Diary of Ivory Black

Chapter 4: The Funeral, The Book, and The Sister

    30th of June: Funeral day.

     After two whole weeks of pushing aside the medical bills, and asking other family members and relatives for loans (which for the most part, was Olive begging for her parents to help), the funeral had finally commenced.

    The world felt like it had been drained of all its color. But at least most people that were invited managed to come. Everyone, including Ivory’s three best friends. They moved almost six miles across the town to get to the funeral, and even though they know how painful it would be for them, they had decided to visit. Sadly, that effort doesn’t change the fact that today’s the day of Ivory’s Funeral.

    Minutes later a hearse and three limos arrived at the location. And Olive’s family had filed into the vehicles while the drivers loaded the hearse with the numerous roses. Ivory loved roses—they were red, Ivy used to love anything blood-red.

    It looked like all the invited families and relatives had arrived at the funeral location where the service would take place. The atmosphere not only looked gloomy but felt gloomy, even for the usually optimistic Olive.

    Everywhere she looked there were no smiles—it reminded her of her tenth birthday when her parents decided to deem her “mature enough for the real world”. It was very depressing. “I hate this, why did she have to die?” Olive thought momentarily before she took her seat at the front. She sat quietly as everyone bid their farewells to her best friend.

    Even the seats weren’t very comfortable. Mei had to re-position her dress a few times before she could sit properly. And to top it all off, the chairs were Ivory’s favorite color: red. A blood-stained red.

    But no matter what color anything is, she hated it. She hated funerals, she hated cemeteries, and she absolutely hated burials. She f*****g hated it. It almost felt as a mockery of the deceased in her eyes, the way they open up the body and put it back together...Just so they could have an open casket. Dressing up the dead will never make them more lively in Mei’s eyes.

    But objectively, what was there to sincerely complain about? It was a sunny day, with birds chirping and flowers blooming. Her mother would have given anything to see this day. Then again, she left the family right after Mei was born, so she wouldn’t truly know.

    Besides all those ugly circumstances. Violet’s church friends, former high school classmates and cousins had come to the funeral, (un-invited) making the air a little too stuffy for Violet’s taste. Violet was popular in a peculiar way. For reasons, she’d never understood.

    The second she tuned out the chattering and noise, Violet noticed something right in front of her. What she came here to see, the casket. Good grief it was an open casket. Apparently, she would be able to see her best friend for the last time. Something she would never have wanted to do, considering they were very close. And because these types of things, they would tear her heart apart. In the most agonizing way possible.

    On each side of the casket sat two large candles. Both were, of course, red in color. Above the casket were the roses brought from the house, brought by Anna herself. And in the background, a song was faintly playing, was a very familiar song Ivory used to listen to every Wednesday. Violet hated that song. On her birthday, Ivy happened to always sing it for her, and, the worst and the best memory came with it.

    Violet had invited her close friends to attend his birthday party, all three of them. Including Ivy, who on that day had (jokingly, Violet assumed) promised that she would always be there for her. Violet, being a young girl that she was, felt so happy to have someone she could truly trust to come see her on her birthday, especially because she never had anyone to look up to until that day.

    Though things in the present had changed the meaning of that day. Ever since that sad, yet happy day, Violet was never able to forgive Ivory. Though, subconsciously, she already forgave her.

    Mei decided that she would not go to see Ivory for one last time. She didn’t want to break down in front of all these people. Her attachment for Ivory was very well known. Some people even thought they were planning a group suicide at first. Mei found it funny how far people’s imagination would go to make gossips.

    The casket was finally closed, and the pallbearers carried it on their shoulder to the hearse. Friends and family followed. Mei and her three remaining friends reluctantly joined them.

    As the casket lowered into the ground, many tears were shed. Violet even had a tear shed, but it honestly wasn’t sadness. It was anger. Violet had believed Ivory would die with her, or at least after her.

    It tore her heart apart for her to see Ivory a casket. It wrecked her entire soul to see Ivory’s body slowly buried, right in front of her. For Violet to have the mental force attend this funeral was a miracle in and of itself. Truly, she wanted closure but she’d never admitted that to herself.

    There are moments that no words could reach.

