SHOWER
1986 Words
SHANE'S POV
I headed toward Miss Agnes, forcing my steps to stay even, steady, professional — kahit na ramdam ko pa rin ang bigat ng huling pag-uusap namin ni Gavin. Parang may naiwan pang echo ng mga salita niya sa hangin, sumasabay sa t***k ng dibdib ko.
Paglapit ko, agad akong napansin ni Miss Agnes. “Shane, there you are. I was about to look for you. But where’s Luisito?”
“Nagpa-iwan po muna. Sunod na lang daw po siya mamaya.”
“Ah, okay. So, have you heard about the welcome dinner?”
“Opo,” I replied, lifting the small envelope slightly. “Nag-abot po ng invitation card si Vice Mayor kanina.”
“Right, oo nga pala. I almost forgot na dumaan siya dito.”
Tumango ako. “Yes po. Kaya rin po ako lumapit, to ask about the details. And tapos na rin po kami sa markers, Ma’am. I’m ready to join you now.”
“Good,” she said, a hint of relief in her tone. “We need to return to the hotel. May preparation pa tayo for the dinner later, and I want everyone rested.”
“Noted po.”
She gave me a brief once-over — assessing, not judging. “You look tired, iha. The sun was quite harsh today.”
“I’m fine po,” I answered automatically. “It's fieldwork.”
“Still,” Miss Agnes said gently, “you need enough time to settle before we leave again. Kaya halika na, para makabalik na tayo.”
Tumango ako and matched her pace toward the vehicle.
But as we walked, I couldn’t help it — my eyes drifted back toward the field.
Gavin was still there with the engineers, discussing measurements. His posture was straight, composed, the perfect image of authority and control. Walang kahit anong bakas ng pagod, kahit pa halos tinusta na kami ng araw.
And then — as if he felt my gaze — he turned.
Our eyes met for barely a second.
But that was all it took. Neutral ang mukha niya. Professional. Pero sa likod ng tahimik na titig na iyon… tila may tanong, may pagdududa, may bigat na hindi ko matukoy. Parang may gustong sabihin pero pinipigilang ilabas.
I looked away almost immediately, tightening my grip on my bag strap, grounding myself back into the moment.
Miss Agnes opened the vehicle door. “Let’s go, Shane.”
“Yes po.”
I climbed in, drawing a slow, steady breath — trying to push the tension down, bury it deep enough so it wouldn’t show on my face.
The door shut softly behind me as the engine hummed to life.
And as we began driving away from the field, one quiet, stubborn truth settled somewhere in my chest. We may be acting professional on the surface… but the air between me and Gavin had undeniably shifted.
And something told me tonight’s dinner — with politics, pressure, and people who look too closely — was only going to make that shift harder to ignore.
Inside the vehicle, I settled into my seat, letting the cool air from the vents brush away the heat clinging to my skin. Miss Agnes sat beside me, already pulling out her planner as the driver prepared to move.
She adjusted her glasses. “Okay, Shane, let me brief you about tonight’s dinner.”
I straightened a little. “Yes po, Ma’am.”
She checked her notes, then glanced at me. “By the way… since nag-aral ka naman dito noon, are you familiar with some of the officials attending? Baka may makilala ka.”
I shook my head lightly. “Hindi po masyado. Iba pa po ang namamahala sa lugar na ‘to noon. And to be honest… I didn’t pay much attention to politics when I was a student. Focus lang po sa academics and surviving the daily commute.” Halos hindi ko mabigkas ang huling mga salita.
Miss Agnes chuckled softly. “Fair enough.”
I hesitated for a moment, then cleared my throat. “Uhm... Ma'am … I just have to raise this concern."
"Go ahead, I'm listening."
"If possible po, I’d prefer na hindi nalang ma-bring up na dati akong nakatira dito.”
She looked at me, one eyebrow lifting—curious, not intrusive. “Any particular reason?”
“Para maiwasan na rin po ang kahit anong intriga,” I answered carefully. “I don’t want people assuming na napunta lang sa atin ang project na ’to because of personal ties. Lalo na po with everything happening around government projects lately.” I drew a slow breath. “We can’t risk unnecessary attention, Ma’am. First project pa naman natin in this region.”
Miss Agnes nodded, thoughtful. The kind of nod that said she understood more than she let on. “How cautious of you, Shane. But I like that,” she said, her tone steady. “Don’t worry—I won’t mention it. And I’ll brief the others if necessary.”
“Thank you po,” I murmured, relief settling quietly in my chest.
She returned to her planner. “Anyway, as I was saying… it’s an official welcome hosted by the Vice Mayor. Expected attendees include the local council, several department heads, and of course, our team from Manila.” She flipped a page, scanning her notes.
“Formally, it’s to introduce our company to the project stakeholders. Informally…” — she gave a small, knowing sigh — “it’s a courtesy we cannot decline.”
I nodded. “Understood po."
“You and the others are part of the technical team, so stay close, but you don’t need to speak unless asked.” She glanced at me briefly. “Just maintain proper decorum and be attentive.”
“Opo. I can do that.”
“Attire, Shane — business casual for everyone. Not too formal, but still polished. The dinner’s at the hotel near the city hall. Dress comfortably."
“Yes po, noted.”
She paused, looking at me a little longer this time, softer than before. “And one more thing… you need to keep your focus tonight. Some officials can be… overly inquisitive. They’ll ask about progress, schedules, even manpower. If someone corners you with questions, politely refer them to me or to the CEO.”
