe a word that she says to you. And worst of all, she’ll be staying in the area for a few months before she goes back to her college, out of town.

    I could go on and on about her, but I don’t want to waste my papers again. Let’s just say we have a history together, I won’t go into detail about it. It’s too dangerous. And I know people may get confused and ask me why I don’t ever mention her, there’s a reason for that. Just trust me on this one, she’s killed before and won’t hesitate to do it again.

    I know how curious all of you can get at times. But this time, for your own good, listen to me.

    Ivory. B

    “The f**k?” Violet thought to herself as she rereads the entry, over and over again.

    When she’d decided to open Ivory’s diary at random and read the entries herself, this was not the page she was expecting to see. Then again, she didn’t quite know what to expect, to begin with. So, this was fine. Sort of.

    Who’s Camilla Vorpex? But more importantly, there it was again. Mei’s name. In Ivory’s diary. Crossed over.

    Mei hadn’t read this part of the diary yet, which is a good thing since she’ll most likely freak out on noticing her name in Ivory’s diary over and over again. But Violet? No, she noticed it the first time it had occurred. Why is that? Why is Mei’s name the only thing she’s focused on?

    Violet traced Mei’s crossed out name with her fingers, feeling the long dried ink beneath her fingertips. It felt...Odd. As if Ivory had crossed out the word with doubt, stopping her pen mid writing. But none of this matters now.

    What matters now, the diary itself.

    Long story short, Mei had accidentally left the diary at Violet’s house before she left to go to Ivory’s house. Which was strange on its own, considering she was hyper protective of it all the time. To be more precise, Mei’s hyper protective of everything and anything that has to do with Ivory.

    Then after that, the story was pretty much self-explanatory. Violet found the diary under one of her pillows, then contemplated on reading it. And Violet might not want to admit it, but it took her days to finally decide on it. And as one might’ve already known, she decided to read it. Despite the agreement she had with Olive, to let Mei finish the diary first.

    But Mei is in no condition to do that, she’s to emotionally wrecked after what had happened back at Ivory’s house. Come to think of it, what did happen back at Ivory’s house?

    Neither Mei, Anna, or Adriane had informed her or Olive. Now that’s she’s thought of it, nobody knows what happened except for those three people. Well, that’s a concern for when Mei’s stable enough to tell the story.

    Nevertheless, it’ll take too long to finish the content of the diary if Mei were to read it first. Because she still feels guilty.

    It felt wrong. No, it was undoubtedly wrong. Violet should’ve known better. But curiosity and the need for closure and comfort got the best of her. Nevertheless, no time to back down now. No time for regrets.