    There is suffering...Too terrible to name.

    Anna held her daughter as tight as she could, silently hoping Ivory’s warmth could come back. Though she knows that it was very much useless.

    She glanced back to her daughters face for the last time. Taking note of every single inch of her beautiful feature. Knowing it would be the last time she’d truly witness them.

    She found herself mumbling things. Confessions and regrets, long after due.

    She finally looked back to the crowd of friends and relatives, waiting for her to present her speech.

    She took a deep breath and held back her tears.

    “It is with great sadness that I stand in front of you all today delivering this eulogy for my daughter, Ivory Black...”

    Mei, Violet, Olive, and Anna happened to be the last to stay. Why? Anyone would be a dunce to not know why.

    “Hey Anna, are you coming to the lunch?” A man’s voice suddenly imparted, more accurately, Mr. White. And by the looks of it, he got the memo that Anna does not want to be called by her usual name anymore—which saves up a lot of frustration for her.

    Anna looked up to see who it was and immediately responded, as her foot kicked the ground out of habit. “No, I’ll eat later. Besides, I have these three girls to look after.” She replied, in the most cheerful tone she could possibly manage.

    The three teenagers looked up at her in surprise, they were surprised that she knew that they wouldn’t join the group lunch, and just go to a café or diner instead.

    “Well, take good care of Mei for me okay. I’ll be off packing dinner for her, feel free to call me if anything happens.” Mei’s father replied, in a similar cheerful tone.

    “Honestly. Why are you even here?” Anna responded bitterly. “Why did you even show your face around here, you barely know her,” She blurted out, having no idea what his response would be. She noticed that she had somehow stepped over the line, she was about to apologize right before Mei’s fathered replied once more.

    “I may not know her, but my daughter does. And that’s all it takes for me to care about someone. Because of anyone my little kitty cat cares about is worth caring about.” He replied with a smile, which suddenly reminding Anna of Ivory.

    The person in question, namely Mei, finally spoke up to them. “Look, I think anyone and everyone is worth caring about.” She sighed, “No matter who or what they are.”

    “That’s true,” Both Olive and Violet verified, their smile finally coming back to their face.

    “Come on girls, let’s get some milkshakes. My treat!” Anna piped up, her face finally gaining some positive color—even if it’s just for a moment.

    “Wait, really?” The three girls responded in surprise. Because they both know that she has very little money as of now, what with the funeral and all.

    “Only if you beat me to Olive’s car!” She challenged, her voice sincere by the tone of it as she started dashing towards Olive’s car.

    All three females rushed after her, as Mei’s father calmly strolled back to his own car.

    Plastering a soft smile onto his face.

    “Um, Mrs. Black?” Mei spoke up, gaining the attention of Anna and the other two females on the table.

    “Please just call me Anna.” She replied, her tone was calm and sweet, and her soft smile was still plastered on her face.

    “You’re so cheerful all of the sudden, why is that?” She asked, uncertain of her reaction.

    But she had to know, she had to know why a mother would be so cheerful after just having lost her daughter. Another thing she wanted to ask about was why would she treat three teenagers to milkshakes and most likely lunch, after having to beg for money to other family members for funeral money.

    Anna’s smile faded away, and her tone became serious. “I’m not cheerful Mei. I just wanted so that things would move on quickly and go back to normal, I just wanted things to go back to normal again.” She admitted, with sadness and sorrow reflecting in her eyes. She suddenly remembered that she haven’t reported her daughter’s death to her college, she winced at the thought.

    “So, you’re just pretending to be happy?” Violet questioned, now finally speaking up what’s inside her mind.

    “Yes, and no,” Anna replied calmly, as the milkshakes arrived. The waiter seemed to get the signal that they don’t want to be bothered and moved out of the scene as quickly as he arrived.

    “What do you mean by that?” Olive questioned, confusion not as apparent on her face as she was now getting distracted by her vanilla milkshake. Whatever is watching over them now must know, that she does miss going outside—and even the taste of a professionally made milk shake isn’t going to replace the classic diner made a vanilla milkshake.

