Diary of Ivory Black

Chapter 3: Goodbye, Ivory

    It’s six o’clock in the morning, and Ivory and her poor (and very stressed) mother are going to be late. Everyone in the house was in panic mode, and every single room in the house was in shambles.

    Ivory’s mom has better circumstances though—she’s already dressed and had breakfast. All she needs to do now was put on a decent makeup. But Ivory, she still has a long way to go. She still must dress, pack her stuff and prepare her speech for the opening of the ceremony. And for some reason, she thought that the most effective way of preparing for her big day was to eat breakfast, shower, dress, prepare her speech, put some makeup on, pack her stuff, and—in exactly that order.

    “Ivory come down stairs! We are going to be late!”

    “Attendre une seconde!” Ivory shouted, completely forgetting the fact that her mother doesn’t speak French.

    “Oh! Please, take your time!”

    “I heard that!”

    “Good! Now hurry up!”

    Ivory does not quicken her pace. Because in the midst of all the hectic and panic atmosphere, she managed to recheck the schedule and found out that the graduation ceremony actually starts at eight. And knowing that very useful information, she decides that the best action to not tell her mom and leave her to her own devices, and take this opportunity to open her phone and chat with her friends.

    She opened her phone and checked for messages, there were a few from last night’s group chat since Mei was most likely the only person in the group who woke up as early as her. And by observing the circumstances, Violet was probably the last person to wake up at this point. But what’s odd was that Mei would bother checking her messages in such an early hour, let alone sending a few of them herself. She’s probably just nervous for today, a very probable excuse from Ivory’s perspective.

    Asshole : Hello?

    Asshole : Is anyone up?

    Asshole : Ivy?

    Shithead : What’s up M?

    Asshole : Oh, thank the stars, you’re awake…

    Shithead : What’s wrong? Nervous?

    Asshole : Is it that obvious?

    Shithead : Dude, we’ve known each other for years! Of course, I noticed!

    Asshole : Can we just talk while I try to decide my outfit?

    Shithead : Sure :3

    They ended up talking to each other for about half an hour, time sure flies when you spend your time with the people you hold dear.

    And as the golden ray of sunshine rose through the horizon, changing the sky from dark orange to dark yellow as it began to heat up the earth, the bright side of the planet starts to rise. It was the first thing to pierce the darkness, carrying with it the torch of a new day.

    Many would not see it at first, it was nothing but a small warm, rosy glow, full of grace and beauty. But the newborn Phoenix sun starts to shake off the ash from its soft down, and you start to see the bright red scarlet of the morning.

    There was a moment, a pause, right before it harks its song and takes flight, spilling golden light upon the plains, across the hills, penetrating the deepest of forests, and scaling the tallest of peaks.

    And after a while with just the two of them on the chat, Olive and Violet soon joined their little long-distance pillow talk.

    Olive oil : Hello hello hello!

    Bae

: Morning girls :)

    Shithead : Sup yall? Feel free to scroll up the chat to see all of Mei’s colorful outfits btw ;)

    Asshole : DO NOT.

    Olive oil : Scrolling up :3

    Bae

: Same

    Asshole : DO NOT.

    Shithead : Then don’t talk to me in a group chat next time (-_-)

    Olive oil : I saw everything btw! if ur asking for my opinion, outfit no.5 is the best.

    Bae : Nah, too sparkly. The navy-blue dress is much cooler though :/

    Shithead : Nope, already decided on the sky-blue dress :3

    Asshole : Called it!

    Ivory chuckled as she threw her phone into her bag, and zipped her bag close. After she managed to put on her heels, she finally went down the stairs—only to be greeted by her mother in utter stress, shuffling back and forth while waiting for Ivory to come down. Which she did do, only under very bad timing.

    And after about five minutes of scolding, courtesy of Ivory’s mom—they’re finally on the road. And as the bright yellow sun travels higher, they are now on the highway. Accompanied by the catchy tunes from the old radio, and the occasional muffled honks of other cars—though not out of rage or anything of the sort, it’s just how drivers greet each other in this town. As of this moment, Ivory and her mother are stuck on the road together. So for the time being, they just drove and talked.

    Which has proven to be very difficult, considering they both know that they can’t hold any conversations for longer than ten minutes? Another factor was that Ivory’s fancy new red dress is made of a very difficult material to manage, and it was without a doubt, bothering her.

    She’s currently wearing a maroon red, chiffon, short dress, with some flower embellishments. Wearing a skirt was hard on its own, not to mention the soft and sheer material that was basically a nightmare fuel to her brain. Not to mention that she had to wear heels.

    Nevertheless, she tries her best to make herself comfortable in the faux leather seat in the car. Her mother noticed her awkward attempt of sitting down in a skirt, yet resumes her previously stalled scolding.

    “You know you could’ve told me that the event starts later.”

    “Yeah, I know.”

    “What? No apologies?”

    “Right, I’m sorry that I didn’t told you that my graduation ceremony actually starts at eight.” Ivory disclosed with little to no care, knowing full well, whether she apologizes or not does not matter to her mother.

    “Talk about sarcasm.”

    “You’re the one to talk.” Ivory shot back, referring to the very recent times her mother has scolded her. In which, there were many touches of sarcasm retorted at that moment, specifically by her mother.

    “Touché.” Her mother retorted.

    “Comme toujours.” Ivory mused, completely forgetting the fact that her mother doesn’t understand French.

    The conversation died after, and the radio was left the only one talking. To which they didn’t really mind, considering the road was nice at this time of an hour. So while her mother was concentrating on the road, Ivory shifted her attention to the sky.

    Fluffy clouds glide across the pale blue sky—the fading, subdued moon sits redundantly behind them. The sun has awakened and was promptly emerging through the hazy sky. The cloudy layer creates a pleasant blanket from the sun.

    After a while, she decided that she should probably check on her friends. Just to make sure they already prepared for the day, because Lord knows Violet might’ve fallen back asleep. And to which, the answer was yes. And if it wasn’t for her phone ringing from notifications, she wouldn’t have woken up.

    Shithead : Sup yall?

    Asshole : Hey :D

    Shithead : You girls ready for the ceremony?

