Stellam Matutinam

A Good Night?

"You sure you got everything you needed from home?" Nessa asks me for the millionth time as we come to a halt out the front of Josh's place, her place now unable accessible for it's being currently set up by her parents and they didn't want any of us getting in the way.

"Yes I promise see it's all in this bag I left in your car last night which I'm kinda happy I did for it saved me a bit of time." I explain as we exit the car and sling the said duffle bag over my shoulder, flashbacks of me also raiding my drug stash and re-hiding it in my bra coming back to remind me that the party may well and truly continue way past the time this thing has ended.

Finding out along the way that Josh lives by himself, I feel a little relived as I step out of the car and towards his granny flat that I won't be bumping into his parents again anytime soon. It also means that I'll go less detected when the fresh point of MD I have currently making its way through my system, fully peaks and I'm back to yapping away with the others.

Though I also have to watch I don't talk too much for they will definitely know something's up with me, I just have to keep the sweating under a minimal and keep up the fluids though not too much for that's also bad for you.

That and I have work tomorrow so the drinking and drug taking will definitely have to be cancelled out in tonight's equation of fun at some point for I won't wake up for work tomorrow, you will legit have to drag me there.

Heading up the driveway a mixture of deep browns and pasty white stones, I'm suddenly concentrating on deep grey slabs of concrete set into the stones and making sure I don't touch the stones between the inch and a half gaps between each rectangular slab, a small giggle sounding behind me instantly spins me around to see that it's Lissa having a bit of a giggle at what I'm doing.

Stopping what I'm doing once we get to the front sliding door, I notice the gardens aren't so big unlike the ones back at Nessa's place, though I don't miss the spiky plants a weird burgundy s***h violet that dot both front corners of his house.

Realising the outside is almost the same blinding hue as the apartment building I'm currently staying at; we're suddenly being welcomed through into the lounge room as Nia makes her way to the back of the lounge room where it then turns into a kitchen.

To the left is a closed door which Lissa soon opens after a conversation with Josh I was unable to catch, Nessa joining Nia in the kitchen as she too starts putting things in the fridge whilst taking the odd thing out.

Glancing back at the Prussian blue walls and stark curtains drawn open to display the neighbour's house across the road, my attention is pulled away when something smashes against the snowy oak floorboards and Nessa's instantly claiming that it's her fault.

Laughing when the girls start f*****g around with one another and Josh heads off to find something to clean up whatever was broken, Lissa soon joins in along with me who is now on the couch watching in amusement at what's going down.

I will admit his five seater's pretty comfy only the weird army green colour doesn't really match with the walls and floorboards. His black TV unit does along with the flatscreen sitting on top of it, not missing the PS5 hooked up to it and wonder exactly how long I'd been away for considering I swear the PS4 just came out as I went into hospital. I should know for I played a lot of it back in the day, especially when I was cooked it was the best thing to do.

Pulling away once again to place my half-dead phone on the nice mahogany coffee table in front of me, I'm then joined on the couch by Nessa with a beaming smile and alcoholic beverage in my direction.

"Ah thank you my son, I am quite parched." I start the conversation off and instantly wonder where the f**k all of this is coming from for I haven't spoken like this in years. But then again I haven't been this cooked in years so it makes sense as to why that side of my humour is rearing its f*****g head.

"Wow, you really aren't shy around us anymore. I'll be honest I was wondering how long it's take you to open up. Especially with Jos-"

"Hey I'm gonna ask you something and I totally get it if you tell me to f**k myself." I interrupt and wonder why I even opened my mouth to say that in the first place because now I can't take back what I have bubbling in the back of my mind.

"Yeahhh what's up?" she asks slowly though her small smile tugging the corners of her mouth never drops as she waits for what I have to say.

"Okay here it goes. Now I hope you don't think there's anything going on between me an-"

"Oh Lil I know and I'm not worried about that. In all honesty Josh can be a bit of a cunt sometimes, more so when he meets my new friends so I was a little sketchy on how he'd be around you. But after a while of him being around us he seemed okay, that's why I was okay with him taking you to get a drink. Anyway that's all behind us now, let's focus on getting dressed." she laughs when her cousins start getting rowdy in the kitchen pretty much big enough to have three people max in it before people start getting annoyed at how close they are to one another, instantly relieving me from the rest of my fears of Nessa thinking I'm flirting with Josh. I just have to make sure I don't let the MD take over and I make stupid regrettable decisions.

Luckily there's only a double door fridge that mainly takes up the most area in the far left, I glance around at the minimal bench space the kitchen has to offer as well as the fancy yet cute oven s***h stovetop, and think how a place like this would be perfect for me since I don't exactly want to live in an apartment for the rest of my life.