The word CEO tightened something in my chest before I could stop it. Muli nitong ipinapaalala sa akin ang linyang nagbubuklod sa aming dalawa ni Gavin. I kept my voice steady. “Opo, Ma’am. I’ll redirect them.”
“Good. And Shane?”
I turned to her. “Ma’am?”
“You did well today sa field. Both you and Luisito. As what I've expected, you'll make a great team. I know it’s exhausting, but your work makes the project easier to defend.”
That meant more than she probably realized. “Thank you po.”
She closed her planner and relaxed into her seat. “Get some rest when we arrive at the hotel. We’re leaving for the dinner at seven sharp.”
“Yes po.”
As the vehicle rolled forward, the fields outside blurred into familiar patches of green and sunlit earth. My body felt heavy, drained, but my mind… not at all.
It stayed tangled in that last look earlier — the one I pretended not to notice, the one I couldn’t quite forget.
Tonight, I told myself firmly, it will just be another professional event. But deep down, I knew better.
The cool air from the lobby greeted me inside the hotel—isang malakas na contrast mula sa init at alikabok ng site. For a moment, I just stood there, letting the shift in atmosphere steady my mind.
Miss Agnes paused beside me, checking her phone. “You have about an hour to rest and also an hour to freshen up, and prepare. I’ll message the group chat for the call time later.”
“Yes po,” I replied, adjusting the strap of my bag.
“Shane,” she added before walking toward the elevator, “make sure you do take a rest, ha? Mahaba pa ang gabi.”
I managed a small smile. “Opo, Ma’am.”
We stepped into the elevator, the doors sliding shut with a soft chime. As the floors ticked upward, my reflection on the metal walls caught my eye—dust on my sleeves, a light sheen of sweat, hair loosened from the ponytail. I looked like someone who’d spent the whole day fighting the sun… because I had.
Pero higit sa pagod, mas ramdam ko 'yong kaba sa mga posibleng mangyari mamaya sa dinner having Carl around. Idagdag pa ang tension na naiwan sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Gavin.
When the elevator opened on our floor, Miss Agnes gave me a polite nod. “Go rest, iha. I’ll see you later.”
“See you po.”
I walked to my room, the soft carpet muting my steps. The moment I tapped the keycard and stepped inside. Bumungad sa akin ang isang magarang silid. Not too extravagant but enough for me to feel at ease. The quiet hit me—no chatter, no machinery, no sharp glances from Carl and Gavin that stirred things I didn’t want to acknowledge.
Bahgya akong nakaramdam ng katahimikan. But even in the silence, scenes from earlier flashes thru my mind, some words still echoed—low, steady, too close.
I dropped my bag on the small table, slipped off my shoes, and exhaled slowly. I settled on a small couch then, and for the first time since lunch, my shoulders eased a little.
Hanggang sa muli akong nakaramdam ng kaba sa dibdib. Carl did noticed me earlier. Sa kabila ng pagbabago ng aking anyo ay tila nakikilala niya parin ako. Umiling ako, pinipilit isara ang mga mata sa pamamagitan ng mga palad ko. “Hindi… hindi, Shane. Wala siyang alam at hindi na niya malalaman pa.” Bumulong ako sa sarili ko. “Focus ka sa trabaho… sa trabaho lang.”
Kinuha ko ang tablet at binuksan ito. Pero kahit anong pilit kong mag concentrate, tila nagiging malabo ang mga words sa screen. Bawat report, bawat graph, bawat survey data—parang wala nang saysay kumpara sa bigat na aking nararamdaman ngayon.
Paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa isipan ko ang sandaling iyon kanina, ang paraan ng pagtingin niya, ang maikling pause bago siya nagsalita.
At higit sa lahat, ramdam ko: ang hatak ng pagkilala, kahit na banayad lang. Parang isang invisible thread na nag-uugnay sa akin sa nakaraan.
Natigil ang mga daliri ko habang binubuksan ko ulit ang tablet, nag-scroll sa maps. “Focus… focus…” bumulong ako. Pero ang kalmadong pilit kong hinahanap ay ayaw pang bumalik.
Kumirot ang kaba sa aking dibdib, parang umaalpas sa kontrol. Paano nga kung malaman na niya? Paano kung mag tanong na naman siya ? Paano kung… sasabihin niya sa iba?
Hinawakan ko nang mas mahigpit ang aking tablet, sinusubukang bawiin ang kontrol sa nanginginig kong mga kamay. Pumikit ako saglit.
Naisip ko rin si Gavin. Napansin din niya, sigurado. Nakita ko kuna paano siya tumingin. Parang nagmamasid, nag-aanalisa… tila sinusubukang alamin ang lahat sa sarili niyang pamamaraan.
I rubbed a hand over my face, trying to shake off the memory. Rest. Yun muna. Tonight would be complicated enough.
I walked toward the bathroom to wash up, thinking—Professional. Stay professional, Shane. And no one will know.
Kailangan. Especially when you will soon be surrounded with the people you've been avoiding for years. Kasama pa ang Boss mo na tila gusto mo naring iwasan. You’ll be sitting with all of them later, under the scrutiny of politicians, engineers, and stakeholders. Better be prepared.
I turned on the shower, letting the sound fill the room as the water comforts me.
I still have two hours. Just two hours to breathe before the night begins
- Writer