    Olive oil : Already on the scene ;)

    Asshole : I’m almost there, just wait for me by the gates

    Bae

: I fell back asleep on the couch, what’d I miss?

    Shithead : Aren’t you supposed to lead the choir?

    Bae

: S H I T

    Olive oil : Run.

    : Thank your parents your house is the nearest to the school.

    Shithead : Alright, so Violet is currently a hot mess...

    Asshole : Anything else I need to know?

    Olive oil : Why so salty all of the sudden?

    Asshole : I’m nervous...

    Shithead : Hey, shinpaishinai ne.

    Asshole : I’ll try not to :)

    Bae

: Yo, I have no internet access! I can’t deal with this multi-language   

bullshit.

    Olive oil : Just focus on running! I think I can already see you by the gates :D

    Bae

: ADSGFR!!!?..

    Asshole : Is she dead yet?

    Shithead : Pfffft...

    Ivory chuckled as she turned her phone off, and shoved it back into her bag, along with her speech script that had conveniently fallen out of the bag. The things her friend does to her is astoundingly stupid, yet despite it all, she wouldn’t change anything.

    She glanced back at her mom, who has been awfully quiet for the past few minutes. And she could’ve sworn that the radio volume was much louder before. Not that she was complaining, but that was very unusual to her. 

    She glanced at her mother for a second before turning her head back to the nearest car window to avoid eye contact. She debated whether she should say something about the awkward situation, and after a minute or so, she decided to go forward with the plan.

    “Mom? Are you, okay?” Ivory asked, her tone signaling confusion more than concern. Yet, it’s the first time in a very long while that Ivory’s addressed her mother as “Mom” with respect, or any other emotion other than sarcasm.

    “Yeah, I’m fine. I just...” Her mom paused a bit, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly before continuing her sentence, “I’m...Very proud of you.” She finally stated.

    Ivory’s face lit up. Pure joy and happiness filled her mind, it’s been a very long while that her mother has finally stated that she’s proud of her. And got knows Ivory really hopes that she meant it. That she meant she’s proud of her for what she does, for what she is, for what she’s become. 

    For a moment, she felt peace and satisfaction—almost like a heavy weight had been lifted. More importantly, she’s glad that she’s able to meet the expectations of the people she loves.  

    “Thank you, mom.” Ivory finally replied, breaking the silence between the two of them.

    “No need to thank me, you deserve it.” Her mom replied while glancing to Ivory’s direction and showing her warmest and most sincere smile Ivory has ever seen.

    They both chuckled in unison as if knowing that they’ll most likely revert to their usual state once the car had reached its destination. To which, they hope that it would take a long time before that would happen.

    “You know, why don’t we have these types of moments more often? Just you and me, mother and daughter, having laughs and talking about life.” Her mother piped up.

    “You mean, “why can’t we?” It’s not like we don’t want to, we just can’t.” Ivory interjected, the bitterness in her voice made apparent by her expression.

    “Well, we can try. No harm in that right?” She replied with a contrasting tone to Ivory. There are certain times where Ivory’s has optimism, to which Ivory hopes that it would happen more often. Because they both knew that they would need it if they want to keep this good vibe between them going.

    Ivory sighed, “Yeah, I guess so.”

    conversation, for the first time in forever, continues. They kept talking, happily with no sarcasm or weight. The radio had long been turned off since then, as it distracts them from their conversation.

    For the longest time, they’ve forgotten that they were in a car. That was until, a large truck container had managed its way in front of their car—blocking the bright and warm sun from their view, and agitating them in doing so.

    "Oi! Wrong lane ya fucktard!” They both shouted in unison, like mother like daughter. Which in this case, was impossibly accurate. Because even though Ivory would never admit it to herself, she liked her mother’s accent—the way it only comes out when she’s around, like it was only meant for her ears. It makes her happy.

    “Honestly, some people these days.” Ivory’s mother grunted, more in a joking manner than being genuinely angry, making Ivory chuckle in response.

    Suddenly, out of nowhere, a motorcycle zoomed past them carelessly. And to make matters worse, it almost had a collision with the truck container in front of them. Ivory’s first thought was her trying to figure out why a motorcycle would be allowed on the highway.

    The motorcycle tried to get passed the truck container in front of them from the most left lane, the lane for big bikes. The rider did anticipate a stopping car in front and pushed some speed, and took a sudden right move in front of the truck. The truck driver did not see he was coming. He lifted off and hit the brake all at sudden and turned the wheel to the right to avoid crashing the bike. The truckload was no joke to such move. Two of the container hooks snatched broken at once. The container tumbled to the right and blocked the left and middle lane.

    Her heart skipped a beat as she realizes that the cargo the truck container was holding, had fallen off and tripped the whole truck over, right in front of them. Everything went in slow motion after that. Everything stayed still, but somehow moving ever so slightly, making her heart pound in her chest as she witnessed what could be her last few seconds alive. All she heard was the sound of metal clashing, tiers scratching against the asphalt of the highway beneath, and her mother screaming her name.

    “Ivory!”

    Then there was a loud crashing sound, like metals, colliding. Then she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, then something hit her head. She felt tears involuntarily leave her eyes, making her cheeks felt hot like it was on fire—as her consciousness slowly fade away, she glanced at her mother who’s thankfully still breathing but bleeding very heavily.

    Her last thought before she fell unconscious was of Mei and her friends. Despite everything, she still hopes that she could make it to the ceremony in time.

    Mei was currently waiting backstage for Ivory. Her right foot tapping vigorously on the old ceramic floor, her palms are starting to become sweaty as she rereads the speech script—as for some bizarre reason, Ivory was still nowhere to be found and now the school committee has decided that Mei should replace her for the graduation ceremony’s opening speech. She sighed and took off her glasses, putting them back on after a few seconds.

    Something seemed, strange. Because even Violet had already shown up, and she is notoriously known to always show up last. It seemed very odd to Mei that Ivory, of all people, would be late. But nevertheless, she prays that someone would replace her new role of opening spokesman—well, the woman at this point. Or at least, for Ivory to come soon enough that she doesn’t have to replace her role in the first place.