    As another waiter came with food, and slowly but surely left the scene. Anna and the three friends continued their talk about Ivory’s death, and most importantly how to cope with it. The night that was the main reason for the three best friends to talk to Anna about this, and they’ve meant to do that for almost weeks now. Mostly because they don’t know how to cope with loss, and they need advice from someone who had coped with loss before.

    At the dinner, Anna had confessed everything she knows, and everything she’s been doing to cope. A long, overdue confession that could potentially (hopefully) rekindle their relationship. Because they all knew that, those three people had blamed her for the accident for the longest time. But that grudge had somewhat gone away now, thankfully.

    “So, by pretending that you’re happy, you think that you’ll be happy quicker?” Mei retorted, trying to summarize Anna’s advice—all the while she's drinking more of her strawberry milkshake, which she deemed too sweet for her taste.

    “Well, a wise man once preached: If you’re not happy with yourself, then pretend that you are.” Anna retorted as she starts drinking her caramel milkshake. “Too much sugar.” She thought to herself, as she sips even more of the sugary liquid.

    “That’s a terrible advice,” Violet commented, more in a joking manner than anything else.

    “Well, don’t ask me. I think it’s been scientifically proven.” Anna replied as she starts eating her fish and chips.

    Which for some reason had no taste in her mouth, either it was bland or her body doesn’t want to eat as of now. But since she still should eat, she eats the bland fish and chips, in utter agony. The others seemed to realize, and they giggle at her action in amusement.

    “I remember something similar about that!” Mei spoke up. “Recent studies had shown that when you smile, even if it’s a fake one, it helps you feel happier.”

    “Yep, my theory exactly. It’s bound to work in some way or another, that’s for sure. And feel free to try it on yourself, just don’t push it to the limit.” Anna replied as she sips more of her milkshake.

     “But, wait a second. How does that even help?” Olive piped up, still a bit confused.

    “Well, if one’s nothing, one feels nothing.” Violet retorted, reciting a quote Ivy had stated some time ago. A lifetime ago it seemed.

    “Maybe, but that’s a topic to discuss for another day,” Anna replied.

    “When exactly?” Violet asked.

    “I don’t know, probably when you girls are older,” Anna replied, chuckling at Violet’s question.

    “We’re about to go to college,” Mei responded.

    “It’s a very deep and complicated topic. Very thought provoking, and we would be here all day if I decided to talk about this.” Anna explained with a grin, knowing full well where this conversation would end up.

    “We smart enough.” Olive shot back in protest, unaware of the mistake in the sentence she just created. Making the rest of the table chuckle until she realizes.

    “You know, we should do this more often,” Violet remarked while taking another bit of her (very) salty onion ring.

    “We should,” Anna added. “Or more accurately you girls should. I have a lot of work to catch up if I want to pay my medical bills.” And with that, the four of them had been grounded back to reality.

    The reality that this isn’t over yet, in fact, it had just begun. The fact that money isn’t an easy object to gain in this country. And the fact that no matter what, you can’t turn back time, and Ivory was still dead.

    “Geez, you just had to say that, didn’t you?” Violet retorted, her sarcasm becoming more apparent by the second as the rest of the group ducked their heads down.

    “I’m not saying that Violet, but let’s face it. I need to work, and I can’t always be here for the three of you. And I’m not here to replace Ivy either.” Anna added.

    Violet hitched at the mention of Ivory’s name. Her nickname none the less. The nickname that she, Olive, and Mei had given Ivory. A nickname that was special, and cannot be used by other, until today. And that on its own was already pissing her off, not to mention the fact that Anna had considered the idea of replacing Ivy.

    “Then maybe, just maybe I could pay off my medical bills. I do have my sister with me for the rest of the year, to help me get back on my feet. But also, you should consider this. You should seek your own help, and maybe talk to your parents for once.”

    Violet knows what she means by that. Because she and her parents never got along that well. In fact, if they’re ever in the same room, all they’ll ever do was fight and shout at each other. And this also applies to Olive, but for different reasons. She too must find a way to voice her opinion to her neglectful parents.

    “Just remember, Vi, things aren’t always what they seem at first glance. Sometimes, you got to look closer. And we all have our own ways of doing things.” Anna finished.

    Mei glanced at the floor, then looked back at her. “And you? How have you been doing? You know, with coping.”