"Now come on, we can punch on at the family gathering! It's better fun with a heap more people." Nessa continues once the both of us rise up from the couch to join the party in the kitchen, the girls laughing as they pelt one more tea towel at him before calling it quits to get changed in their outfits for tonight.

"You too, might as well come with me." Nia comments on her way past with a poke on my belly, a dramatic grunt sounding from my mouth which earns her to come back poke me some more before she's taken away by her sister.

Laughing and chasing her through the door Nia opened as few minutes after our arrival we continue our little run with the Prussian blue walls and snowy oak floorboards following along us as well, it suddenly changes to a beachy yellow in the other rooms yet the floorboards stay the same.

Checking out the rest of the house along the way and discovering Josh's room behind a door slightly ajar, we pass the bathroom then toilet until coming to a stop out the front of another room where I spot bags already on the stripped bed waiting to be used, my mind then coming to the conclusion on that's what Nia must have been talking to Josh about after we got here.

The beachy walls brighten up the dull room as Lissa and Nessa join us, the light above turning on and causing my eyes to squint a little at the harshness of the LED light, my pupils taking a few seconds to adjust until I'm able to dump my duffle bag at my feet.

Instantly looking away when Lissa's quick to strip her shirt off, the girls instantly laugh at my awkwardness around other naked women before music's turned on via one of their phone's, and conversation about tonight's gathering takes over.

"I am so glad you're coming Lil, we all are because I swear if we had to sit through another one of these alone I was gonna flip. But Mum refuses to let me skip it and it's the same with the others. Our parents want to make sure we carry on with the family gatherings when they go. Something about disgracing the family name if the family were to ever be ripped apart." Nessa drawls on boredly with an eye roll and flap of her wrist whilst I wait for them to get dressed for getting changed around these people will surely raise some questions.

"All I'm saying is, I hope I don't f**k it up in any way shape or form. As I said I've never been invited to a family gathering like this before, especially one with the many people I assume will be there." I squeak from my position facing the bedroom door, the cool wood currently pressing against my boiling forehead in hopes of trying to help me out with my sweating situation but to no avail.

"I highly doubt that's possible I mean have you really met Josh yet?" she grins with folded arms and mission in getting ready put on hold.

"No serious-"

"So am I you will be fine. There's no way you can f**k up a family gathering unless you start bashing cunts, but I doubt I'll be seeing that tonight." she explains across me as she stands next to me to get my attention away from the door, my heels slowly spinning me around to face her and subtly sigh when I discover the girls are also dressed into their outfit for tonight and currently looking around in their makeup bags.

Nessa's deep peach outfit is the first to gain my attention with its gaping v-neckline exposing the middle of her lightly tanned chest and sides of her breast, the sleeves stopping halfway down her upper arms with the dress tightening right under her boobs before flowing out midway down her sides.

The deep peach colour is broken up with miniature white polka dots with buttons starting where the dress hugs her middle before continuing down a couple of inches, her outfit pulled off with a set of nude open toed heels and silver bracelets similar to the one Viper gave me.

Her almost black hair's down of course and dead straight, the thick mane sitting in front of her shoulders and framing her face along with her high cheekbones as well as the parts of her breasts the dress finds hard to cover, her face lightly powdered with makeup around the eye and cheek areas though the foundation I think she left out only I can't deny how much her nut brown eyes seem to have darken thanks to the mascara and winged eyeliner.

"Honestly it sounds pretty chilled I mean I've never really called myself a party person nor have I tried to be one." I sum up with a few lies sprinkled in there to avid her knowing about how broken and family-less I really am, and how partying landed me in Sunshine Cove Hospital.

Distracted for a second when Nia calls for our last advice on her outfit until she's locking it in for the night, I wish I had of gotten a dress myself for the one she's wearing is kinda up my alley since it's a nice shade of black.

The spaghetti straps are a white along with the neckline similar Nessa's only not so exposing on the cleavage side of things, the waist criss-crossed with silver bands and the hem of the dress that same white as the spaghetti straps, neckline and deer also printed around the bottom of it.

Even the thick forest lurking behind the deer reminds me of the ones that surround Willow's Peak and suddenly I know exactly why she chose it, it reminds her of home and reminds me of Luca for I met him sort of in the middle of it in a playground, a place I am now not sure if I should go back to for what if I'm not so lucky next time?

Not wanting to think about it I'm back to checking out the rest of Nia's attire and notice a pair of ankle high heels with a closed toe and straps criss-crossing up the ankles to keep the shoes in place.