    As she tries desperately to memorize her—no, Ivory’s speech. Suddenly, Violet and Olive had emerged from behind the curtains. They had just finished the opening choir, with Violet being the conductor, and Olive taking a position as the lead singer in the choir.

    “She’s late,” Violet grunted, gripping hard on her conductor baton.

    “She’s late?” Olive imparted, more of a statement than a question. Yet she still can’t believe that Ivory, of all people, would be late.

    “Really late.” Mei soon mumbled, trying desperately to calm herself, as she usually seeks comfort from Ivory.

    “f*****g late!” Violet burst out her voice, while impatiently strutting from the left from right. She’s amazed that her baton hasn’t broken in two.

    “Of all the time she could be like this, she chose today.” Olive retorted, genuinely confused and worried.

    “Something’s off,” Mei stated. She couldn’t hold back her suspicion any longer. So, she thought that voicing her suspicion would help get rid of it, but the result was very much the opposite of what she’d hoped to be.

    Her anxiety was starting to pile up, numerous scenarios are playing inside her head. The best scenarios, and the worst of them. She drowned herself deep into her own thoughts, as her two best friends spoke to each other. Their conversation was white noise to her, and as she was suffocating in her own thoughts, she was pulled back up to the surface of her mind by Violet’s raging voice.

    She could tell by the tone of it, that she was more than capsized. No, she was angry, yet sad, yet confused, yet scared at the same time. What kind of emotion is this? If it even has a name. Mei decided that she should listen for what her friends had been arguing about. So, she tuned herself back in, like turning up a volume to a car radio that had been almost off.

    “Why of course.” Violet shot back, “She probably decided to doze for the day.”

    “That’s not true.” Olive refuted, “She’s not you.” Referring to Violet's habit of sleeping at the worst of times.

    “Remind me again what time I’ll have to go.” Mei retorted, while finally after a long time decided to sit down. Well, it’s more of a slump than sitting properly.

    The conversation died down, but they all knew that none their mind was quiet. Everyone was worried, but no one was more worried than Mei. Because not only does she hate public speaking, she’s also worried about Ivy.

    “Where the hell is she?” Mei mumbled to herself.

    “Just calm down, forget her and do your best,” Olive pratteled, as an effort to calm down her friend—which resulted in the exact opposite reaction.

    “I’m sure she’s fine.” Violet lied, more to herself than anyone else in the room. And with the absentminded tone she had remarked, it was almost convincing.

    Mei’s practically having a mental breakdown at this point. Her feet wouldn’t stop tapping and her fingers are pulling the hem of her new dress, and that on its own was enough to make Olive panic. Because no one has ever seen Mei lose composure except Ivory, and Ivy’s the only one that would have the gals to calm her down. And they both know very well, what would happen to them if Mei loses her temper. Like the old saying goes, “Demons run when a good man goes to war.”

    And just as everyone thought that things can’t possibly get worse, Mei’s phone rang. The happy and catchy ringtone startled her for a second, but she quickly regained some of her composure and picked up her phone from her bag.

    She looked at the caller’s number, “Shithead.” Mei mumbled to herself. “Wait! It’s Ivy!” She shouted, quickly gaining the attention of her two best friends. They gathered around Mei to look at her phone, acting as if they’ve never seen a phone in their life. Wasting no more time, Mei quickly answered the call.

    “Ivy, you little s**t! Where have you been?” Mei practically yelled at the phone, desperately waiting for an answer from the other side. And after a few seconds, there was an answer—a voice, except it, wasn’t Ivory’s voice.

    It was a voice of a young woman, mid-twenties. Her voice signaling worry behind her calm tone, hesitating for a few seconds before she spoke to the other side. And as soon as she spoke, Mei dropped her phone, and her glasses fell from the frame of her face.

    Her face went pale white as tears began to form in her eyes, and her legs felt like noodles. She could barely hold herself up after that. And both Olive and Violet helped her to feet. Mei’s head dropped down as her hair covered her face like a black curtain, as tears began to fall from behind it. Trickling down her face and dripping down to the old ceramic floor.

    “Mei, what’s wrong?” Olive asked softly, putting the palm of her hand to Mei’s shoulders, hoping the gesture had registered in Mei’s brain as comfort rather than a threat.

    “Car crash.” Was all she could say, and that’s all she needed to say as her friends quickly caught the signal and Violet immediately drove the three them to the nearest hospital. Not even bothering to tell anyone that they were leaving.

    “Screw the school committee!” Violet thought to herself, “This is way more important.”

    White, that’s all Ivory’s two eyes could see. Everything else was a blur. She heard noises, mumbling, a pulse of some sort, and a siren…Wait! Siren! She quickly realized (or more accurately, assumed) she was in an ambulance and immediately tried to sit up, and regretted that decision immediately as the pain from her abdomen sent a wave of pain right through her.

    Two people held her down, back to what she assumed as a gurney. Her head was spinning like a cursed merry-go-round, and she still couldn’t see clearly. But despite all of that, she still realized that the two people that had held her down were now talking to her.

    So, she tries her best to make up what they were saying. Which has been proven very difficult with the surrounding noise, with the annoying siren and the mysterious pulse that had seemed to quicken its pace? It’s all very distracting. It reminds her of their old car radio…Wait! Where’s her mother? Is she on another ambulance? How in the ever living hell are they going to pay for two ambulances and two hospital stays?  

    “Calm down kid, you just had a car crash.” One of the two people spoke up.

    “Ah yes, the car crash.” She thought to herself as the horrible and painful memories flooded back into her absent mind. The pain in her now bandaged wounds became more apparent now that the memories are back. And the annoying background noise isn’t helping her already terrible condition.

    “Where am I right now?” Was all that she managed to say. Her voice was weak and dry. She was almost certain that she was in an ambulance, which on its own already frightens her, but she needs to confirm where she was right now. She needs to confirm her fear.

    “You’re in an ambulance.” Another person answered. Ivory assumed it was a woman by her voice.

    “Oh s**t!” Ivory shouted in her mind. She desperately tried to get back up again from the gurney, only to have the exact same result as her previous attempt.