    Anna sighed. “Not well.”

    “Define “Not well”. Is it bad, or horrible?” Mei asked in a low tone.

    “Well, at least I’m seeking help,” Anna prattled nonchalantly, not knowing the meaning of those sentence to the three eager young females sitting near her.

    None of them had sought help. They all decided to shut themselves from the rest of the world, even from each other. They’ve been locking themselves in their room and doing anything to distract them from reality. Writing, singing, crying, cutting, tearing down their own wallpaper into shreds…All the necessary means.

    And for a few days, Anna did the same thing. Drinking and crying herself to sleep until she realized that Ivory wouldn’t want to look down from heaven and see her mother a drunken mess. So, she just…stopped. And she tried to pick herself up and go up from where she was, and that’s what had led to the “fake smile” theory.

    “Well, I’ll be off now.” Anna finally announced after a long amount of silence. “I’ll try to clean up Ivy’s room today. Hopefully, I won’t cry too much.” She retorted, her smile still plastered on her face. None of them could tell if it was fake or real, not even Anna herself.

    And with those final words, Anna White, the woman who carried a heavy heart for years to come against death and love, was now walking with her head up. She’s now slowly realizing that the mother of Ivory Black wasn’t a low life—she was never a disgrace. And it was something she had every reason to be proud of.

    And as she walked away from the dinner, leaving some cash on the table, they all appear to have had the same thing in mind. Number one, Olive’s going to have to drive her to her house, because she doesn’t have a car anymore. And Olive’s car was the nearest one to go to. 

    Number two, they’re going to help her clean Ivy’s room. Because they all knew that there was no way that Anna could do it on her own, and also because they all miss hanging out in Ivy’s room.

    The sun stared at the world without pause through the crystal-clear sky. As the fragile ornamental plants started wither under the glare of the fiery orb while the trees sagged as if it was exhausted from the heat. The heat radiating from the streets soon created an atmosphere of an oven. It was absolutely boiling that the concrete outside might’ve been able to cook an egg then, but that was clearly impossible considering where they live.

    Many people sought comfort from the heat by eating ice cream or drinking chilled beverages—which as of now, Mei, Violet, and Olive could not do, as they are currently sorting out Ivory’s things. As time continues, sweat rolled off their foreheads like liquid beads, darkening their clothing—as they sort out different items to four individual boxes: Keep, sell, donate, and discard.

    And as they were helping Anna sort all of Ivory’s things, they decided that they should keep a thing or two for themselves as memorabilia. Which was fine to Anna, because they were Ivy’s friends.

    For Mei, she kept all of Ivory’s scripts and writings. Movie scripts, play scripts, musicals...There are literally thousands of them. But the numbers didn’t matter to Mei, because to her, they are Ivory’s legacy to the world. Unfinished, untouched, unread. Who knows, maybe one day Mei would finish them. Both Ivy and Mei had always had a habit of writing (Ivory taking the hobby a little further than Mei, however), and they had bonded over that when they first met.

    On other thing was Ivory’s necklace. Anna stated that Ivory had always meant to give this to her, though never finding the right time to give it to her. The pendant was of a small silver key (presumably aluminum) with Ivory’s signature on it. They had no idea of what it would open, though Mei presumed that it was just a random key.

    As for Violet, it’s Ivory’s old guitar bass. She always loved how the color looked on the bass and the way the shiny surface reflected light. She loved the sound of it, and the way the strings vibrated. Though she doesn’t know how to play it, she used to love when Ivory plays it. She made a mental note to learn how to play it one day when she’s ready.

    And as for Olive, it was Ivory’s French dictionary. Ivory used to teach her French because her parents wanted her to resume her education and live with them in France. But her parents refused to teach her the language, so she went to Ivory for help. Ivory is the reason why Olive was able to resume her education because if she didn’t go to France, she won’t go anywhere. It was quite odd at first, having someone from another ethnicity help her learn her own mother tongue. But in the end, it doesn’t really matter as long as she’s able to learn.

    And Anna also had an item to keep. Which is a photo album Ivory had made for her mother’s upcoming birthday, which sadly, she did not get to see?