Not long after I notice Nia's makeup isn't fully done yet though her dirty brown locks are pulled up into a high twisted bun with the bits of hair that aren't able to go up are straightened to frame the sides of her face, her sky blue eyes and flawless fairish face really in no need of any makeup for it already looks like she's wearing some.

"Good I had a feeling you'd say that, but just letting you know now that some of my family members can be a bit judgy, so if it gets too much I'm more than happy to take you home." she offers with a serious look taking hold now.

"Well we can't impress them all can we?" Lissa states bluntly in unison of applying the last of her eyeliner whilst Nia's getting ready to exit the room, Lissa shooting me a quick smile to assure me that things are fine but I don't miss how it dies instantly on her lips not even seconds of breaking eye contact with me.

Fuck if she's nervous about her family and is forced to hide it from me in favour of giving me the impression that things are okay, then I really don't think I want to go since I spent my whole life being judged by those who don't f*****g know me.

"We'll be back. We are just letting Josh know we're ready." Nia smiles yet still waits for her sister to wrap up whatever it is she's doing.

Looking back over at Lissa who's running her fingers through her semi-wavy light bronze s***h mousy brown hair as if once again confirming that it is as good as she's going to get and conversing with Nessa, I really do now wish I brought a dress for not only am I sweating profusely in what I'm currently wearing, but I've also decided to bring more stuffy clothes for tonight's gathering or whatever that're calling it.

Subtly wiping sweat from my brow as I take in the black sleeveless top half of the dress with the back exposed and criss-crossing string tied in a bow to keep it tight, it then ties up behind the neck in a halter top then changes into a champagne colour from the waist down, flowing out in a swing skirt way and topped off with matching champagne glossy heels.

Her piercing sea blue eyes are brought out by light eyeliner and her thick lashes thanks to her expensive looking mascara I saw her using before, her fairish cheeks gently coloured with a rosy pink and foundation non-existent which of course I envy for if I don't wear it, you will notice I haven't slept at all.

What intrigues me more the most is how I can now confirm that all girls are wearing that same pendant with the crescent moons and morphed infinity symbol.

"Are you sure then it's worth me com-"

"YES! Please ignore my depression on the matter, it's honestly just boredom I face each year for I swear the drinking gets longer each year." she interrupts quickly after copping a few weird looks off of Lissa and Nia prior to them exiting the bedroom and ending the conversation on their end on the matter, leaving Nessa and I by ourselves in her cousin's spare room.

"You at least have me now." I point out meekly and make my way over to where she's taking a seat on the edge of the bed, her head turning to face me as her hand rests on top of mine currently fidgeting in my lap. It's not because I'm nervous, it's because the MD is really making it hard for me to stay seated right now when all I want to do is walk.

Our eyes lock on to one another for a few brief moments, I guess both trying to work out where we stand right now until Nessa's closing the distance and placing her lips on mine, my eyes instantly closing after realising what's going on and suddenly I'm trying to lose myself in the moment.

Sadly it never happens and I'm left wondering when this will end, my heart suddenly in my throat as my body subtly protests under her touches and my mind begins to conjure up thoughts of if it's because she came on too quick. In all fairness my mind is still adjusting that it's Nessa and not Erica feeling me up.

The name sends a chill down my spine as Nessa pulls away with heated cheeks and moist lips only I don't miss the slight hurt in her eyes as I stand up and tuck my bangs behind my ear, exposing my stretched ears I thought would have turned Nessa away from me yet here we are.

"I'm sorry it's been a while since I was with someone." I blurt instantly to try and lighten the tense mood I can feel coming on, her semi-narrowed eyes relaxing when she can see how shaken I really am about it all before patting the spot next to her in a way as if to tell her all about it.

Not really wanting to form up more bullshit though I kind of did dig myself into this hole, I end up telling her about Viper though make sure to leave out it was at a hospital we met at. I mean at least she can see there's real emotion there and I don't feel bad about lying fully on the subject.

Though my past about Erica and everything else can stay hidden for it is bad enough she now knows about Viper's suicide. Yet as I said I won't feel bad for lying constantly to her face for she deserves some truths from me, I mean she's kept me around for this long and has introduced me to her family. Something I wouldn't have dreamt of doing less than five days ago.

"f**k Lil I kinda wish you told me that before I made advan-"

"No please don't be sorry I'm happy where it's going, you just caught me by surprise." I interrupt and grab her hand in mine to assure her it's that, the feeling of her skin against mine still conjuring up Erica in the back of my mind much to my distaste and causes my touch to tremble slightly.