    “Hey! Calm down, or I’ll be forced to strap you!” One of the voice demanded.

    “No, you don’t understand.” She spoke up, “We can’t pay.” She admitted with a low tone, as tears begin to pour down her face. Because she knows that even if her mother worked all her jobs full-time, and even ask other family members for money, they still wouldn’t be able to pay for two ambulances and a room in the hospital. Hell, if it wasn’t for her college scholarship, she wouldn’t be able to resume her studies after high school.

    Behind her burning tears, she saw the two figures standing beside her look at her from above—she couldn’t see their exact expression, but she could’ve sworn that it was no remorse. Like they didn’t even care about what would happen to her. But it’s not like her to complain or rage out, in fact, she probably should be thankful that they even came to pick her up from the accident.

    The ambulance suddenly hit a bump, resulting in another wave of pain to surge through her body. The two figures had gone out of her field of vision, she assumed that they had gone ahead to sit down. She sighed and tried to eliminate the painful feeling surrounding her body, as she falls back asleep again. Her last thought was of her mother, “Where is she? Is she safe?” was all her mind could manage before her eyes flutter shut. She hopes that she’ll be able to wake up after she’d done so.

    “Come on Violet! Drive faster!” Olive exclaimed, panic written all over her face as she nervously pulled on the fabric of her dress.

    “Calm down! If I drive any faster than this, we’ll be the ones going to the hospital next!” Violet practically shouted at Olive.

    No one made a sound after that, and they’re glad no one did. Everyone currently just wants to be left to their own devices to take in and process the information of what had happened.

    Though, of all people, Mei’s the one taking the hardest hit from this. Her tears may have stopped since they went out of the school, but she hasn’t talked since she received the news. Her heart still racing, and her whole body was shaking.

    She tries desperately to calm herself, trying to slip on her usual poker face to no avail. She needs to stay calm and be the rational friend of the group again, and since Ivy was no longer with them, they’re all counting on her.

    But she can’t, no matter how hard she tries. No matter how many times she told herself that everything’s going to be fine, she can’t calm herself—and that on its own was making her more anxious. Not to mention that Violet and Olive had started arguing again. She wanted to arbitrate them and tell them to calm down, she wanted to tell them that she’s fine now and that everything would be fine, she wanted to tell them so badly. But the words never came out.

    She wearily turned her head to face the car window, “Ten more minutes to the nearest hospital.” She mumbled to herself. “Let’s start counting.”

    Ivory had woken once more, this time involuntarily. There was a bright light shining right into her eyes. Being annoyed by the situation, she tried to move her body to face another direction, resulting yet another wave of pain to surge through her body. This time, however, she felt something wet between her hands as she holds on to her stomach. Blood.

    She panicked and tried to sit up once more, the result ended much worse than one might’ve predicted. She ended up falling from the hospital bed and onto the laminate flooring, the color of it resembles a natural material much like wood. It reminded her of the floor at home. Home. She wished that time would kindly rewind itself for her sake.

    She wished that she could go back to last night, where everything was the way it supposed to be. Where everything was fine, normal, the way she would always want it to be. She wished she could rewind time, reach up and reset the sun, and turn it back around. Where everything was perfect. Where everything stays, right where it should be. Yet changing ever so slightly, daily and nightly. Where everything stays.

    She wished that she could remake, or more accurately relive the recent memories. Where she was back at the hill, with the warm campfire and sweet marshmallows. Accompanied by the night sky, the breezy autumn wind, and her friends by her side.

    She tried desperately to pick herself back up, or at least to sit upright, with no strength to move. Her shaky fingers finally come to stop after running restlessly through her messy hair. She bit down on her lower lip, trying not to burst into tears. “This isn’t gonna to help, it's not going to change anything,” She thought to herself. She felt that anyone would laugh at it if they were present here right now. Her heart still won't stop racing fast, forcing tears to roll down her bruised face.

    Her mind was now shouting curses at both heaven and hell, frankly, that’s all she could do. As she bleeds more and more, and the blood starts to puddle onto the floor. And after desperately trying to repress them, she finally let out her tears. She tried once more to sit upright, and after three desperate attempts, she finally managed.

     “God, why did you let this happen to me?” was all her weak voice could muster.

    After a few minutes of adjusting her eyes to the bright ceiling light, she began to realize her surroundings. IV…Pulse monitor…Tray…Scalpel…Bandages…And red lines on the floor, leading to her area.

    Assuming if this hospital has the same system as a regular hospital, red line means the patient is in critical condition. It means that she has about 60:40 chance of surviving if given the proper medical attention. Which was currently not happening as soon as Ivory would’ve hoped, as her wound was now reopening and bleeding quite heavily. And as of right now, she desperately needs help getting up from the floor.

    She did her best cry for help as her voice could manage, which thank heavens managed to get the attention of a nurse to help her back into her gurney. After the nurse had done so, Ivory quickly passed out from lack of blood and exhaustion. The nurse scrambled to her feet and called a doctor to re-stitch her wound, only to soon realize that she’s been bleeding from more than her stomach. And she was quickly moved to the area with blue lines.

    In her unconscious mind, Ivy had assumed that her mother had died, and the hospital had probably called her friends to come pick her up. They’re most likely a few minutes away from the hospital, judging by the distance of the school to the nearest hospital. “Roughly ten more minutes.” She thought to herself, “Well, time to start counting.”

    “We’re almost there Mei, get a hold of yourself,” Violet assured in a calm tone. It gives the impression of a warning or threat instead of comfort in Mei’s mind, but she still knew that Violet meant well.

    Everyone has managed to calm themselves over the past few minutes of the car ride, thankfully. And since the dust had settled between Olive and Violet, Mei can finally have some actual, rational thoughts.

    Mei glanced over to the tinted car window, then back at Olive and Violet. No one could look each other in the eye after the fight they just had, but Mei knows that it’ll pass over time. In fact, it may have just done! As Olive makes the first attempt in trying to get rid of the foul mood in everyone’s mind. At first, she just hummed tunes, not too loud, it was soft and calming, but loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the car.