    And as they were working, Anna heard her door bell rang. Assuming the person at the door was the person Anna was expecting, Anna lazily went down stairs and opened her front door—to be greeted by the very person she was expecting. Adriane Black, her sister.

    Everyone in their family knows that Anna and Adriane were never on good terms. Hence Anna’s reaction to seeing her sister. Still, it still surprises Anna that her sister was willing to help her through her tough times. But then again, Ivory had always been somewhat close to Adriane (undoubtedly unapproved by Anna), so that may have been the cause of Adriane’s sudden sympathy towards Anna.

    And by help, Adriane’s donating almost half of the cost of Anna’s medical bill, and had also taken up the spot of a lawyer for Anna’s accident. Which isn’t surprising to Anna, because she had heard a few months ago that Adriane was running out of jobs, so this mine as well as an advantage to her.

    “Greetings, sister.”

    “Afternoon, sister.”

    The word “sister” rolled over their mouths like poison, as Anna stepped aside from the front door to make way for her sister.

    “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Adriane retorted, despite the words, they both know that it was an insult.

    “Thanks for the pity,” Anna hissed bitterly.

    They both turned their attention to the sound of Mei, Violet, and Olive talking from upstairs, and they both simultaneously went upstairs to meet them.

    “Nice house,” Adriane commented, her words laced thoroughly with sarcasm—as they climbed upstairs to Ivory’s room.

    “Thanks,” Anna responded, not even bothering to look at her sister’s face as they talk.

    And as they throw insults at each other, the background noise of the three other girls in the house had become louder. And as they approached the door to Ivory’s room, they both looked to each other, signaling to each other that they don’t want to reveal their true relationship to the three girls their about to see. Which was acceptable, because they both know that those three girls don't deserve to get dragged into their fight.

    So, once they opened the door that leads to Ivy’s room, they had managed to slap on their best fake smile. Though, it’s easy to do something like that, when you’ve done it so often.

    The three girls silenced themselves and turned their attention to both Ann and Adriane. And as soon as they did, Anna made the first move.

    “Hello girls, I want you all to meet Miss Adriane Black,” Anna announced cheerfully, though Adriane could see right through her demeanor.

    “Black?” Mei questioned.

    “My sister!” Anna anwered with the same cheerful tone as before.

    “Pleased to meet you all.” Adriane joined in as if she was on que.

    After the introduction was out of the way, the three girls went back to work. As they chat with each other and the two women watching them. And both Anna and Adriane played along with their roles.

    Though Adriane took it one step further by testing out her limits and throwing subtle hints that she hates Anna (i.e. insults) Subtle enough to surpass the radars of the other three girls with them, but harsh enough for her sister to take notice of it.

    And after about three hours of cleaning and sorting things out, it’s finally noon, which was the designated time for the three girls to go home. Anna and the girls had gone downstairs to the front door so that Mei’s father could pick them up and send them back to their own respectful residences. Adriane had gone to the kitchen to fix some dinner for her and her sister. (Anna secretly prays that Adriane wouldn’t be cruel enough to poison her)

    Once Anna’s at the door, Mr. White had been already waiting for them by the porch. But ironically, they had realized that Mei, his daughter, had never gone downstairs.

    “Mei, come down stairs! your father’s here!” Anna shouted. Which was acceptable, considering the fact that they were both on different floor levels.

    “Hold on! I dropped like, half of the movie scripts!” She shouted back, which only comes as muffled noise to Anna. Mei straightened her glasses and wiped the sweat off her brows, her black and laced covered mourning dress isn’t really helping her condition at the moment.

    Adriane decided that it would be best for her to come upstairs and check on Mei. And as she did so, Mei was scrambling on her feet to gather all the fallen papers. Some of the papers even went under Ivy’s bed, which prompted her to duck down to pick it up.

    As she gathered the papers underneath the bed, she noticed something underneath the bed. It was an old tin box with a small keyhole on it. Mei instinctively opened the box with the key Ivory’s mother had given her, revealing what was inside of it. It was a blood-red colored book, seemingly old yet holding up quite well.

    She picked it up and examined it. “A book?” She mumbled to herself. Ivy was never one to keep diaries, not to mention that it was thicker than an average diary. So by default, this had raised a bit of suspicion in Mei’s mind.

