Mic Drop

A Small Run

My heart was racing when I woke up with a sweaty jolt. A panic attack was racing to my chest; hot and heavy. My black curly hair tossed all over the pillow with the sun streaming on my face letting me know that it was just a dream. None of my night demons could reach me here.

Reaching across the sheets gasping for air, I tried to reach the one source of comfort. But he wasn't there. Opting for the cool silver of my locket to help me focus on taking steady breaths. Gradually slowing my heart to a pace were I could hear myself think again.

It was just a dream. And another night of being alone.

Seeing that the clock flashed 5am on Saturday, I groaned. It's the weekend, I shouldn't be awake yet. But unfortunately this was normal.

Moving like a zombie, I got my self ready for a run. It always helps me calm down. Putting on my jogging bottoms – well tripping over my feet, whilst squeezing my curves into the damned things sounds more accurate. Crawling on my hands and knees trying to find the trainers that I kicked off the morning before. When I’m ready, I grab a hair tie and rush out the door trying to tie my curly black locks into a bun. Stuffing my headphones into my ears. I probably look like a 'right state' as I rush into the morning sunrise. But I press play to the greatest sound track. Escape (the Piña Colada song) by Rupert Holmes comes to appease my ears.

My run takes me down our cobbled drive and onto a path, running along a stream. The sound of the water trying to break the noise from my headphones causes my muscles to relax. My breathing easing out as time passes.

Most nights I've ended up spending alone in bed. Ben - my other half - started taking the late night shifts a lot more. Also work likes for him to travel around more often. It all started when my night terrors came. Claiming it would be better as he'll be back home to hold me. But the promise hasn't stuck.

We met through the little cafe I work at, I was just opening up, when he walked through the door. The warmth of the morning sun surrounded him. His blonde hair glistened like a halo around him. His blue eyes sparkled with hope and I wanted to fall in deep. From the moment he saw me and I saw him, we knew it was meant to be. I know it sounds like a fairytale. But we worked. He started asking me on dates and soon he was asking for me to marry him. We've been engaged for a while now. And although things with his work have picked up, he always makes me weak in the knees. But things took a turn last year when my Dad died. The night terrors came and Ben pulled away. Well that's what it feels like anyway. He says it's all in my head.

When I head home I see Ben's car is in the drive way. He must finally be home from work. They really should stop over working him. But I know he's just saying yes to give us a better future.

Tossing my keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter, I find him making a bowl of cereal, before taking a seat at the breakfast bar. His hair is messy were he must having been pulling his blonde hair from stress. Bags clinging under his eyes. A faint smile graces his lips as I lean in to kiss him.

"I won't be able to go to the party tonight." His croaky voice breaks the silence. I had almost forgot that Sabrina was having a party at hers tonight. She was turning 27 tomorrow, but loves a little count down to the beginning of a new birth year.

"Assuming work has you tidied up again." I reply lazily with a sigh. "I understand, your trying to provide us with the best life possible. But you need time to enjoy life too."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry Zoey. I'll make it up to you. I promise." He leans in for another kiss. "But right now, I need bed before the next shift." He leaves the kitchen with a peck on my cheek. The cool air started to surround me and yet another promise hanging in the air. But I shook the feeling off.

Something's hasn't been right for a while. I can feel it, although I try to shake it. I shouldn't overreact.