    It seemed to have managed to at least bring some level of comfort to their minds. But the soft tunes had brought back memories. Good, fun, and happy memories for when they were together when everything was fine. Memories for when Ivy was still with them and not bleeding out in a hospital they couldn’t even afford to stay in.

    And before anyone managed to say anything, they were all crying. Tears start to trickle down their face and drip down onto their dress. Yet the tune was still there, without anyone singing. It was still somehow there, imprinted in their minds like it somehow became omnipresent.

    They all cried in silence as Violet drove them like nothing had ever happened. But at least the action had relieved them of a weight in their hearts. Because at least they aren’t fighting anymore, and everyone was very thankful for that.

    Mei glanced back at the car window, “Five more minutes.” She thought to herself. “Keep counting.”

    Ivory woke up again, out of force. It’s like someone had electrocuted her, multiple times. She could feel her heart beating, but she doesn’t have enough energy to open her eyes. Judging by those circumstances alone, she could tell that she won’t make it. She remembered that she felt people moving her gurney to another room, what’s a worse colored line than red in a hospital? Blue.

    Blue means the patient is in an emergency state, and most likely needs to be put in ICU. She reckoned her chance to live is 50:50 at this point. “God help me.” She thought to herself. “At least let me spend time with them, even if it’s just for a little while.”

    She could feel her pulse weakening once more, everything was jet-black and suffocating. It was like she was drowning in a tunnel in the deepest parts of the ocean, and no matter how hard she tried swimming up, she always gets pulled back down. It’s agonizing, and there’s nothing she could do about it except try to stay alive.

    And she tries to do exactly just that. It felt like two giant hands were grasping at her throat, leaving me without air. She tried to push away the pain as she felt small ragged gasps were escaping her throat. She could sense herself drifting away from her body and her mind took her back to the hill, where everything was fine.

    She was right there, talking and eating marshmallows with her three best friends without a care in the world. But then reality punched itself back into her head, “I don’t think we can help her anymore. Give her a minute and I’m calling it.” One of the doctors ordered. Or did that part truly happened outside her consciousness? She couldn’t tell reality apart from her own thoughts. She could feel herself losing the fight. She was almost out of time and she did the only that’s left to do. The only thing she could only do for that matter. So, she did just that.

    “One more minute huh?” She thought to herself, her voice echoing through her mind. “Let’s keep counting.”

     1…

    2…

    3…

    Mei is running, as fast as she could. She was running like it was the end of the world, which was not entirely false.

    “Mei don’t run off on your own!”

    “Attendez!”

    “Mei, wait!”

    “Wait!”

    Mei could hear the pleading yells from her friends become more distanced as she ran into the hospital ER. It was quite a run, considering the parking lot and ER are on opposite ends of the hospital—parking lot in the back, ER in the front.

    But Mei didn’t care, she just wants to see Ivory. She wants to see her best friend alive, unharmed, smiling right in front of her and telling her that everything’s going to be okay, that she’s okay.

    Those thoughts and wishes drove her into hyperdrive, as she runs faster and faster to the ER. She felt her feet slowly burning and going numb as she runs, but she didn’t care about the pain. For the longest time, she almost didn’t felt it, Her mind was too determined to let the pain distract her now.

    So, she kept running. She kept running like death was on her tail, or so the saying goes—only this time, death was on someone else’s tail. Her heart pounded like drums to the beat of her feet racing over the hard ground. Yet every step seemed to take an eternity in her mind. She tried to even out her steps to keep her from falling, making a beat with each one as she reaches her destination.

    4…

    5…

    6…

    Sweat beaded her forehead, causing her long black silky hair to cling to it as her throat throbbed and ached for air, more air. Her muscles began to stretch, and it only motivated her to run faster. Her previously sporadic pace had started to even out as she reached the glass door leading to the ER. Her legs gave up on her right as she opened the door. She’s surprised that her glasses hadn’t fallen off on her way there.

    But she couldn’t stop now. Not now, any time but now. Yet she couldn’t help but pause her steps and tried to steady her breath.

    7…

    8…

    9…

    10…

    Now, follow the blue line.

    How much time does she have left? It feels like an eternity to her, just floating around the barrier between life and death. In pain.

    She could somehow hear her pulse monitor beeping, and judging by the sound of it, she’s not going to last long. All she could feel was a pain, never ending torture. She felt minutes stretching into hours, and hours stretching into days, and the pain continued to expand beyond all comprehension. Time in the world would continue, but for her, this minute would never end.

    11…

    Where’s her mother?

    12…

    Where are her friends?

    20…

    Is she here?

    30…

    Where’s Mei?

    Mei’s lungs felt like it was burning at this point, she’s running out of breath. She started to wonder if this was what Ivory was feeling at the moment, but she quickly brushed the thought away as she continues to desperately find the ICU—assuming that Ivory was even there at this point.

    She hears two footsteps desperately trying to keep up with her from behind, Olive and Violet no doubt. As soon as they were united, they wasted no time in trying to find where Ivory went. Violet went ahead to do the rational thing and asked a nearby receptionist for where Ivory had been sent to.

    But Olive and Mei persisted on their own way and attempted to find out for themselves. Of course, no visitors were allowed in the ICU room so they had to be stopped.  They had managed informed them that they’re not allowed to access the room until the patient was stable enough. Which is usually two hours in time after surgery.

    And thus, they waited, at a bench right outside the ICU. Ivory felt so close, yet so far beyond reach. They doubted that Ivory would be able to last that long, considering that the previous receptionist had managed to find pictures to the car accident and had shown it to them.

    Olive had the highest hope at this point, but she too has her doubts. She tries to stay positive for her friend’s sake, but it’s proven to be very difficult with the given circumstances. She wants to sing her tune again, no, she needs to sing her tune again. But she doesn’t have the voice to do so, no matter how hard she tries, nothing came out. Everything was silent, none of them made any sound.

    Violet had stayed quiet since the pictures were shown to her, she couldn’t say anything. Hell, what should she say in this type of situation? She never imagined this! She never expected any of this to happen to Ivory, of all people.