    The cover leather, faux leather Mei presumed. It was red, blood-red. But why wouldn’t it be? Everyone knows that it's Ivy’s favorite color. But as of now, it raises an icky feeling on Mei’s nerves. She turned the book around to its front as she realizes that she had been holding it backward, on the front, there was a huge number three in the middle of the cover, embossed in matte black.

    “Three? Does this mean that there’s more?” Mei thought to herself, as she shoved the mysterious book in the middle of the script papers she’s gathered.

    And as she does so, Adriane had already arrived at the door, which happens to be open at the time. Granted, she didn’t see the book that Mei had smuggled—but she had some sort of suspicious feeling towards Mei, though she brushed it off for now as she helps Mei carry Ivory’s scripts downstairs.

    And her suspicion had grown once they had reached the bottom of the stairs, and she caught a glimpse of red in the middle of the white papers.

    “Hey Mei, what’s that red thing under the papers?” Adriane piped up while pointing at the object with her free hand.

    “Oh, it's one of Ivory’s agendas.” Mei lied, quite expertly at that. But it was a potential lie, as both Mei and Adriane never had the knowledge of what’s inside the book.

    “Oh, can I see it sometime? I’ve always wondered what Ivory’s always been writing.” Adriane asked.

    “Maybe someday,” Mei replied with her signature poker face glued onto her face, as she put the papers she was holding on the trunk of the car, Adriane soon followed her action.

    As soon as the group bid their farewells and drove away, both Anna and Adriane simultaneously dropped their “happy-go-lucky” face and went back to their default “f**k you” face.

    They both glanced at each other and went back inside the house, and to the dinner table. They sat and ate quietly, but the quiet and somewhat normal atmosphere quickly decimated as Adriane start beckoning and taunting Anna. And as they both know, that action always results into arguing. (or more accurately, fighting)

    “So, how’s the family’s favorite daughter doing?” Adriane started.

    “Adriane please, not today.” Anna pleaded as the grip on her cutlery becomes tighter.

    “What? Oh, sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving me.” Adriane shot back, as she points her dagger towards Anna. Anna found the action (and the taunts) to be very childish, which was always the case when it comes to Adriane: Childish.

    “You do realize that I’m only here for Ivory right?” Adriane pointed out.

    “I did what I had to do to pursue my dreams,” Anna stated in a low tone.

    “Oh! So that means career over family, huh? I wonder where that landed you?” Adriane shot back, raising her voice as if Anna couldn’t have heard her already.

    “No, it means I have to sacrifice what I must so I can have the life I want to live,” Anna replied with all the patience she has.

    “I didn’t leave the family, Ane. I left the house so I could go to college.” Anna added, this time using Adriane’s nickname, hoping that it would somehow soften her heart.

    “Yeah you left the house, but you never came back now did you?” Adriane stated as a matter of factly, as she sips some of the red wine from her glass—which had been poured from the bottle of Anna’s collection.

    Anna wonders how Adriane could possibly retrieve that from her wine (usually locked) cabinet, but she brushed off that thought from her mind as she focused it back to what Adriane was saying.

    “And since mom was too greedy of losing another child, I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere.” At this point, Adriane was almost fully shouting, as she hits her dagger on her porcelain plate.

    “You exchanged your dreams for mine!” She finally shouted.

    Anna didn’t say a word as Adriane continued because she knows that it would result in the worst result possible. “I could’ve been a judge, but no you just had to leave before me!” Adriane continued.

    Anna was almost out of patience. “My decisions were not the cause of your failure.” She retorted as she drops her spoon and fork onto her plate. She emphasized the word failure more than others, knowing full well that it would strike Adriane’s softest spots.

    Adriane was taken aback by the sentence, she paused for a brief second before she continued to speak. “Failure, huh? Name one thing you’ve accomplished by leaving us.” She retorted.

    Anna scoffed at the sentence. “Do you really want me to list all of the things that I’ve accomplished without you?”

    “Well, are you happy?” Adriane question, almost as an insult to Anna’s current grief.

    “What the f**k kind of question is that?” Anna thought to herself, but she remained silent to Adriane’s taunts.