Subtly pulling away as she returns my smile with hurt still present in her nut brown stare, we're thankfully interrupted by Nia demanding what's taking us so long and that we have to be back at Nessa's in half an hour, both Nessa and I shooting up from our positions to gawk around for my bag that's currently at my feet.

"I'll meet you out there then we can get going." she smiles gently before leaving me to do just that, my heart still in my throat as I continue to process what just happened and whether I should ditch an hour into the party, or if I should stay and see how my emotions are later on.

Still not knowing what I want I end up stripping off my clothes and begin throwing on my new outfit for the night, the smell of new clothes wafting into my nose as I unfold them from my bag and lay them out on the bed.

Groaning at the long sleeve shirt and stockings I brought with me tonight, it doesn't last long when I think how awkward it could get if I don't wear them. Ugh the stares I'd cop and it is bad enough I'm high as f**k right now on MD so the less I talk the better.

First to throw on are my new set of stockings thick enough so my scars aren't seen, next is the long sleeve I'm dreading to put on after dowsing my armpits with roll on, the v-neckline not as exposing as I thought it'd be with thumb holes cut into the sleeves.

To finish it off I throw on the last item of my outfit which happens to be a plaid skirt of black and teal, the black in the skirt matching my long sleeve, stockings and Doc Martens I chose this time for I felt they went better with this outfit more than my Converses did.

Tucking the long sleeve into the skirt to give off the impression that it's a dress I begin tightening the skirt with the criss-crossed corset type thing at the front, the thin black ribbon sitting nicely in the middle above my bellybutton in a bow before hugging my waist nice and tightly.

Turning to the side to admire what I look like in the full length mirror and happy I'm still on the flat stomach side of things, I rush through my hair and decide on having it up for this evening with my makeup only needing a touch up to my surprise for I feared I sweated half of it off.

Knowing I'm not as sickly thin as I was before I was admitted into the hospital, I know for a fact that if I keep up this new lifestyle of drug taking and poor eating then all of my hard work of keeping a healthy amount of weight on will disappear, and I will have to start back at square one all f*****g over again.

Not wanting to think on it in favour of having a good mindset tonight so I don't bring anyone down, I focus on a messy bun I'm forcing myself to like once the bedroom door is once again opened, only it brings nothing but utter annoyance to my attention for it's not what I bloody want!

"Come on let me help you." a voice chuckles lightly from behind me followed seconds later by the unmistakable creaks in the floorboard indicating that someone's making their way over to me.

"Thanks Nia I didn't even hear you come in." I blush when I realise how angry I was getting over a hairstyle, thanking God Nia hasn't picked up on my dissipating rage though I'm still slightly shaking.

"That's alright sometimes I get help with my hair too." she winks as she motions for me to get on my knees in front of the mirror so she's able to work all around my head.

"Now we have seen your hair down and believe that what you had before was the right direction. However I suggest this." is all she says before getting to work on my hair, my mind buzzing with ideas on what she could be doing to my hair but what surprises me is that I'm not subtly recoiling away from her touches.

"Sorry if I'm hurting you." she giggles when my hair's whipped from side to side in a manner which could take my f*****g eye out! Not really but I should consider getting a haircut soon for it is sneaking its way past the middle of my stomach.

"Okay done! Have a look and see if you hate it or not." she beams in front of me then steps aside for the final reveal, my eyes almost popping out of my head when I notice first how high and dead straight my pony tail is.

Second is the way it wraps around once where the hair tie is holding up my hair then continues to hang down and stop in the middle of my back like a normal ponytail would, my side bits that refuse to grow long enough so that they can also be pulled back are semi-curled to frame the sides of my face.

With my stretched ears on full display Nia finally notices them and is automatically examining the twenty or so more mill plain wooden plugs I have currently sitting in my ears.

"Thanks for the hair Nia." I chuckle nervously when she pulls away from her assessment without so much as a word about them, my heart for some reason goes back to its normal rhythm and once again find myself asking why I'm being weird around Nia.

I have a feeling the reason why I'm not shuddering under Nia's touches is because I don't expect her to come at me and start smashing her lips with mine, it's just something I find hard to even imagine. Nessa on the other hand did and maybe that's why I'm pushing her away a little is because I'm not ready for that step yet. Not when Erica still plagues my thoughts.

"Any time, now I'll leave you to do your makeup while I let the others know you're five or so minutes off." she informs with a warm smile as I prepare my face for the touch up of makeup and am happy to see that it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.

"Thank you again, I'll be out in a sec." I reply then do just that with Nia's voice announcing I won't be long to the others when I wipe my face away of old makeup.