    And as for Mei. One could not bear the sight of seeing such despair in a person’s eyes, it was almost as if she was the one dying. And she is, in a way. But the one thing she kept doing was counting, to calm herself more than anything. Synchronizing her breath to the numbers. One number after another, she mumbles to herself.

    And as she counts, memories started to play in her mind. Sweet and happy memories that now tasted so bitter she could feel it in her stomach. Various memories faded in and out of her mind, dancing, taunting her. But despite all of that, she still counts, as various dialogs from the past cut her mind into what she assumed were insanity.

    40…

    “Subete ga umaku ikudarou.”

    50…

    “Vous êtes mes meilleurs amis.”

    60…

    “If I were to die, I’d probably just spend the rest of my time with the three of you.”

    She heard a voice, someone from inside the ICU. A doctor, she presumes. And through the noisy hospital background noise, she heard something she wished she had never heard.

    “She’s gone.”

    Mei glanced at the clock, “11:35:00” She then glanced back at her two remaining best friends, judging by their expressions it seems that they’ve noticed as well.

    The world seemed to have shut down itself, grieving with the three friends. Everything seemed to have muted itself before them, every noise surrounding them felt like it had been repressed and blocked out—it’s as if they were all concealed in a box made of tempered glass.

    Everything was there, but there was nothing at the same time. They felt disconnected for a moment. But then reality hit them and they were left screaming and crying for what seemed like an eternity. The world was quiet then.

    It was now one thirty. The graduation ceremony had been finished, and Ivory’s body had been moved to the morgue. It looked sterile, stainless steel, cold, but well lit. smells like antiseptic. Mei saw glimpses of the insides, there were lots of tools of the trade...And a lot of blood. She assumed that Ivy’s stitches had ripped, or maybe it was because of some other medical reason she probably wouldn’t be able to understand.

    Mei had seen a glimpse of Ivy when they finally removed it from the ICU. And ever since then, she could never get it out of her head. First of all, it didn't look real. It’s like she was seeing a poorly made wax doll of her best friend.

    Secondly, if one were to examine an autopsy, one think the bodies and the operation would be the one making people sick, but really it's the smell that does it. The stench in these places is overwhelming. The smell of death and decay reeks in these places. Mei guessed that it was probably a combination of the chemicals they use (formaldehyde) and the smell of the inside of one's body once it's cut open. That smell alone has made both Olive and Violet want to lose their breakfast.

    Also, it's very dirty in these places. You can imagine the types of custodians who will be working in these conditions. Let's just say they don't do a great job and the powers that be can't find anyone to replace them.

    The movies have one thing right, everything was stainless steel. The coolers, autopsy tables even the stainless steel sheeting on the walls. That and industrial tile on the walls and floors. Everything in these places needs to able to withstand strong cleaners and being washed down with a hose.

    The blood isn't red but almost charcoal after it cools and hardens, it drains out of the exit wounds but what stays in the body will pool at the bottom of the body, meaning, what was closer to the floor or ground.

    Rigor mortis will set in after about four hours. Since the body has no more heat or circulation, the muscles had gone hard and will have to be reheated before it can move again.

    Mei remembers from Biology class that, in just a few moments of death the body will release body fluids, mucus, spit, urine and the bowels will open up. If the body were left for almost a day it'll start to bloat and turn mostly black.

    And of course, there's the smell. She almost puked right then and there, if it wasn’t for Violet snapping her out of her dreaded thoughts. She took her glasses off for a moment, as she started getting nauseous from it. Her vision begins to blur and her head became heavy. She tried to calm herself, taking deep breaths and closing her eyes. It worked, for now.

    One of the doctors had managed to tell Violet that Ivory’s mother had woken up, and was stable enough to go home. No one had the heart to tell her that her only child had died before her, and she wasn’t even there to see it.

    And while she had been with the doctors and other hospital people that they didn’t recognize, the three teenagers could only slowly walk back to the parking lot with the remains of their tears on their cheeks.

    They just felt sick, sick of seeing the hospital, sick of standing around the morgue for half an hour, sick of everything. And as they waited for Ivory’s mother to figure out the financial part of things, they just sat in the car and waited.

    Not a single person made a sound, they were too tired and emotionally drained to do so. The car seemed so dull and devoid of emotion. It was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop. The world seemed dead to them, nothing matters anymore.

    But no one was as stressed as Ivy’s mom. She still had to figure out how was she going to pay for everything, and she hasn’t even processed the fact that her daughter had just died. If one were to describe the feeling of a woman losing her own flesh and blood, it was to be despair.

    It felt as if something had reached in, tore her heart from her bandaged chest, threw it on the ground stepped on it then put it back. The pain was so deep, so agonizing, so intense, she wonders how was she even alive. Her heart was mangled beyond recognition, her mind numb, racing in circles, unable to make sense of what was happening.

    “This isn’t real.” She kept telling herself. “It’s just a very bad dream. I’ll wake up soon, and I’ll go to her room, and she’ll be there. Wearing her beautiful red dress for the graduation ceremony.” She thought to herself as she signs the papers that were in front of her. But deep down, in the very core of her heart, she knows Ivy’s not coming back.

    She wasn’t in any way sure that she could use her heart again. She wasn’t sure that it could heal. She wasn’t sure if she could live. She was wide awake, living, but slowly, emotionally and mentally dying. “Why hadn’t it been me?” She thought to herself, as hot tears streamed down her face and dripped down to the hospital papers, making the ink she had put down slowly began to bleed.

    Her thoughts are scrambled—it was like a thousand people were speaking inside her head at the same time.

    “How am I going to pay for all of this?”

    “What am I going to do next?”

    “How am I going to go home?”

    “Is Ivy really dead?”

    “How am I going to pay for her funeral?”

    “Where am I going to bury her?”

    The thoughts just kept going and going, like an endless stream of water pooling inside her mind, forming an ocean. But the ocean was trapped in her head, she could never get it out, so the ocean just kept growing and her mind soon became flooded with it.

    It was the most awful thing she had ever felt in her life. She felt like she was drowning, suffocating. Like she was dying, but she wouldn’t know how that would feel until she felt it. Death, the true enemy in what had happened.