    “The show was long done, Anna. Wake up! We’re running out of time!” Adriane stood up from her chair, Anna jolts at the sudden movement but imitates her sister’s action none the less.

    “Hope you had fun, with that husband and child of yours!” Adriane shouted, but Anna didn’t listen.

    She was too caught up in the previous question, “Am I happy?” She thought to herself as she glanced at the floor, then looked back up to her sister. But either way, it didn’t matter, whether she was happy or not. At least she was still alive, and that’s all that matters.

    Adriane noticed as she did so. And she took advantage of that weakness as soon as it appeared. “Without me, you’ll be on your own. So I hope you're proud of your big decision!” Adriane emphasized the word happy, knowing full well what that word does now.

    Anna snapped for a second, and she regretted it. “Well f**k you! I really want to be happy, but it doesn’t help that everything’s gone to s**t! So what the hell are you here for? Are you happy?” She shot back, reversing the question to Adriane, which she did not expect herself to do. But, at least it worked on shutting her sister’s mouth for a few seconds.

    “You little...” Adriane never finished her sentence, she started pulling on her scalp and Anna turned her gaze away, regretting what they did to each other. But what’s done is done, Adriane was now on the brink of snapping.

    “I really wanted to be happy, and I thought that I could achieve it if it wasn’t for you. Your actions and your stupidity had made me...” Adriane silenced herself before she could finish her sentence, but they both know that the last word was “fall”.

    Adriane pulled once more on her scalp, and her brown and blonde highlighted hair had started to fall off, one strand after another.

    “So, are you happy!?” The sisters shouted to each other, almost simultaneously.

    “You’re everything you hated! Are you happy now!? Are you satisfied!?” Adriane shouted while stomping her foot.

    “Well, you’re everything everyone hates! So I hope you’re happy!” Anna shouted back as she pointed her sister, taunting and fueling her sister’s anger even more.

    “You’ve never accomplished anything in your life so, are you happy?” Adriane shot back as she bangs her hand on the dinner table, shaking the objects placed on it.

    “Well at least I have people who cared about me so, are you happy?” Anna retorted, softly this time. As tears started streaming down her face. Adriane looked at her, as tears started streaming down from her own face.

    “I wished you had died with your insufferable child!” Adriane shouted at her sister, and that was the last straw for Anna.

    “I wished my family never adopted you.” Anna shot back, and that was the last straw for Adriane.

    After their “little” dispute, they didn’t talk to each other. They just went straight to bed, Anna in the master bedroom and Adriane in the guest room. They were to mentally exhaust to even clean up the dishes. So they left it where it was to clean up tomorrow, food half eaten and both of their wine glass was empty. They didn’t even bother to change from their mourning gowns to their pajamas, their skin felt sticky underneath the garment. But they didn’t care, they just wanted to sleep. And as they part ways to their own rooms, they glanced back at each other.

    “Good night, sister.”

    “Sleep tight, sister.”

    They always treated the word “sister” as an insult, and tonight was no different for them. The word rolled over their tongues like poison from the fangs of a snake, as they part ways into their own room. And as they drifted into a dreamless slumber, they cursed at each other’s names.

    But in Anna’s mind, there was one other thing that comes into her mind. “Ivory. Was she happy?”

    Meanwhile, in another residence, Mei had been sorting out Ivory’s thousands of pages of writing. Play scripts, screen writes, theater scripts, songs, and poems (mostly directed towards Mei, Olive, and Violet) were scattered across Mei’s bedroom floor. There were so many of them, that even Mei begins to feel overwhelmed. But then, Mei wonders whether Ivory has more of her writing on her old computer, she would have to check on that tomorrow.

    But Mei didn’t pay much attention to quantity, she paid attention to sorting them out and archiving them. She would use folders, but then she realized half way that the folders wouldn’t have been able to hold everything. So, she decided that it was best to use cardboard boxes.

    There were three categories: Theatrics, movies/screenplays, and random poems & songs. She sorts them out by pages first, which page belonged to which story, and where does the story fit in. She then clipped them and sorted them out to their respectful categories in alphabetical order.