    Once all the financial things are all done, Ivy’s mother decided that it was best for her to take up Violet’s offer on the ride home. They all just sat in silence, trapped in their own toxic thoughts as they ride for home.

    As soon as they dropped of Ivory’s mother at her house, they all went back to the hill. No reason in particular. They just thought that the scenery would help them cope. As of this moment, they were desperate for comfort and closure.

    But the place just didn’t feel the same without Ivy, and as one would’ve guessed, it made them feel worse. It felt like reality itself was altered around it. It felt void like there was a black hole, an abyss, everything felt hollow, it was like the hill wasn’t even there. More accurately, it felt like it was a different hill—it wasn’t their hill. It looked exactly the same, but it felt like a place they’ve never been to.

    There was a feeling that something was missing. They all felt a hole in their hearts, an emptiness somewhere in the space of their chest. What was this emptiness that they shared? This emptiness was a hunger for others, for a certain person to be close to them, for the certain person to be with them. Namely Ivory Black.

    When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts. In much the same way, what they were feeling is a hunger for others, a psychological need that must be satisfied.

    They need her back, and they felt isolated without her. And when people are isolated, abandoned the need for comfort and a way to cope is a very real need, and therefore when it is not satisfied, the feelings of hunger, of nothingness, of a void is bound to occur.

    Mei wandered around while Violet and Olive talked to each other, by the sounds of it, they were trying to make amends with each other and make sense of what’s going on. And probably trying to figure out how are they going to explain themselves to their parents. Mei saw Olive took out her phone, judging by her usual behavior, she’s going to call Mei’s father first—because lord knows he’s going to be the first one to panic.

    Their voices traveled farther apart from her as she walked towards last night’s stargazing spot. She sat in one of the logs they had previously gathered last night, and she listened to the wind. As if it was whispering to her, telling her a personal story of its own as she tries to make sense of what happened. And as she does so, things went for the worse.

    Worthless, weeping, disparity, failure, apathy, nothingness, empty, numb, broken all those words clouded her as she crumbled to the ground and cried. But then she remembers her friends or those who are still left at least. “I have to be strong for them.” She tells herself as her more tears started streaming down her face. A boiling fury swelled inside of her heart, and the mental pain was suddenly too much to bear.

    It was almost as painful as a physical pain, or maybe even more. When one’s separated from a person who was so involved in one’s life, it would feel quite impossible to imagine life without them. One would feel as a fish—that had been living surrounded by water for its whole life, to be suddenly drained of all its water and life.

    She screamed and fell to the ground, tears covering her desperate face. After tat emotional burst, she looked up at the sky with relief. That was what she needed, she just needs to shout her lungs out for a minute and free the clouding thoughts in her brain. And now, all that’s left was a thought, a small painful and meaningful memory. A song.

    A wonderful, beautiful, and horrible song. Mei didn’t even know what the song was supposed to mean to her at this point. Each word were filled with happy memories before, but now it was just filled with despair.

    It’s a lonely world out there

    Just you and me

    Against the city

    Oh, will we ever find what we’re searching for?

    In this lonely world, out there

    When the world is drained of all mercy

    And you feel like you’re all alone

    Just remember,

    That I will be there

    For you...

    Mei looked up at the sky once more, it looked like it was going to rain. There was a large abundance of clouds in the sky, coloring it a deep gray. It was somewhat ironic that Mei had managed to remember some of the lyrics to the song when the person who made it had just died. Though, she has a deep feeling in her heart that the song wasn’t over just yet. Knowing Ivory, there must be more to it.

    And knowing that fact made Mei felt worse about her death. Not only would she most likely never remember the rest of the lyrics, but even if she did, it would be far too late. And another thing that made things worse is the song itself.

    When the world is drained of all mercy

    And you feel like you’re all alone

    Just remember,

    That I will be there

    For you...

    Mei recited those verse over and over again in her mind, ironically still not knowing the tone of the verse. But what’s more ironic is the words that formed the verse itself. The words were simple, but it had always had a lot of meaning to their relationship. And the meaning had only increased over time, especially today, at this exact moment.

    Just remember,

    That I will be there

    For you...

    Where is Ivory now? She’s with death, that’s where she is. Mei had always thought that she would die before Ivory, but apparently, the universe had other plans. Looking back at when the song was first sung to her, it felt as if Ivory had promised it. It felt as if Ivory had promised that she’ll be there for Mei until the very end. She knew that it was never Ivory’s fault that the accident happened, but she almost felt as if she was betrayed—as she had been lied to.

    But after thinking about it a bit more, she felt as if she was the guilty one. Because the song was never meant exclusively for her, it was meant for the both of them. She should’ve been with Ivory as she died, and vice versa. But she wasn’t. She just sat outside the room where it happens and waited, like the coward that she is.

    She should’ve insisted, she should’ve pushed her odds so that she could at least see her best friend for the last time. But she didn’t. Why hadn’t she thought of it then? Why hadn’t she decided to stand up like Ivory always had? Why did she just nod in approval when the doctors tried to keep her away from Ivy? Why was she such an i***t for letting it all happen? But nevertheless, the answers didn’t matter. It’s a million years too late to matter.

    Mei let out a deep sigh and looked back at her two best friends, looks like they noticed her sneaking away, given the fact that she just screamed as loud as a megaphone just a few minutes earlier. Still, it was kind of them to give her some space.

    “It’s time to go home.”

    Meanwhile, at home, Ivory’s mother grabbed herself some wine. She was going to grab two glass cups like the usual, but then she remembers—so, she wearily puts the second glass on the counter, hoping Ivy would somehow pick it up to have her last drink with her insufferable mother. And she sighed, then looked around her surroundings, trying to somewhat ground herself to this new reality that she’s in. The house felt so big, yet empty. The house felt like a void, sucking every single drop happiness out of anyone that comes near it. The house felt so big, and she felt so small.

    The house seemed empty, and something or more accurately someone felt missing. And for the first time in forever, Anna felt grief and sorrow. What would you call a mother who has lost her child? When her husband had died, she would call herself a widow, but what was her title now? She was the mother of a beautiful daughter. Mother, that’s what she had called herself. That’s the title she, and the people around her had learned to live with.