    And sorting the papers wasn’t hard to part, far from it, she rather enjoys categorizing objects. No, the hardest part was seeing little pieces of Ivory in each page she holds. Each page contained little fragments of Ivory’s brilliant mind and heart. That was no doubt, the hard part. She straightened her glasses for the one-hundredth time tonight, though it can’t be helped considering her head was constantly pointing downwards to read the papers.

    And of course, as she was busy in her own room, not even bothering to shower or change from her mourning dress. Her father was patiently waiting outside with her meal, it’s become a habit nowadays. After about two hours of sorting papers while crying in silence, Mei decided that it was best to take a break for a while.

    She got up from the floor, wiped her tears away, and plopped herself on her comfy bed. She was going to open her phone and check for messages, like the usual—but then she remembers about the book. That red book hasn’t crossed her mind since she got home, (which was most likely for the best) but once it did, she couldn’t get the thought out of her head.

    She slowly put her phone back down and glanced at the mysterious red book, which had been on her nightstand the whole night, untouched. After about a minute debating whether she should leave the book or read it, Mei had decided the latter of the two. She grabbed the book and she turned it to the front end, hoping to see some sort of message written on it. Maybe something like, “If found, return to Ivory Black.” Or maybe something more of Ivy’s style such as, “If found: Do not return it, just burn it and don’t tell anyone.”

    But nothing, there was nothing to prove that the book she’s currently holding was Ivory’s diary. Which was quite odd and somehow frustrating, considering Ivory always puts her name on everything she ever writes. Mei sighed heavily and open the mysterious book to the first page, hoping that she had truly found something that was Ivy’s—and not from someone else in her family. (Anna, per say)

     Log 3. 1

    Most of the time I'm fine with being weird. Yep, I’m can’t believe I’m gonna rant about this...But bear with me, who ever are reading this.

    Everyone knows that I’ve always been “weird”. I've never really fitted in anywhere, (I do have friends of course) and I never felt like putting on a mask just in order to fit in. Because I know that the whole pretend-game would be extremely tiring on the long run. Even though my rational mind knew that putting on a mask would've made my teenage (and probably adult) years a lot less problematic.

    But, life is easier if you fit in, and I sometimes wish I could fit in just a bit easier. That I could like the same things as most other people liked. That I could make beautiful art and write stories that people would like and actually feel connected to.

    But, I don't mind being weird. Sure, I never saw the things as they did. I could never identify with the crowd.

    When you do something, it’s always a fine balance between doing what you love and being liked. I can't help but feeling excruciating lonely and disconnected at times... and finding myself wondering why I don't happen to fit in just a little bit more.

    Great, now the first page is full useless rants...

    Well, I’ll write again tomorrow, I guess.

    Ivory. B

    And as soon as Mei read the signature, she smiled. “It’s her!” She thought to herself happily. “It’s really her!” She thought once more as she read the content of the page once more, making sure that it’s truly the Ivory she knows.

    The sign, space, and the writing, and more so on the phrasing of the many sentences that’s formed—though a bit neater and less adorned with messy sketches...It was Ivory for sure.

    Mei chuckled happily as tears start to pour from her eyes, happy tears surprisingly. She took off her glasses and wiped the tears from her drowsy eyes. Though, now that she’s thought about it, she has no idea why she was so happy. Ivory’s still dead and she knows this very well. But it maybe the sensation of reading the familiar writing from someone she misses so dearly, that was not a work of fiction none the less—which she had been reading for the past two hours.

    This was a whole new level of closure for Mei, but she can’t help but feel guilty reading a part of Ivory she knows she shouldn’t read. It’s her diary for Christ sake, she shouldn’t have picked it up in the first place. A part of her felt a longing for more, curious as of what Ivory had to hide—but another part felt guilty for even wanting more. So as of now, she’s torn apart and confused.

    “Mei? Are you going to eat dinner tonight or should I just put it in the fridge.” Her father’s words snapped her out of her thoughts. She ought to answer her father’s sooner or later, so she got up from the bed and left the book there—and went outside her room to meet her father for dinner.

    “I’m coming, Dad.” She answered with a soft smile plastered on her face, whipping her face with her hand as the tears stains began sticking on her face.