    That’s how she defined herself for years. But now, what was she now? Without Ivory or her beloved husband, who was she now? Who would she be in the future when the chronic and utterly unbearable pain that now rips and tears at her, and as every waking minute fades into a lifelong torture she was now defeated.

    What do you call yourself when you lose a child? How do you name something you cannot even begin to comprehend? A disgrace. That’s what Anna had decided to label herself. She’s a disgrace. An utter and complete disgrace of a woman.

    “How could I let this happen?”

    “To my husband, to her daughter!”

    “To the very people, I swore on my life to be there for.”

    “I didn’t even get to see either of them die!”

    “What is wrong with me?”

    All these toxic thoughts filled her drunken mind like a broken cassette. It just kept repeating in her mind, repeatedly—as she pours herself another glass of red wine, her dry tears had begun to pour once more. She would cry for help, but nobody would come. There was no one there to hear her pleas, her cry, her agony. Nobody was there, and the world felt empty.

    Back at her room, Mei does the only thing she does best. She writes. She writes because there’s nothing else left to do because there’s nothing else to expect for tomorrow because there’s no more motivation left to keep her going, because of the light of her life, her best friend was now gone.

    She could never believe it even if she tried. She dead, completely and utterly dead. It was too surreal, it felt as if it was a very twisted nightmare. It couldn’t be real, it shouldn’t be real. How was it real to begin with? It felt like she was in an alternate universe, it felt like she was a glitch. Her mind numb, racing in circles, unable to make sense of what was happening...was this real...it couldn't be real, wake up, wake up...

    Hopelessly, she pondered upon these afflictions, only reaffirming the reality that she now wanders. Any hope for relief is thwarted by the agony and sadness that haunts her like a death itself.

    What should she do now? What could she do now? She was alone, or at least she thought she was at the moment. She would always go to Ivory for advice, comfort, or closure. But she’s not here anymore, and there was no one left. And that thought drove her nuts. She started having violent arguments with herself.

    “But what about Violet and Olive?”

    “They both need some time for themselves, I’ll just be a bother to them.”

    “What about Anna?”

    “She’s still grieving for her daughter, as I am about my best friend. We don’t want to see each other at the moment.”

    “What about your father?”

    “He doesn’t know how to comfort me, he’ll make things worse.”

    “What about Ivory?”

    She paused her thoughts for a brief second, and then she laughs. It had become her first instinct to call out to Ivory for help, that she couldn’t help but think of it now. Even when she knows Ivory will never be answering her calls ever again.

    No more advice.

    No more pillow talks.

    No more inside jokes.

    No more new memories.

    There’s nothing left.

    Nothing...

    Nothing...

    Nothing.

    It’s all over, and there’s nothing Mei could do to stop it.

    She cursed her mind countless times for calling out to Ivory, but it only made her think of her deceased friend even more. All she wanted now is for her mind to stop screaming at her. So she forcefully stopped her mind from talking. She just stopped thinking altogether and started writing as if her life had depended on it.

    And thus, for the last two hours, she had been writing over fifty pages worth of all kinds of writing. Stories poems, songs, last wills…Everything she could think of. She just wanted all the noise in her head to stop, so she tried to place them in words. “At least it worked.” She mumbles to herself as she pressed more keys on her laptop, making more words come up on the screen.

    Words turn to sentences, sentences turned to paragraphs, and paragraphs turned to pages—and as the night went on, her father patiently waited outside her door. Reading a book to himself, as he guards Mei’s uneaten dinner.

    He would come into her room and attempt to comfort her, but he knows that all Mei wants right now is silence. So he decided that it would be best to just sit quietly and wait for her to come out at her own time.

    Violet took a very violent take on coping with her loss. As expected.

    She tore her room apart. Her bed was a mess, papers that were supposed to be proposing letters to potential colleges had been torn apart, her desk had been torn apart, and her clothes had been scattered everywhere.

    She’s furious and frustrated, yet in so much grief and sorrow that she couldn’t even think clearly. Hot tears began to seep through her angry face, making her true emotion more apparent. Her normally calm and pleasant demeanor had drastically changed and her face felt hot from all her frustration. 

    Her nostrils flaring, her eyes flashing and closing into slits, her mouth quivering and drooling, slurring words that were unintelligible came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent-up emotions into the void, knowing that no one was in the house to hear her—as her parents had gone away for a trip (second honeymoon Violet assumed), leaving her to her own devices.

    Her hands closed into fists and she crouched forward, replaying all the memories that had torn her heart into fragments, that had dashed all her expectations of “happy ever after”. She had never felt so helpless in her life.

    Then she let go with multiple punches to the wall that made her knuckles go red and bleed at what seemed like the speed of light. And as her body made contact once more with the wall, she slid to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

    “It’s pointless you idiot.” She told herself. “She’s gone.”

    She sat in the corner of her room and cried herself to sleep.

    And as everyone had their own ways of coping, Olive was left in her house (though others would call it a mansion) dealing with her own problems. Not even given the time to cope.

    “Where have you been?” Her mother asked though it had seemed to be more of a statement than a question judging by the tone of her voice.

    “What are we supposed to do when you’re missing huh?” Her father soon followed, anger apparent in his face. Olive wonders if he even realized that his daughter was crying when she got home.

    “We’ve paid a great deal to raise you, so don’t you dare go off on your own!” Her mother’s voice blared through the room like fire, suffocating Olive in the process.

    “Mom-” Olive started, not even getting to finish her sentence.

    “Don’t you dare talk back to your mother!” Her father cut off, screaming.

    “I pay everything you have in your life and this is how you treat me?” Her mother shot at her. In one way, she’s right. “I’ve paid for you to go to France with us! In this is how you treat your parents?” Her mother added.

    “Or maybe you would like to stay here, with where the slums are.” Her father added, sarcasm in his voice.

    “Mom…Dad.” Olive muttered weakly. “My friend just died, could you just-” She was cut off again.

    “Do we look like we care?”

    That last sentence shot deep in Olive’s heart. It felt like a dagger slashing right through her heart, leaving her a bleeding and crying mess. And much like all wounds her parents had landed on her, it will scar.